Lyrics Of 2012.

I know the second I publish this I will want to change everything. I hate that I do this, but maybe I’ll write this and not look back on it. I hate looking back on anything I ever write because I always find fault. It is like looking in the mirror the second before you leave the house, and you think “I’m actually going to go outside with this face, and people will see…shit.” But, some things you have to do. Of course I don’t have to do this, but I want to. Mainly because I may be slightly bored. I don’t even know.

Lyrics are hugely important to me. I won’t care for a song unless I feel something for the lyrics. Lyrics can make you feel less alone, less shit and just give you comfort that you cannot get from a person. Yes it is all well and good knowing you are loved and can love; but at 4am when you’re alone and you feel like you’re hitting rock bottom- sometimes all you have is a song. You may turn on the radio and you catch a part of a song that just sums up how you feel. Or you may play your favourite song of all time to just get a piece of mind. So you can fall asleep without anything disturbing your mind.

There are so many songs I could have chosen for this. I know I have missed some out, and that alone pisses me off. I’ve limited myself to ten lyrics, but I know I could easily listen a lot more. These aren’t lyrics that I thought were clever or sounded good. They are lyrics that just mean a lot to me. Okay, so maybe the Swim Deep lyric I chose may not mean a lot- but the innocence behind it means a lot. Oh and they reference Warpaint so obviously I needed to mention it. One of my main issues was choosing which Dum Dum Girls lyric to use. Mine Tonight, Lord Knows and I Got Nothing have all got lyrics that mean a lot to me. All of End Of Daze is so pure and beautiful. But I went with Season In Hell because this specific line just grabbed me a bit more, I guess. I’m writing this listening to End Of Daze, and I’m close to changing my mind… I’ll try to refrain from doing so.

So, in are my favourite lyrics of 2012 (I know it’s October but the world may end on 21st December so I’m just being prepared.)

10.  Swim Deep-King City : “And fuck your romance. I wanna pretend that Jenny Lee Lindberg is my girlfriend.” When I sing this, I always change it to all members of Warpaint. Sometimes I just use Emily Kokal’s name instead. I remember hearing this song for the first time and just being utterly in awe of the dream-like atmosphere they create with their sound. They are truly one of the best bands to have come out of Birmingham in a bloody long time. If their debut record comes out next year, I reckon it’ll easily be one of the best things we hear.

9. Mystery Jets-Someone Purer : “I was gripped with a bit of fear. Worried the one thing that I loved back when I was just a kid, might now never be enough.” Radlands is one of the best records of the year, that is so obvious. The opening of Someone Purer is one of my favourites of the year. Blaine’s delicate voice makes you cling onto every single word right from the start. You tremble and identify with every word. We’re told that, as we get older we should be more sure of ourselves. Thing is, I think someone of us get older and become less sure of ourselves. It is seen as a bad thing, but I don’t believe it is. We’re all works in progress and you cannot progress if you think you are above change and being honest with yourself. You can adapt to your surroundings, but at some point you know you want to be more. You want to see more. Someone Purer echoes adult frustrations through child-like innocence. It is just beautiful.

8. Willis Earl Beal- Monotony : “Could it be malaise? Or am I depressed? Just a life-long phase. I am not indirect, don’t consider me blessed. But don’t consider me cursed, in this chaotic mess. I guess that it could be worse.” Willis Earl Beal is the year’s greatest solo male artist. Sure he’s been around quite some time now, but his debut record came out this year and when I listened to it, Monotony was the song that gripped itself around my heart and head. These lyrics alone just show the sheer genius of Willis. His music hits you right in the soul.

7. Saint Lou Lou-Maybe You : “And if you’ve got an emptiness inside, you should let our worlds recollide.” I’m fairly sure Maybe You is my favourite song of the year. All year I had been waiting for a song to have this hold on me. I have to listen to it about 20 times a day or I just feel a bit sad. The lyrics are quite sad, but the music is so soothing and gentle. Yet, when you truly listen to it- you feel your heart-break. I know nobody ever wants to feel sad. But the sadness you get from listening to Maybe You is the kind of sadness that can be created and cured by the same thing. Music does this a lot, it’s not a bad thing. Sometimes you just have to feel sad; to remind yourself. However, the song also offers some reassurance and any wrong that has been done to you doesn’t have to matter. One person will get you through, even if their eyes are sad.

6. Garbage-Beloved Freak : “People lie and people steal. They misinterpret how you feel. And so we doubt and we conceal.” Garbage are my life so whatever I say about this song, I have more than likely said about their songs a hundred times before. They’re one of the few bands that, when I mention them or if anyone mentions them to me, I just feel instantly better. Not Your Kind Of People was the only record this year that I had truly truly been waiting for. It was all I wanted, and had been wanting for so long. I guess this year everything I wanted/had waited for, had actually happened. Some are music based, but the most important thing wasn’t music based. But I’m not telling you. You don’t need to know. What I love about Garbage is how vulnerable Shirley’s lyrics are. One every record of theirs, they have at least 2 or 3 songs that just ooze vulnerability. Or songs that are for those who aren’t sure and a bit lost. Run Baby Run to Medication to The Trick Is To Keep Breathing to Tell Me Where It Hurts and all in-between. Beloved Freak made me bawl when I first heard it, and I still get teary-eyed when I play it. It is the perfect end to a wonderful record. It just makes you feel less horrendous and allows a small dose of self-acceptance to creep in. Something we all need.

