“Shake your head, it’s empty.”

4 04 2012

Wants and needs cloud your judgement. It’s easier to ignore them both so you can carry on. And carry on you will. This is the hangover talking. Not in a physical sense, that passed at half 10 this morning when I stood in the shower playing Explode by Uh Huh Her about 5 times until I felt like a person again. Things go wrong very quickly, you try to be cautious. You do what is right. You leave things behind so you can move forward. The things you never faced smack you right in the face when you have brief moments on your own. I’m trying to distance myself from this because some things, well..you’ve got to never tell so you stay sane. So what happens? Lose.Your.Shit. Lose your mind if you want. Nobody is strong all the time. Nobody is always weak. You can find strength in the things you think are killing you, metaphorically. You hold everything back. And for what reason? You’ve got your reasons. You try to let it out, but for some reason- it just won’t come out. Not because you’re biting your tongue constantly, but..the words. The words are not there. So you find a sense of peace and become calm in the midst of hearing THAT certain part in a song that you love. The song that cradles you. The song that nurses you. Like a whisper in your ear, “It’s going to be okay.” It will be okay.

One day I will take on board what I have just typed up. Until then, I’ll remain a hypocrite, or maybe just one of life’s lost causes plodding their way through. Knowing that nothing is secure, or forever. Time is just a way of limiting yourself. I never wear a watch. Lose yourself to something positive than give yourself up to something destructive. This is why I don’t show my poetry or songs to anyone. It goes deeper than the paragraph above, and I’m ashamed of it.

So, with this utter nonsense out of the way- there are songs. There are always songs. Songs that will drag you through because you just don’t want to think about how you’d word it. Wants and needs. You want a person, but do you need them? Anyone who says they don’t need anyone is lying. Even if it’s just one person, you cannot deny that you need them. It doesn’t have to be in a romantic way. A relative, a close chum- you need them. You want them around. You think you’re going to lose them at times. You think you’re about to because the Universe is a fucking BITCH. Solace is found in music. Shut it all off and fall into the music. It’s the only way you know how. And maybe…just maybe we are all struggling to get to the same thing in life. So, please be kind to everyone. Be respectful and tolerant. Walk gently through life and do everything with heart. Speak up. Be strong, be weak. Be yourself.





“Round my heart, and runnin’ round my brain.”

9 12 2011

I cannot stand songs that go on and on about being in love or how wonderful the world seems. I can’t relate to it, so I don’t really care for it. I love songs and artists that drag out the ugly, and dark feelings we are conditioned to ignore. The feelings we are told to never speak of. I love it when an artist has the guts to sing the songs that reach for your soul and just crush you. It crushes you in a way that leaves you crippled with so many painful feelings; you just don’t know what to do with them. I don’t mean songs about having your heart broken by someone. That isn’t the only bad feeling in the world. There is more to life than being in love and losing love. However, again; we are conditioned to seek love from another so we can justify our existence. Personally, it’s utter bollocks. You validate your existence in your own way. It doesn’t have to mean you have to be in love to do so.

Although I love songs that rake out the harsh and brutal feelings we are meant to push aside, this doesn’t mean I walk around hating life and everyone. I’m an average human being; nothing special. I hate no one, I hate nothing. I don’t have it in me to have that feeling at all. There’s good and bad in everything, and in everyone. I’m not someone who is against being in love; I’m sure it’s a delightful thing when it goes right. I just find the darker side, the things we are told to not go near much more interesting.

There is something romantic and comforting about hearing a song that just oozes pain and despair. Heroin by Velvet Underground is one of the most gut-wrenching and heart breaking songs ever written. It isn’t about a lover. It is fairly obvious what it is about. Every single time I listen to it, it just delves into a part of me; I cannot imagine a cheery song doing this to me. Don’t get me wrong, I do listen to a lot of music that someone could pass as “happy.” However, bands such as Velvet Underground make me happy because of what they mean to me. It doesn’t matter what song I play by them, it just  goes to a part of me that, although the lyrics can be quite sad- it still makes me happy. It makes me happy that I have a band like that in my life, that mean so much to me. The same can be applied to The Jesus And Mary Chain, Spiritualized and Townes Van Zandt.

