“I’ll give you anything, but I’ll give you problems.”

22 08 2012

Maybe all of our actions come from the reaction to what has been done to us before. Other people sometimes do not tread gently when they face us, sometimes you meet rare ones who know what to do. Everything becomes tough at some point. There’s no right or wrong way to deal with anything. Everyone has expectations of others, which is why we are always carrying some disappointment on our backs. The disappointment in ourselves, the disappointment others give us. So why do we get close? A lot of good can come from it, a lot of bad can come from it. Letting go is an art form that is a pain to master. I know, I know all too well. I managed to let something go the other day. The realisation hit me whilst on the rowing machine the other morning at the gym. All my thoughts for about half an hour were on this, and I eventually let go. No resentment, no hatred, no love, no longing, no wanting. No nothing. You feel so much lighter, and everything seems clearer. Just because certain things happen doesn’t mean you have to follow the pattern. It is easy to go back in on yourself. I know that all too well. I’ve currently fallen into that. It’s not a crippling shyness. More like an excruciating dose of “I cannot go further than…” Change the place, change your state of mind. Anyway.

You look up for answers. Maybe the answers are inside of you. Maybe you get a brief moment of clarity when you finish a book, or a line from a song or poem just make you wake up, come alive. Something. I’m waiting. I’m always waiting. Looking. Taking it all in. I give out more than I have. I’m far too patience. But maybe it is a strength rather than a weakness. My stubborn ways are good and bad. I know when to turn it off, I know when to use it. I think most of us do you know? Or maybe we don’t. If you’re always cautious, you may miss out. Please don’t be a coward.

Some will aways use certain traits you have against you. You can rise above it. Be miserable, cry, laugh, fall over, take your time getting back up. Rock bottom happens to us all. You’ll crawl out from under there when you are ready. Take your time. Always. Go slow.





Gossip-Perfect World (video.)

7 04 2012

Being yourself is a chore. You are frequently told to “be yourself.” But as soon as you are, people shoot you down for it and judge you. They judge you HARD for it. You like a band no one has really heard of- they call you pretentious. You do something positive with your life leaving the past behind- you’re called various expletives just because you’re doing something with your life. Put yourself first, and you are called selfish. What is up with that? Can’t we just stop being dicks to each other? No? Didn’t think so.

Sometimes, we struggle with who we are. I struggled for bloody years with being gay. I loathed myself and the rest of it. Then I listened to Gossip. It was Jason’s Basement that I remember first hearing. I fell in love. Every record got me through that struggle of accepting who I was. Thing is, I don’t let my sexuality define who I am. I don’t go up to new people and say “HI, I’M OLIVIA AND I’M A LESBIAN.” Fuck no. Who cares. I can accept myself, I don’t care for others opinion. Gossip taught me how to feel at ease with who I am and to not be ashamed.

Perfect World is another empowering anthem from Nathan, Hannah and Beth. The video is beautifully shot. Cannot wait for the new record. I spent most of my time at Uni following the band around. Skipping lectures just to see them. Seeing them live is like a religious experience. You feel weightless and trouble-free. Your body is full of love and you feel like you can do anything. I just bloody love them.





“You can keep it pure on the inside. And you know what you believe to be right.”

18 01 2012

Have you ever been made to feel so small and worthless due to a comment someone made? Maybe they called you “fat.” Or maybe they called you “stupid.” Or they insulted you because of the colour of your skin or religion. You feel ashamed of who you are don’t you? You want to fight back, but that bit of fight you have in you just goes. It fails you because you have no idea what just happened.

Yesterday afternoon, I was waiting in line with my mum. In front of us were two young lads. Probably a few years younger than me, I’m 25 so they weren’t that young I suppose. Anyway, they weren’t exactly using the most eloquent language. I think they were probably part of that disgusting generation who think it is okay to use the word “gay” to describe something awful. So they were talking, and one of them looked at me. He then turned to his friend and said, “I fucking hate gay people. They’re all disgusting.” I didn’t say a word. I just felt any ounce of pride I had of being gay just die. It totally died. My mum’s face was filled with rage. I had to stop her from saying something, because if she started- she wouldn’t stop. Sometimes, I think she is more proud of me being gay than I am. I guess right now that isn’t hard. Thing is, I have walked around cities in England with friends (that are gay) and never once have any of us had shit said to us. Cities tend to be more open minded. Nobody really pays any attention to you. I currently (and hatefully) live on the Isle of Man- if anyone wants to take me away from here, please do. I’ll be forever in debt to you- I’ll pay you back with hugs, cups of tea and my friendship for as long as you want. I’ve been back here since the end of November. I’ve never felt so uncomfortable walking down the street- day or night. Headphones in, look at the ground as I walk. I’m 25 years old- I shouldn’t have to go back to hating who I am again.

