Author Archives: Olivia

“I’ll give you anything, but I’ll give you problems.”

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Maybe all of our actions come from the reaction to what has been done to us before. Other people sometimes do not tread gently when they face us, sometimes you meet rare ones who know what to do. Everything becomes tough at some point. There’s no right or wrong way to deal with anything. Everyone has expectations of others, which is why we are always carrying some disappointment on our backs. The disappointment in ourselves, the disappointment others give us. So why do we get close? A lot of good can come from it, a lot of bad can come from it. Letting go is an art form that is a pain to master. I know, I know all too well. I managed to let something go the other day. The realisation hit me whilst on the rowing machine the other morning at the gym. All my thoughts for about half an hour were on this, and I eventually let go. No resentment, no hatred, no love, no longing, no wanting. No nothing. You feel so much lighter, and everything seems clearer. Just because certain things happen doesn’t mean you have to follow the pattern. It is easy to go back in on yourself. I know that all too well. I’ve currently fallen into that. It’s not a crippling shyness. More like an excruciating dose of “I cannot go further than…” Change the place, change your state of mind. Anyway.

You look up for answers. Maybe the answers are inside of you. Maybe you get a brief moment of clarity when you finish a book, or a line from a song or poem just make you wake up, come alive. Something. I’m waiting. I’m always waiting. Looking. Taking it all in. I give out more than I have. I’m far too patience. But maybe it is a strength rather than a weakness. My stubborn ways are good and bad. I know when to turn it off, I know when to use it. I think most of us do you know? Or maybe we don’t. If you’re always cautious, you may miss out. Please don’t be a coward.

Some will aways use certain traits you have against you. You can rise above it. Be miserable, cry, laugh, fall over, take your time getting back up. Rock bottom happens to us all. You’ll crawl out from under there when you are ready. Take your time. Always. Go slow.

Chains Of Love.

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Love and lust. Pain and pleasure. Vulnerability and strength. They’re all quite similar. Eventually one takes over the other, then it takes over you. Lust can mentally cripple you. But love, love can destroy you. To want just one person that you’ve wanted for some time, eventually you have to turn yourself away from the whole thing. Eventually. But you’ll never know when. You resent yourself, and you want the ground to swallow you up. Or you just want that person to get it, but they never do. So you ferry yourself off, walk blindly. But don’t give yourself away. So what do you do? Hey, when you know can you tell me? Thanks.

Or you could do what I do. Throw yourself into as much music as you can. Let someone elses words tell it all for you. Let a piece of music get it all out of your system. I think sometimes, we take on more than we think we can deal with. I know this all too well. I’m so sure I can handle everything on my own. We all burn out eventually though, right? It has to happen. Destroy and rebuild.

But for all the ugliness in us, there has to be something of worth waiting to crawl out. I’ve been waiting for some time. I have no idea where my patience comes from. Like I said, I use music. So I should stop this part, and go towards what matters.

Chains Of Love are a band that as usual, I know nothing about. All I know is that, from first listen I fell in love with them. Any band that mixes Garage rock with some kind of 60s girl group/Wall Of Sound is perfect. Well, perfect for me anyway.

Chains Of Love may make you feel sad, but that’s okay. Not the kind of sadness that makes you want to curl up in a ball and never leave your home. The kind of sadness that just makes you want to reach out to the band and say, “It’s alright..I’ve felt that way too.” You feel a connection with them because they make all the heartache they sing about so believable. When you believe in a band, you relate. When you relate, you feel part of it. That’s the soulful part of them coming through so beautiful. This is the kind of band Phil Spector would love to work with, obviously if he wasn’t in prison. If I was a producer or was musically talented, Chains Of Love would easily be at the top of my list of bands to be involved with.

I’m just utterly in awe of how they have merged two things I love, and made it sound so perfect. There’s only one other band that have done this. Yes, Dum Dum Girls. You know how much I love them. I think it is obvious how much I totally adore and admire Dee Dee. Chains Of Love make you feel like you are in the 60s at some disco for lovers and heartbreakers.

