In my head, I’m convinced I’ll one day be a Superhero. Maybe when I die I will come back as one. It all stems from my childhood obsession with Spiderman (it is still there in adulthood, and I know it will never go.) I’m also glad my nephew has a mutual love for Spiderman too. My obsession with Spiderman is part admiration, part relating to him more than anything else. It’s a mixture, a jumble I suppose. This links in with what I want to write about, somehow.
Ever since I can remember I have used music as a sheild or a cloak. Possibly a cape. When I listen tocertain songs it makes me feel like nothing and no one in the world can get to me- no traces of negativity or bad words can reach me because the music that is echoing in my ears is protecting me. It is making me stronger than I could possibly allow myself. You see, sometimes we don’t realise how strong we are. Sometimes we have to go to Hell and back to see just exactly how strong we- how much we can take. I’m not ashamed to admit I’ve wanted to give up many many times. I know exactly when this happened, but more importantly- I know what brought me back from feeling so utterly low. Everyone goes through it. You cannot go through life expecting to avoid anything bad. You cannot wander through life and not get hurt. It will happen. There’s no right or wrong way with dealing with it at all. If you want to block it out and ignore it-so be it. If you want to talk about it with someone over cups of tea-so be it. You are human. You can fight some battles on your own. You may need a sidekick sometimes to get through it all. You cannot pick your battles, but you can sure as hell choose your protective gear. When someone tells you to “man up” kindly tell them to “fuck off.”
I don’t think I’ve successfully made my point here. Sometimes when I feel a lot about a subject matter I lose my ability to form sentences that make sense. Too much passion for things is always going to be a burden for me, I know. I know.
What I’m trying to say is, music is a wonderful thing to drag you through anything you face. For instance, today I was on the bus listening to Ceremonials and the sheer beauty of it just made me want to cry. I got a bit teary eyed. Thankfully no one saw. Imagine explaining that to a stranger. “Yeah, I’m fine. I just get really into the music and a bit emotional during certain parts of songs.” I’m a sadcase, I know this. You don’t ever need to tell me. Music can be that sheild, that protective gear you place around you when you want to feel invincible. Music can be the thing that makes you feel like you are a Superhero. Fuck it. Be a legend in your own lunchtime dear reader. Do it.
So, with that I am going to link you to some songs that make me feel like nothing or no one in the universe can touch me. Some of these songs I used whilst I was in Secondary School and was being bullied every single day. I don’t talk about it because it was over 10 years ago, and I’m better than those shitstains of society. These are the songs that gave me strength in the past, these are the songs that currently make me feel like I can do anything. They are my sheild, my protective cape. They all provide a cloak of strength and determination.
My days are currently spent working, reading X-Men and listening to more music than my ears can handle. Reading X-Men and Ted Hughes poetry makes me create my own little world. It’s always been this way, it always will be this way. It doesn’t bother me in the slightest- I’m content with being boring. Yesterday I found a market that sells records. Records are my weakness (as are other things but you don’t need to know.) I spent quite a bit, but the woman knocked off some money because I picked up a lot. I found two of my favourite songs of all time on vinyl: Black-It’s A Wonderful Life and The Jesus And Mary Chain-Some Candy. I had to be dragged away by my friend because I found a comics section too. I’ll return soon enough and spend more money that I don’t really have.
I should’ve done this last Wednesday but I was busy. By busy, I mean I was tired after work. So I’m doing it now. This mixtape is going to focus on some dark, heavy songs I have heard that mean the world to me. I love songs that make it painful for you to listen to because they go right through you with how dark, brutal and honest they are. Songs that make you feel less alone, but probably make someone else feel uncomfortable. That’s what music should do. It should challenge your feelings and scare you shitless. Enough ranting, have some songs:
On January 30th the best album (and best debut album) of 2012 will be released. Like Anna Calvi this year, Lana Del Rey is evidently going to be releasing the year’s best album at the start. More than likely setting the standard of how music should be done for the year. I’ve been wanting Lana’s debut album since I first heard her as Lana Del Rey in May this year.