One of the first songs I remember hearing by Spiritualized was Broken Heart. If anyone was to ever list the songs that could break a person in so many ways- this should be at the top. Jason Pierce has this way of projecting such frailness and vulnerability into his lyrics that make you connect so deeply with what he is saying. He takes you right down to rock bottom with him. Thing is, you don’t want to get back up from it. He was one of the first artists I really remember feeling this way about. Just instantly connecting with every word. Clinging onto it with all I had. Much like The Cure and of course, The Smiths. A band can really make you feel less alone when you think you’ve hit the lowest point. I guess sometimes, you can always go lower. If you’re scared of hitting it- you’ll probably get there quicker than you planned to. If you’re not scared, it’s up to you how you deal with it. Some things you can fight off and avoid. Some things just happened. You cannot plan a thing.

Townes Van Zandt (aside from Morrissey) is my favourite male solo artist of all time. What I loved (and still do) about his music was the honesty and how you could easily feel every single word he sung. You knew he meant every single word when he mentioned feeling so low. Songs such as Waiting Around To Die, Cocaine Blues just really made you feel for him. I will always stand by Waiting Around To Die as being one of my favourite songs of all time. I could listen to it over and over, and not get bored of hearing his breaking, powerful, trembling voice. He was well and truly the most underrated singer/song-writers of all time. If you want pain and aching lyrics- Townes Van Zandt is the one.

All these reasons I’ve mentioned (and more) are probably why I love The Drums so much. I love how they have such sadness surrounding their songs but it is disguised through the electrifying guitars and upbeat drums. Songs such as Book Of Stories, Best Friend, What You Were, I Felt Stupid are so heartbreaking- but so utterly perfect. You know, I don’t think I could look at someone who didn’t enjoy at least one song by The Drums. I remember first hearing them in early 2009 and, I felt how someone must have felt when they first heard The Beach Boys, The Ronnettes, The Smiths- it was so exciting, and so needed at the time. I do believe that if they ever called it quits- I would cry. Just like I did when The Long Blondes split up. When you feel such a strong connection to a band, they become your life. They say everything you cannot say. I love Marina And The Diamonds because she can write songs that make you feel less alone about having bad days and disliking yourself. She makes you feel okay about not being as strong as you think you should be. I love Florence + The Machine because Florence can express such dark feelings in a way that just blows me away and can make you feel less troubled about carrying around certain feelings that probably bug you a Hell of a lot.

You see dear reader, it is quite easy to tell a person something so positive and charming. Yet when you have to attempt to say something quite dark and hurtful about what is whirling on in your head- it can be quite daunting. There’s a song for every occasion. There’s a lyric to describe everything you feel- whether it is joyful or horrendous- someone has already said it for you. Someone has already felt that way and made it more eloquent than you could even try to do. This isn’t a bad thing. It’s bad enough feeling like shit, so when someone else can sum it up in a song for you- it takes the added pressure of expressing yourself off.

Just remember- it is okay to feel like shit. It is okay to be happy. Never feel bad for how you feel, whether it is good or bad. You cannot switch yourself off, but you can always, always-restart.





“I know it is wrong, but we just don’t belong.”

7 12 2011

Have you ever felt, although you are surrounded by people you know- and these people may or may not care about you, that you just do not belong? Do you have a place you feel happy and secure with calling “home”? Do you ever look at Society and just think you were born in the wrong era?  That your emotional attachment to it all is slowly fading. If so, I understand fully how you feel.

I’ve wandered through life not feeling part of anything. I’ve never made it my goal to make a difference in a person’s life- mainly because I know I never have, and I probably never will. I don’t mean it in a self-hating kind of way- far from it. You can feel you don’t belong but still maintain an ounce of self-worth. I feel like that most days. Anyway, I don’t need to go in depth with all of this. These are the songs that have stopped me from feeling like I have to be part of something, that I have to belong. We don’t have to. Create your own world.





Marina And The Diamonds- Starring Role (demo.)

