Author Archives: Olivia

“Outside of society, they’re waiting for me. Outside of society, that’s where I want to be.”

Posted on by

Writing this is as awful as telling someone you “like” them. You know that nauseating feeling that kicks in when you are about to spill your heart, and words just fall out. Words that make no sense, words that go over the other person’s head; and you have no idea what’s going on. This is what this is like, except there is no bad outcome from this. Thing is, I feel whatever I write will not justify just how amazing Patti Smith is. I could write this as a look at her inspiring career or as a review of a specific album. But, as it’s her 65th birthday today- I feel some kind of open letter is the only way. So, that is what this is going to be. An open letter to my idol, my role model- Patti Smith. I’m not going to apologise for anything I say- no matter how honest I am. Never apologise for being honest. One of the many things Patti taught me.

I’m fully aware she will never ever see this, but sometimes- you’ve just got to let it out.

Dearest Patti,

Aside from my mum you are the only person I have ever admired to the point where, when I grow up- I want to be just like. I’m only 25 years old, and I have a lot of growing to do as a person. I don’t think we ever stop growing as people-emotionally and mentally. I first heard your music when I was, well, before I was 13- I know that. I’m pretty sure I saw something on a music channel, but as I was so young I just carried on as normal. I revisited your work when I was around 16/17. That horrific age where you know nothing but think you do. I knew nothing; I probably still don’t. My teenage years were years I am grateful I never have to go through again. You were, like Morrissey, my comfort blanket. You see, I’ve never really fit in with anything or anyone. I’ve never had a place in any social group. I just carry on and do whatever. I’ve never had many friends; I’ve always had books and records as my own. It gives you more inner peace and a sense of self more than a person could. I’d always lose myself in a book or a piece of music. When I heard Horses, and you chanting “Go Rimbaud go!” Something just clicked. I cannot describe what it is, I really can’t. All I know is that, you made an emotionally exhausted teenager feel something other than self hate.

Your words are poetry, and your songs are a glimpse of Heaven that no other could ever touch on. Everyone goes on about how a person taught them to love and what love is. I used to think I was one of them; I was wrong. I discovered what love was when I heard Frederick. All I hear in that song is the meaning of true love. What it is to really devote yourself to a person. What it really is to admire another person in a way that is so unconditional, peaceful and unselfish. It is such a pure love song; it makes you want to find your very own Frederick. If more people felt that way about others, then maybe we’d live in a peaceful universe. But we don’t. I firmly believe it is important to find inner peace before you try to solve the world.

Speaking of inner peace, I’ve never been one for feeling okay with who I am. I’ve never been one for not accepting myself. I’ve never seeked approval from other’s. I seemed to constantly fight with myself over many years over who I was, and what I was. You know how it is. Kid realises they are gay, kid starts to hate themself because society frowns upon it. I could’ve stayed in that dark place so easily. So fucking easily. But, I played your music. I played your music and connected. I realised that my sexuality doesn’t define me. Nothing defines a person. When you seek to define yourself, you lose sight of who you are. Your music was my light at the end of a tunnel that I thought had no light. You were my light, my absolute crutch. Did you ever think your music would have this much impact?

It took me just one day to read all of Just Kids; I can safely say that it changed everything for me. Much like Albert Camus did. You know what Arthur Rimbaud is to you? Well Patti, that’s exactly what you are to me. I read your lyrics, I read your interviews, I listen to your songs- all with the utmost attention. It all makes me feel something that I really cannot put into words. Your art, because that is what it is, your art just makes me glad to be alive. A lot of people list teachers from school as their greatest teacher. The ones that make them want to learn and to find their calling. For me, it was you. It was you who got me into all the great writers and musicians.

Your intelligence and passion is a rare qaulity that so many people seem to now lack. There will never ever be another person like you, especially in the music industry. You were such an incredible force that was hugely needed. But you know what? You still are needed, you always will be. You were (and will always be) the Godmother of the genre that stole my heart and owns my heart-Punk. Punk wasn’t just a genre of music, it was a way of life- it was a being. A movement that shook up music in a way that nothing else has ever done. And probably will never do.

I know, I know that these words will never reach you- and I know that I’m not the only one who feels this way about your music, and the way you have changed lives. You’ve done more than change my life- you made me find this strength and peace I never thought I had. I studied your lyrics more intensley during my last year of University a few years ago, I learnt so much- and your work just makes me want to be a better writer. I always want to be better; but I never seem to get there. I guess, having this mindset just makes me work harder and practice constantly. I always have something I can write with in my pocket.