Her music has this wonderfully dark and cinematic feel to it. Her music makes you feel you are going through sequences of films. It transports you into a different world. A world that is fuelled by the heart. Everything comes from the heart with Lana’s music. If you don’t get it by now, then maybe you won’t. Or maybe just maybe, you will be sensible and buy her album on January 30th and have your world turned upside down; in a good way. You’re going to have to give in sooner or later. But I beg of you, please don’t be a fool who only loves Video Games. Please don’t be one of them. Go listen to Blue Jeans, Yayo, Diet Mtn Dew, Kinda Outta Luck- you know the songs. I’ve put them on here enough times!
Her voice and her lyrics are so powerful. Forget what you’ve heard before- this is what you need. This is what you want.
My bus journey home from work consists of darkness, flickering street lights and a stupid amount of traffic lights. Stopping and starting. Foolish drivers who make their own rules. I block this all out by listening to music. Of course there’s always one I play more often than others. Obviously it is Florence + The Machine. Due to listening to her in moments like this, it causes my mind to wander off and weird things to happen in my brain. The headphones I have cause everything to be blocked out, I notice different layers of the songs and I feel like I am in my own little world. This happens a lot. It isn’t me escaping; it’s just how I am; and how I will always be. The day I stop feeling like this, then I probably won’t have any reason to breathe anymore. It isn’t dramatic, music is my lifeline. I’ve got nothing else.
I know I have written about her so many times; it is only because she is one of the most important musicians to me. Every now and then, something hits me metaphorically in the gut that makes me fall in love with her music even more. It’s like when you’re with someone, and you catch them doing something or they say something and it makes you remember all the reasons as to why you are in love with that person. I don’t think anything I write is going to make sense due to me being really tired, and I’ve got too much to say so I’ll just make no sense at all.
When I first heard her music I was just going into my second year of Uni. So that was around 2007. I just heard this voice appear out of nowhere in a video with Dev Hynes (Lightspeed Champion/Blood Orange) and I was instantly hooked. I loved how powerful her voice was. It was effortlessly dominating. There was such strength in this voice, I was blown away. Her debut album was my crutch for a hell of a long time. I don’t care if it makes me sound like a dickhead, I honestly do not know what I would’ve done without that record. It got out everything I felt and was possibly petrified to say. I don’t feel the same as I do about Ceremonials. This isn’t a bad thing. See, two years have passed since Lungs came out and I’m quite possibly the happiest I’ve been in a long time. Lungs was a huge part of that. The record immediately fixed me that day in 2009 when it arrived at my house; signed by Florence. I played it over and over. And over….and over. I’ve got about 5 copies of it- the only one that works properly now is the vinyl I have. I rarely play it.
Whilst on the bus home this evening, I played Ceremonials. I didn’t feel the same as I did with Lungs- mainly because I’m happy. The record still has that euphoric feeling and makes you feel so graciously weightless. It has something about it that Lungs doesn’t- but again, this isn’t a bad thing. Not a bad thing at all. What I love about Ceremonials is that it makes you feel like you are lying so calmly on a bed of water. Just floating on and on- towards something, towards nothing. Wherever you wish your body to go to, I suppose. Ceremonials has this sort of church vibe to it. Everything on the record is so grand and echoes so perfectly in your ears. Every word just mesmerises you. You can’t listen to this record and go about your daily business. You have to shut everything and everyone off as you listen to it. Ceremonials transports you to a different world- one different from Lungs. There is more certainty in this record but still the same amount of vulnerability of dark subjects that many are so fucking petrified to touch on. I will never understand how a person can ignore the darker side of things; they are the things that make you human. They are the things that cause your heart to carry on beating.