So, what has this got to do with music? Well, I’m going to give you some songs that since yesterday have made me feel less shit about this. It hurts, of course it does. I wish I could shrug it off, like I usually do. You see, I can handle being called ugly or whatever- I won’t ever argue with that. But to call someone disgusting just because they happen to like people of the same sex in a romantic way? FUCK YOU. Seriously. What’s disgusting is your small minded minds. What’s disgusting is how you judge people. Never ever judge a person, ever. You do not know what they are going through. If that person is a “twat” maybe they have a reason for being like that. But seriously, to hate someone based on colour, religion, sexuality- ANYTHING. It is just vile.

I once thought Society was moving forward, but it is apparent that it is going backwards. It is going backwards quicker than anyone of us could imagine. There is no sense of unity and help anymore. More and more young people are taking their lives because they cannot deal with being gay or they bullied for being gay. I didn’t come out whilst at school because I know my life at school would’ve been worse than it was with bullying. I would’ve ended up being another statistic. We need to protect and provide comfort for those that are struggling. Being gay is NOT a bad thing. Do NOT disown your kids for being gay, do NOT taunt a kid because they are gay, and STOP making it okay to use the word gay to describe things that are bad. There are other words that you could use, by using the word gay- it just shows how uneducated and small minded you are. It has to end.

Living day to day is a challenge for most of us, we don’t need to be made to feel so worthless and ashamed for who we are by people who are evidently projecting. You cannot catch homosexuality. Stop being afraid. People are people. Be kind, and be gentle. We all go on about accepting ourselves and one another- but how can we when in the same breath, others are being out down by being true to who they are?

My mum told me, after I came out to her : “Always be true to yourself, and always be happy. Do not live a lie, because if you do that- then you’re not living.”

I don’t care if you are gay,straight, black,purple, orange, yellow, green, Muslism, Buddhist, Christian, Jewish, Atheist, Sikh, Hindu- whatever. I do not care. If you’re a good person and true to yourself- then that is all that matters.

So, these are songs by artists that just mean a lot. Especially right now.

Finally, to quote Shirley Manson :

“I would say I’m pretty well at ease with my sexuality, but I’m an individual before I am a female.”





Homophobia In Music.

6 10 2011

Around a week or so ago, something happened in America that made me realise even more that homophobia is disgustingly and sadly more alive than ever. A young lad named Jamey Rodemeyer who was only 14 years old, a baby, took his own life due to being bullied for being gay. He was part of the It Gets Better campaign. A few days later duo, Uh Huh Her (Leisha Hailey and Camila Grey) were taken off a flight just for kissing each other.

Do we throw straight couples off flights for kissing? No, we don’t. No one fucking looks, no one bats an eyelid. However, when it is two people of the same gender showing their affection for each other it is treated as if it is the worst thing in the world. It’s wrong how people will be vile towards two people of the same gender kissing each other, yet no one says a word when a parents hits their child in public.

We live in a world where love and compassion is no longer a core feature in society. We live in a world where all kinds of hatred are glorified and encouraged. This cannot continue. We are harming each other and neglecting unity. It is vile and HAS to end. Thing is, will it ever end? Will we ever live in a world where we just live and let live?

Homophobia is growing. I always knew it was bad and I’d be lying if I said I’d never been on the receiving end of it- more recent than I wish to acknowledge sadly. But for some reason unknown to the good people of the world, it seems to be getting worse. People kill themselves every single day because they are being ridiculed and shunned just because of their sexuality. It isn’t right. How can you possibly judge someone based on their sexuality? Why would you want to hate someone because they’ve found someone to love? Love is love. It has no race, it has no gender, it has no religion; it is just LOVE. When you find someone who can stand you even when you’re being a massive wanker- you’re one of the lucky ones. Not many of us find it or will ever find it. So why on earth would you want to stop someone finding something so precious, so sacred.

