Youth Lagoon-Dropla.

16 01 2013

I think those who are not familiar with Trevor Powers/Youth Lagoon are missing out. I remember the day I accidentally heard his music, it was like nothing even mattered in that moment. Of course things do not matter, but I’d rather shrug them off and listen to something like Youth Lagoon.

Quick to be lumped in the “Chillwave” category (has that died now or….?) Trevor Powers pretty much went against all of that. He didn’t (and doesn’t) sound like those he was compared to. His debut record was made in his bedroom, and when you listen to it you do get such a personal feel coming through. Hopefully this will happen again in his new record, Wondrous Bughouse which is set to be released on 5th March.

Until then, you can listen to the just short of 6 minutes ethereal gem that is Dropla here: https://soundcloud.com/#fatpossum/dropla

Dropla starts as a gentle daydream which then goes into a hazy nap and ends in you falling deep into a heavenly trance.





“A hostage to kindness and the wheels underneath her.”

20 11 2012

I was thinking about something earlier as I was leaving the house to go the gym. My days off are spent there in the hopes I can somehow change how I look and stop disliking myself as much as I do. Self-hate doesn’t leave you, does it? Or maybe it does. Maybe I am set to loath myself in my 20’s so I can learn to like myself from 30 onwards. I’ve got 4 years left of this, maybe I’ll go against this theory. Or maybe I’ll give in to it. It depends. I use my stubborn ways for the wrong thing. Always bad, never good.

So this thing about self-hate. I dislike it when people say things such as “I AM SO VILE. I AM SO FAT.” when they weigh next to nothing. The worst kind put this on certain websites. No one really cares about how much you hate yourself. You see, I dislike myself but I’m not going to announce it everywhere for attention. In a way, I’ve just “announced” it but no one I know or whatever reads this so it doesn’t matter. I’m not doing this for pity or for anyone to say “You’ve got a good face. You’re okay as you are.” I don’t want that. I don’t want any form of attention. Good or bad. If I get a hair cut, please don’t notice. Just don’t pick up on it. Go look at something else. Like a painting; that’s much more interesting.

I don’t dislike myself because I’m a miserable twat. I just do. There’s no explanation to it; but I constantly work on trying not to. I don’t dislike myself as much as I did when I was a teenager or going back a few years. You have to take baby steps with things like that. I don’t go to the gym because I want the body of a stick insect. Far from it. I have in my head, a goal. I’ve not told anyone nor will I ever. I know a person’s weight or appearance doesn’t define them, but we live in a judgemental world sadly. I get constantly told to stop wearing black all the time. Am I going to? Am I fuck. I’d go out in my superhero pjs if I could (one of the many brilliant presents my girlfriend got me for my birthday.) but they’re a bit long and I’d trip up.

I thought that, the older I get; the less dislike I’d have for myself. To an extent I’m right. I doubt myself a lot, especially with writing. I don’t do it because I want someone to say I’m any good. I do it because if I thought I was good, I’d stop. Self-doubt isn’t always a bad thing. Sometimes it is the one thing that can make you carry on. It lasts longer than hope. I’ve never been good at much, and I don’t mean it in a bad way. Some part of me just doesn’t settle. Or maybe doesn’t want to. The thought of being in one place for the rest of my life makes me feel sick. Maybe this is because I’ve never really felt at home anywhere. Maybe I should work on that, or maybe it’s okay to carry on drifting through. I’m alright with being unnoticed. I don’t think my purpose in life is to be noticed. Why would I want that.

I think a lot of people think they’re not good enough, but surely if you surround yourself with people who make you feel inadequate then you are hanging around the wrong kind of people? I could be wrong. I could be right.

You’ll make friends and enemies on the way. You’ll have good days, you’ll have bad days. You’ll like yourself, you’ll dislike yourself. But NEVER any account must you let someone make you feel shit about yourself, ever. You can do that all by yourself, but it’s easier to understand and control. You don’t always have to walk with your head held high, sometimes the cracks in the pavement are much more interesting than your surroundings. You don’t stop learning. Time is a drag, and it seems like it is never on our side. Someone will love you even if you cannot stand yourself. You may not be able to understand how or why; but they do. It is there. They are there.