I love the devilish tones that come through in a lot of Florence’s songs. I love that she can project all the deep and ugly feelings so many of us try to disguise and/or ignore. Just listen to songs such as Breaking Down. It is heartbreaking. Then you have songs such as No Light, No Light- it is such a frail song. It makes you think about the things to try to push away from yourself so you don’t have to face them. It’s true what she says in the song. It really is easier to say things to a crowd of people than it is to say what you want/need to say to just one person- the person who needs to hear it more than the crowd does. The sheer honesty in that song and others is so haunting. One of my favourite things ever in life is Isa’s keyboard solo during Rabbit Heart at FATM gigs. It is so bloody uplifting and euphoric. It makes every limb move, it makes you smile on the inside and outside. It is just a sheer wave of joy that takes over and rules your heart. It is one of the best things to witness live.
I listen to Remain Nameless, and I can’t help but think; “Was this written about me?” I don’t know, maybe it’s because I am partial to carrying around a bit of self doubt around and thinking I’m not always good enough. However, it makes me work harder and is like a constant kick up the arse. Lord knows I need it sometimes. “ I know everybody lets you down, and I’ll do the same.” It’s too easy to relate to this, and I should probably hate myself for it. But, I can’t hate myself no more. All the bad has been done- I’m unsure what to do with the good in me most of the time.
The things I have learnt from Florence’s music have earned a firm place in my heart and mind. They just make me feel less crap about how I feel towards things and people.
If her music was around when I was in secondary school, it would’ve saved me from a lot. But, you live and you learn. Everything you go through, everything you see and hear plays a part in the adult you become. I like to think that Florence’s music has helped me become a stable and decent 25 year old. It’s okay to have doubts. It’s okay to be vulnerable. It’s okay to have ugly feelings. It’s okay to carry a bit of self doubt- but when it passes, you are greeted with this euphoric feeling that feels like a weight has been lifted. My realisation of this kicks in sometimes. Usually when I should be doing something else. It happened today on the bus at around 6:10pm whilst listening to What The Water Gave Me. When the last chorus kicks in- that’s when my realisation happened. There’s no doubt I’ll bawl like a baby when I see her for the fifth time in March next year.
A band or singer doesn’t have to have existed 20+ years or so for you to fully connect with them. When you can connect straight away, that’s when you know that the band or singer will be your life. The euphoric feeling their music gives you creates a huge tidal wave of realising the art of letting go, throwing yourself into the unknown and becoming the person you want to be. The person you owe yourself to be. Stop living for others, stop doing things to make others happy- you will resent them for it eventually- trust me, I know this far too well. But you’ve got to let go and do things for you; because nobody else will. Keep a firm grip on reality, but don’t let go of your dreams. Embrace the darker side of things- it will keep you in check.
Florence’s music puts a smile on my face, heart and soul. It eases my mind. It just makes everything in my life much better. It creates a focal point that other bands I love haven’t done so. Maybe it’s because her music was there at my lowest and is there at my best. I can listen to her music, and certain songs make me want to have my heart torn out so I feel the song even more than I already do. However, she has this wonderful gift of making YOU feel it- even if you haven’t gone through whatever the song evokes. The imagery she carves into your mind with her words is so ghastly and dark at times- she goes where others tend to shy away from. I love that her music can bring everyone together. You can be into Hip Hop or fucking awful generic manufactured Pop music- but part of you has such love for Florence + The Machine. Things like that are untouchable. If only people used music to bring people together rather than harming each other causing more of a gap between us all.
It’s not like anyone will have read this, but if you have- I apologise for boring you to death with my words. This has been flipping over and over in my head for the past few days, and it has come out in some kind of car crash fashion. One day, I will be eloquent with my words. I probably should’ve napped before I wrote this. There is so much more I could say, that I want to say- but it is probably for the best that I just keep it to myself.
The song is originally over 13 minutes long. Again, more proof that songs should last over 5 minutes. I cannot say anything about Kate Bush that hasn’t already been said. 50 Words For Snow is one of the most euphoric records of the year. If you want something that is going to make you believe in music again or something that is going to send you off into a dream world- buy this album. You don’t need a rambling fool like me to tell you just how important and amazing Kate Bush is. The song has been edited down to just under 3 minutes in this video; although it’s been cut down, it is still wonderfully haunting and just stunning.