5. Cat Power- Always On My Own : “I want to live my way of living.” Everything I just said above about Garbage, I feel about Cat Power. Sun was another record I had been bursting to hear this year. Highly anticipated and greatly loved from the first listen. I cannot pick a favourite song off Sun, but I can easily pick my favourite lyric. This line is just so utterly perfect and so fucking true. When you have to change your way of living because of your surroundings, it gets you down. It breaks you and ruins you. Then you leave; and you’re happy. Then you come back, and you’re just a shell of who you are. Yet, the only good thing is that the ones you love don’t get to see that. Imagine if they saw you at your lowest. No thanks. Cat Power has always provided comfort for the soul. My love for You Are Free is insane. That record is like a guide for life. I guess most of her songs can be seen as that. I just love her so much.

4. Beach House-Myth : “Can’t keep hanging on to what is dead and gone. If you build yourself a myth, you’d know just what to give. Materialise, or let the ashes fly.” I remember where I was and the day when I first heard Myth. I needed it. I was just about to leave here to try start my life again somewhere else. My life consists of false starts; this eventually would turn into a massive false start, but I had to do it. I’ll probably keep doing it, and I may never get it right. Beach House are good for the soul. Beach House mend you. They put you back together again. They make every part of you feel warm and loved; even if you are without love. They make you feel as if you are in love, even if you’re not with anyone at all. The power in their music constantly leaves me in awe. So delicate and ethereal. For me, Myth is the process of letting go. Let go of the bad, and create something better. It may be make believe for others, but who cares? So long as you believe, nothing else matters. This specific part of the song just means the world to me. You know when something is so personal, no words can actually describe it and all it means to you? That’s how I feel about it, and how I feel about the vast majority of their songs.

3. Metric-Artificial Nocturne : “I’m just as fucked up as they say. I can’t fake the daytime. Found an entrance to escape into the dark. Got false lights for the sun. It’s an artificial nocturne; it’s an outsider’s escape for a broken heart.” Oh Emily Haines. How you manage to unleash a fraction of my thoughts in one verse. You’ve done it again. You always do it. This is another example of a perfect album opener. Hearing this was enough for me to know Synthetica was going to be an incredible record. I’m still going through my phase of playing this song about 5 times before I play the rest of the record. Artificial Nocturne just shows that Emily Haines is more than a song-writer. Her words are poetry. Her words are life, her life, your life, my life- everything. There is something so vital about this song. It provides a lifeline. It gives hope. It makes you feel as if she is projecting all your ugly feelings and making them into something beautiful. We all need that, sometimes we need it more times than we care to acknowledge.

2. Crocodiles- No Black Clouds For Dee Dee : “No more lost girls walking from you. No more sickness sleeping in you. No more
fools spit judgements on you. No more dead birds raining on you.” Quite possibly the best love song of the year. Endless Flowers is probably my favourite full length record of the year. I cannot even begin to tell you how much I love them. After FINALLY seeing them live this year, and this song too; my love for them just grew. I didn’t think it could, but it turns out after waiting over 3 years to see a band that mean more than the world to you, causes your love and admiration for them to just explode. I could pick any song off Endless Flowers, but I chose No Black Clouds For Dee Dee because it is such an honest yet simple love song. It just oozes devotion and the urge to look after the one you love. When you listen to this, you cannot help but think of the one you love. The keeper of your heart. Romance and love isn’t expensive gifts and pretentious prose. Romance and love is being totally honest and gentle actions. This song just portrays this in the most beautiful and open way possible. I love everything about this song.

1. Dum Dum Girls- Season In Hell : “A confession’s not a cure. There’s always darkness to endure, on the path to be redeemed.” At first I wanted to go with something from Lord Knows. Then I went to Mine Tonight. I decided on Season In Hell because I just really love this lyric. I cannot tell you how many times I have played End Of Daze since it came in the post last week. It’s on constant repeat. I play it EVERYWHERE. Season In Hell is just perfect. It makes you feel GOOD. The line I chose to use is so true, so apt. Dee Dee is one of my favourite song-writers easily. I personally feel she is my generation’s Patti Smith. Her words are so powerful, even when they seem quite frail and delicate. You take such strength from it because you know someone else has endured the same battle as you. I could quite happily write a thousand more words on this song, this lyric but you just have to listen to it, to fully understand how important it is. The whole song just lifts your spirits. Not everything stays shit forever. You won’t feel like this forever, because nothing in life is permanent. Not even life itself. I love the ending too, “Lift your gaze, it’s the end of daze.” It is just wonderful. There are so many words I could use to describe the lyric I chose, but none are good enough. All I know is that it is my favourite I’ve heard all year, pretty much speaks for itself really.

“We can all be free, maybe not in words. Maybe not with a look. But with your mind.”

The connection you feel to a piece of music, or even a band has the power to be the most powerful connection you will ever know. That moment when you are alone and all you have is a song; that’s when it all takes over. You slip away from reality and fall into the unknown. Crawling out of it isn’t exactly what you want. And you place every desire on hold for a specific moment. These moments mean more to you than you have ever known. Have you ever truly known anything? Everything others give you has the potential to give you an aching heart and a swine of a headache. Push it aside, they’ll say you’re wrong. Deal with it, and they will still say you’re wrong. Ignore the fools. That pat on the back that crave had better come from you and nobody else. As they will not mean it; but you will. You truly will, because you will know you deserve it. Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait.