“We hide out in the back,like shadows in a stranger’s dream.”

22 07 2012

I have no direction in life. I know what I want, but the realist (or cynic) in me knows I’ll never get there. If I do, I’ll welcome the surprise and probably buy a bottle of Ribena to celebrate. If I expect nothing; I’m not left disappointed. They say this makes for a lonely existence. Maybe for them it does, but not for me. You can be alone even when surrounded by people who apparently like you. It’s hard to like people isn’t it. I used to think “oh everyone is lovely la la la.” It’s not the case. You grow up and you see what people are capable of. I’m not perfect. I’ve probably done more harm than good. But I’m not going to beg for forgiveness and waste my life doing things people approve of. I don’t understand people who need to seek the approval of others in order to be whole. I don’t get why you’d want to dumb yourself down to fit in. I don’t get a lot, it seems. Thing is, self-doubt carries me through. I spent an afternoon the other day at the beach, on my own. These thoughts came into my mind and poured out into the songs I was listening to. We all have bad days, we all have good days. My bad day was enough to make me think, “Is this rock bottom?” It wasn’t. I’ve not hit there in a long time. I put up a fight with myself to make sure I never feel so shit again. I can write this so freely and not care for it. I’ll write this and never look at it again. I never look back on what I have written. Whether it be the nonsense I put here, my songs or my poems. I never look back at them. I don’t know why. Maybe I just think as soon as it leaves me, I don’t need to bother with it. Maybe one day I’ll look back and be proud. As I stood looking at the sea last week, I felt at peace. I also felt like shit. But the wave of peace that came over me was something I’ve not really felt before. I stared blasting Coming Down by Dum Dum Girls in my ears. I felt a connection to that song I had never felt before.

Very early Friday morning..Dee Dee Penny from the band had emailed me her over of Just Like Honey by The Jesus And Mary Chain that she recorded just for me. Quite frankly, it is the best thing I had been given. The tears of the day before were quickly taken over with happy tears. I’m not someone who cries a lot. I’m too sensitive, but I can stop myself. You shouldn’t be afraid to feel. You shouldn’t be scared of the bad days. You shouldn’t throw away the good days. We seem to be afraid to feel. To feel like shit, to love and to feel hurt. It all ties in, but you cannot ignore one side. You just can’t.

The more you hide from something; the worse it’ll be when it comes back around. Luckily, no one I am really close to will read this so I can just let all this out. Like I said earlier, self-doubt isn’t a bad thing. If I ever thought I was good at something; I wouldn’t try. If I thought I was even a decent writer, I’d stop. I’d rather be told “you write really well” rather than “you’ve got a good face.” I don’t believe any of these things, not because I want attention. If I wanted attention I’d get drunk and shout something from my bedroom window. Keep me in the background, part of the furniture. Let someone else shine. Let them over-take. I’m okay with moving slow and doing what I want rather than doing everything rushed and missing out the details. I’ll never be the love of someone’s life. I’ll never be able to play the drums. But I will do a Bob Dylan impression after a few glasses of whiskey if I feel it needs to be done. I found life lessons in the songs I played. I’ve never felt at home anywhere, maybe I’m one of those people who never is at home anywhere. I don’t like routine or structure. I don’t like plans. Everything around you can be beautiful, find an escape route. Or be the escape route. Maybe fate is something that doesn’t exist. The lack of control we have isn’t always a bad thing. I don’t get why you’d always want to be in control of everything. If it is unknown, keep it that way.

I live in a very judgmental place and I cannot wait to leave again. To leave for good. I left one place I hated for good. I’ll never go back. Leaving is easy when you let no one tell you what to do. Advice is alright, but you shouldn’t always do what is right for you. Put your OWN happiness first. Put yourself first. Don’t let anyone sway your heart. Go the beach, and listen to the songs that give you courage.

