Have you ever been made to feel so small and worthless due to a comment someone made? Maybe they called you “fat.” Or maybe they called you “stupid.” Or they insulted you because of the colour of your skin or religion. You feel ashamed of who you are don’t you? You want to fight back, but that bit of fight you have in you just goes. It fails you because you have no idea what just happened.
Yesterday afternoon, I was waiting in line with my mum. In front of us were two young lads. Probably a few years younger than me, I’m 25 so they weren’t that young I suppose. Anyway, they weren’t exactly using the most eloquent language. I think they were probably part of that disgusting generation who think it is okay to use the word “gay” to describe something awful. So they were talking, and one of them looked at me. He then turned to his friend and said, “I fucking hate gay people. They’re all disgusting.” I didn’t say a word. I just felt any ounce of pride I had of being gay just die. It totally died. My mum’s face was filled with rage. I had to stop her from saying something, because if she started- she wouldn’t stop. Sometimes, I think she is more proud of me being gay than I am. I guess right now that isn’t hard. Thing is, I have walked around cities in England with friends (that are gay) and never once have any of us had shit said to us. Cities tend to be more open minded. Nobody really pays any attention to you. I currently (and hatefully) live on the Isle of Man- if anyone wants to take me away from here, please do. I’ll be forever in debt to you- I’ll pay you back with hugs, cups of tea and my friendship for as long as you want. I’ve been back here since the end of November. I’ve never felt so uncomfortable walking down the street- day or night. Headphones in, look at the ground as I walk. I’m 25 years old- I shouldn’t have to go back to hating who I am again.
So, what has this got to do with music? Well, I’m going to give you some songs that since yesterday have made me feel less shit about this. It hurts, of course it does. I wish I could shrug it off, like I usually do. You see, I can handle being called ugly or whatever- I won’t ever argue with that. But to call someone disgusting just because they happen to like people of the same sex in a romantic way? FUCK YOU. Seriously. What’s disgusting is your small minded minds. What’s disgusting is how you judge people. Never ever judge a person, ever. You do not know what they are going through. If that person is a “twat” maybe they have a reason for being like that. But seriously, to hate someone based on colour, religion, sexuality- ANYTHING. It is just vile.
I once thought Society was moving forward, but it is apparent that it is going backwards. It is going backwards quicker than anyone of us could imagine. There is no sense of unity and help anymore. More and more young people are taking their lives because they cannot deal with being gay or they bullied for being gay. I didn’t come out whilst at school because I know my life at school would’ve been worse than it was with bullying. I would’ve ended up being another statistic. We need to protect and provide comfort for those that are struggling. Being gay is NOT a bad thing. Do NOT disown your kids for being gay, do NOT taunt a kid because they are gay, and STOP making it okay to use the word gay to describe things that are bad. There are other words that you could use, by using the word gay- it just shows how uneducated and small minded you are. It has to end.
Living day to day is a challenge for most of us, we don’t need to be made to feel so worthless and ashamed for who we are by people who are evidently projecting. You cannot catch homosexuality. Stop being afraid. People are people. Be kind, and be gentle. We all go on about accepting ourselves and one another- but how can we when in the same breath, others are being out down by being true to who they are?
My mum told me, after I came out to her : “Always be true to yourself, and always be happy. Do not live a lie, because if you do that- then you’re not living.”
I don’t care if you are gay,straight, black,purple, orange, yellow, green, Muslism, Buddhist, Christian, Jewish, Atheist, Sikh, Hindu- whatever. I do not care. If you’re a good person and true to yourself- then that is all that matters.
So, these are songs by artists that just mean a lot. Especially right now.
Finally, to quote Shirley Manson :
“I would say I’m pretty well at ease with my sexuality, but I’m an individual before I am a female.”
I honestly didn’t think I could love Alison and Jamie more than I already do. I didn’t think my love could grow and deepen anymore. I was wrong. I was awfully wrong. There was once a time where I would’ve stayed up until 5/6am waiting to see a video, but seeing as I get up at 6am to go to the gym now- I decided to just sleep, and watch it later. Treat it like Christmas/a Birthday. Except this means more; this is so much better.
The song means a lot to me. So I was kind of unsure about this song being released. Don’t get me wrong, I adore the song with all I have. It’s probably my favourite off Blood Pressures. I guess I just didn’t want a song that means a lot being put out as a single. I didn’t know if a music video could do the song justice. Again, I was wrong. If you’ve noticed- I am rarely right.
As I was watching the video, I could feel myself getting more and more attached to The Kills. I didn’t know if to laugh or cry watching the video. When it’s just Alison in front of you looking so sad and singing words so heartbreaking, and vulnerable- it gets to you. Then Jamie appears, making all these crazy faces. Towards the end, they both are. It just shows that their friendship is so beautiful; in so many ways. They evidently have a bond, a chemistry that most of us wish we had. I know I do. To have that much faith in a person and so much love- it is a truly rare thing, and something most take for granted.
They’ve been doing this for 10 years, and I hope they never ever call it quits. I have no idea what I’ll do if they do. I really don’t. However, something tells me that this video is just the start. They’re only getting started with this.
There is no band around aside from The Kills that have this passionate but brutal, loving but raw, aggressive sound. They’re everything I want in a band, and more. The Kills aren’t just a band to me at all. They’re my heroes, my inspiration. Lifeline. Their music has been a crutch that is always firm- never letting me lose my balance.
Also, The Last Goodbye contains my favourite line from a song from 2011 :
“How can I rely on my heart, if I break it- with my own two hands.”
Everyone has a song or two (or if you’re like me, about 50) that when they listen to it, there’s always a specific part in the song that just hits them. It wraps itself around your soul, makes your heart beat double and you just lose your mind. This part of the song is the reason why you’re glad to be alive. This part of the song makes you feel alive and untouchable. You play this song, and nothing can get to you. No negative vibes stick to you. You feel like a Superhero or something. This song makes you feel like you can take on the world. That specific breakdown, that one lyric- it hits you right in the gut. I’ve narrowed mine down to 10 songs that, at the moment make me feel like this. However, as soon as I’ve posted this, I will probably want to change my mind. I’ll try stick to it this time, and I’m not sorry for how much I’ll rant. You don’t have to read this. As you were….