Patti, this is only small fragment of what your music has done for me. I found your music when I felt so fucking lost; you saved this lost soul. Thank you. From the bottom of my heart and with all my soul- thank you.

Olivia x

 

Warpaint- Majesty.

Posted on by

I remember over a year ago hearing The Fool in full and just being in awe of what I was hearing. Everything in my life stopped for a few hours, as I played the record over and over again. I felt I had found something that had been missing for so long. I found something in Warpaint that I could’ve easily drove myself insane trying to find. What I found was a state of mind, a general being that I was finally content with. I was content with myself and all I was. Warpaint’s music, from the very first time I heard them (by accident in 2009) just caused something to click. Every single song by them owns a part of me. Whether it is the devotion that pours out in Billie Holiday or the euphoric journey one experiences whilst listening to Lissie’s Heart Murmur. Their music is just solid. It is so pure and honest. I will never find this in another band; I’ve found all I’ve been looking for in Warpaint.

The song Majesty is a song I use to shrug off all the things that maybe should’ve happened; but didn’t. It’s the song that makes letting go incredibly easy. I’ve found it gets easier as I get older. I no longer feel the need to be attached to a thing or person. I no longer feel I need to be part of something in order to validate my existence. When I listen to Majesty, I realise a lot of things. You see, Warpaint are a personal band for me. When I write about them or talk about them- I cannot remove myself from it. My all goes into it- they mean that much to me. I cannot put it into one simple sentence; my love for this band goes beyond anything I have ever felt for a band. I guess it’s because since being a fan- I’ve grown up a lot; and their music has been one of the few things I have used in order to sort myself out in any way possible.

When I listen to Majesty, I think of things and people I had foolishly wasted my time on. We all do it. I will never deny my mistakes if a person is so stupid to bring them up. I will say it was an error- and leave it alone. Majesty makes me feel at ease with anything bad I have felt or had to force myself to go through. Music can make you get through something or it can constantly make you feel lke a victim because you wallow; listening to the songs that make you cry and fester in your own self indulgent state. The latter is something I cannot identify with; nor do I understand how a person can do that. However, each to their own I guess.

The opening verse to Majesty is so frail and heartbreaking, you feel the words that Theresa Wayman sings. You really feel it in your gut. It goes right to the very core of you. You listen to this song, and you think of those who have used you in a way that bruised you, but you ploughed on through- because you adored them. As you listen to the song; everything you felt- all that adoration just leaves you.

“When I held your hand, when I held your hand,
When I helped you, when I held your hand,
You still went the other way and you wanted me to stay,
With my arms stretching away, with my arms stretching away.
I couldn’t stand that sight ’cause I adored your face.
I adored your face.”

Their face is too much to take in, as is them attempting to make you stick around when really; you’ve already gone. You’ve left it all behind. You stretch yourself so thin in order to stick around; but it just no longer isn’t enough. You escape in every single way possible. Warpaint’s music makes you escape your mundane life in ways no other has ever made you feel. All of these thoughts came rushing to me as I was on the bus home from work this evening. This obscure piece of writing I attempting to make sense of, all came from a half hour bus journey.

The build up in Majesty is just like all of Warpaint’s songs. It makes you feel as if your body is being lifted higher and higher until you feel weightless and free. Until everything around you seems so small. Until you are so far removed from your surroundings. You escape in the most beautiful way imaginable. The way Theresa sings, “You could’ve been my King.” makes you think, you really would’ve treated that person so well- but they fucked up didn’t they. All the longing has been replaced with realising you didn’t miss out; they did. They missed out.

The realisation of that it wouldn’t work out the way you wanted (I’m not talking about relationships in a romantic sense here by the way) comes right at the end of the song. This isn’t a sullen song, it is a beautiful piece of art that just summarises the feelings we experience but are possibly too scared to face up to. Courage my friend, courage, can be found in a song or the shadow of a stranger. It is there. It’s always there just waiting for you to embrace it. Just do it when you are ready.

“When it all comes back, when it all falls into place,
Could it be that I don’t want it anyway?
Could it be as sad as that?
There was a day we used to laugh and I wanted you by my side.”