Here’s mine:





“I know it is wrong, but we just don’t belong.”

7 12 2011

Have you ever felt, although you are surrounded by people you know- and these people may or may not care about you, that you just do not belong? Do you have a place you feel happy and secure with calling “home”? Do you ever look at Society and just think you were born in the wrong era?  That your emotional attachment to it all is slowly fading. If so, I understand fully how you feel.

I’ve wandered through life not feeling part of anything. I’ve never made it my goal to make a difference in a person’s life- mainly because I know I never have, and I probably never will. I don’t mean it in a self-hating kind of way- far from it. You can feel you don’t belong but still maintain an ounce of self-worth. I feel like that most days. Anyway, I don’t need to go in depth with all of this. These are the songs that have stopped me from feeling like I have to be part of something, that I have to belong. We don’t have to. Create your own world.





Leaving is good for the soul.

23 11 2011

Sometimes you get stuck in a place that you think you cannot get out of. Whether it is a state of mind or an actual place, sometimes it has this disgusting grip on you- and you just cannot escape. I guess that’s why music is one of the best ways to express how one feels. It says the things you cannot say. It says the things you wish you could say. The lyrics, the note changes, every major and minor detail in a piece of music can just sum up any and every feeling you carry around with you on a daily basis.

I live in a place I really cannot stand. I’ve got the guts to leave. I’m leaving on Friday. I’ve been trying to do it for some time now, but now I have a reason. Things did improve in September, but I guess….you just have to do what works for you and what makes you happy. You see, I’m moving back to my mum’s. For a while I was reluctant to do it because I thought I’d be a failure. I’m not. I’m doing something for ME. Something I rarely do. I spent too long thinking about others and what they wanted, I forgot about myself. So, I’m moving home for a bit. Save money from my job and after that, I have no idea. I don’t know where I will go. I’ve got some ideas- but I don’t know. I don’t like planning things. So, with this week’s mix I’m putting songs that can help you escape the dullness and chore of everyday life. Songs to lose yourself in and make you realise what you want- and how you are going to get it.

Don’t ever think you are not worthy of putting yourself first, because you are. You are worth more than you know. It’s totally okay to be happy and to be yourself first. I guess hitting 25 the other week has had a positive impact. Grow up and get out.





Albums Of 2011-Part 3.

29 10 2011

So far, I’ve not wanted to change my mind with the albums I have written down in my notebook. I’ve written them down because I’ll probably forget, or mention the same album 6 times. Old age, what a bitch you are to me!

This year the sub-genre of Chillwave took over. Well, it took over a few websites and blogs. I don’t think the outside world really cared about it to be honest. Unless you were aware of acts such as Teen Daze or Blackbird Blackbird- Chillwave probably went over your head and you didn’t care for it. A lot seem to also have ripped it apart and just dismissed it. I don’t get why or how they can do this. But, I guess some people think it is “cool” to rip an artist to pieces. Thing is, they just sound like a bitter twat and have nothing better to do but to be negative about others. Projecting their own insecurities I suppose. Brief rant out of the way, I’ll start blabbing on about some records. Two of which are probably labelled as Chillwave. Fuck labels. They are musicians, not a food.