Florence + The Machine- What The Water Gave Me. With this song, I’ve got more than one part that sends me into some kind of frenzy. An outer body experience. You know how religous people go on about having some kind of religious experience? That’s what I get from Florence. Especially with the second record. Ceremonials feels like some kind of ritualistic cleansing of the soul. After you listen to it, you feel pure and free again. It just enlightens you in so many ways. If you’ve ever felt trapped and frustrated-play this record. It will blow all of those taunting feelings away from you. At around 2.14 in this song, that’s when it first hits me in the gut. I cannot put it into words, but the build up from there on just sets my soul on fire and throws me into an outer body experience. The chorus at just 3 minutes when it is pretty much acapella and the music kicks in again at around 3.28, when Rob’s guitar just throttles you and makes you want to shake every limb, and move in ways that look like you are having a fit- THAT is the best part of the song. This overwhelming sense of euphoria Florence creates is SO good. It’s a rare thing to find, so when you find it- hold onto it with all you have. I could quite happily write thousands and thousands of words about this song, but just listen to it and let yourself feel free- and be overcome with a wonderful euphoric feeling. I know most of Florence’s songs make you feel this way, but What The Water Gave Me is on a different level completely.
Patti Smith-Frederick. As I’ve mentioned before, I’m not really a fan of lovesongs. However, I do believe that this is the greatest ode to love, devotion and admiration I have ever heard. And will ever hear. The way she sings, “Frederick, name of care” at around 26 seconds in, you can just sense how much she loves him. I can safely say that this is my favourite Patti song. Don’t get me wrong, I adore her politically charged songs; but this one is everything a lovesong should be. It just oozes dedication and pure love. It takes time to find a love like this, Patti was one of the lucky ones to experience this feeling. That feeling that makes you feel this way. The feeling that is blanket of care and a beacon of hope. That’s what love should be, yet most of us take it for granted. Or most of us just haven’t felt it yet. You’ll know when you feel it though, because you will feel exactly how Patti feels in this song. It’s a feeling that cannot be rushed, but to feel it like this-well it is utterly sacred. Cherish it my loves, because some may try to take it from you. But don’t worry if you haven’t found it yet. Don’t let society force you to fall for just anyone. You’ll meet your very own Frederick or Patti one day, for sure.
Foals-Spanish Sahara. This was probably one of my favourite songs from 2010. The stunning build up in this song just made you feel like you were stood right in front of Yannis as he poured his heart out into this song. You felt each fragment of fury and every haunting aspect of the horrors that can consume you- when you are least expecting it. You felt comforted by this song, because you felt like you could leave your horrors and nightmares behind and just carry on. I’ve never seen Foals live, but to see this song live, I’d imagine it’d be one of those life changing moments that cause something in your brain to click. It just makes you think, “Fuck it. I can do this.” A song like this is one that most spend their career trying to write. Driving themselves insane just to touch on something even slightly as moving as this. This song, I’ve used many times to just make sense of everything. You know what it’s like. You have a shit day and feel like there is really no point. Music is my only constant. It’s the first thing I go to when it all gets too much, and Spanish Sahara is one of the songs that gives me, strength I suppose. Their song, After Glow also does the same.
Dum Dum Girls-Coming Down. I remember falling in love with Dum Dum Girls a long time ago. Their first album had this sound that I adore. A surfer pop/lo-fi feel mixed with a Wall Of Sound vibe. A lot of bands I listen to have this sound. I personally thing it is stunning. Mixing a garage rock sound with what Phil Spector created just shows how timeless certain genres immediatley became decades and decades ago. I didn’t think I could love their second record as much as I loved their first. So, I sat down and listened to it. I listened to it with no distractions. I was in awe of everything I was hearing. Dee Dee Penny is evidently one of the best front-women around right now. There’s a part in Coming Down that anyone who’s listened to it, will know EXACTLY which part I am going to mention. The song is quite sad and my lord, it really tugs at your heartstrings. The song lasts 6 and a half minutes, and is 6 and a half minutes of utter beauty and brilliance. However, at 3 and a half minutes- Dee Dee hits this note that just makes you freeze. You shut your eyes and nod in agreement. She’s letting it all out for you. You cannot let it out yourself, she is doing it for you on this song. Everything you feel that’s been building up for so long just comes out in this song. That note she clings onto and lets out- you cling onto it with her. It’s like your safety net. I’m not ashamed to admit that this song is my safety net, my crutch. When I listen to it, every sense is heightend and things do not seem that bad anymore. I’ve cried to this song, and I’ve been wonderfully joyful whilst listening to this song. It’s just everything to me, and honestly- it made 2011 a lot easier to drag myself through.
The Horrors-Sea Within A Sea. I would’ve picked She Is The New Thing, but you really cannot deny that this song is a stroke of genius. A masterpiece- much like the whole album if I’m honest. I know exactly where I was when I first heard Sea Within A Sea. If memory serves me correctly, the video to this was launched on The Horrors website at 8pm one evening in 2009. I remember sitting in front of my computer hitting refresh on their site waiting for this to appear. There was a countdown to something. Most of us knew it would be something to do with new material. 8pm came, and the shadows of The Horrors was there. You knew what was about to happen. The song is just under 8 minutes long, and just reinforces my belief that songs that last over 5 minutes are the best. Easily. The euphoric part comes in just after 3.40. The synths really really kick in, and Faris’ voice captivates you more than it ever has done before. The build up as he sings, “So you may think the path we share, is one of danger and of fear….” is so amazing, it creates this wonderful tension between you and the song. You wonder what will happen next. Will there be another build up? Will it smack you in the face? YES. Yes to all of it. If you’re one of those who are only just getting into The Horrors (you’re late. You’ve really missed out, seriously. Go listen to Strange House. PLEASE) then hopefully you will see just how amazing The Horrors have always been. They’re a band that no one can predict their next sound. That is why I adore them, with all I have. The Horrors have captured every sound I love, and created their own- but changing on very record.