You didn’t want it anyway; it just wasn’t right. You can always right your wrongs. So long as you believe it to be right; then it is. Just be true to yourself and forget what anyone else may think or say. You know you’re own heart and mind. If you’re seeking for some truth; just listen to Warpaint. This band always amaze me with every single listen. I can listen to any song by them and find something else to love. A different layer  in the music appears for me to fall in love with. If it wasn’t for Warpaint; my self awareness would be piss poor. If it wasn’t for Warpaint, well..I don’t want to think about that. I’m just beyond grateful that a band like them exist.

 

The Weeknd-Echoes Of Silence.

Posted on by

The Weeknd as the most exciting thing to have happened to music this year, easily. You can keep your mundane and generic sounds. The Weeknd took R&B to a level it should’ve been at years ago. I still stand by that the genre lost all meaning when Aaliyah died. The production and sounds on her second album, One In A Million was so advanced and took you to a different world. That’s exactly what The Weeknd has done; especially with yesterday’s release Echoes Of Silence.

You know an artist is utterly incredible when their site crashes due to an insane amount of downloads. He has, no doubt, made R&B an exciting genre again. What I love about him, is that his music takes you mind to a different place- just like Burial does. There is something so stunning about The Weeknd’s music that just sets your soul on fire. You have to just put your headphones in, shut off the world, turn the lights off and go some place else. Just let yourself freely drift there. The journey to that place is so euphoric, the comedown isn’t something you should dwell on- just keep playing his music.

Echoes Of Silence is avaliable on his site for free download- as are his previous two mixtapes that you need in your life. If the current state of music leaves you crying into your hands most days- then let The Weeknd ease the pain and reinforce your faith in music again.

Believe.

“Be kind, man – don’t be mankind.”

Posted on by

It’s been just over a year since one of my musical heroes died. Don Van Vliet aka Captain Beefheart was one of the few artists that from first listen, just captured me entirely. His lyrics don’t “describe my life.” His music just sends you off into a wonderful and lucid world. A perfect sense of escaping and finding something better. He merged so many genres of music together, and just made his own. His voice will always be one of the most distinctive voices in music. There will never be anyone quite as magnetising and inspiring as Don- it just wouldn’t seem right if anyone tried to even attempt to be like him. If you don’t have any of his records in your collection, you are depriving yourself of some of the most pure, brutual and honest masterpieces you will ever hear. Safe As Milk is my favourite record by Captain Beefheart, I also regard it as one of the greatest albums and debut albums of all time. You just knew that, if he could make something like this as his first record, then you knew he would be regarded as one of the greats.

I cannot remember the first time I heard Don’s music, but I do know I was listening to a John Peel show- when I probably should’ve been asleep so I could be functioning for school the following morning. Thing is, John Peel taught me more than any teacher ever could. I have no doubt in my mind that John Peel and Don are hanging out in that place we go to when our hearts stop beating. I have no idea where that place is; or what that place is- but it has to exist.

So this week, this mixtape is a tribute to Captain Beefheart. A selection of my favourite tracks by one of my absolute heroes and inspiration.

Masquer.

Posted on by

Finding bands by accident makes me happy. To me, it’s on a par on finding £1 in my pocket. As someone who is constantly poor (even though I have a job) finding that in my pocket does bring joy. What also makes me happy are duos in music. I’ve found a new favourite duo. Masquer.

I know nothing about them. All I know is that they make incredible music that makes you feel so bloody glad to be breathing. I think they’re from Sweden. This again proves my point that duos and musicians from Sweden are pretty damn good. Anyway, you don’t need me to ramble on like a child that has drank too much Cherryade. Have some songs:

“I’m dealing in rock’n’roll. I’m, like, I’m not a bona fide human being.”

Posted on by

It is obvious that Phil Spector is THE greatest record producer of all time. Wall Of Sound has influenced, and still does influenced so many. The way the drums are produced to echo so loudly and so grand is just beautiful. He has produced some of the best records of all time. Anyone who can start a movement in music like that is a genius. Aside from Punk, girl groups from the 1960s well and truly own my heart. I love the production in everything. How the vocals sound so perfect and clear.