20 11 2011

I swear to god, this woman has this ability to get inside your head and say EVERYTHING you cannot say. This is SO FUCKING GOOD. To the point where it could possibly shit on everything else she has ever done. Okay, I don’t know. Maybe not. You know how Radioactive was too good for words? Starring Role is on the same level.

Marina is on a totally different level to everything around right now. She says everything you can’t say, and she does it in a way you wish you could. No song she ever does will mean as much to me as Guilty does, but sweet fuckery Starring Role is brilliant.

A lot of fools claim she has sold out. Bullshit. An artist can change their sound- it’s called growing. That’s what they do. You cannot expect an artist to make the same record over and over- what would be the point.

This is going to takeover from me playing Radioactive about 50 times a day.





The art of growing up….is a pain.

16 11 2011

In 9 days I’m moving back home. I call it home, although it never feels like it. I’ve never felt at home anywhere. I hope that when I leave there after a month or so, I can find a place called home and stop feeling on edge or whatever. I was alright with leaving here, until this evening. I know some truly beautiful and wonderful people. I’ve had a bit of a cry, I suppose I’ll blame the wine for that. Or the fact that I am way too sensitive and sentimental for my own good. Orignally I wanted to make this mixtape post about the songs that helped me grow up and saved my life. I’ve decided to change it, and just put a bunch of songs that remind me of certain people and certain events that have happened. I guess you can call it a thank you or whatever for the people I care about more than I probably show. I’m utterly toss with saying how I feel, so I guess using a song is the best way to do it. Besides, like most I fear rejection so this is my best bet.

I like to think that certain songs are obvious as to who and what they are about. I don’t want to explain because it will take away the meaning and I suppose the sentimental value. This year has been a bit shit, but it’s also been alright. Certain people have made it easier. Again, they should know who they are.

I could honestly ramble on, but I’d just bore you to death.

 





Marina And The Diamonds VS….

25 09 2011

There’s one thing I really really fucking hate with regards to music. It’s when cretins dismiss music because it’s “Mainstream.” Now, I listen to music that is never going to be placed on Radio 1’s play list. I don’t do it to be difficult; I do it because I like different stuff. SHOCK FUCKING HORROR. Y’know, god forbid ANY of us doesn’t take NME or Radio 1 as Gospel. Holy shit no! Fuck off. I’ve sworn a lot, I’m not sorry.

This has all stemmed from a conversation from an extremely good friend of mine; he knows who he is. He won’t read this though.

As you know, I admire/love/respect/adore Marina Diamandis SO much. Meeting her last year was the highlight of my year. So obviously, I’m going to feel a bit protective when I see wankers slag her off. So I guess this is an open letter to those twits.

Dear dickheads of the Internet,

It has come to my attention that many of you are slagging off Marina’s new track Radioactive because she seems to have gone a bit “Mainstream.” If Mainstream means making a record that sounds different to the last, then damn near every single fucking artist out there is Mainstream. If being Mainstream means everyone gets to hear the artist’s music, then how the hell is that a bad thing? If you start a band, you want people to hear your music. Am I right? Of course I bloody well am. Yes Marina has had songs play listed on Radio 1, how is that a bad thing? It bloody well isn’t.

The Family Jewels is a pop record, has she ever stated that it wasn’t? No. It’s a pop record, but it has depth and substance to it. Hollywood and Oh No are catchy tracks and have a pop feel to them. Read the lyrics and you will see there is depth to them. Have you heard Numb? Guilty? Rootless? Nah, bet you haven’t you dumb shit. The meaning on those 3 songs is heartbreaking. Especially on Guilty, I say this because I identify with it more than I wish to. I hate it, but I love it. I hate I can identify with it but I love it because it says everything I wish I could.

Marina doesn’t give a fuck if you think she has sold out or not. Are you on stage every night singing your insecurities? NO. Have you toured the world on the back of one record? NO. You’re just some B.O. smelling, cheese and onion crisp eating, shit stain of society that feels the need to hate on others to mask your own insecurities and jealousy. I don’t pity you nor do I feel sorry for you. You’re pathetic.