For the past year or so, I’ve been in awe of an artist called The Weeknd. He’s basically the best R&B artist around right now. He doesn’t have this boring and bland sound that many have. He has this soulful voice that sends on you some kind of euphoric trip. One of my favourite tracks of his, The Knowing now has a video. His music makes you feel like you are totally zoned out, on another planet. The video to The Knowing does exactly the same. Honestly, there’s nothing I can say about him that I and others haven’t already said. He’s the best at what he does; his mixtapes prove this, and so does this video.
No word of a lie, Phantogram are fucking brilliant. They have described themselves as being “Psych Pop.” It’s true. That they are. Personally I feel like they have that same euphoric sound that The Knife, Beach House, Burial all have. It takes you some place better than where you are. Let’s face it, anywhere is better than where you are.
Songs such as Don’t Move have this uplifting feel to it that just well and truly hits you right in the gut. For me, that’s what makes a band or singer stand out from others. If they can shake up your soul and make you feel something so deep-that not even a person can make you feel, then you’re onto something.
The intro to their song, When I’m Small draws you in straight away. It just makes you want to pull mental moves. It just makes you feel SO GOOD. If you’re looking for a band to make the early dark evenings feel less grim and to provide that warm Summer vibes onto your bones; then let yourself fall insanely and totally in love with Phantogram.
Oh, and they’re another band that New York should be proud of.
Sometimes you get stuck in a place that you think you cannot get out of. Whether it is a state of mind or an actual place, sometimes it has this disgusting grip on you- and you just cannot escape. I guess that’s why music is one of the best ways to express how one feels. It says the things you cannot say. It says the things you wish you could say. The lyrics, the note changes, every major and minor detail in a piece of music can just sum up any and every feeling you carry around with you on a daily basis.
I live in a place I really cannot stand. I’ve got the guts to leave. I’m leaving on Friday. I’ve been trying to do it for some time now, but now I have a reason. Things did improve in September, but I guess….you just have to do what works for you and what makes you happy. You see, I’m moving back to my mum’s. For a while I was reluctant to do it because I thought I’d be a failure. I’m not. I’m doing something for ME. Something I rarely do. I spent too long thinking about others and what they wanted, I forgot about myself. So, I’m moving home for a bit. Save money from my job and after that, I have no idea. I don’t know where I will go. I’ve got some ideas- but I don’t know. I don’t like planning things. So, with this week’s mix I’m putting songs that can help you escape the dullness and chore of everyday life. Songs to lose yourself in and make you realise what you want- and how you are going to get it.
Don’t ever think you are not worthy of putting yourself first, because you are. You are worth more than you know. It’s totally okay to be happy and to be yourself first. I guess hitting 25 the other week has had a positive impact. Grow up and get out.
I swear to god, this woman has this ability to get inside your head and say EVERYTHING you cannot say. This is SO FUCKING GOOD. To the point where it could possibly shit on everything else she has ever done. Okay, I don’t know. Maybe not. You know how Radioactive was too good for words? Starring Role is on the same level.
Marina is on a totally different level to everything around right now. She says everything you can’t say, and she does it in a way you wish you could. No song she ever does will mean as much to me as Guilty does, but sweet fuckery Starring Role is brilliant.
A lot of fools claim she has sold out. Bullshit. An artist can change their sound- it’s called growing. That’s what they do. You cannot expect an artist to make the same record over and over- what would be the point.
This is going to takeover from me playing Radioactive about 50 times a day.
When mentioning female folk based singers, there’s only a small amount that are worthy of your attention. Joan Baez is one, Sibylle Baier is another. She’s a German folk singer who manages to break your heart with her haunting voice. Her lyrics are full of sadness. When a person does this, they can sound quite self involved and whiney. Nobody wants that. Sibylle Baier does it in a way that makes you want to just hold her away from all the pain and hurt in the world. As sad as some of her songs are, they are truly some of the most beautiful songs I’ve ever heard.
If you love artists such as Cat Power, you should hopefully love Sibylle Baier. Even if you don’t love Cat Power, hopefully you can still appreciate the talent here.
Beat In My Bones. 