Tag Archives: The Kills

“No longing for the moonlight, no longing for the sun. No longer will I curse the bad I’ve done.”

Posted on by

If you feel like you belong in this world, that you were born at the right time then you are so lucky. If you don’t feel empty when you see what your generation are into, then you are lucky. If you can relate, then man..how do you do it? Reality shows are fake and pointless. Books are being turned into devices. Record stores are closing. And I don’t understand why people use Instagram. Why do people take photos of their food? If I wanted to know what you ate, I probably would’ve asked if you wanted to go for dinner. I don’t get it. I don’t hate everything around me; far from it. I just don’t really hold much hope, love or like even towards modern life. I hate that I was born when I was, and grew up to see cultures turn cold and reliant on things that can break instantly.

Some bands are hell-bent on recreating a sound that was done in the 70s/80s. Some do it really well without making it obvious. However some just look silly. It’s like that time everyone thought neon paint and “bringing back” the 80s was a good idea. I guess current times are so shit, we must stay in the past. Again, I don’t get it.

I don’t really understand people who claim to only listen to music that isn’t current you know? Do you have ANY idea what you’re missing out on? From 2:54 to Crocodiles to King Dude to Warpaint and all in-between. There’s so much good music that you’re missing out on. I know, I know we will never have an album as powerful as Psychocandy or as creepy as Seventeen Seconds or as wonderful as Viva Hate. It’s okay. Trust me, it’s alright.

But modern life (aside from some music) is a drag. It’s a chore to get up and carry on, I know. I fully understand. If I didn’t force myself to go to the gym every morning I’d probably stay in my room and not go out. Not because modern life is toss, but for many other reasons. You have to force yourself to carry on and do what you can. You just have to. The alternative isn’t exactly something that appeals.

You twist, you turn. You fight with yourself, you fight with anyone who will listen. You declare you’re not good enough. You know why? Because your surroundings make you believe that you’re worth nothing. Thing is, we’re all worth something. Maybe not to ourselves but to one person for sure. I know I should pay attention to what I write; but I just can’t. I don’t think I could ever fully believe in myself and not carry some self-doubt you know. I just think, if I ever thought I was good at something I would never do it again. If I thought I was a decent Music Writer, I’d stop. I’m not looking for a pat on the back or for someone to say I’m any good. Far from it. This is my venting my frustrations at life and how we are becoming more numb to all we see, and all we are. People are caring less and less. My problem is that I probably care too much. I don’t care what people think about me because 1 or 2 people truly know me. As you get older, you realise what matters. You slowly see that people are as cruel as school kids in the playground. They will stab you in the back, and through the heart too. Whilst trying to fuck with your mind. People aren’t as loving as they once were.

Where I live everyone looks the same. I try not to look up when I leave the house. If I look up and around, my self-hate will go through the roof. Eye contact just doesn’t happen. The pavement is my friend. The cracks are the tales of fury. They cracked because they couldn’t take it anymore. I fully understand.

I hate where I am, and the harder I try to get out; the further I am knocked back.

So I play music as loud as I can in my ears. Just to drown out everything, and everyone. It’s working. I’ll get out, even if I have to fucking crawl.

I’m using music to drag me through.

“It’s not worth saving, when you say wait.”

Posted on by

Longing VS wanting. Innocence VS not really knowing. Caring VS not caring. Life VS death. Love VS stupidty. In the long run, it is probably all the same thing. You wish to burn out what you see in your mind. You wish you could see certain things forever. You wish you did one thing differently, at one point. You wish you were more eloquent with your words. You wish you wrote THAT song so you could play them it; so they get it. Will they ever get it? Does anyone ever really understand? Are we just killing time by explaining. These are the thoughts I am not paid to write down. I’ve never been paid for this. I don’t expect to. They want you to be like them. Dress like that, talk like this. Walk as if you don’t care, behave like an obnoxious fool. Keep me indoors please.

You slip away from reality sometimes. You lose tough. With yourself and others. Maybe you only talk to 2 or 3 people everyday. But they are the ones that you love so much. Maybe one of them you love more than most, because this person owns your heart. This person is on your mind, constantly. Or maybe it just isn’t like that. Maybe you have no idea. Sometimes you think you cannot get lower or higher than your current state. I don’t think this makes sense, because I don’t want it to.

As you get older you learn to cast away your wants, your needs and your desires. You learn that none of it matters. You see everything around you become so typical and bland. You notice you have no plans. You don’t want what they want. You don’t want a 9-5 lifestyle where you do the same thing every day. You still want freedom burning inside of you. The only burning they have is heart-burn. They are typical, and you cannot relate. You know of no one else who feels the same. You think you are wrong, for about 5 minutes. Then you realise that being different is not a bad thing. It is never a bad thing. They may mock your thoughts and how you view the world. But it gets you through.