Warpaint-Lissie’s Heart Murmur. Every song by Warpaint makes me feel content and glad to be alive, so picking just one song was enough to cause a slight headache…and having to listen to Exquisite Corpse and The Fool a few times before I picked a song to stick with. Sure I could’ve chosen Stars, Billie Holiday or Warpaint. But, I had to go with Lissie’s Heart Murmur because let’s face it, it’s my favourite Warpaint song. For me, listening to Warpaint is a sacred experience. The intro to this song, the piano sounds like tears falling free from your face. At the end of crying, that feeling you get when you realise it’s all going to be okay- that’s what this song feels like to me. It feels like the aftermath of crying your heart out. I can’t pick out a set euphoric moment in this song, the whole song is just a beautiful experience. It is so perfect, to the very core. I could quite happily play this song, and never listen to anything else. Emily’s voice is so haunting and mesmirising on this song, more than on any other song. So many times I have just laid on my bed and played this song over and over through headphones. It’s one of those songs where you have to listen to, on your own- with no interruptions. I don’t think I’m doing this song any justice, so I’ll just link you to it. Hopefully you’ll understand why I love it so much.
The Cure- A Forest. Like my view on the song above, I can’t possibly pick a moment in this song that makes me feel so happy. I love The Cure, and Seventeen Seconds is my favourite album by the band. I remember hearing it and feeling like I was in some kind of trance. I felt like I was in a permenant dreaming state, I didn’t want to wake from it. I still feel like that when I listen to the album now. They created a sound on that record that has evidently influenced so many, Warpaint being one of them. Personally, Jenny’s bass playing always reminds me of The Cure. That wonderful, floating feeling you get. You feel like you are drifting off into someone so pure and perfect. A Forest is probably my favourite song by The Cure. I love the slight distortion on Robert Smith’s voice in this song, you really have to listen hard to hear what he is saying as the music creeps in and takes over. It is a chilling and eerie song, much like the whole album really. Some say this song and album define The Cure. But let’s be honest not, you can’t ever define a band like The Cure. I feel that, no matter what I say about this song it really won’t show it in the light I want it to. But any genuine fan of The Cure (as in someone who doesn’t just like Friday I’m In Love) can see just how inspirational they ae. Not to mention ahead of their time with all their records. They were the blueprint of this sound. Utter perfection.
The Kills-Superstition. Attempting to pick one song by favourite duo EVER was a chore. I couldn’t do it. I left it for ages, wrote down some idead. Scribbled them out, wrote new ones. A mini riot occured inside trying to figure out which song I could use. I wanted to use The Last Goodbye, then Pots And Pans. Then I wanted No Wow. Then I wanted Cat Claw. I settled finally with Superstition. When Alison lets out that scream in Superstition, it is just so electrifying. You feel like she is right there, in your face letting out this gnarly growl that actually, sounds so heavenly. I could pick any song by The Kills. With all their b-sides and four records, it was difficult. I could’ve gone with their cover of Pale Blue Eyes; but that song is too precious for me to even touch on. Their version of it gets at your heart, well and truly gets at you. Superstition shows The Kills at their rawest and most brutal. Jamie absolutley slays the guitar here, and Alison’s voice..well, what can one say. They both have a chemistry that sucks you in, and once you’ve been captivated by it-nothing else seems relevant. You’ll base all relationships and friendships on their connection. If you don’t feel how they do about each other towards a person; then it isn’t meant to be. The Kills are rage, passion, angst, fury, frustration and raw. All brutal things done in such a beautiful way. They’re more than just a band to me, they’re life.
Scott McKenzie-San Francisco. For sentimental value, I’ve chosen to put this song here. It’s a pretty short song I guess, and the whole song just makes me close my eyes- thinking I’m wandering around San Francisco, taking everything in. Are the people still gentle there? Do they have flowers in their hair? Let’s hope they do. This song reminds me of my childhood, it just makes me happy. It makes me want to live in San Francisco. Then again, it doesn’t take much for me to want to leave where I currently live! This song makes me think of summer, even if it is like hurricane season outside. I know I could’ve picked other songs instead of this one. But, a song doesn’t have to have a grand build up in order for it to give you a sense of euphoria. That comes from within, what you take from the song is a bonus.
Morrissey-Speedway. My final choice is of course, Morrissey. Is this my favourite Moz song? Oh of course. It just defines my life and how certain people are. You know, the ones who are petty towards you and what you do- but they’re just projecting. It’s best to ignore such fuckbags isn’t it. Oh, and ignore I do. The lyrics are so beautiful. What I’ve always loved about Moz is that he has NEVER had to use grand words in order to make you connect with him. He doesn’t have to polish his words in order for you to relate to him. When he sings the word “Forever” at around 2.48, the song pauses, then a few seconds kater kicks back in. The build up is incredible. You will only appreciate this if Moz is your saviour. Seeing this live last year just completed me. It came at a time when it was much needed. You know the deal. Shit happens, people act like wankers, you don’t know what to do- you then find yourself in a song. This song has always played an important role in my life, but moreso last year. However, that is in the past. This is just Moz at his finest, I adore the line, “In my own strange way, I’ve always been true to you.” I guess we all know of a few who we can attach that lyric to. But, they don’t deserve to have such a song related to them now do they.
In my head, I’m convinced I’ll one day be a Superhero. Maybe when I die I will come back as one. It all stems from my childhood obsession with Spiderman (it is still there in adulthood, and I know it will never go.) I’m also glad my nephew has a mutual love for Spiderman too. My obsession with Spiderman is part admiration, part relating to him more than anything else. It’s a mixture, a jumble I suppose. This links in with what I want to write about, somehow.
Ever since I can remember I have used music as a sheild or a cloak. Possibly a cape. When I listen tocertain songs it makes me feel like nothing and no one in the world can get to me- no traces of negativity or bad words can reach me because the music that is echoing in my ears is protecting me. It is making me stronger than I could possibly allow myself. You see, sometimes we don’t realise how strong we are. Sometimes we have to go to Hell and back to see just exactly how strong we- how much we can take. I’m not ashamed to admit I’ve wanted to give up many many times. I know exactly when this happened, but more importantly- I know what brought me back from feeling so utterly low. Everyone goes through it. You cannot go through life expecting to avoid anything bad. You cannot wander through life and not get hurt. It will happen. There’s no right or wrong way with dealing with it at all. If you want to block it out and ignore it-so be it. If you want to talk about it with someone over cups of tea-so be it. You are human. You can fight some battles on your own. You may need a sidekick sometimes to get through it all. You cannot pick your battles, but you can sure as hell choose your protective gear. When someone tells you to “man up” kindly tell them to “fuck off.”