My problem is that I care too much, but this is getting on my left one (and right one to be honest.) Mainstream isn’t bad, pop music doesn’t always mean bad. Talent is talent, you cannot deny that. So go on, go listen to your obscure music that only YOU care about and cry to your mum that you’ve ran out of Diet Coke even though you cannot move because you’re too lazy and chubby to do so. You’re riddled with hate because you are idle. Leave the house, read a book. Put your hate and disappointment into something worthwhile. You know, like how the Government screw us all over. Surely that is worth more angst than Marina making a record that has synths and drum machines.

Never yours,

Olivia.

Now, with that out the way; I shall continue.

I know I’ve written about Marina’s new stuff recently but I guess I feel the need to elaborate. I usually do. I’ve got a lot to say, but nobody ever listens to me when I talk so I write it down. Not that anyone reads what I have to say.

Radioactive is a pop song. OH MY JESUS HOW WILL WE COPE. Grow up. Yes it is a pop song, but if you listen to the lyrics you will hear so much going on. The lyrics are fucking amazing. Marina is a bloody clever human being. By rights, she should be massive. But as the media only supports brain-dead singers with nothing to say- she goes ignored. The Family Jewels should’ve sold a shitload of units, but it didn’t. That doesn’t mean she has failed in any way. The REAL Marina fans know this. Her music has evidently touched many people’s lives, myself included. Surely having that kind of impact means more than going Gold.

What I love about Marina is that her lyrics just ooze the frustrations of being insecure and pissed off. How many other pop artists do that? NONE. The lyrics to Fear And Loathing are beautiful, “Got different people inside my head, I wonder which one that they like best. I’m done with trying to have it all, and ending up with not much at all.” People expect far too much from others, so you develop these different personas to please everyone. However sometimes you just have to give it up. We’ve all done it, and it takes courage to give it up and just be who YOU want to be. If that isn’t inspiring, then I have no idea what the hell is anymore.

Radioactive is STILL very much a Marina song. She hasn’t changed with her lyrical content at all, it’s still extremely her. Do you want artists to make the same record over and over? If you do, then you’re pretty much a small minded fool. Take The Horrors for instance. Skying sounds NOTHING like Strange House. I adore Strange House but I also adore Skying. I love that they have changed, what’s the point in making the same record over and over? It’s bland and isn’t daring. Music should be challenging. A real artist challenges themselves and breaks boundaries to do so. The Horrors have done it, and so has Marina.

If Marina being “Mainstream” bothers you that much, then you have only one solution- don’t listen to her. It’s your loss though. You’d be shying yourself away from this county’s greatest pop artist that we have seen in years. She goes where no other artist dares to go. She says things you wish you could say. She’s inside your head. Maybe that’s why you don’t like her new stuff, because she is inside your head saying all the things you wish oh so badly you wish you could say. You’re going to have to give in sooner or later. She’s the music industry’s wild card, and you’d be a fool to not invest in her.





2011- Songs.

15 09 2011

I know I’m doing this too early in the year, but if I do it now- maybe I won’t change my mind. I know I’ll change my mind as soon as I publish this. I’ll hear a song and think, “SHITTING HELL. THAT NEEDS TO GO ON MY LIST!” Hopefully I will gain some self control and not do that. I’m not doing this in any order, however the last song I mention is my song of the year. It’s pretty obvious what song it is. I’ve got a cool story to accompany it too, it’s just given it so much more meaning to me and I love it more than I did before.

Let’s begin :

Dirty Beaches- Lord Knows Best.– When I first heard this, I honestly didn’t think it was something from this year. I just thought it was an old old song being re-released. I was stupidly wrong. Lord Knows Best is taken from Alex’s album Badlands which was released in March this year, it’s such a beautiful album. What I love about this song is how old it feels, the sample on a loop and Alex’s vocals. His voice sounds so desperate, which is what drew me in straight away. I love anything that sounds dark, angry, frustrated and painful. This doesn’t mean I’m some morbid wanker, far from it. I’m just someone who is always drawn to the dark side of things- it just means more to me than hearing something cheerful. However, this is lyrically, not a dark song. It’s about loving one person and nothing/no one else matters. Just this one person. I guess you could call it a love song. Whatever it is, it’s one of the best things I’ve heard this year.