The drum breakdown in He’s Leaving (With Me) is enough to send me into some kind of internal frenzy. You are easily enthralled by Chains Of Love. What I want to know is; why aren’t they huge? Why aren’t they stealing hearts and taking over the airwaves? Why? I just feel a lot of love towards this band. I know I’ve given you no information about this band. Why must I? I just want you to read this pathetic piece on them and go listen to them yourself. Go on, you’re much better off that way. If you love 60s girl groups and Garage rock then you will probably (and hopefully) fall in love with Chains Of Love.

Please please get yourself a copy of Strange Grey Days. Personally, I feel it is the “hidden treasure” of this year. I know a lot of amazing music has come out this year, but Strange Grey Days is like when you find something by accident in a record store, and it changes everything for you. Chains Of Love are easily one of my highlights of this year, easily.

You can listen to their wonderful sounds here : http://chainsoflove.bandcamp.com

Instant nostalgia and a wealth of love just consume you as you listen to their music. Truly truly beautiful.

Garbage-Big Bright World (video.)

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There’s not much I can actually say about this song, this video other than it is fucking amazing. Shot in black and white, with splashes of colour every so often. The video shows Shirl as beautiful as ever. For me, Garbage have always made songs that sum up my life. For every ugly and vulnerable feeling possible- they have made a song about it. It’s fair to say their songs are the soundtrack to my life. Garbage have always given me hope and provided the words when I had none. I’m not one for needing, but I know I will ALWAYS need Garbage in my life, there’s no doubt about it. They’ve been my crutch and force of hope when I had nothing. That will never change. They just mean everything to me. Big Bright World is taken from Not Your Kind Of People, which is probably the best album of the year.


“You’re a satellite around my heart.”

Cold Showers.

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The hardest thing anyone can do, is care. When you feel utterly vacant and ruined inside- being able to care is something that is beyond you. You find comfort in things others may not understand. A lack of understanding can drag you through. And to hell with those who say you are wrong. You find yourself leading some kind of double life, to spare those from the truth. Such as, you act together and fine to avoid all questions. You nod, you smile, you carry on. Alone, in your room you play the songs that you yearn to save you because nothing else can. We all get desperate, and we don’t know when we’ve hit rock bottom. But you learn what matters when you hit it. Turns out, nothing actually matters. Everything is disposable and you will soon decay. Miserable thought isn’t it? But, it’s the truth. One day we will be dust and not even a memory. Some of us are that now, and still breathing. So with all this, and the weight of the world on your shoulders and every ugly pressure imaginable on your back- what do you do? What can you do? You try, and for what? Your best isn’t enough. How you are isn’t enough. You get tough, and they hate you even more than they did when you weren’t. Shut off. Fade out. Start again. On your own, because maybe..that’s all your good for.

Then you listen to a band.

A band that hold all the worth you never could be. Those specks of dust you know that you are suddenly mean less to you because you’ve found a band to fucking love. You’ve found a band that nail down everything you feel, and more. You don’t have much control so you seek it in other things. You’re constantly told you are wrong, but the music makes you believe you are right. So who do you believe? You believe those with the passion and the heart. You believe in the band. That band is, Cold Showers. One of the finest bands to come out of LA in a while, trust me.

Searching for information about this band is quite a task. Google taught me how to have a good cold shower, and why people have them. I knew this already (easy now.) But I can tell you now that you really don’t need to look anything up about Cold Showers. All you need to know is that they make music that is good for the soul.

You cannot change much, and I firmly believe you should never want to change a person. If you care for someone, you shouldn’t want to change them. If you feel you must change them, please please leave them alone. Just leave them be. You go your way, and hopefully that person will see you were useless and they will go listen to Cold Showers.

Cold Showers have that amazing euphoric feel to their music that is found in one of the greats- Spiritualized. You must never trust someone who doesn’t see how much of a genius Jason Pierce is. Well, I could be wrong because let’s face it, most people are shit. You can lump me in that category. But, I do believe Jason Pierce is the God of this kind of style you know? The way he can break your heart but take you to some place free of pain and misery with just one line. I have always been in awe of him. The same gut feeling hit me as I listened to Cold Showers. Granted they do not have that grand sound that Spiritualized have, Cold Showers go about it in a different way. A way that I cannot really put into words, because if I tried I would truly fuck it up and make this all sound much worse than it already does. I can only apologise for how scattered and awful my words are. I’d say it won’t happen again; but I do it every time. A habit that I will never break.