Time is precious, so they say. So is patience and your own feelings. A lot of things are delicate but we seem to no longer handle with care. We are disposable with others, and it is frightening how cruel everyone is to each other.

Connection is important. You don’t have to feel like you belong, but you can help by making others feel welcome. Open your heart up for the right ones. The second someone holds what you say to them against you; walk away. Fast. Or run if you want. Just leave them alone. Bad people, bad vibes. You don’t need that. Find it in a song, find the trait you desire and move on. I have no idea where this is coming from. But it’s okay, because it isn’t something one should read. It is simply something one had to write down. I use “one” in the least upper-class way possible, I just didn’t want to use another word. And I like the word “one.” It stands for a lot, and can mean a lot. Even if it is a singular.

We can be alone in heart and mind. Yet, we can be free in heart and mind. Body also.

Find that connection.

“It’s damned if you don’t and it’s damned if you do. Be true ’cause they’ll lock you up in a sad sad zoo.”

They’ll take your freedom in any way they can. They’ll tear out your tongue. They’ll break your heart. You can find a sense of romance in almost anything; but not that. People judge, and people will call you out on things you haven’t done. Things you haven’t said. Do it back, they say. But you can’t. You’re not a cruel person. You’re sensitive and you hate yourself for it. You can hate yourself for so many reasons, this is one of them. But it’s okay because at least you don’t lie to yourself. Kid yourself and spiral into a frenzy of lies; that’s what most do. I’d rather be honest with myself than be a judgemental cunt. This is all for a reason. I have a point.

Monday night, I went out. I’m wishing I hadn’t because since then I’m carrying a feeling I cannot get rid of, and it’s starting to get to me. I’d rather write this down than do the normal thing of telling someone face to face or whatever. Anyway.

I’ll be the first to admit my face isn’t all that. I wear black all the time (I have a pair of red creepers, a red Sonic Youth shirt and a red Iggy Pop shirt..I don’t really wear them.) Just because I wear black all the time doesn’t mean I am going to stab you and offer your heart as some kind of sacrifice. I notice nothing when I go outside, I just put my headphones in and walk. I look at the ground or whatever because over here, eye contact isn’t good. Eye contact, I have learnt is never good. If I look at you when I talk to you it’s probably because I probably think you’re alright. I’m getting better. For a while I’ve been working on the whole self-confidence thing. You know how you get people who do the whole “OH FUCK ME I AM SO VILE TODAY JUST LOOK AT ME” and take about 50 photos of themselves (they do it on a camera phone and probably use Instagram too) and just want attention? Physically, I dislike myself a hell of a lot. I’m fat, short and my face is unfortunate. I’ve re-joined the gym so at least I can stop being a chubber. As a person, I like to think I have some positive traits. My Bob Dylan impression is a treat (can only do it if I’ve had whiskey) and my hugs are alright. Despite the fact that I probably look like a moody twat, I laugh at most things (obviously not at racist jokes and the like, I’m not a cunt.) I’m a lot of good thing, I’m a lot of bad things. I know what I am, no one else has the right to judge.

So, on Monday as I was leaving this bar with some friends I walked past a tabel of about 4 or 5. I didn’t look at them, but I knew they were there. I’m oblivious to most things, but for some reason my ears actually picked up on what was said.


Wow..cheers for that. Do you feel better for that? I hope you did. I really do. I get weird looks ALL the fucking time here. All the time. I only leave the house if I have to. I go to the gym every day, but I walk there and where I live is quiet so I don’t really have to walk past anyone. Going to town for me, is my idea of hell. I hate it. I hate leaving the house.

When I’m in England I’m totally fine. I can walk around London or Manchester at 3am and feel completely safe. Here? Not at all. Not in the slightest. At 25 years old, you’d think I’d be alright with going outside right? Wrong. It’s anywhere but here. Everyday I wake up and wish I was somewhere else. I can’t help but think I was really awful in my past life and this is payback. Never mind, right?

I’d rather live on the streets in a city I love than wake up here one more day. It’s doing more than crushing my soul; it’s destroying me as a person.

They say, “Keep trying.” But I am. Fuck me I am trying, but I get nothing. I’m heading nowhere fast.

I live somewhere that destroys me everyday. I used to be strong and okay with myself. That’s all going. This is why this is coming out.

It took a LOT for me to come out (my mum is so fucking liberal, so I’m blessed in that way) but it still scared me to do so. I know how hard it is to let that part of you, especially when you are from such a small-minded place. My mother always told me, “Be true to yourself and don’t live a lie.” I may act like I don’t listen to people, but that is something I carry with me. It’s hard to keep at it at the moment. I guess I just have to.

To judge someone based on how they look or sexuality or anything is the most pathetic thing in the world. Maybe I should’ve said something to this idiot, but I didn’t fancy being punched. I’ve been hit enough times in my life; I don’t really fancy it again. I cannot hit anyone. I could never bring myself to do it. I’d probably runaway crying. Sure I may be overly sensitive and I may take too much to heart; but at least I can feel. I’d rather be this way than totally numb.

It’ll take a while before I “get over” this, and to any of my friends I had a rant about this all too since..I am sorry. I apologise for most things but..yeah. Anyway. I cannot change what has happened. It’s just pissed me off that we live in a world where people think it is okay to be obnoxious and cruel.