I don’t think I’ve successfully made my point here. Sometimes when I feel a lot about a subject matter I lose my ability to form sentences that make sense. Too much passion for things is always going to be a burden for me, I know. I know.
What I’m trying to say is, music is a wonderful thing to drag you through anything you face. For instance, today I was on the bus listening to Ceremonials and the sheer beauty of it just made me want to cry. I got a bit teary eyed. Thankfully no one saw. Imagine explaining that to a stranger. “Yeah, I’m fine. I just get really into the music and a bit emotional during certain parts of songs.” I’m a sadcase, I know this. You don’t ever need to tell me. Music can be that sheild, that protective gear you place around you when you want to feel invincible. Music can be the thing that makes you feel like you are a Superhero. Fuck it. Be a legend in your own lunchtime dear reader. Do it.
So, with that I am going to link you to some songs that make me feel like nothing or no one in the universe can touch me. Some of these songs I used whilst I was in Secondary School and was being bullied every single day. I don’t talk about it because it was over 10 years ago, and I’m better than those shitstains of society. These are the songs that gave me strength in the past, these are the songs that currently make me feel like I can do anything. They are my sheild, my protective cape. They all provide a cloak of strength and determination.
In 9 days I’m moving back home. I call it home, although it never feels like it. I’ve never felt at home anywhere. I hope that when I leave there after a month or so, I can find a place called home and stop feeling on edge or whatever. I was alright with leaving here, until this evening. I know some truly beautiful and wonderful people. I’ve had a bit of a cry, I suppose I’ll blame the wine for that. Or the fact that I am way too sensitive and sentimental for my own good. Orignally I wanted to make this mixtape post about the songs that helped me grow up and saved my life. I’ve decided to change it, and just put a bunch of songs that remind me of certain people and certain events that have happened. I guess you can call it a thank you or whatever for the people I care about more than I probably show. I’m utterly toss with saying how I feel, so I guess using a song is the best way to do it. Besides, like most I fear rejection so this is my best bet.
I like to think that certain songs are obvious as to who and what they are about. I don’t want to explain because it will take away the meaning and I suppose the sentimental value. This year has been a bit shit, but it’s also been alright. Certain people have made it easier. Again, they should know who they are.
I could honestly ramble on, but I’d just bore you to death.
I’m getting this out of the way now because it means I can edit this to high heaven and pretend I never missed a record out. I’ll change my mind and probably lose sleep over this. I don’t sleep, so that’s bullshit isn’t it. This year, musically, has been awesome. Aside from music, it’s been fucking awful. But that’s just my personal perspective. I don’t like to moan and bitch about shit I can’t do anything about because it just frustrates me. If I could make people I care for and love alright, I would. But I can’t. That itself has made this year borderline SHIT. Also, if I wake up on my birthday this year and I am not a Superhero, I will be pissed off. I’m aiming to be Psylocke or Wolverine. My obsession has been spiriling out of control for a long time. The older I get, the more convinced I am that I am a Superhero. Fuck it, maybe we all are. Deep down.
I suppose I better get on with this seeing as I have no chance of sleeping. This isn’t going to be in order. I dislike order, I welcome chaos.
Originally I was going to list 10 albums and bang on about them, but I thought better of it. Instead, I’m going to ramble on about as many albums as I can in different parts, because it gives me the ability to rant more.
The Horrors-Skying: If it possible to love an album likea child, then that’s how I feel about this record. What pissed me off the most about this was people who thought that The Horrors sounded like fucking Simple Minds on this record or that the band only started with Primary Colours. Piss off you uneducated shitstain of life (I’ve drank wine, potty mouth ahoy!) The Horrors started in 2005/2006. There was an EP, then Strange House came out. Their debut LP was beyond stunning. It was full of agressive garage rock sounds that just shattered your skull and shook your weary bones. If you dismissed this record and judged them by how they looked- then I hope you feel foolish and stupid. You missed out on something well and truly wonderful. Right, so Skying. Skying is perfect. Everything about this record is mind-blowing and earth-shattering. It’s like looking into the eyes of someone you adore (and they adore you too) and feeling so at peace, that nothing can touch you. The build up in Endless Blue is so good. It is full of euphoric sounds that make you feel you are entering another dimension. A lot judge The Horrors as being a dark, depressing band. Those that do this are obviously missing the point. Skying is pretty upbeat and just so ethereal. It gives you something no other band could. It makes you feel so open and hopeful. It is a truly wonderful album and easily the band’s best. Although I still hold Strange House so dear to my heart. You cannot expect a band to keep making the same record over and over. This is why I love Horrors, they are not afraid to push boundaries and make music that sounds so unreal, you have to slap yourself a few times because you cannot believe what you are hearing. Best British band? Damn right they are.
The Kills-Blood Pressures: I have no idea how I’m going to do this without becoming a mess. This album kept me sane, there’s no doubt about it. The album was released when I was not at my best, maybe I never am. Maybe that’s what keeps me going. Blood Pressures kept that part of me going that didn’t want to keep going. Every track on this record means the world to me. I adore every single song. I’ve loved Alison and Jamie since the very start. I own every record, and every single one has given me the same feeling. The feeling that, you know, it’s totally okay to be a shaking wreck or a bit mean. It’s okay to like the dark side, it is okay to question everything and everyone. It’s okay to be by yourself. The record just made me feel okay. Did it change things for me? In short, yes. I have played this record whilst making journeys that broke my heart. I’ve played this record when I didn’t know what to do with myself; when I had frustration and fury fidgeting in my mind. It’s basically my crutch. It kept me going and gave me some strength to carry on. Every single song is just perfect. Alison’s voice on The Last Goodbye breaks my heart every single time I play it. The line, “How can I rely on my heart, if I break it, with my own two hands.” Is EASILY my favourite lyric of the year. If I was ever asked to use a lyric to describe me, I’d probably us that. The beautiful Baby Says has the same vibe as a song by the Velvet Underground. It’s perfect. The Kills aren’t a band that you can casually stick on in the background. They are a band that make you fucking feel something so raw inside. It makes you feel like that, you just have to get up and do something. I don’t know what. They just give you this energy that makes you fight everything off until the bloody and bitter end. It’s soulful, it’s blusey, it’s punk, it’s raw. It is everything.