For me, Cold Showers just have everything I love about music. Some seek happy lyrics that mean nothing over the same sickening instrumental. No thank you. No, just no. Not for me. I want to hear something that makes me feel something. Sure I can feel ugly feelings all by myself, but when a band can drag it out of you and throw you into a state of “I just don’t care no more, do what you want.” And you let go of everything, that’s when you know you have found a band that truly mean the world and more to you. We all want things and people that we cannot and will not ever have; so you might as well just leave it all behind. It’s easier when nothing matters. But, Cold Showers matter because they transport you into an underworld where no one can do anything to you. You fall into some kind of dream, you don’t have to wake up if you don’t want to. Let them take you, and carry you. Away. Far away.

 

Molly Nilsson.

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“…sometimes I don’t understand you, but you’re the abstract art in my modern museum.”

Maybe the body is made up of ghosts that haunt us all with our past mistakes, taunting us when we least expect it. Maybe we can feel it coming on, but we cannot get rid of it. It is easier to chase away what troubles someone you care for rather than facing up to your own demons. Trust me, I know. But I like to pretend. Everything is a defense and not much means much, anymore. A disgusting and cruel town is bad for the soul. The soul is more delicate than the heart. You see, when a heart metaphorically breaks, something or someone can put it back together. When your soul has been crushed and rejected, I don’t think anything can put it back together. I know I’m alone with this, I guess that’s why the only sense of peace I get is when I listen to certain kinds of music. It’s like, when I listen to Cold Cave I feel as if someone gets it. Wes Eisold’s lyrics have been a lifeline for me for so long. Much like how the Bleed Like Me record by Garbage saved my life when it came out. These are things I can write down but never actually say the words to anyone. What use are my words when all I have felt and ever will feel, have been felt before by others? It just doesn’t matter.

But you know what does matter? Music. Music that comes from the soul. Music that sounds bit dark and creepy. Sinister and loving images are conjured up.

Molly Nilsson.

I know NOTHING about her, and this is what I love. I don’t want to know the ins and outs of bands and singers I love. I wish to know nothing about their lives. I just want to hear their music and take what I want from it. I may be wrong, I may be right but I really don’t want to know what my favourite singers/bands had for lunch yesterday you know? What use is that? None at all.

Her lyrics are open and frail. The music is eerie. So basically, she is everything I love. The lyrics are full of questions, desire, love, lust, loss and hints of death. To face such exposed emotions like this is something, even if you don’t dig this kind of music- you must admire in a way. I’m massively into lyrics which is probably why I like the kind of music I like. I feel no connection to what is play-listed on certain radio stations because it means nothing to me. Not because it is commercial, I think anyone who disregards something because it is classed as mainstream is a bit of a tool but hey, can’t have an opinion. I just dislike it because for me, I can’t relate. But I must admit that a lot of underground music can be quite toss too. It’s up to YOU to find out what you connect with. I have no shame in admitting that I think Call Me Maybe, annoying as it is, is a bloody brilliant pop song. Oh, and I think Kelly Clarkson is fucking amazing. I shouldn’t have to justify myself, so I won’t. I never will. But fuck me how can I love that kind of pop music but write about someone like Molly Nilsson? Quite easily really.

Certain places just produce amazing music. Manchester, Sheffield, New York, Los Angeles and Sweden. Bloody hell Sweden, your music scene is fucking incredible. If you’re a bit lazy, you’ll make the generic comparisons. I cannot be doing with that. I think if I was a singer and this happened to me, I’d want to strangle all those wanky Music “Journalists.” For me, Molly just sounds like well, herself really. I don’t wish to compare.

Wounds Itch When They Heal gives off a Kraftwerk vibe. No this isn’t a comparison, I’m just saying that same euphoric feeling is there. I feel as if I’m arguing with myself because no one is going to read this. Anyway, one must continue.