Youth Lagoon-Year Of Hibernation: Year Of Hibernation is probably my favourite album title this year. It is also one of the year’s best debut albums. For me, I love music that makes me feel like I am in some kind of trance. Something that makes me feel like I am having an outer body experience. As someone who has never taken drugs (or even wanted t) the high that people talk about from taking acid or whatever- I get from music. Music puts me on some kind of high that nothing or no one could ever make me feel. Certain bands/singers just make my head spin and cause my body to just tremble, in a good way of course. Last year The Fool by Warpaint was THE album that made me constantly feel like I was in a different universe. I don’t know where I was. Every single time I listen to the record, I feel like I am floating on water towards something. Towards what? I honestly have no idea. With this record, Trevor Powers has created something that makes me feel exactly the same as Warpaint’s album does. That’s what I consntatly look for in the music I listen to. Music should make you feel something do deep and intense- good or bad; that’s how it should make you feel. Year Of Hibernation is just a beautifully put together record. Every single track just perfectly glides into the other, you have to listen to it in full with the lights out and our headphones in. It’s the kind of record you need to play by yourself with no interruptions. You don’t want anyone talking over this. I guess you could hold someone whilst listening to it if you feel the need. Do what you want, but give it your complete attention.

Washed Out-Within And Without: Ernest Greene, you beautiful bugger you! Within And Without has been a debut record that I’ve been waiting for over the past year and a bit since I first heard Washed Out. Everything I said above about Youth Lagoon is EXACTLY how I feel about Washed Out. His music just makes you want to sit on a beacj and let the waves gently wrap themselves around you and just causes you to drift off out into a different world. Probably a better one than this, I’m sure it exist. It has to. Eyes Be Closed is one of the most grand and ethereal songs I’ve heard all year, the build up in this track just blows you away. It’s a gentle album, and you immediately know it will be based on the cover artwork. There’s a couple on the front cover and most would just think “OH GOD THEY ARE EVIDENTLY HAVING SEX I AM NOT BUYING THIS RECORD! COVER MY EYES! SAVE MY CHILDREN!” Or something equally dramatic. If you have any ounce of common sense, you will see it is an intimate, gentle and loving front cover- you get this vibe on the record. It is a tender record that just eases your bones and tends to your soul. It is clearly one of the best things you will hear all year, there’s no doubt about it. If you want to call it Chillwave, go right ahead. Personally I’m calling it a euphoric piece of art.

Blood Orange-Coastal Grooves: I’ve been a MASSIVE fan of everything Dev Hynes has done ever since Test Icicles. I was so obsessed with that trio. I loved the unapologetic noise that they created, then they split up. Then Dev created Lightspeed Champion. Falling Off The Lavender Bridge was such a phenomenal record, Dry Lips still remains to be one of the most stunning songs I’ve ever heard. Midnight Surprise is basically 10 minutes of pure bliss- a total masterpiece. Life Is Sweet, Nice To Meet You! was so underrated- just as brilliant as his debut. Anyway, this is about his new project- Blood Orange. Coastal Grooves makes you think you are wandering around New York City in the 1980s. Now, this 80s feel to some music ia getting tiresome isn’t it. There are a few that can well and truly pull it off an make it look so effortless and natural to them. Summer Camp, Friend and Blood Orange are the 3 that do exactly that. Dev Hynes is a genius, there’s no denying that. He has this wonderful talent and I don’t know if he even realises it- I guess that it was makes you love him so much. He’s so unaware of how inspirational and amazing he is. When someone doesn’t realise how amazing they are, it’s an attractive quality to have. Coastal Grooves is a record I won’t ever get tired of, easily one of the stand out records of the year. The production is just brilliant. Dev is one of the best musicians around. Have you seen him live? I’ve seen him when he was performing as Lightspeed Champion, and every single time I saw him I was just in awe of this talented his possesed. He also came onto the stage to the Star Wars theme, then started a jam to it. Coastal Grooves shows just how thrilling his musicianship is, especially on tracks like Are You Sure You’re Really Busy? The riff at the end, my lord. Dev just bloody well KILLS it. It’s a stunning record and one that you need to own.