I know that Mr.Spector isn’t exactly the posterchild for clean living- but his personal life has nothing to do with you or I. He has produced so many records from the likes of The Ronnettes to the Ramones. His songs are still being covered to this very day. What he created also influenced one of the greatest records of all time; Back To Black by Amy Winehouse. I don’t go out of my way to purposely find new muisc. A lot of the time, I listen to stuff that was made decades before I was born. It’s frustrating because nothing will ever be as amazing as that again. Music now will never have that power. It’s a shame, and it always makes me believe I was born in the wrong era. Imagine hearing songs by The Crystals or The Girlfriends for the very first time- as it was happening.

So, this week’s mix is going to be my favourite tracks that Phil Spector produced. Songs that still cover me in goose bumps when I listen them now. Songs that I will search for eternity to find on vinyl because I know they will sound so much better; and will have that vulnerable feel to it that sounds so much more intense and painful accompanied with the crackling background noise.

These are the songs that define Phil Spector’s career and the era of the Wall Of Sound. Enjoy :

Lana Del Rey-Born To Die (video.)

Posted on by

Basically, this is better than Video Games. Video Games is just a distant memory now. Born To Die is far better. I do like Video Games. I just prefer her other songs such as Yayo, Diet Mtn Dew and Blue Jeans. Then you have Born To Die; which is on a totally different level to anything she has done (whether as Lana or Lizzy Grant.) It’s just mind-blowingly (that’s now a word) GOOD.Good isn’t even the word I should use, but when something is so beautiful- you sometimes struggle to find words to use that do it justice.

What I love about Lana is that she has this ability to get to the very root of your soul with her songs. It doesn’t have to be the whole song that does this to you. It can be this one line of her songs that just send you into some kind of trance or whatever- causing every muscle to spasm. You freeze and cannot focus because she has, somehow, said EVERYTHING you’ve had on the tip of your tongue. Like most musicians, she says it better than you could ever imagine. The way you planned it in your head seems so irrelevant and not enough. Then you hear one of her songs, and all you feel becomes so clear.

So to Hell with if she is a gimmick or not. I’m sure a gimmick doesn’t have this much talent. She is so pure with her music and everso vulnerable with her words. She sums up that side of love you think you will never feel. You think you will never feel it- but then you listen to Born To Die, and somehow, you feel it deeper than anything else you’ve felt in a long time.

The Chapman Family-Everday Is Like Sunday.

Posted on by

It takes a LOT for me to like a cover. It takes even more for me to even listen to someone cover The Smiths or Morrissey. Dum Dum Girls are the only ones to have covered a song by The Smiths that I love as much as the original. I try to not listen to covers of songs I love, that I have such an emotional connection with because I really don’t want the song that means the world to me, to be royally fucked up and enitirely ruined.

Did I think that The Chapman Family would ruin a Morrissey song? No. Far from it. I knew that they would make it their own. However, I didn’t expect it to make me instantly cry because for some reason or another, I felt it more than I did compared to when hearing Moz sing it. Maybe it’s because Kingsley’s voice is so haunting on this cover. He sounds just as perfect as Nick Cave and Leonard Cohen. He’s made the song less witty- and more frustrated, and dark.

You see, Morrissey makes you listen to the song and take it in a comical manner. You sort of ignore how frustrated he seems. The way in which Kingsley sings it, my god, it just breaks your heart. Today, during my lunch break I walked on the beach. The cold wind challenged my ability to walk without the odd wobble. The grey sea had seagulls bobbing along, probably freezing to death. Everyday Is Like Sunday never seemed so fitting. I always associate this song with the Isle of Man (please someone take me away from here.) and after hearing Morrissey sing it here this year, it just meant even more.

For some reason, The Chapman Family’s version of this song touches my heart in a different and maybe deeper way. If I could put it into words that could make sense- I would. However, I don’t think I can. Easily one of my favourite covers I’ve ever heard. A truly underrated band, no doubt.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FLUUmvibISU&feature=youtu.be

 

“Round my heart, and runnin’ round my brain.”

Posted on by

I cannot stand songs that go on and on about being in love or how wonderful the world seems. I can’t relate to it, so I don’t really care for it. I love songs and artists that drag out the ugly, and dark feelings we are conditioned to ignore. The feelings we are told to never speak of. I love it when an artist has the guts to sing the songs that reach for your soul and just crush you. It crushes you in a way that leaves you crippled with so many painful feelings; you just don’t know what to do with them. I don’t mean songs about having your heart broken by someone. That isn’t the only bad feeling in the world. There is more to life than being in love and losing love. However, again; we are conditioned to seek love from another so we can justify our existence. Personally, it’s utter bollocks. You validate your existence in your own way. It doesn’t have to mean you have to be in love to do so.