One step forward and about fifty back.

“We hide out in the back,like shadows in a stranger’s dream.”

I have no direction in life. I know what I want, but the realist (or cynic) in me knows I’ll never get there. If I do, I’ll welcome the surprise and probably buy a bottle of Ribena to celebrate. If I expect nothing; I’m not left disappointed. They say this makes for a lonely existence. Maybe for them it does, but not for me. You can be alone even when surrounded by people who apparently like you. It’s hard to like people isn’t it. I used to think “oh everyone is lovely la la la.” It’s not the case. You grow up and you see what people are capable of. I’m not perfect. I’ve probably done more harm than good. But I’m not going to beg for forgiveness and waste my life doing things people approve of. I don’t understand people who need to seek the approval of others in order to be whole. I don’t get why you’d want to dumb yourself down to fit in. I don’t get a lot, it seems. Thing is, self-doubt carries me through. I spent an afternoon the other day at the beach, on my own. These thoughts came into my mind and poured out into the songs I was listening to. We all have bad days, we all have good days. My bad day was enough to make me think, “Is this rock bottom?” It wasn’t. I’ve not hit there in a long time. I put up a fight with myself to make sure I never feel so shit again. I can write this so freely and not care for it. I’ll write this and never look at it again. I never look back on what I have written. Whether it be the nonsense I put here, my songs or my poems. I never look back at them. I don’t know why. Maybe I just think as soon as it leaves me, I don’t need to bother with it. Maybe one day I’ll look back and be proud. As I stood looking at the sea last week, I felt at peace. I also felt like shit. But the wave of peace that came over me was something I’ve not really felt before. I stared blasting Coming Down by Dum Dum Girls in my ears. I felt a connection to that song I had never felt before.

Very early Friday morning..Dee Dee Penny from the band had emailed me her over of Just Like Honey by The Jesus And Mary Chain that she recorded just for me. Quite frankly, it is the best thing I had been given. The tears of the day before were quickly taken over with happy tears. I’m not someone who cries a lot. I’m too sensitive, but I can stop myself. You shouldn’t be afraid to feel. You shouldn’t be scared of the bad days. You shouldn’t throw away the good days. We seem to be afraid to feel. To feel like shit, to love and to feel hurt. It all ties in, but you cannot ignore one side. You just can’t.

The more you hide from something; the worse it’ll be when it comes back around. Luckily, no one I am really close to will read this so I can just let all this out. Like I said earlier, self-doubt isn’t a bad thing. If I ever thought I was good at something; I wouldn’t try. If I thought I was even a decent writer, I’d stop. I’d rather be told “you write really well” rather than “you’ve got a good face.” I don’t believe any of these things, not because I want attention. If I wanted attention I’d get drunk and shout something from my bedroom window. Keep me in the background, part of the furniture. Let someone else shine. Let them over-take. I’m okay with moving slow and doing what I want rather than doing everything rushed and missing out the details. I’ll never be the love of someone’s life. I’ll never be able to play the drums. But I will do a Bob Dylan impression after a few glasses of whiskey if I feel it needs to be done. I found life lessons in the songs I played. I’ve never felt at home anywhere, maybe I’m one of those people who never is at home anywhere. I don’t like routine or structure. I don’t like plans. Everything around you can be beautiful, find an escape route. Or be the escape route. Maybe fate is something that doesn’t exist. The lack of control we have isn’t always a bad thing. I don’t get why you’d always want to be in control of everything. If it is unknown, keep it that way.

I live in a very judgmental place and I cannot wait to leave again. To leave for good. I left one place I hated for good. I’ll never go back. Leaving is easy when you let no one tell you what to do. Advice is alright, but you shouldn’t always do what is right for you. Put your OWN happiness first. Put yourself first. Don’t let anyone sway your heart. Go the beach, and listen to the songs that give you courage.

Here’s mine:

“Throw her to the earth through the burning air. Big bang survivor.”

Over the past few weeks..maybe months I have ended up playing the same few songs every day on repeat. Fully aware no one will care about what I’m listening to, but maybe one person does. If one person does, then goes to listen to the following songs and likes them- then I’m okay with that. I have no idea how many I’m going to list as there’s a few. I’ll try cut it down.

My love for Jesca is BIG. Big love for her. Her voice is stunning. She is a fascinating artists. She needs to be huge. I want her to take over the world and as many hearts as possible in the process. This song is bloody brilliant. Born To is quite inspirational, then again it depends on the kind of person you are really. Anyway, I think the chorus is just beautiful. I love her..that’s all there is to it really. 

 POLIÇA are SO good. This is the kind of music you just zone out to. Nothing really matters when you listen to them. That’s what you need, you need something that just cancels everything out. It’s sort of like having a friend or whatever that means more to than anything, and no one or nothing can take you away from it. I could be wrong. It’s a beautiful song. Their debut record is utterly perfect. It’s like Heaven in record form.

Alright, I cannot put into words how much I love Metric and how excited I am that their new record is FINALLY here. Was it worth the wait? It’s Metric! Of course it bloody well was. I love this song SO much. Probably my favourite off the album, and if you don’t have it- why not? Mug someone for the money if you must, and buy it. I just love it. Artificial Nocturne is such a wonderful opener to Synthetica. I love the lyrics so much.I’m just as fucked up as they say I can’t fake the daytime . Found an entrance to escape into the dark. Got false lights for the sun. It’s an artificial nocturne.  It’s an outsider’s escape for a broken heart.” Think I’ve found my favourite lyric of the year.