Zola Jesus-Conatus: When I played Stridulum II for the very first time last year, I nearly gave myself third degree burns because I was cooking as I was playing it. My attention was all on Nika’s delicate and haunting voice. Conatus basically had the same effect. I played it and I couldn’t focus on anything. I could’ve been looking at something mesmirising, but I would’nt be able to focus. All my thoughts and energy would be on the record. Conatus,to me, is just a wonderful work of fragile art. It shows just how vulnerable the human soul can be. All too many times we are told to be strong and to just deal with it. You know what? Sometimes you can’t be strong, sometimes you just have to let go and lose yourself. Personally, I think that shows greater strength. Nika is only 22 years old, and she is making works of art that someone like Chris Corner or Lou Reed would make. Her music makes you see everything in a different light, that’s why I love her. Her music is dark and intense- two things that I love about music. If it dark and makes me feel creeped out; I will fall in love with it. There’s something so enigmatic and captivating about her music, it is truly divine. She makes you feel things you probably should be afraid to feel, but isn’t that what music should be about?
The Weeknd-House Of Balloons: I have no idea if I am impressed easily or not. I guess with music it is hard to move me. With people? There’s been very few who have amazed me, I could give you names; but I’m not that kind of person. I heard of The Weeknd last 2010. What You Need was the track I remember listening to on YouTube. I’m a huge fan of R&B, but the good stuff. Think artists such as Jodeci, Aaliyah, SWV, Ginuwine- that kind of feel you know? Along comes The Weeknd and I feel like I’ve been taken into a different universe. When Timbaland and Missy produced Aaliyah’s second record, One In A Million they made this sound that was so futeristic and powerful. You were unsure if anything could be like this again. Move on well over a decade, and you still question if a sound can be created like that again; that makes you feel so strange inside. It makes you turn to jelly and you love it. The Weeknd’s music is just mind-blowing. He’s done this all by himself, the last installment in his trilogy is due soon. I’m so excited about it. Thursday is an amazing mixtape, but House Of Balloons just blew me away. What did it for me was his sample of Siouxsie’s Happy House. As someone who has a massive obsession with Siouxise, I was unsure about this. I had nothing to fear at all. House Of Ballons/Glass Table Girls became one of my favourite tracks of the year. The album is just in a different league of its own. The Weeknd is on a different level, no doubt. This is how R&B should be sounding. Fuck it, it’s how music should be sounding. It should be pushing the listener and making you feel things so deep inside of you that you don’t know what to do with yourself.
I know I rarely sleep, but I’m going to try sleep and think of more albums to continue with tomorrow. I’ll probably be pissed off if this disturbs my slumber and I turn my laptop on at 4am with the urge to write. It happens a lot, I just learn to fight it.
I hate covers, but every so often I hear a cover and my hate fades away. Hate is a bit harsh isn’t it. I don’t hate many things. But I really don’t understand why you’d want to take another song and possibly ruin it. However, sometimes a cover is better than the original. In short, I have mixed feelings about cover versions. I get a bit upset when a song I love is covered and just destroyed. There’s no need for it. But, there are some covers that I have grown fond of. I am partial to making an exception sometimes. I’ve attempted to pick 5 covers that I adore a hell of a lot. I will probably want to change my mind as soon as I’ve posted this.
Lykke Li has easily put out one of the best albums this year, and I’d say it’s been highly underrated. Her voice always breaks your heart. However, when she goes acoustic you really really feel her words. They hit you right in the gut. Many have covered Unchained Melody, but none have captured the pain within as much as Lykke Li does. A cover should mean the artist puts their own personal touch on it, she really does. When she holds the note around 2 minutes in, it just covers your body in goose bumps and you tremble. It’s such a gorgeous cover but at the same time, causes you to ache.
Apart from The Smiths, The Walker Brothers are my favourite band of all time. With one listen of this cover, it’s pretty much easy to see why. Scott Walker is like a god to me. His music is pretty much everything to me. A stunning singer who should be regarded as the greats. Let’s be honest, he’s probably the greatest. The Walker Brothers are one of the many that have covered this song originally by Jerry Butler (written by Burt Bacharach and Hal David.) The Walker Brothers add huge drums to this giving it a Wall Of Sound feel to this cover. Of all the break-up songs in the world, this is probably my favourite. It’s just a beautiful that, although it may pain you to listen to it- it comforts you too.
Cat Power is a strong vocalist. Her music always moves my soul, it goes beyond the heart. Her music has got me through some times I hope I never ever have to go near again. Her music is a lifeline. Seeing her live was one of the best gigs that I have ever been to. I’d waited years to see her, and I was right at the front. It was just perfect. Cat Power has covered a lot of songs in her career. She’s even released a covers record. I could’ve picked the obvious such as Sea Of Love or I Found A Reason, but I had to go with one of her Bob Dylan covers. I fully understand Cat Power’s love for Bob Dylan, I feel exactly the same. I hate it when Bob Dylan’ssongs are covered, I firmly believe the only person who should sing a Bob Dylan song is Bob Dylan- that was until I heard Cat Power’s version of Stuck Inside Of Mobile With The Memphis Blues Again. My mind was blown, my heart beat double time. I fell in love with her music and Bob Dylan all over again. It’s a truly wonderful cover, quite possibly her best cover she has done.
I love Wicked Game. I used to be obsessed with this song when Iwas younger, I had a bit of a fascination with Chris Isaak, I loved his music. What I love about this song is that it just oozes the need to fight how you feel. As someone who does that more times than they should (I’m starting to get a bit better) this song is just perfect. I’ve always loved the line, “This world is only going to break your heart.” It just sums up the whole feel of the song. Don’t bother, you’re just going to get your heart broken. However, getting your heart broken will always happen. There’s no point trying to avoid it. Shit happens, you’ll be fine-carry on. I love the way she sings, “I never dreamed that I’d meet someone like you.” We’ve all felt that way. You meet someone you thought you’d never in a million years meet. I don’t wish to make my take on this any more personal than I have, so I will now move onto my final cover…..