Uh Huh Her are a band that I adore, not because they are lesbians but because they make excellent music. Their sound isn’t defined by their sexuality. Just like Holly Miranda isn’t. She’s a singer/song-writer; her sexuality plays no part in her music. That’s how it should be.

Michael Stipe never used his sexuality to sell records for R.E.M; they sold records because of their talent.

Do musicians need to announce their sexuality? Well, it depends how you want to look at it. I don’t care for any of the artists I’m a fan of personal life at all. However, when a band you love has a gay band member you feel you can identify with them more; it gives you a personal connection. It gives you something to identify with.

For instance, Gossip was a band that helped me accept who I was. Now, I don’t use my sexuality to define who I am. Never have, never will. But when I was at Uni, I was away from a place that was so homophobic and small minded. I could finally live my life the way I wanted. I could finally be happy. I’d been a fan of Gossip before Standing In The Way Of Control was released, but when I heard it; it gave me strength and courage. If the song was around a few years prior, I would’ve saved myself a lot of hassle and hurt.

I know I frequently say music should bring us together, but a lot of Reggae/Dancehall artists are STILL promoting homophobia. It’s got to stop. In the Hip Hop community, artists such as Common are working towards stamping out homophobia in Hip Hop. It’s going to take baby steps to get rid of such a big problem, but hopefully people will see sense and stop being small minded. You cannot catch homosexuality- but homophobia is spreading. Kids are becoming more and crueler. Adults are becoming less and less understanding.

Seek refuge in music and just be yourself. People will try to take and take from you, but don’t ever give in. Something has to be done, it’s just a shame it takes a tragedy for people to wake up to what is happening.

Music is such a powerful force and if anything, it should be bringing us together. We need it now more than ever. We cannot be divided anymore. This HAS to end.

I want to finish this with something my mum posted on Facebook a few days ago, of all the people I know; she is by far the most wisest and compassionate human beings I know. I like think, no- I KNOW I inherited all my good qualities from her. My bad ones are just habits I picked up along the way of growing up and learning. Reading what she wrote made me proud to be her daughter and to be who I am. I’m lucky to have such an accepting mum. I know of so many that aren’t as lucky as me, and it makes me so sad. Like my mum has always said- my personal life isn’t her business so long as I am happy and safe. That’s all that matters. Here’s what she wrote :

“To be gay isn’t a choice it is a heart and soul felt emotion. To be gay is no threat to heterosexuals, you aren’t their type. How many gay serial killers and rapists have you heard of; gay people are not the enemy. The world has enough hatred without throwing it at vulnerable, gentle souls that want nothing other than to be left to live quietly and with dignity. If your child is gay its not really your business, did you love them before- hopefully yes- if so then how do you not love them now? If you can’t understand same sex relationships, don’t bother live in your ignorance, but leave them alone. How on earth can you harm someone just because they are different to you, try deflating your anger.  You know you are seriously mentally unstable when you can harm an innocent person that you don’t know just because they are gay. LIVE AND LET LIVE, LOVE AND LET LOVE. Everyone is special, everyone is worthwhile.  As Moms we love our children equally and without thought of gender, sexual preference or belief. We have to realise that hatred is killing the planet, starving us of compassion. We need to gently show the people of the world that being “gay” is not a reason to be hurt by ignorant homophobic “people” who don’t want to understand that if we were all exactly the same it would be a mighty lousy world. Embrace your children, all of your children, and for those who cannot understand same sex love, well then don’t bother-but for God’s sake leave them alone to be happy and content. Gay is no threat to your world stop being afraid they don’t want to convert you.  You are vicious and hateful, you aren’t their type. God Bless Everyone, especially young gay kids. xx”

One last thing dear reader, never hide who you are from the world. Be yourself and don’t give up or give in to the hate. You’re better than them. Have heart and be gentle.





Gossip.

17 07 2010

I grew up in a place where you didn’t really tell people you were gay. An extremely homophobic place with a few lovely beaches- you cannot have everything, I know.  In 2006 I went to uni. I didn’t tell anyone I was gay in my first year..I was still adjusting to everything. Gradually I told people. I told my mum by text (she still winds me up about it) and the one person I should’ve told first was one of the last to know- something I wish I did differently because this person is one of the most important persons to me. Always have been, always will. Telling people felt like a massive weight had been lifted off.