You know how much I love Crocodiles. They’ve pretty much been my life since 2009. They’ve dragged me out of hell and into whatever I seem to be in now. All three of their records mean a lot to me. Endless Flowers is EASILY in my Top 3 favourites of the year. I cannot fault, why would I want to? How could you find fault in this band? You just can’t. Endless Flowers is going to get me through Summer. I’m going to need all the help I can get. I did want to choose another track, but I think (I may be wrong) Endless Flowers is the next single. It’s bloody excellent anyway!

THEESatisfaction are a duo that pretty much, again back up my theory that duos are the best. There’s something about two people making music. You feel more connected because you know they probably work harder as there’s less of them. Just look at The Kills, Beach House etc- you can feel the connection so deeply. You cling onto every word. THEESatisfaction are incredible. Their record will blow your mind. They’re one band I am utterly desperate to see live. 

I never would’ve listened to this song if I didn’t know Shirley Manson had co-written this song. I never would’ve known Sky had a new song out if it wasn’t for Sky. I’ve had this on repeat most of the day. And yes, I love the video. Sky is beautiful. I can ignore the bastarding thing with 8 legs that’s all up in this video and accept it is art. I really can. The bass in the intro reminds me of that song, Owner Of A Lonely Heart for some odd reason. I absolutely ADORE this song. And you know, regardless who co-wrote it or not- this song is fucking insane. It feels like a massive “FUCK YOU.” For that reason alone, it reminds me of Garbage’s Stupid Girl. I just love this song. And if her new record sounds like this, I’m buying it. Actually, I’ll probably buy it anyway. So long as there are no more spiders featured… 

My love for Cold Cave is EXACTLY like my love for Crocodiles. I discovered them both at the same time. On the same day. I’ll always remember it. Something so miserable turned into something worth sticking around. I’ve ALWAYS had much love for Wes (I was a fan of American Nightmare.) I love his lyrics. He’s extremely clever, dark and intense. Everything I love really. I just love this b-side a hell of a lot. His lyrics never cease to amaze me. 

Patti Smith’s new record, Banga is perfect. That’s the only word to describe it. I could pick any song off the record, but I had to..I just had to pick her tribute to Amy Winehouse. We’re sadly (it never should’ve happened) approaching a year since Amy died. I’ve not listened to her music since that day. No part of me has been able to sit down and listen to it. I just cannot do it. I wish I could because I used to play her music every single day. Since she died..I physically cannot do it. Patti’s tribute to Amy Winehouse is just beautiful. I hope her family hear it, I really do. For someone such as Patti to do this is truly wonderful. Most just give Amy a quick mention in thank yous or whatever- but Patti has created such a beautiful tribute. You take it as a reminder that Amy was so delicate and loving, no matter what- we must never forget that.

Swim Deep put out the best song of the year with King City. Don’t question it, don’t doubt it. These lads are the best thing to have come out of Birmingham in such a long time. They’re just fucking insane. Beach Justice is equally as perfect as King City. King City mentions Jenny Lee Lindberg from Warpaint, so obviously I’m going to have a lot of love. Beach Justice has a more, and as much as I hate to use it, “dream-pop” feel to than other songs I’ve heard from them. I’ve pretty much abused my soundcloud account listening to Swim Deep all the time. I’m not even sorry. Swim Deep truly show London up. Don’t always assume London is where it is at! Pay close attention to Swim Deep. Best new band of the year. Easily.

 2:54 have no doubt, put out the best debut record of the year. I could’ve picked any song off the record. I probably would’ve put the whole thing up, but I settled with Easy Undercover because for some reason (which I am currently trying to forget) the lyrics mean the most. I’ve had the record on constant repeat since it came out. I cannot bring myself to take the cd out of my cd player. I cannot go outside and listen to anything but this band. Since 2010 I’ve been in love with them. The first few seconds of Creeping stole my heart away. You know how I feel about Warpaint? Well, it happened with 2:54. They just have something that is not in any other band around right now. Every song they’ve done (album and b-sides) well, they’re just everything I love about music. I’m going to stop before this turns into a “Reasons as to why I love 2:54” thing again.


“I got nothing but time, so the future is mine.”


You wait and you wait. You wait until you want to cry because it hurts to wait. You want to destroy any record that isn’t THIS record. Then it comes out, or the band stream it before it comes out. Your body freezes. You cannot form words. Your mind resembles this : “FKESORJEROITUPOGJUEPOUFKJSDTUIEYOGAQHU!!!!!!!” You want to go up to people and just tell them about this record. You want to tell them EVERYTHING it makes you feel. Thing is, you no of nobody who will give two fucks about what you feel. So what do you do? You play the record, and you unleash all your emotions into some kind of review in the hopes someone responds with, “I understand. I feel the same.” That’s all you search for. You want someone to connect to the bullshit you write. Thing is, it is your feelings, so it cannot be bullshit. You hope that a Metric fan far (or near maybe) away reads it and loves the record as much as you do.