I love The Kills as much as I love the Velvet Underground which is probably close to an obsession. I don’t call it that, I just call it a passion for excellent music. Pale Blue Eyes is my favourite Velvet Underground song (closely followed by Run,Run,Run.) The Kills are influenced by Velvet Underground, and have covered a few other songs by them; but this is my ultimate favourite. It’s my favourite cover EVER. I love Jamie’s guitar on this, it’s just so emotional and powerful. Then you have Alison’s voice. Her voice ALWAYS sends me off some place else. Don’t ever try to have a conversation with me if The Kills are playing near us- my attention will be elsewhere. And I’ll probably start singing and be in some kind of trance for about an hour. Pale Blue Eyes has some of the most wonderful lyrics ever. The opening verse is so haunting, “Sometimes I feel so happy. Sometimes I feel so sad….baby you just make me mad.” We’ve all got someone we care about, but they just make us mad. You can’t say why, but they just do. I love this song so much, and there was a time when this song was too much to listen to due to it being so bloody apt. But, that’s been and gone now; and I can safely say this is my favourite cover of all time and I can listen to it being, and just be in awe of Alison and Jamie’s talent. I did want to choose their cover of I Put A Spell On You by Screamin’ Jay Hawkins but I’d just rant forever.
I know I’ve missed out some brilliant covers, and as I’m a decent person (depends who you ask I suppose!) I’ll link you to some others:
I’m not one for enjoying songs that are about sunshine, rainbows and love. It isn’t real. I like songs that are dark, creepy, frightening, fragile and thought-provoking. I like songs where you can really feel what the singer is going through. If the song oozes desperation, I’ll probably fall in love with it. However, just because I like songs like this doesn’t make me a morbid bugger- most like to think I am, but they’re wankers.
There’s a song by The Kills on every album that always breaks my heart. Keep On Your Mean side has Gypsy Death & You, No Wow has Rodeo Town and Blood Pressures has The Last Goodbye.
Midnight Boom has Black Balloon. I know that whatever I say about this song doesn’t do it justice, but that doesn’t stop me. Well, sometimes it does. Not today.
Lyrically and musically, it is painful. In a good way, not in a “this is so bad make this shit here stop” kind of way. Alison’s voice on Black Balloon is so vulnerable, the way she sings “Let the weather have its way with you” makes you feel for her. That whatever or whoever this is about, you really connect with her. It’s a simple song but with such wonderful imagery in the lyrics.
“Elevator straight into my skull. An escalator rises as it falls.” Personally, I feel that the elevator is this feeling she cannot shake, and it constantly gets to her. The escalator is a symbol for the highs and the lows. As soon as you feel good, some fuckwit has to come along and drag you back down. Maybe that isn’t the case, but it’s what I get from that line.
“You can hold on, but I wouldn’t waste your time.” It’s so true isn’t it? You hold on for something or someone, and in the end it’s actually a waste if your time. It just turns out to be so awfully pointless. I love the honesty and disappointment in this line. We’ve all felt this way, and you get to a point where you know waiting around is just a waste, there’s no point- so why bother? My advice? Don’t bother; you’ll get further if you don’t.
“….on the edge of a dream that you had. Has anybody told you it’s not coming true?” Again, the honesty and disappointment here is just beyond. You can dream all you want to, but they will not come true. You’re taught to dream as a kid, but when you hit adulthood it just goes to shit. Maybe if you hold onto the dreams a little bit, it’ll get you through the day. I wouldn’t bother though.
Then comes the giving up, “Let the weather have its way with you.” Sometimes, whatever it is or who it is that you were holding out for, in the end, you just have to let it go- hand it over to fate, so fate can have its way with it. One of the best feelings a person can experience is the euphoria of letting something go. Go on, get a balloon- and watch it go away. Seeing something just float away on its own is such a grand feeling. When you let a person/emotion go, when you get past the feeling awful stage- you reach this part where nothing matters because you are free. You’re a person again who isn’t being held down. I know a lot of people who have trouble walking away from something or letting go, I don’t understand why. Or maybe I’m a terrible person because I can leave things behind without feeling bad? I have no idea; I don’t feel bad for it. Everyone is different. This is why Black Balloon means so much to me.
When I bought Midnight Boom, I had heard it before its proper release, so I just played Black Balloon over and over. It is a sad, dark song but if you dig deeper you can see it’s got this sense of freedom to it. What I love about The Kills is how fearless their music is. They can sing songs that are about being rock bottom or just bring frustrated, they are not afraid to indulge in what many regard as ugly emotions. They have this real, raw feel to their music which makes them so approachable and easy to relate to.
Black Balloon live is emotional, you cannot take your eyes off Alison as she stands there singing this song. I used to think that this was their most emotional song, but The Last Goodbye has taken over from that. I imagine The Last Goodbye live will just cause a wave of emotions to take over, not that I mind. Its how a gig should be.
Black Balloon has a bluesy feel to it mixed with a hint of the Velvet Underground, and also the despair of a Townes Van Zandt song. Everything I love in one.
I know I haven’t done the song justice with my words, if that was the case- I’d be paid to write like this. That won’t ever happen; instead I’ll just kill time and keep my brain busy by doing this. The Kills have taught me a lot, you don’t need to know- but its songs such as Black Balloon that keeps this tired heart going.
I know I’m doing this too early in the year, but if I do it now- maybe I won’t change my mind. I know I’ll change my mind as soon as I publish this. I’ll hear a song and think, “SHITTING HELL. THAT NEEDS TO GO ON MY LIST!” Hopefully I will gain some self control and not do that. I’m not doing this in any order, however the last song I mention is my song of the year. It’s pretty obvious what song it is. I’ve got a cool story to accompany it too, it’s just given it so much more meaning to me and I love it more than I did before.