You Always Hurt The One You Love (I’ve read it’s a cover, I’m not sure) has this fucking brilliant Calypso thing going on. Yet, if you listen to the lyrics, you sort of see yourself in the song. I don’t know if it’s a good thing or a bad thing. However, if you know you’ve hurt someone and you apologise straight away then you are better than most. I spend most of my time saying sorry. Maybe I should stop.

To make the music Molly Nilsson does takes something more than passion and strength. I don’t know what it is, but I know I can relate to most songs and that is enough to make me love her music. A lot.

“Your eyes consume me, they always have. Before you knew me, I dreamed of them.”

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The music can do the talking, and I will loathe myself for doing this. Anyway.

This is for the eyes and ears of one. One that will more than likely not see this, and if they do..they may not get that it is for them. At least there is always the “delete” option. That’ll happen, that I know. Tame your honesty. Use other people’s words. Gentle…gentle.

“Vicious, you hit me with a flower. You do it every hour. Oh, baby you’re so vicious.”

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Patience can be a weakness or it can be a strength. People will use it against you. People will always for the most part, use your good traits against you. Example, say if you have a kind heart- people will bruise it. If you seem to be the kind to help others, they will take advantage. What good comes from being bad? I wish I was tough, but then if I was I wouldn’t be who I am. And who I am, well I don’t know if it is good or bad. My heart is too big, and I should break away some pieces so it shrinks and contains all that matters. What exactly matters? Well, you can only find that in your heart. So maybe I’d be defeating the object if I did something like that.

You give parts of you away. Sometimes you give them to the wrong ones, sometimes you give them to the good ones. Maybe you only learn your lesson when it is too late. You can go back in time in your head which causes you to break your own heart. Then what do you do? You simply owe it to yourself to not mourn the things you had no control over. We all seek some form of control. It can be in good things, it can be in bad things. Do not judge them. Never judge. We’re all different but we all fight to stay alive. Sometimes it can be such a drag, but it’s alright. It’s quite alright.

As I get older, I don’t mind it. I don’t mind it at all. Sure my body feels bruised and broken at times (I think 80 minutes on the treadmill today may be a vital part in this) and my head feels like it may explode from frustration- but if I let it all matter, then I won’t know what to do. You’ve got hide sometimes. The panic attacks may increase over here, but I’ll get out.

So why long for something that just isn’t there? Is it even there? That’s why I love old old old music you know? It is like THEIR frustrations and their love and their lust and all in-between was written in a much deeper tone. It went beyond all that is around now. I mean sure I love the bands I listen to that are new, of course. I love the euphoric journey they send me on. But there is something about hearing something from the 60s about losing something/someone that just sound much more vulnerable than anything around now. I admire anyone who writes so honestly that they are pretty much letting every raw feeling out. Maybe that’s why I write like I do. The things I write here are the things I say to nobody. Why would I? I have no need to. I don’t wish to. I’m too stubborn, but I use it for the good rather than bad. For the most part. I’ll always believe I was born at the wrong time, always. However, I’m not going to dress like a hippie, spin around a few times and hug everyone. No no. I’ll stick to what I wear and listen to what I like.

I have no idea why I wrote any of this, maybe I had to let it out. So to the one person who may happen to read this. I’m sorry, here are some songs to make up for my idiotic ramblings that are far too frequent yet scattered.

DUNES.

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In 2009, three folks from the West Coast of America formed a band. All before and in-between means nothing. What matters is the outcome. The outcome turned out to be something so ethereal and pure, I don’t even think this is real life anymore. I really don’t. For all the shit in the world, how on earth do we deserve a band as amazing as Dunes? Seriously, I don’t know. I just don’t know. I don’t think I’m going to question it for too long, I’m just going to go with it.

Wandering eyes, loyal heart and a tired tongue. It all catches up with you eventually. Everyone in the shop this evening was buying about 5 bottles of various alcohol based products each. They’re off to be sociable. I’m writing about a band that make me no longer care for what I do and all I see. This dreaming state is divine and pure. Don’t wake me up. I won’t let you. I’ll freeze, you’ll fold and nobody will be able to understand.