With that brief outburst done (there’s going to be more) I’m not even sure if I can control how I feel right now. I don’t think I can. You see, all of Metric’s record mean the world to me. I cannot pick a favourite song or record. I love each very much. Each record holds a lot of meaning to me. Live It Out gives me hope. Fantasises got me through hell. Old World Underground is always going to be my “baby.” Grow Up And Blow Away is perfect. Even their EPs are held as highly. I just don’t think I can put all my love out there . I just can’t.

A change of pace is always needed, but cling onto your youth kids. That is the vibe you are going to get from this record. If you don’t enjoy it, maybe you’ve got too much wax in your ears.

When I interviewed Jimmy and Emily in 2009 it was right after I got dumped. I was totally fine speaking to Jimmy. It was more about the musicianship about the band. As soon as I spoke to Emily, I felt myself just become a mess. At some point I just blurted out why Blindness means the world to me. We spoke about that for a while. I listened back to the interview straight after it was over. It was too personal for me to type up, and I took a vow to never ever type it up. Maybe one day I’ll stop being such an arse and type it up. I’m not sure. Thing is, when you feel that low you want to do all you can to never go back there again. It’s fair to say I’ve never felt that way again. If it happens again, I’ll probably heal myself by typing it up again.

Should probably talk about the record now.

The album opens with the powerful and heart-hitting Artificial Nocturne. It’s 5 minutes and 42 seconds of heaven. I adore the line, “I’m just as fucked up as they say.” I am pretty sure us Metric fans are going to fall so in love with that line and quote it anywhere and everywhere we can. We can be fucked up together, right? This record won’t fuck you up. It’ll fix you up- no problem.

The record is basically a dreaming state. It makes you feel like you are dreaming because it is so bloody ethereal. I cannot find any fault in it. Every song has a euphoric build-up. Every song is perfect in its own way. Every song is the song that sums up how you feel. Every song makes you feel so fucking alive.

Now, I’m going to address something real quick because I reckon it’ll pop up. Remember when dicks said Metric sold out when they did a song for the Twilight soundtrack? As someone who doesn’t understand why someone would enjoy Twilight, I was a bit dubious that my favourite band were going to be part of something I really dislike. I heard the song. I became obsessed with the song. It is a gorgeous love song that makes you think maybe..just maybe, someone will feel this way about you. Or maybe you’ll feel this way about someone. I’m going to assume people will say Metric have sold out with this record. Take yourself away, you cannot call yourself a fan. A band cannot keep making the same record over and over. That’s why I adore Metric. Every record they have put out (I’m including EPs in this) has been different to the previous. They are a band that do not fall into any genre at all.

Synthetica by rights, should make lists of BEST THING TO HAPPEN IN 2012. You see, as it is so close to perfection I think the only people who are going to appreciate this record are the fans. The REAL fans who cling onto every single word Emily sings. Her voice makes you feel like you are floating on a cloud towards happiness. Her voice has got me through some fucking bullshit. Her voice has been comforting arms at 4am when I just didn’t know what to do. I never know what I am meant to do. I may follow my heart, but I have no idea where it is taking me. She has a voice that makes you stare up at the stars, and you feel like you are heading home. Home doesn’t have to be where you currently live. Get up and get the fuck out. Save yourself, because nobody else ever will.

Lyrically, this album is beyond. What I love about Metric is that they have NEVER used pretentious word forms and phrases in order for you to understand. Their words are at a level that make you connect instantly. You connect, and you never ever let go. Every song on Synthetica makes you feel like it was written for YOU. You feel as if Emily is just singing out everything you have been holding in for sometime. When you listen to Synthetica it is like you can let it all go. Let it all out, then let it go. Metric have always written songs that just feel like a huge healing process, I don’t really know of any other band that make me feel this way. You’ve already seen what Emily said what the record was about and all it stands for. But, incase you missed what she said :

“SYNTHETICA is about staying home and wanting to crawl out of your skin from the lack of external stimulation. SYNTHETICA is about forcing yourself to confront what you see in the mirror when you finally stand still long enough to catch a reflection. SYNTHETICA is about being able to identify the original in a long line of reproductions. It’s about what is real vs what is artificial. What else?

SYNTHETICA is about insomnia, fucking up, fashion, all the devices and gadgets attached to our brains, getting wasted, watching people die in other countries, watching people die in your own country, dancing your ass off, questioning the cops, poetic justice, standing up for yourself, sex, the apocalypse, doing some stupid shit and totally regretting it but then telling everyone it made you stronger, leaving town as a solution to unsolvable problems, owning your actions and owning your time.”

When I read this description, I felt my body become covered in goosebumps because I was filled with hope, joy and every positive feeling I could handle. As I listen to this record, I realise that all Emily said Synthetica is- it truly truly is, and more. It has gone so far beyond what I expected. I have no idea what I expected, but I knew it was going to be incredible. I guess my biased opinion didn’t let me down on this one.

So I guess you can call this a really bad album review. I didn’t really review it. Why should I? I just wanted to tell you that Metric are about to put out one of the best records of the year, and these songs…christ..these songs are going to do something to your soul. The Wanderlust features Lou Reed and that alone pretty much cements this as one of the best records of the year. The production is stunning, as with all their records. The musicianship is as tight as ever. This is well and truly worth the wait.

“I won’t ever make them make a loser out of my soul.”

“Did they tell you, you should grow up, when you wanted to dream. Did they warn you, better shape up if you want to succeed.”