Cities Aviv-Digital Lows: I love rap, the real kind, The kind that makes you think. The kind that’s raw but in a none brutal way. Cities Aviv is to rap what The Weeknd is to R&B right now. Both have created this sound that no one has ever heard before. They’re taking both genres to a different level. A level it should’ve been at ages ago, but is only just getting there. Hopefully Cities Aviv can keep this up and start a trend, make rappers approach music the way he does. He doesn’t need to degrade women or brag about what he has in order for you to listen to him. Coastin’ is my favourite rap song of the year, It’s so chilled out and relaxing. You listen to it, and all your worries just escape you. Nothing matters when you listen to his music, you just let yourself fall into his world. You take on his troubles and you see the world the way he does. This is one of the best rap records I’ve heard in a long long time. I want a rap record to make me feel the way Big L’s album, The Big Picture made me feel when I first heard it. They are entirely different, but the feeling I get is exactly the same. The words Citites Aviv uses and how he uses them are just so bloody magnificent. You just want to be part of what he is talking about. To me, this is what rap should be about. This is how it should be done. Is it the best rap record of the year? For sure. You’re not going to find anything else as stunning as this. Die Young is may favourite off the album. It sounds like something Afrika Bambaataa would’ve made or something. Electro meets rap in a way that doesn’t sound like over-produced and hyped up nonsense. I don’t care if you’re not a fan of rap, this record is vital. Get it in your collection.





Youth Lagoon-The Year Of Hibernation.

20 09 2011

One of the few albums I have been so excited about this year is the debut album by Trevor Powers aka Youth Lagoon.

If you’re a lazy being, you will be quick to label Youth Lagoon as Chillwave and not pay his music any attention. Shame on you really, you’d be missing out on something truly beautiful.

The Year Of Hibernation is released next week, and is probably the most heartbreaking yet relaxing album you will hear all year. It has a calming feel to it, but at the same time; just rips you apart.

Youth Lagoon’s debut album is the true essence of vulnerability and worry. Most tracks have that fear of losing someone about them. The uncertainty of if you are going to see the one you love again. Sometimes you do, sometimes you don’t. Most of the time you just have to let it all go and give it all over to fate. If something can be controlled, it is not worth having.

This is an album to completely lose yourself in. You know how sometimes you look at a person and you forget everything because their presence is so beautiful and powerful? This is what I get from this album. It is like falling freely and staring at something beautiful whilst doing so. It is so honest, so painful and emotional.

Afternoon is probably my favourite off the album, I love the way it just lifts you up. Although the album is fragile and gentle, songs like Afternoon just lift you up and away. Youth Lagoon’s music is a more relaxed version of Spiritualized. I can say this because Spiritualized are in my top 5 favourite bands ever. What I’m getting at is, Youth Lagoon has the same innocence, uncertainty and hurt as Jason Pierce- but it isn’t as tense. Both are equally gorgeous. I’ve probably lost my point along the way here, I’m not sorry. This album is truly wonderful.

Most of the time we are taught to not say how we feel, because no one ever cares enough. It’s true, no one ever does. This is why Youth Lagoon is so necessary; he is saying everything you are told not to say. He feels all you are told not to feel. If you’re seen to be vulnerable and a bit fragile- you are immediately cast off as weak, and no one wants to know. Thing is, when you feel like that, you have the power to create something like this. The Year Of Hibernation is everything you are afraid to feel. The Year Of Hibernation says everything you wish you could say. My advice? Buy this album and tell those you wish you could tell certain things to, to listen to this album from start to finish. If they don’t get it, leave it alone. At least they’ve listened to something decent, right?

I know I’ve looked forward to a few albums this year, but this is one that has truly done something to my soul. It’s all well and good when an album steals your heart away, but when it takes your soul; you have truly found something special. Maybe the UK won’t love this album as much as they should. I won’t fill myself up with false hope that they will. Instead, I’m going to treasure this exquisite work of art with all I have. The only way I can describe how I feel about this album is how I feel towards The Fool by Warpaint. It is THAT amazing. In fact, amazing isn’t good enough. I cannot find the words. I’m just grateful that this album exists, that Youth Lagoon exists. My words cannot praise this wonderful creation enough; I’m just musically in love with it. Youth Lagoon, you are a credit to the music industry. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, thank you. You honestly have NO idea how much this album means to me right now.