Morbid thoughts are healthy, just like smiling is good for you. Or something. I don’t know. I read it somewhere, or I was told. Or maybe I just made it up. Don’t trust anyone who is always happy. Also, don’t trust anyone who doesn’t dig Dunes. That’s not a pun or anything, you know what I mean. Obviously.

Floating through space and time. Unaware of all around you. People aren’t seen. Objects are drifted over. You’re heading somewhere on your own. Spread your arms, kiss a wish to the sky and let it take you. Just go, let go. Go. Go. GO. Dunes do this to you. Dunes make you feel alive. Dunes make you FEEL. The atmosphere they create and all they make you feel is enough to make you want to kiss your enemy on the cheek and wish them good health and a good day. I’m soft and sensitive, so I’d probably do this anyway. That loyal heart of mine, it’s terribly stupid.

Tied Together is probably my favourite track I’ve exposed my curious ears to. The songs all feel like a come-down from something truly beautiful. You want the beauty to carry on? Then listen to Dunes. If you want to drop some names of bands that they sound like, then I’m sorry. I just can’t do that. It’s lazy. I doubt a band thinks, “Fuck let’s just copy what’s been done before.” I’m not going to insult them and launch a load of comparisons your way. As a Music Writer (I hate the word Journalist) I think I dislike them, a lot. Mainly the ones who just have no passion. If I listen to a band that evidently play with all they have; I’m sure as hell going to write about them with similar passion. If you don’t love what you do, then you must simply stop. And if you are constantly being rejected like I, then you must keep going. Then one day you will get to say “FUCK YOU” to all that said no. Apparently good things will happen. Apparently.

A good thing has happened. Dunes have happened. A perfect band to just listen to whilst doing nothing on a typical summer day. It doesn’t matter if you’re a beach kind of person. Or someone who likes to wander around the city blasting out incredible music in your ears. Where you are just means nothing because Dunes take you some place else. A euphoric plain that you’ve never discovered before. This is truly remarkable. I don’t want to hear anything else right now. This is too good. It’s like looking at a beautiful female and wanting to look at her for the rest of time. Lust fills your ears and fills you with joy as you listen to Dunes.

They’ve got a bandcamp page with their tracks on, well some of anyway. You can do the right thing and BUY their music. But please give them a listen : http://duneslala.bandcamp.com

My love for bands from the West Coast is fully justified in bands such as Dunes. They just have this feel to their music that makes you feel like, maybe anything is possible. Nothing is perfect, that I know. However when I listen to Dunes I’m starting to believe that perfection does exist. Someone can be perfect but still have their faults. If you love them regardless of their faults, then you have found your soul-mate.

Dunes are a band that you just need. Don’t question it. Do not even wonder why you must love them. You just simply must. You’ve got to. I feel like some kind of dictator (or maybe I’m just a dick) but you’ve got to love them. They’re tranquil and just make you want to sway. Sway so gently and ignore all around you. The moments of beauty they give you, well, nothing else can really compete with it to be honest.

“When I die, when I disappear. Leave my bones behind.”

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They’ll bring up your mistakes and make you out to be a on a par with vicious people. That’s what they do. Who are THEY? They can be enemies, friends, families or just wretched fuckers who cannot control themselves. Control. Control. What a broad thing it is, what a pain it is. Self-control is something everyone wants. They want to know what they’re doing, they want to have a grip on it. I;ve accepted I’ll never know what’s going on. I press play, stick my headphones in and hope my favourite song gives me answers. Or hope. Or something. Pray, beg, cry out for a punch in the face because physical pain is easier to deal with than the torment you drag yourself through. I don’t listen to myself, and maybe that’s a bad thing. But if you can make sense of this, then you’re better than I am. A song doesn’t always have to give you the answers though. Sometimes a person can just make you realise that maybe…just maybe, you’re not so bad after all. You love this person with all you have, and more. You’d try to tell them but you’d just sound a bit daft. But you live in hope that they know, and one day realise this. But until then, you listen to songs to send you off into a dream.