Wye Oak-Civilian.– You know when you hear a song, and you give all your attention to the lyrics? That’s what happened when I first heard Civilian by Wye Oak. The album is just stunning. This song means so much, “I am nothing without pretend. I know my faults, can’t live with them.” It just screams out fragility. The whole song does. It’s almost as if, you can use this song to admit to all your faults- you’re human, and it is how you feel. I adore the build up in the song. Their musicianship is so strong and so inspiring, it’s just so stunning. It’s one of the songs that make me wish I could write something as powerful as this. As far as duos in music go, Wye Oak are one of my favourites.

Widowspeak-Wicked Game.– I know it’s a cover, but it’s so good. I love how haunting they have made it, but at the same time still has the same feel as the original. I usually hate it when a song I love is covered, but this is just stunning from start to finish. The way, “This world is only gonna break your heart” is sung is damn hypnotising. The song makes you feel like you are in some kind of trance. It’s just perfect. If you’ve never listened to them before, start with this cover.

The Pains Of Being Pure At Heart- Heart In Your Heartbreak.– I know this came out late last year, however the track is taken from their second album which came out in March this year. So, I’m going with that. Their album came out at a time that I wish to never go through again. This song was my crutch for 2 months. I used to listen to it to stop myself from feeling like shit and realising…well, I don’t want to make it too personal. Basically, when you think you can’t get over having your heart broken- you actually can. And when you do, you becoming strong and nothing can touch you no more because you have felt so shit, you’ve experienced rock bottom and you will do anything to never feel that way away. I cannot pick out a lyric that I love, because I just adore it all. This song was around when I didn’t know what to do with myself or what to do with how I was feeling.

Novella-The Things You Do.– When you listen to Novella, you wouldn’t be alone in thinking you were listening to a band from LA. They have that gorgeous lo-fi/sufer pop feel to their music. They formed in Brighton and are now based in London. If you love Dum Dum Girls and Best Coast, you are truly going to fall in love with Novella. I hope next year beings them great success because they really do deserve it. This song causes your head to spin and your body to float. It’s so beautiful.

Zola Jesus-Vessel.– I am going to struggle putting this into words because the music Nika creates owns a large part of my heart. Her music is so enthralling and haunting. Everything about her music just makes my soul shake and my head swim. I am constantly in awe of her talent. She’s only 21 years old, she’s so bloody gifted. Hopefully I’m seeing her in November. I’m oretty sure it’s going to be like some kind of religious experience. I have every confidence that her album Conatus is going to be one of the best albums of the year. Her voice is so distinctive and powerful. I love the dark feel in her music. I love how her music can make everything better. I took a walk today and just played her music. It was like I was drifting off into another world. A dreamland. I honestly cannot praise Nika’s talents enough. I really don’t trust anyone who doesn’t like her music. She’s a massive credit to the music industry, I just hope they realise that instead of obsessing over pop stars that contribute nothing.

The Horrors- I Can See Through You.– I could pick any song of theirs, but I Can See Through You is my favourite off Skying lyrically. The album is beautiful, but more on that when I write about my favourite albums of 2011. Faris’ vocals on this song are so strong. The band sound as perfect as ever. So captivating and hypnotising. I know a lot of people are getting into The Horrors based on Still Life. What pisses me off is that they dismissed them during the Strange House era. That album will always be one of my favourites. The raw, brutal sound to it is amazing. The garage rock vibe it has is stunning. However, those that are only just getting into The Horrors have missed out on many years- their loss.