I took a walk just now. Whilst walking, a Metric song came on and it just made me realise that it is okay to be my age (25) and still be a dreamer. Someone who isn’t always sure of everything around them, but knows what they want. They do all they can to get it, but something gets in the way. That something at times, holds you back. But you still keep going. Sometimes a song is all it takes for you to keep on dreaming. To keep everything in you alive. It is hard, I bloody well know it is. You see, I’ve been a freelancing fool for 6 and a half years now. I’ve had this site since early 2008. I’ve had times where I wanted to just say “Fuck this..fuck it all. I can’t no more.” The constant self-doubt I carry on my back keeps me going. If I ever thought I was good at something, I wouldn’t do it. The self-doubt makes me work harder I guess. If I didn’t write, I’d probably be sectioned. I’d gnaw at my hands and rip my eyes out from frustration. Yet, for some stupid reason, I feel the need to write. I have no idea who reads this. Or even why someone would read the nonsense I write, but I just want to thank you. If I could buy you a cup of tea and hug you- I would. If you’re a friend of mine, that’s pretty cool. But I know none of my friends read this. It’s cool. I’m pretty sure most read this and think, “What the hell is this idiot doing? I can do better than her. She’s useless.” Probably. You probably can. I do it for the love of music. I don’t do it for any other reason. I know I want to make a living from this, but truth be told-I never will. I guess you cannot put a price on something you love. So this is going to be a collection of songs that make me feel alright with being a dreamer, I guess. Thing is, I know what the reality around me is. I’m not happy with it, but only I can change it.

Maybe one day, one of my daft dreams will come true. Maybe one day I’ll get some poetry published. Maybe I’ll write a book. Maybes are okay- but you cannot live off them. Keep the dream alive, and do what you need to do. The following songs just give me hope, in their own unique  non-conventional way.


Metric-Youth Without Youth (new song.)

Dear Emily Haines, will you marry me?

Alright. I love Metric. I love Metric more than I love cereal. This is a lot of love. I became a fan of Metric when Live It Out came out. I felt like I had heard something truly life changing and inspiring. I was right, I’m rarely right. But sometimes, I get it right. Metric have been a huge part of my life since then. I love them as much as I love Garbage, The Kills, The Cure and Morrissey. That’s how big my love is.

And now? Now we FINALLY have a new song.

Emily Haines’ voice is like a cuddle. It comforts you when you are full of despair and uncertainty. Right now, I need this song. Right now, this band are saving my soul. Once again. I fucking owe Metric BIG TIME. Their lyrics have always made me feel like, “you know’ll be okay.” Maybe it will be, maybe it won’t be. I don’t know. Nobody does. All I know is right now, I have an amazing song on a constant loop. I can’t turn it off. I don’t want to turn it off.

Now, you see what always happens when a band that have been away for a while is that you get some idiots going on about “OH THEY TOTALLY SOLD OUT.” Bitch, please. Metric haven’t sold out at all. It’s called EXPERIMENTING. Would you really want a band to keep making the same record over and over? Hell no. That’s boring. Metric constantly give you something you have never heard before with each record (EPs included too.)

If I could put everything I feel into words, I would. But I truly can’t. Metric leave me speechless. Metric make me proud to have certain traits. Traits I am told I need to get rid off. Fuck it, I won’t. I’m keeping them. Metric voice vulnerability in a way no one else does. Metric voice all those empty feelings that are unclear. They say what you can’t. But make you feel like you can do all the things you thought you couldn’t do.

I’m going to bring back to the band’s quote on the new record :

“SYNTHETICA is about insomnia, fucking up, fashion, all the devices and gadgets attached to our brains, getting wasted, watching people die in other countries, watching people die in your own country, dancing your ass off, questioning the cops, poetic justice, standing up for yourself, sex, the apocalypse, doing some stupid shit and totally regretting it but then telling everyone it made you stronger, leaving town as a solution to unsolvable problems, owning your actions and owning your time.”

Synthetica is the record that you will have as a crutch to carry you through. Much like all their records before.

“Shake your head, it’s empty.”

Wants and needs cloud your judgement. It’s easier to ignore them both so you can carry on. And carry on you will. This is the hangover talking. Not in a physical sense, that passed at half 10 this morning when I stood in the shower playing Explode by Uh Huh Her about 5 times until I felt like a person again. Things go wrong very quickly, you try to be cautious. You do what is right. You leave things behind so you can move forward. The things you never faced smack you right in the face when you have brief moments on your own. I’m trying to distance myself from this because some things,’ve got to never tell so you stay sane. So what happens? Lose.Your.Shit. Lose your mind if you want. Nobody is strong all the time. Nobody is always weak. You can find strength in the things you think are killing you, metaphorically. You hold everything back. And for what reason? You’ve got your reasons. You try to let it out, but for some reason- it just won’t come out. Not because you’re biting your tongue constantly, but..the words. The words are not there. So you find a sense of peace and become calm in the midst of hearing THAT certain part in a song that you love. The song that cradles you. The song that nurses you. Like a whisper in your ear, “It’s going to be okay.” It will be okay.

One day I will take on board what I have just typed up. Until then, I’ll remain a hypocrite, or maybe just one of life’s lost causes plodding their way through. Knowing that nothing is secure, or forever. Time is just a way of limiting yourself. I never wear a watch. Lose yourself to something positive than give yourself up to something destructive. This is why I don’t show my poetry or songs to anyone. It goes deeper than the paragraph above, and I’m ashamed of it.