Don’t come down from that cloud. Keep your head in them, because the come-down is such a drag. It’s all a drag. But there’s something morbidly euphoric about feeling so low, really low and knowing you can never sink that far down again. I don’t know if I’ve ever hit rock bottom. I think if I did, I wouldn’t tell anyone. There’s only so much ugliness one can show another, right? We hide beauty because we think we’re not good enough. A person can be so perfect for you, but they will claim otherwise. I don’t know how this works. Or maybe I do, and I just don’t want to expand on it.

You see, this euphoric state we all long to be in can be found anywhere. There’s one person that you wish you could look at right now, and feel that way- right? Of course. There’s a song that takes you there. It’s not a lullaby, you don’t want to be swayed until you fall into a wonderful slumber. You want something to hurl you into a different world. Do you want to take someone with you? Everything feels super cosmic and you cannot be touched. The eyes are more powerful than the hands. You can fake a hug, but not a gaze. I fail at staring competitions because I always want to laugh. I want to laugh at everything. Mainly because crying gives me a headache.

Anyway, something can put you on a permanent or temporary high. Some of the best music made gives you that high. No, you don’t need to be off your face on something to feel it. You’ve just got to open your soul and expand your mind. Free yourself, and don’t let a person tell you that you’re worth nothing. Know your own worth, and if you can’t do that- someone will show you.

With love comes kindness. With kindness comes patience. With patience comes anything you wish. Wait.

Apache Dropout.

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I blame Don Van Vliet aka Captain Beefheart for my love of anything strange, mind-blowing and just bloody peculiar. I don’t have it in me to enjoy anything that doesn’t have something weird behind it. Sure enough everything must have a story behind it, but it doesn’t have to be true. Just because I love I Know It’s Over by The Smiths doesn’t mean I cannot allow myself to escape into the magical and mystical realm of Stars by Warpaint. Of course you know I can, because you probably know how much I love the two bands.

No one has ever captured the same strangeness as Captain Beefheart, and no one ever will. I realised this a long time ago as I played Safe As Milk for the…I cannot even recall how many times I’ve played it. Don’t get me started on Trout Mask Replica. Just don’t. I’d be telling you until I was blue in the face, day turned to night and you fell asleep as to why I think it’s an incredible record. There is NOTHING wrong with it at all. Just sheer perfection. So much genius shines through, and it is also mental. Proving that the most mental are the most smart.

Okay so, there’s this kind of boogie/garage rock vibe going on in my ears right now. It’s coming from a band called Apache Dropout. They’re a band I reckon my hero, Lester Bangs would fucking love (okay so Lester goes beyond being my hero…but just know if it wasn’t for him, I’d never have loved music as much nor would I have gone to Uni..make of that what you want. Maybe I wasted 3 years. Or the 3 years wasted me.) Apache Dropout are the kind of band that make you think you’ve dropped a fair amount of acid (I’ve never done drugs, I’m just basing this on how the band are giving me an outer-body experience) and that the clouds are chasing you. With their pinks, blues, yellows and greens. So bright, you want to close your eyes. Well you can, but open up your mind kid. Open up, and dig this band. You’ve just got to.

There’s freedom in no self-control. There’s freedom in giving yourself over to a band. They are 3 guys who just make something amazing. I cannot throw them into any genre, that’s just not fair. I hate doing that. Fucking hate it; so I try my best to make sure I never do it. The screams and yelps on It’s A Nightmare will make you want to scream along. Let it all out. It doesn’t matter if the window is open or if someone is home. Let it all out, get them to join in.

So, their new record Bubblegum Graveyard came out this Tuesday just gone I think? All the days feel the same. I still think I’m in ’96 or some shit. 10 years old. I wish. Instead I’m nearly 26. The fuck. Anyway, you should check out Bubblegum Graveyeard because it’ll scare you, rattle your bones and make you want to dance. What more could you want?

If you feel the need to hook yourself with their previous stuff, here you go: http://apachedropout.bandcamp.com/

Do something good today and listen to them. The bad thing you do today, well that’s entirely up to you. No one is an Angel.