Let’s begin :
Dirty Beaches- Lord Knows Best.– When I first heard this, I honestly didn’t think it was something from this year. I just thought it was an old old song being re-released. I was stupidly wrong. Lord Knows Best is taken from Alex’s album Badlands which was released in March this year, it’s such a beautiful album. What I love about this song is how old it feels, the sample on a loop and Alex’s vocals. His voice sounds so desperate, which is what drew me in straight away. I love anything that sounds dark, angry, frustrated and painful. This doesn’t mean I’m some morbid wanker, far from it. I’m just someone who is always drawn to the dark side of things- it just means more to me than hearing something cheerful. However, this is lyrically, not a dark song. It’s about loving one person and nothing/no one else matters. Just this one person. I guess you could call it a love song. Whatever it is, it’s one of the best things I’ve heard this year.
Wye Oak-Civilian.– You know when you hear a song, and you give all your attention to the lyrics? That’s what happened when I first heard Civilian by Wye Oak. The album is just stunning. This song means so much, “I am nothing without pretend. I know my faults, can’t live with them.” It just screams out fragility. The whole song does. It’s almost as if, you can use this song to admit to all your faults- you’re human, and it is how you feel. I adore the build up in the song. Their musicianship is so strong and so inspiring, it’s just so stunning. It’s one of the songs that make me wish I could write something as powerful as this. As far as duos in music go, Wye Oak are one of my favourites.
Widowspeak-Wicked Game.– I know it’s a cover, but it’s so good. I love how haunting they have made it, but at the same time still has the same feel as the original. I usually hate it when a song I love is covered, but this is just stunning from start to finish. The way, “This world is only gonna break your heart” is sung is damn hypnotising. The song makes you feel like you are in some kind of trance. It’s just perfect. If you’ve never listened to them before, start with this cover.
The Pains Of Being Pure At Heart- Heart In Your Heartbreak.– I know this came out late last year, however the track is taken from their second album which came out in March this year. So, I’m going with that. Their album came out at a time that I wish to never go through again. This song was my crutch for 2 months. I used to listen to it to stop myself from feeling like shit and realising…well, I don’t want to make it too personal. Basically, when you think you can’t get over having your heart broken- you actually can. And when you do, you becoming strong and nothing can touch you no more because you have felt so shit, you’ve experienced rock bottom and you will do anything to never feel that way away. I cannot pick out a lyric that I love, because I just adore it all. This song was around when I didn’t know what to do with myself or what to do with how I was feeling.
Novella-The Things You Do.– When you listen to Novella, you wouldn’t be alone in thinking you were listening to a band from LA. They have that gorgeous lo-fi/sufer pop feel to their music. They formed in Brighton and are now based in London. If you love Dum Dum Girls and Best Coast, you are truly going to fall in love with Novella. I hope next year beings them great success because they really do deserve it. This song causes your head to spin and your body to float. It’s so beautiful.
Zola Jesus-Vessel.– I am going to struggle putting this into words because the music Nika creates owns a large part of my heart. Her music is so enthralling and haunting. Everything about her music just makes my soul shake and my head swim. I am constantly in awe of her talent. She’s only 21 years old, she’s so bloody gifted. Hopefully I’m seeing her in November. I’m oretty sure it’s going to be like some kind of religious experience. I have every confidence that her album Conatus is going to be one of the best albums of the year. Her voice is so distinctive and powerful. I love the dark feel in her music. I love how her music can make everything better. I took a walk today and just played her music. It was like I was drifting off into another world. A dreamland. I honestly cannot praise Nika’s talents enough. I really don’t trust anyone who doesn’t like her music. She’s a massive credit to the music industry, I just hope they realise that instead of obsessing over pop stars that contribute nothing.
The Horrors- I Can See Through You.– I could pick any song of theirs, but I Can See Through You is my favourite off Skying lyrically. The album is beautiful, but more on that when I write about my favourite albums of 2011. Faris’ vocals on this song are so strong. The band sound as perfect as ever. So captivating and hypnotising. I know a lot of people are getting into The Horrors based on Still Life. What pisses me off is that they dismissed them during the Strange House era. That album will always be one of my favourites. The raw, brutal sound to it is amazing. The garage rock vibe it has is stunning. However, those that are only just getting into The Horrors have missed out on many years- their loss.
The Kills-The Last Goodbye.– It was close to impossible to pick which song by The Kills I wanted to include. I toyed with the idea of putting Satellite in because I love the reggae electro feel it has. Then I wanted Baby Says because I love it like someone would probably love their child. Then it was Nail In My Coffin. I went through the whole album, until I chose The Last Goodbye. Why did I choose The Last Goodbye? Well, it has the best and my favourite lyric from a song I’ve heard this year. This line describes me better than I could. This line owns my heart. This line makes me feel okay with being a sensitive bugger. The line is of course, “How can I rely on my heart if I break it, with my own two hands.” I read an article about the album before it was released, and they spoke about this song and mentioned the lyrics. When I read that line, I was instantly blown away by the honesty and vulnerabilty in the lyrics. Then I listened to the song. I cried. It was like finding the piece of you that you had missing for so long. I have no idea what will happen when I see this live. I’ll probably want to get on stage and hug Alison. When she sings this, you can see she puts all she has into it. It is so heartbreaking and so perfect. You can take what you want from this song, that’s what I love about The Kills- you can create your own meaning to their songs. If I could thank them personally for this song, I bloody well would.
Florence And The Machine-What The Water Gave Me.– I guess anyone else would pick Shake It Out, but I like to be difficult don’t I. I’m choosing What The Water Gave Me because I love the darkness around it. Shake It Out is beautiful, and it feels like Flo is taking you to Church. The lyrics are haunting and gorgeous. Much like What The Water Gave Me. I love how the song builds and builds, when she sings “Let the only sound be the overflow. Pockets full of stones” it sounds and feels so enchanting and euphoric. All her songs are euphoric. Her music makes you feel free and weightless. That’s why I love her. I cannot express it in a way that you will understand, but that’s as close as I can get right now. Pretty sure Ceremonials will be the best album of the year. October 31st cannot come quick enough.
It’s honestly no surprise what I’ve picked as my favourite song of the year is it? I said it in February and pretty much every other day since. You ready?!