Trust your heart- not theirs. If you must, spit blood upon those who tell you that you are wrong.

Nothing and no one is worth the torment.

It’s like I am teaching myself all the things I wish I knew sooner. But I just can’t listen to myself.

“It’s damned if you don’t and it’s damned if you do. Be true ’cause they’ll lock you up in a sad sad zoo.”

Posted on by

They’ll take your freedom in any way they can. They’ll tear out your tongue. They’ll break your heart. You can find a sense of romance in almost anything; but not that. People judge, and people will call you out on things you haven’t done. Things you haven’t said. Do it back, they say. But you can’t. You’re not a cruel person. You’re sensitive and you hate yourself for it. You can hate yourself for so many reasons, this is one of them. But it’s okay because at least you don’t lie to yourself. Kid yourself and spiral into a frenzy of lies; that’s what most do. I’d rather be honest with myself than be a judgemental cunt. This is all for a reason. I have a point.

Monday night, I went out. I’m wishing I hadn’t because since then I’m carrying a feeling I cannot get rid of, and it’s starting to get to me. I’d rather write this down than do the normal thing of telling someone face to face or whatever. Anyway.

I’ll be the first to admit my face isn’t all that. I wear black all the time (I have a pair of red creepers, a red Sonic Youth shirt and a red Iggy Pop shirt..I don’t really wear them.) Just because I wear black all the time doesn’t mean I am going to stab you and offer your heart as some kind of sacrifice. I notice nothing when I go outside, I just put my headphones in and walk. I look at the ground or whatever because over here, eye contact isn’t good. Eye contact, I have learnt is never good. If I look at you when I talk to you it’s probably because I probably think you’re alright. I’m getting better. For a while I’ve been working on the whole self-confidence thing. You know how you get people who do the whole “OH FUCK ME I AM SO VILE TODAY JUST LOOK AT ME” and take about 50 photos of themselves (they do it on a camera phone and probably use Instagram too) and just want attention? Physically, I dislike myself a hell of a lot. I’m fat, short and my face is unfortunate. I’ve re-joined the gym so at least I can stop being a chubber. As a person, I like to think I have some positive traits. My Bob Dylan impression is a treat (can only do it if I’ve had whiskey) and my hugs are alright. Despite the fact that I probably look like a moody twat, I laugh at most things (obviously not at racist jokes and the like, I’m not a cunt.) I’m a lot of good thing, I’m a lot of bad things. I know what I am, no one else has the right to judge.

So, on Monday as I was leaving this bar with some friends I walked past a tabel of about 4 or 5. I didn’t look at them, but I knew they were there. I’m oblivious to most things, but for some reason my ears actually picked up on what was said.

“FUCKING LESBIAN.”

Wow..cheers for that. Do you feel better for that? I hope you did. I really do. I get weird looks ALL the fucking time here. All the time. I only leave the house if I have to. I go to the gym every day, but I walk there and where I live is quiet so I don’t really have to walk past anyone. Going to town for me, is my idea of hell. I hate it. I hate leaving the house.

When I’m in England I’m totally fine. I can walk around London or Manchester at 3am and feel completely safe. Here? Not at all. Not in the slightest. At 25 years old, you’d think I’d be alright with going outside right? Wrong. It’s anywhere but here. Everyday I wake up and wish I was somewhere else. I can’t help but think I was really awful in my past life and this is payback. Never mind, right?

I’d rather live on the streets in a city I love than wake up here one more day. It’s doing more than crushing my soul; it’s destroying me as a person.

They say, “Keep trying.” But I am. Fuck me I am trying, but I get nothing. I’m heading nowhere fast.

I live somewhere that destroys me everyday. I used to be strong and okay with myself. That’s all going. This is why this is coming out.

It took a LOT for me to come out (my mum is so fucking liberal, so I’m blessed in that way) but it still scared me to do so. I know how hard it is to let that part of you, especially when you are from such a small-minded place. My mother always told me, “Be true to yourself and don’t live a lie.” I may act like I don’t listen to people, but that is something I carry with me. It’s hard to keep at it at the moment. I guess I just have to.

To judge someone based on how they look or sexuality or anything is the most pathetic thing in the world. Maybe I should’ve said something to this idiot, but I didn’t fancy being punched. I’ve been hit enough times in my life; I don’t really fancy it again. I cannot hit anyone. I could never bring myself to do it. I’d probably runaway crying. Sure I may be overly sensitive and I may take too much to heart; but at least I can feel. I’d rather be this way than totally numb.