I owe all of this to one band. I owe it to a band that was one of the first bands I saw whilst at uni. I travelled up and down the country to see them. Went to a signing in London just to get my records signed and to see me heroes. This band have been my life since I first heard Jason’s Basement. Then Standing In The Way Of Control came out and everybody fell in love. That song makes me proud to be who I am. This song doesn’t make me feel ashamed of a thing. It’s a middle finger to those who judge. The whole album was constantly on repeat throughout my time at university. From leaving home to a breakup. Every song has so much meaning to me. Every album means the world to me.

Beth Ditto is my idol/role model. Everything about her is beautiful. I remember buying NME when she was on the cover naked. So many people were all lie “Eww that’s nasty.” What’s so nasty about a beautiful person having the confidence to show themselves like that? If anything ,it’s empowering. It’s a wonderful quality to have. I may have the crappest self confidence at times but I look at Beth and feel I can pretty much do anything, be anything and not have to justify myself. You should never have to justify yourself for anything if it makes you happy. It’s about time a band like Gossip are appreciated for what they are. For who they are.  There’s so much that I wish I could say, but I’m pretty useless with words!

Nathan, Hannah and Beth are best friends who make music that make thousands…maybe millions of people feel comfortable with who they are. No more hiding. No more denying who you are.

Gossip- thank you for everything. For the music, the live shows, the words- everything. Aside from The Smiths no other band has owned my heart and meant this much. Life is too short to cover up who you are and live a lie. If you’re not being honest with yourself, you will never be happy. This is what Gossip (and my mother) have taught me.

Listen Up!

Keeping You Alive. < Personal favourite.

Jason’s Basement.

Yesterday’s News.

Yr Mangled Heart.

This is why I love them.

Thank you Gossip. Just thank you.

x





New Video By Gossip!

4 04 2010

Ahh my favourite band are BACK with a new video, here’s Pop Goes The World.

x





Albums of 2009.

26 12 2009

I’ve battled with pen, paper, keyboards and my own choices doing this list. So, I’ve decided to not make a list. I am simply going to tell you what my favourite albums of this year are. Then, I shall tell you what my top 3 are because they are the only 3 I can’t change..not that I’d want to.

I’m basically doing this because I am an indecisive bugger when it comes to this and not making an official “Top 10” list or whatever was just pissing me off. It makes sense. Here we go.

Remember..in no particular order (apart from the last 3 I mention!)

Golden Silvers-True Romance.- A band I enjoyed seeing live and made my dull summer a bit exciting.

Doll & The Kicks- Self titled, bloody brilliant album. Next year, I hope, sees them getting signed. It is a bloody horror, a shambles! that they are not signed. They’ve been supporting Morrissey for ages. SOMEONE SIGN THEM.

Bob Dylan-Togther Through Life. I just love Bob. Simple as. One of my heroes.

Yeah Yeah Yeahs-It’s Blitz! This band will NEVER make a shitty album. I know a lot of people were like “IT’S NOT LIKE FEVER TO TELL!!” Well, obviously because that’s Fever To Tell-the debut..and this is their 3rd album. Clearly they are not going to make the same album over and over. That’d be boring. And we all know that Yeah Yeah Yeahs are far from boring.

New York Dolls- ‘Cuz I Said So. Legendary band showing these new bands how it’s done!

Girls-Album.  Amazing album. Amazing band. Sounds a bit 60s ish, which is never a bad thing. No fillers, just a brilliant album.

The Raveonettes- In And Out Of Control.  Same as the album by Girls. Stunning album.

Comanechi-Crime Of Love. First saw them support Gossip in 2006, been in love ever since. Seemed like forever waiting for this album, worth the wait. Means I can stop playing the EP to death now!

Gossip-Music For Men. This band mean a hell of a lot to me, it’s not my favourite album by them but I still love it enough to say it’s one of the best this year.

Jack Penate-Everything Is New. For some strange reason Jack Penate makes me want to runaway to Brighton. I don’t know what it is. Every time I listen to him, I just want to get on a train and go to Brighton. It makes no sense, I know. Bloody good album though!