SUMMER CAMP-I WANT YOU. – This is the only song that I have heard this year to have such a grip over me. It’s done something to my brain. I have to listen to it every single day. If I don’t, I get the shakes (I don’t really….) Elizabeth and Jeremy have created the best song of the year EASILY. I know I love Flo and The Kills but this is honestly the greatest thing I have heard this year. No other song has had this hold over me. The lyrics, oh jesus, the lyrics. So true! It states exactly being in love is like- cruel, intense, dark and grand. Being love can turn you into a dickhead sometimes can’t it. However, if you listen to I Want You, you can see it isn’t always the case. Some have said it’s the stalker anthem of 2011. I don’t think it is. I think it’s quite simply, intensely liking/loving and wanting someone; and you just want them to feel the same. You believe you can make them feel the same. The synths, the guitar and the drums…oh lord. When it drops and kicks in it is like a glorious kick in the face. I’ve only been in love for real once. It’s more than enough isn’t it? If I was to ever feel that way again, I’d use this song to clarify how I felt. I’d play it and think “Does this person make me feel like this?” And if the answer was yes, it’d be love. If the answer was no, then I’d go back to my books and records to save myself disappointment. If any of you listened to BBC 6Music yesterday morning, on Lauren Laverne’s show. They played Better Off Without You and I Want You. I tweeted them saying it was amazing, and Elizabeth replied with, “I was thinking of you when we played I Want You. Not in a weird way.” HOW AMAZING IS THAT? Seriously, so fucking cool. It made my year, no doubt. I’ve decided, if I ever decided to inflict my presence upon a girl and start a relationship, when we split up- I’m going to play Better Off Without You to drag me through it. Oh, I’ve not heard Summer Camp’s album yet but I can tell you it’s the best album of the year. It’s right up there. Trust me. Now, get your ears around my favourite song of the year. If it doesn’t cause your bones to move, heart to skip several beats, your head to spin and your soul to feel reignited- then I think you have no braincells left. Cheers Summer Camp, for making the best song of the year!
I do feel bad for leaving out some songs that I fell in love with this year, so have a few more :
I was doing a work placement a month before Midnight Boom came out, and whilst I was there Midnight Boom was constantly played. Before it was released, I knew every word to every song. My obsession with The Kills has been huge ever since the first time I heard their first album, Keep On Your Mean Side. Midnight Boom just catapulted it to great heights, and I know that there is no coming down from this. I don’t ever want to, if I’m honest.
The album opens with U.R.A. Fever, one of the best singles The Kills have ever put out. I’m not fussed on the singles bands put out, I prefer albums. I love having a collection of songs. Luckily, The Kills are perfect so I don’t have to worry about ever feeling disappointed with any release. Besides, they put Black Balloon out as a single- personal favourite.
I came up with an analogy of The Kills last night, well 2.30am this morning. Basically, Jamie’s guitar sounds like a machine gun and Alison sings like a frustrated Angel. If I had to describe them to someone, I’d use that description. I’m pretty proud of it- and I’m rarely proud of myself.
U.R.A Fever is amazing to watch live, just like any of their songs. When they sing together, all this mind-blowing chemistry just flies out. You want it for yourself, but you know it’s rare. What you witness between Alison and Jamie is so rare. Maybe you’ll have your own version of it one day, just don’t go looking for it.
The term Midnight Boom refers to the time where the moon comes up and everyone goes to bed. However, if you’re like me and sleep is your enemy- the term is lost on you. I’ve always loved the titles The Kills come up with for their albums, Keep On Your Mean Side will always be my favourite.
Alphabet Pony hits you hard, it attacks you in a way that you cannot defend yourself from- but why would you want to? Their sound on their third album is as brutal as ever. The video to Last Day Of Magic just sums up the fury in their music. Loving but just oozing frustration. Not in a, “I hate myself and the world” kind of way, but just knowing you can do something, it’s just doing it. I don’t know, I’m not very good at wording things like that, I just feel too much I guess.
Lyrically, this album is just as cruel as previous releases. Recently a perfume advert has decided to use Cheap And Cheerful as part of their ad campaign- I bet their perfume isn’t. I know, poor joke. I love the line, “I’m bored of cheap and cheerful. I want expensive sadness. Hospital bills, parole. Open doors to madness.” Alison’s cough at the start is strangely attractive too. The way she sings, “It’s alright, to be mean.” Over the little drumming solo is pretty damn good too. The album just bursts so much energy and harsh lines. Like all their albums, there are no bad tracks. Every song just flows into each other so perfectly.
The album closer (if you don’t have the bonus track, Night Train) Goodnight Bad Morning is so fragile and vulnerable. At times, their lyrics pour out so much vulnerability- especially with how Alison sings them. “The jailers in my mind are all dead. I love you so much. Never forget.” The way Alison and Jamie sing this together, you just believe them more than ever. It’s just a gorgeous song. Everything about it just moves you.
Hook And Line is another ruckus (noisy not unpleasant) track. “Nail it down with jealous bones.’Til it goes off like a feather on its own.” Try all you want to, but you cannot control or stop her/The Kills. Reading their lyrics, it’s almost a guide to life. Teaching you that sometimes it’s okay to do bad things (not to the point where you hurt someone on purpose.) Its okay to keep your guard up, you probably always should.
Tape Song for instance, “Time ain’t gonna cure you honey. Time don’t give a shit.” So true. People are quick to fool themselves with the idea that time heals all. It doesn’t. What you do is, you adapt. You’re never cured, whatever is irking you will always be there. Time is just a concept- not a healer. As they point out that time doesn’t heal, you have to do what you can to move forward, “You’ve got to go steal ahead.” If anyone is in need of some kind of guidance in life, then listen to this song. It’ll sort you out, no problem.
Midnight Boom gave Alison and Jamie more success than previous albums. They featured on Jools Holland, Jonathan Ross- I remember sitting on the floor staring at the screen like an attentive child watching their favourite cartoon. I was just proud that my favourite band was finally getting the recognition they deserve. I’ve loved them since the start, and to see them finally being praised for what they are doing is just beautiful. This album caused their career to take off, but if you listen to all their albums- this sound has always been there. That raw, bluesy feel- no one else has done it as well as The Kills and honestly? I severely doubt anyone else could.
Beat In My Bones. 