So, with this utter nonsense out of the way- there are songs. There are always songs. Songs that will drag you through because you just don’t want to think about how you’d word it. Wants and needs. You want a person, but do you need them? Anyone who says they don’t need anyone is lying. Even if it’s just one person, you cannot deny that you need them. It doesn’t have to be in a romantic way. A relative, a close chum- you need them. You want them around. You think you’re going to lose them at times. You think you’re about to because the Universe is a fucking BITCH. Solace is found in music. Shut it all off and fall into the music. It’s the only way you know how. And maybe…just maybe we are all struggling to get to the same thing in life. So, please be kind to everyone. Be respectful and tolerant. Walk gently through life and do everything with heart. Speak up. Be strong, be weak. Be yourself.

Emily Haines.

My love for Metric could be listed as obsessive. I’m obsessed with music, so I don’t really see this as a bad thing. I’m also going to try my best to stick with this “Influential Women in Music” thing I started ages ago here..but sort of let it go. I have no idea why. I need to learn to stick at something properly. I’ll blame Writer’s Block, because that seems a more legitimate reason than just forgetting.

Writing about Emily Haines is going to make me happy because there are SO many reasons as to why I love her. She looks like someone you could just hang with and do dumb stuff with, but at the same time- you could hang out in a library with her and she’ll open your mind to a different world. I’ve been lucky enough to see Metric live, and it is one of the gigs I’ve been to that has firmly stuck in my mind. The room was cramped. You could touch the ceiling with your grubby sweat ridden mits, your body was wet with sweat and probably water, your throat ached from singing a long to every single word. I remember it as if it was yesterday. If only it was yesterday. It was a gig that helped with so much, as did interviewing them a few weeks before. It was just an experience that I needed, that partly saved me from losing my mind at the time. Fantasies came out and taught me about survival. It was Blindness that did it. Nobody will ever fully get what that song meant to me then, and it still does now. I told Emily, and it felt like a huge weight had been lifted off. It’s the main reason why I cannot write-up the interview because the subject matter of the is just entirely personal. She made me feel like I was talking to a long-time friend, you know? It was easy but at the same time a bit painful. But it is something I hold so dear to me.

Emily Haines looks so gentle, like her voice. The way she moves on stage is the opposite. Her lyrics on her solo work are much more delicate than that with Metric. I’d never pick what I loved the most, I love both equally. Knives Don’t Have Your Back is one record that I feel I cannot go a day without listening to- which is also how I feel about Live It Out by Metric. Her words (solo and Metric) just read like perfect poetry. Which is no surprise as her dad was the amazing poet, Paul Haines. I feel that her solo work portrays Emily’s mellow side that  can calm the wildest of personas. Then you have Metric. Metric give you that loud, unashamed freedom. You shake your body, lose your shit- you just go mental listening to them. Any song from Stadium Love back to Empty, you just allow your body to flail madly out of control. And why must you always have control of what you do? Let go. Emily’s lyrics can teach you to let go. From a break-up, to leaving a life behind that you just cannot handle anymore (I feel this right now more than ever) her words just ease all the tension and trauma you feel inside. I’d be lost without it.

There are so many females in music right now that could learn so much from the likes of Emily and Alison Mosshart (I could list many more but..) Emily has this stage presence which makes you feel like she is encouraging you to start your own kind of riot in the crowd. Not a bad one. One that means you just make a load of noise, spread the love and have a good time.

I know I’m probably mentioning her solo work more than Metric or Broken Social Scene work, but her solo work is so haunting. Her and a piano is truly one of the best things in life.  It just makes you feel right, you know? It does something to you. It takes you to an untouchable place. It is just you and Emily’s voice. The fragile voice she has covers you in goose-bumps. Your limbs become weak and talking seems too much. You want to embrace all the silences in-between. Her voice is just beyond perfection.

What drew me in when I first heard Metric (Combat Baby was the first song I remember hearing) I was just in awe. A voice so calming over a riotous drums, bass and guitars. Surely not?! This cannot be real. Oh it was real. So very real. “No one here wants to fight me like you do.” Her tormenting lyrics sung in the most playful manner imaginable just lured me in, there was no way I could have stopped it from happening, and why oh why would I want to? That’d just be silly.

You know, finding a Metric fan is hard. I know about two people who like them. It is pretty sad because Metric are such an incredible band that have put out solid records constantly. The new record, I firmly believe will be as stunning as previous. I cannot wait for it- and a tour too. There are so many layers to Metric’s music, but with Emily’s solo material it is so simple. Seeing these sides to her way of making music goes beyond being inspirational. However, regardless of who she is making music with her lyrics always seem to hit you right in the heart. This is due to her evidently writing from the heart. I cannot listen to music that doesn’t seem true- to the heart and to the self. I don’t want to hear anything that doesn’t sound genuine. Emily Haines manages to make you smirk with her sometimes sexually charged lyrics, then straight away you feel your heart is going to fall to pieces with the sheer honesty she pours out. There’s just no way humanly possible that you can deny how important and influential she is. Those that know of her, know how true this is. Maybe the new Metric record will cause you to finally pay attention to all you’ve been missing.

“What it is and where it stops nobody knows,
You gave me a life I never chose.
I wanna leave but the world won’t let me go.”