Norah Jones-The Fall. Her previous albums didn’t do anything for me. But, The Fall left me in awe. A beautiful album from start to finish.

White Lies- To Lose My Life. Dark, haunting…two things which I love in music (I’m not a miserablew person though)

Bat For Lashes-Two Suns. Natasha Khan could sing me the phonebook and I’d still find it captivating and enough to reduce me to tears.

Julian Casablancas-Phrazes For The Young. This album was good enough for me to be okay with The Strokes not putting an album out this year..or last year…or the year before that. It’s THAT good.

The Dead Weather-Horehound. A sexy album. I hate myself for that statement but bloody hell it is true. Alison Mosshart’s voice can make the strongest person weak. This is what happens when genius’ come together.

Metric-Fantasies. I interviewed Emily and Jimmy from the band. Lovely people. This album got me through some crap. Magnificent album. Worth waiting for.

Morrissey-Swords. Ahhh..an album full of wonderful B-Sides. THANK YOU MOZZA!

Morrissey- Years Of Refusal. I love the artwork and title. I love Moz. It’s Morrissey. I don’t need to explain why I’ve mentioned him.

Camera Obscura-My Maudlin Career. Most underrated band of 2009. Fabulous live. Beautiful, heart-wrenching album.

La Roux. Flawless live. Amazing on record. Cover My Eyes breaks my heart every time. I’ll always remember being at the Brum gig in November when they played Cover My Eyes..and me and my best friend hugging each other. The song kills us both. But somehow, seeing it live wasn’t as bad as hearing it on record. Elly Jackson is beautiful. La Roux got the 80s sound right and made it seem effortless and not tacky. Unlike some bands who try too hard.

The Horrors-Primary Colours.  Proving that the second album can outshine the debut. This album sounded nothing like Strange House. Strange House was an excellent debut and Primary Colours, for me, is just as good.Maybe better. The Horrors gained more fans with this album and it’s easy to see why.

TOP 3…THE ACTUAL LIST THAT I WON’T CHANGE!

3. Fever Ray- Fever Ray. Odd and fucking good (sorry for the swearing but I had to.) This album left me in awe. I lay on my bedroom floor listening to this when I got it. There was no other way of doing it to be honest. It sent me some place else. I love it when music does this.

2. The XX-xx. Favourite new band of 2009. I remember hearing their cover of Aaliyah’s Hot Like Fire. Anyone who knows me knows how much of an Aaliyah fan I am and have been since 1995. This is a cover that I adored and from then on..my love grew and grew. When I heard they were supporting Florence + The Machine I felt like my birthday had come early. The vocals, the lyrics, the music..everything. Just everything about this album made me happy. The first track, Intro is simple yet you can take what you want from it. I hope 2010 sees more people seeing how wonderful this band is. Which leads me onto…….

1. Florence + The Machine-Lungs.  You knew it would be my number 1. It’s been my favourite album since it came out. I’ve played it every day since it came out. I’ve got a singed copy, a copy on vinyl and the deluxe edition. This year started a bit wanky for me and I’d been using certain songs to deal with it all. I read that this album deals with Flo’s split with her boyfriend, I suppose that’s why this album was a crutch to me. It pretty much changed how I felt about things around me and people around me. It gave me strength and guts. I remember watching a clip back in 2007 with Flo and Dev Hynes singing in his flat and just being in awe with Florence. Seeing her go from unsigned, playing small venues to winning awards and putting out an album like Lungs makes me feel like a proud parent. I know it sounds a bit obsessive fan ish. But we’ve all had that one singer/band that means the world to us and makes us laugh,cry,smile,dance,sing and what not. Me and my best friend met her in September. Meeting Flo with my best friend is quite possibly one of the greatest things ever. The photo of us 3 together is the most special and important thing to me. I look at it and it just makes me happy. I can’t really put it into words how much Lungs means to me, so I’ll stop. There are so many reasons why this album is my favourite album of this year. The main one being it stopped me from going a bit mental and helped me accepted the changes around me. Adjusting to become a better person. Blinding helped me let go of everything that no longer mattered. So thank you Florence Welch.

(I’ll do another post about singles and stuff later)

xxxx