Although I love songs that rake out the harsh and brutal feelings we are meant to push aside, this doesn’t mean I walk around hating life and everyone. I’m an average human being; nothing special. I hate no one, I hate nothing. I don’t have it in me to have that feeling at all. There’s good and bad in everything, and in everyone. I’m not someone who is against being in love; I’m sure it’s a delightful thing when it goes right. I just find the darker side, the things we are told to not go near much more interesting.

There is something romantic and comforting about hearing a song that just oozes pain and despair. Heroin by Velvet Underground is one of the most gut-wrenching and heart breaking songs ever written. It isn’t about a lover. It is fairly obvious what it is about. Every single time I listen to it, it just delves into a part of me; I cannot imagine a cheery song doing this to me. Don’t get me wrong, I do listen to a lot of music that someone could pass as “happy.” However, bands such as Velvet Underground make me happy because of what they mean to me. It doesn’t matter what song I play by them, it just  goes to a part of me that, although the lyrics can be quite sad- it still makes me happy. It makes me happy that I have a band like that in my life, that mean so much to me. The same can be applied to The Jesus And Mary Chain, Spiritualized and Townes Van Zandt.

One of the first songs I remember hearing by Spiritualized was Broken Heart. If anyone was to ever list the songs that could break a person in so many ways- this should be at the top. Jason Pierce has this way of projecting such frailness and vulnerability into his lyrics that make you connect so deeply with what he is saying. He takes you right down to rock bottom with him. Thing is, you don’t want to get back up from it. He was one of the first artists I really remember feeling this way about. Just instantly connecting with every word. Clinging onto it with all I had. Much like The Cure and of course, The Smiths. A band can really make you feel less alone when you think you’ve hit the lowest point. I guess sometimes, you can always go lower. If you’re scared of hitting it- you’ll probably get there quicker than you planned to. If you’re not scared, it’s up to you how you deal with it. Some things you can fight off and avoid. Some things just happened. You cannot plan a thing.

Townes Van Zandt (aside from Morrissey) is my favourite male solo artist of all time. What I loved (and still do) about his music was the honesty and how you could easily feel every single word he sung. You knew he meant every single word when he mentioned feeling so low. Songs such as Waiting Around To Die, Cocaine Blues just really made you feel for him. I will always stand by Waiting Around To Die as being one of my favourite songs of all time. I could listen to it over and over, and not get bored of hearing his breaking, powerful, trembling voice. He was well and truly the most underrated singer/song-writers of all time. If you want pain and aching lyrics- Townes Van Zandt is the one.

All these reasons I’ve mentioned (and more) are probably why I love The Drums so much. I love how they have such sadness surrounding their songs but it is disguised through the electrifying guitars and upbeat drums. Songs such as Book Of Stories, Best Friend, What You Were, I Felt Stupid are so heartbreaking- but so utterly perfect. You know, I don’t think I could look at someone who didn’t enjoy at least one song by The Drums. I remember first hearing them in early 2009 and, I felt how someone must have felt when they first heard The Beach Boys, The Ronnettes, The Smiths- it was so exciting, and so needed at the time. I do believe that if they ever called it quits- I would cry. Just like I did when The Long Blondes split up. When you feel such a strong connection to a band, they become your life. They say everything you cannot say. I love Marina And The Diamonds because she can write songs that make you feel less alone about having bad days and disliking yourself. She makes you feel okay about not being as strong as you think you should be. I love Florence + The Machine because Florence can express such dark feelings in a way that just blows me away and can make you feel less troubled about carrying around certain feelings that probably bug you a Hell of a lot.

You see dear reader, it is quite easy to tell a person something so positive and charming. Yet when you have to attempt to say something quite dark and hurtful about what is whirling on in your head- it can be quite daunting. There’s a song for every occasion. There’s a lyric to describe everything you feel- whether it is joyful or horrendous- someone has already said it for you. Someone has already felt that way and made it more eloquent than you could even try to do. This isn’t a bad thing. It’s bad enough feeling like shit, so when someone else can sum it up in a song for you- it takes the added pressure of expressing yourself off.

Just remember- it is okay to feel like shit. It is okay to be happy. Never feel bad for how you feel, whether it is good or bad. You cannot switch yourself off, but you can always, always-restart.