The Kills-The Last Goodbye.– It was close to impossible to pick which song by The Kills I wanted to include. I toyed with the idea of putting Satellite in because I love the reggae electro feel it has. Then I wanted Baby Says because I love it like someone would probably love their child. Then it was Nail In My Coffin. I went through the whole album, until I chose The Last Goodbye. Why did I choose The Last Goodbye? Well, it has the best and my favourite lyric from a song I’ve heard this year. This line describes me better than I could. This line owns my heart. This line makes me feel okay with being a sensitive bugger. The line is of course, “How can I rely on my heart if I break it, with my own two hands.” I read an article about the album before it was released, and they spoke about this song and mentioned the lyrics. When I read that line, I was instantly blown away by the honesty and vulnerabilty in the lyrics. Then I listened to the song. I cried. It was like finding the piece of you that you had missing for so long. I have no idea what will happen when I see this live. I’ll probably want to get on stage and hug Alison. When she sings this, you can see she puts all she has into it. It is so heartbreaking and so perfect. You can take what you want from this song, that’s what I love about The Kills- you can create your own meaning to their songs. If I could thank them personally for this song, I bloody well would.

Florence And The Machine-What The Water Gave Me.– I guess anyone else would pick Shake It Out, but I like to be difficult don’t I. I’m choosing What The Water Gave Me because I love the darkness around it. Shake It Out is beautiful, and it feels like Flo is taking you to Church. The lyrics are haunting and gorgeous. Much like What The Water Gave Me. I love how the song builds and builds, when she sings “Let the only sound be the overflow. Pockets full of stones” it sounds and feels so enchanting and euphoric. All her songs are euphoric. Her music makes you feel free and weightless. That’s why I love her. I cannot express it in a way that you will understand, but that’s as close as I can get right now. Pretty sure Ceremonials will be the best album of the year. October 31st cannot come quick enough.

It’s honestly no surprise what I’ve picked as my favourite song of the year is it? I said it in February and pretty much every other day since. You ready?!

SUMMER CAMP-I WANT YOU. – This is the only song that I have heard this year to have such a grip over me. It’s done something to my brain. I have to listen to it every single day. If I don’t, I get the shakes (I don’t really….) Elizabeth and Jeremy have created the best song of the year EASILY. I know I love Flo and The Kills but this is honestly the greatest thing I have heard this year. No other song has had this hold over me. The lyrics, oh jesus, the lyrics. So true! It states exactly being in love is like- cruel, intense, dark and grand. Being love can turn you into a dickhead sometimes can’t it. However, if you listen to I Want You, you can see it isn’t always the case. Some have said it’s the stalker anthem of 2011. I don’t think it is. I think it’s quite simply, intensely liking/loving and wanting someone; and you just want them to feel the same. You believe you can make them feel the same. The synths, the guitar and the drums…oh lord. When it drops and kicks in it is like a glorious kick in the face. I’ve only been in love for real once. It’s more than enough isn’t it? If I was to ever feel that way again, I’d use this song to clarify how I felt. I’d play it and think “Does this person make me feel like this?” And if the answer was yes, it’d be love. If the answer was no, then I’d go back to my books and records to save myself disappointment. If any of you listened to BBC 6Music yesterday morning, on Lauren Laverne’s show. They played Better Off Without You and I Want You. I tweeted them saying it was amazing, and Elizabeth replied with, “I was thinking of you when we played I Want You. Not in a weird way.” HOW AMAZING IS THAT? Seriously, so fucking cool. It made my year, no doubt. I’ve decided, if I ever decided to inflict my presence upon a girl and start a relationship, when we split up- I’m going to play Better Off Without You to drag me through it. Oh, I’ve not heard Summer Camp’s album yet but I can tell you it’s the best album of the year. It’s right up there. Trust me. Now, get your ears around my favourite song of the year. If it doesn’t cause your bones to move, heart to skip several beats, your head to spin and your soul to feel reignited- then I think you have no braincells left. Cheers Summer Camp, for making the best song of the year!

I do feel bad for leaving out some songs that I fell in love with this year, so have a few more :

Blood Orange-Sutphin Boulevard.

Marina And The Diamonds-Fear And Loathing.

The History Of Apple Pie-You’re So Cool.

The Weeknd-House Of Balloons/Glass Table Girls.

Lana Del Rey-Blue Jeans.

Seapony-Where We Go.

Best Coast-How They Want Me To Be.

Wavves & Best Coast-Nodding Off.

Morrissey-Action Is My Middle Name.

Youth Lagoon-Montana.

I got carried away….I’m not sorry though.