It’ll take a while before I “get over” this, and to any of my friends I had a rant about this all too since..I am sorry. I apologise for most things but..yeah. Anyway. I cannot change what has happened. It’s just pissed me off that we live in a world where people think it is okay to be obnoxious and cruel.

One step forward and about fifty back.

“We hide out in the back,like shadows in a stranger’s dream.”

Posted on by

I have no direction in life. I know what I want, but the realist (or cynic) in me knows I’ll never get there. If I do, I’ll welcome the surprise and probably buy a bottle of Ribena to celebrate. If I expect nothing; I’m not left disappointed. They say this makes for a lonely existence. Maybe for them it does, but not for me. You can be alone even when surrounded by people who apparently like you. It’s hard to like people isn’t it. I used to think “oh everyone is lovely la la la.” It’s not the case. You grow up and you see what people are capable of. I’m not perfect. I’ve probably done more harm than good. But I’m not going to beg for forgiveness and waste my life doing things people approve of. I don’t understand people who need to seek the approval of others in order to be whole. I don’t get why you’d want to dumb yourself down to fit in. I don’t get a lot, it seems. Thing is, self-doubt carries me through. I spent an afternoon the other day at the beach, on my own. These thoughts came into my mind and poured out into the songs I was listening to. We all have bad days, we all have good days. My bad day was enough to make me think, “Is this rock bottom?” It wasn’t. I’ve not hit there in a long time. I put up a fight with myself to make sure I never feel so shit again. I can write this so freely and not care for it. I’ll write this and never look at it again. I never look back on what I have written. Whether it be the nonsense I put here, my songs or my poems. I never look back at them. I don’t know why. Maybe I just think as soon as it leaves me, I don’t need to bother with it. Maybe one day I’ll look back and be proud. As I stood looking at the sea last week, I felt at peace. I also felt like shit. But the wave of peace that came over me was something I’ve not really felt before. I stared blasting Coming Down by Dum Dum Girls in my ears. I felt a connection to that song I had never felt before.

Very early Friday morning..Dee Dee Penny from the band had emailed me her over of Just Like Honey by The Jesus And Mary Chain that she recorded just for me. Quite frankly, it is the best thing I had been given. The tears of the day before were quickly taken over with happy tears. I’m not someone who cries a lot. I’m too sensitive, but I can stop myself. You shouldn’t be afraid to feel. You shouldn’t be scared of the bad days. You shouldn’t throw away the good days. We seem to be afraid to feel. To feel like shit, to love and to feel hurt. It all ties in, but you cannot ignore one side. You just can’t.

The more you hide from something; the worse it’ll be when it comes back around. Luckily, no one I am really close to will read this so I can just let all this out. Like I said earlier, self-doubt isn’t a bad thing. If I ever thought I was good at something; I wouldn’t try. If I thought I was even a decent writer, I’d stop. I’d rather be told “you write really well” rather than “you’ve got a good face.” I don’t believe any of these things, not because I want attention. If I wanted attention I’d get drunk and shout something from my bedroom window. Keep me in the background, part of the furniture. Let someone else shine. Let them over-take. I’m okay with moving slow and doing what I want rather than doing everything rushed and missing out the details. I’ll never be the love of someone’s life. I’ll never be able to play the drums. But I will do a Bob Dylan impression after a few glasses of whiskey if I feel it needs to be done. I found life lessons in the songs I played. I’ve never felt at home anywhere, maybe I’m one of those people who never is at home anywhere. I don’t like routine or structure. I don’t like plans. Everything around you can be beautiful, find an escape route. Or be the escape route. Maybe fate is something that doesn’t exist. The lack of control we have isn’t always a bad thing. I don’t get why you’d always want to be in control of everything. If it is unknown, keep it that way.

I live in a very judgmental place and I cannot wait to leave again. To leave for good. I left one place I hated for good. I’ll never go back. Leaving is easy when you let no one tell you what to do. Advice is alright, but you shouldn’t always do what is right for you. Put your OWN happiness first. Put yourself first. Don’t let anyone sway your heart. Go the beach, and listen to the songs that give you courage.

Here’s mine:

The Kills-Dreams (Fleetwood Mac cover.)

Posted on by

Yes I dislike covers. And yes I also dislike remixes. I like things, I dislike some other things. My mind is easily swayed when a band I love more than I can put into words covers a song I love. Fleetwood Mac are a band my mum used to ALWAYS play to me when I was a baby. Anyone who isn’t moved by the bass in The Chain doesn’t have a heart. Anyone who cannot connect to a Fleetwood Mac song is emotionless. However you’ll get some smart-arse who thinks they’re overrated blaaah blaaah. It’s alright, I think The Beatles were just overhyped nonsense so we’re equal.

