“When I die, when I disappear. Leave my bones behind.”

10 08 2012

They’ll bring up your mistakes and make you out to be a on a par with vicious people. That’s what they do. Who are THEY? They can be enemies, friends, families or just wretched fuckers who cannot control themselves. Control. Control. What a broad thing it is, what a pain it is. Self-control is something everyone wants. They want to know what they’re doing, they want to have a grip on it. I;ve accepted I’ll never know what’s going on. I press play, stick my headphones in and hope my favourite song gives me answers. Or hope. Or something. Pray, beg, cry out for a punch in the face because physical pain is easier to deal with than the torment you drag yourself through. I don’t listen to myself, and maybe that’s a bad thing. But if you can make sense of this, then you’re better than I am. A song doesn’t always have to give you the answers though. Sometimes a person can just make you realise that maybe…just maybe, you’re not so bad after all. You love this person with all you have, and more. You’d try to tell them but you’d just sound a bit daft. But you live in hope that they know, and one day realise this. But until then, you listen to songs to send you off into a dream.

Don’t come down from that cloud. Keep your head in them, because the come-down is such a drag. It’s all a drag. But there’s something morbidly euphoric about feeling so low, really low and knowing you can never sink that far down again. I don’t know if I’ve ever hit rock bottom. I think if I did, I wouldn’t tell anyone. There’s only so much ugliness one can show another, right? We hide beauty because we think we’re not good enough. A person can be so perfect for you, but they will claim otherwise. I don’t know how this works. Or maybe I do, and I just don’t want to expand on it.

You see, this euphoric state we all long to be in can be found anywhere. There’s one person that you wish you could look at right now, and feel that way- right? Of course. There’s a song that takes you there. It’s not a lullaby, you don’t want to be swayed until you fall into a wonderful slumber. You want something to hurl you into a different world. Do you want to take someone with you? Everything feels super cosmic and you cannot be touched. The eyes are more powerful than the hands. You can fake a hug, but not a gaze. I fail at staring competitions because I always want to laugh. I want to laugh at everything. Mainly because crying gives me a headache.

Anyway, something can put you on a permanent or temporary high. Some of the best music made gives you that high. No, you don’t need to be off your face on something to feel it. You’ve just got to open your soul and expand your mind. Free yourself, and don’t let a person tell you that you’re worth nothing. Know your own worth, and if you can’t do that- someone will show you.

With love comes kindness. With kindness comes patience. With patience comes anything you wish. Wait.


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