The Corrs covered Dreams didn’t they. It’s okay, I liked it. You’re not alone. The Corrs were alright weren’t they. I probably fancied the main one. Is Jim alright? No one ever really paid him any attention. I hope he’s okay. Right let’s move on.

Dreams.

The Kills are obviously more than just a band to me. They’re a life-line, a way of life, they give meaning and answers. They’re the two best friends I will never meet. But their songs are memories and advice for all I seem to drag myself through. I’m careful with who/what I associate their songs with. Anyway, today their cover of Dreams was given to us all. I don’t know if you’ve heard it yet or not but..shall we get into how mind-blowing it is? ALRIGHT.

What I love about Jamie and Alison is that ANY song they have covered, they always make their own. And for the most part, make it better than the original. When you listen to the original of Dreams you just hear it as a song that offers wisdom. When you hear Alison Mosshart sing it, you hear so much. You hear pain, disappointment, wisdom and truth. It provides more comfort than the original. Right now the line, “Women they will come and they will go” means everything. Especially hearing Alison sing it in her own way. I guess it is something I need to hear, even if I don’t want to hear it. The Kills have this way of making you feel so involved in their partially sinister version of Dreams. They sing this song as if they wrote it. There is no denying that Dreams is one of the greatest songs ever written, and for a band like The Kills to take this song, strip it all of what it once was and make it this dark yet empowering song- well, I am confident it makes them the best band around.

My love for The Kills means my love for this cover is just going to make me stupidly emotional about the song. The Kills bring up every emotion possible but don’t leave me in a weeping heap on the floor. Instead they give me the strength to shrug it off, and no longer let anything matter. Sometimes, that is what you truly need. You can cling on all you want, but sooner or later you’ve got to let go. Trust me, the letting go is a euphoric feeling and as Jamie’s guitar gets louder and louder you feel as if you have reached the point of realisation.

The way Alison sings this song is truly beautiful. As she reaches higher notes, it hears like a plea. Like she is telling you to not go that way, but to stay with who you are. A band will always guide you where you need to go, that’s why I trust Alison and Jamie. I believe in their music to be my constant crutch. They’ll never fail their fans, this cover pretty much justifies it.

My favourite cover of all time will always be Oh Those Eyes by Dum Dum Girls but I’m going to place this cover by The Kills right next to it. If you’re going to cover someone elses work, you must always make it your own- as if YOU wrote it. Jamie and Alison go beyond this. I cannot put into words how much I love this. It is truly beautiful. I think if you had never heard the original, you’d think this was their own. They’ve made it into a stunning work of art.

The Kills- Goodnight Bad Morning.

Posted on by

 

It is oh so easy to lose sight of who you are at times. All too often people try to meddle in your life, tell you what to do and what not to do. You wonder why. Why do your actions mean so much to them? Maybe they don’t, they’re just looking for something to control because they are at a loss themselves. You see, it is easy for people to drag up another person’s misfortunes and errors rather than facing their own. People always want to take the easy way out, people never want to try. People have the power to be so vile and cruel. People can break you. There’s sometimes comfort in sadness, but there’s also isolation. Fake a smile if you must. Cry on a shoulder if you can. There’s a song to find the beauty in the darkness we sometimes feel. The aftermath is sometimes bits and pieces of destruction. Smashed bottles, torn furniture, ripped clothes and a chipped tooth. Where were you? Who were you? The come down is a bitch. You don’t have to have taken a thing. This is misery from feeling good. You seek peace. Inner peace. Inhale. Exhale. Inner peace is all you want.

I had half an hour to myself today before I had to be somewhere. As I’m just a regular nobody with nothing going for them, all it was was a hair cut. I had half hour to kill, so I took a walk. I went to the beach/promenade thing I guess you call it. The waves were crashing onto rocks. Hardly anyone was around. A few old couples walking their dogs, but that’s it. Just me, the sea and music. As usual, I was listening to The Kills.

The Kills are a band that I’ve never associated with a person. I used to think it’d be cool to do so you know? Because at times their lyrics are quite brutal but passionate. Loving but full of revenge. The more I listen to them, the less I feel the desire to do this. I’m glad because I think if I ever did associate them with anyone I’d fall apart. Jamie and Alison are beyond words. So I stood staring out at the sea. Goodnight Bad Morning starts playing. Something came over me. I didn’t want to cry. I didn’t want to smile or anything. I just felt something. I felt as if I was the last person left in the world. I felt alone, but in a good way. I felt a gush of inner peace take over me. The song has always meant a lot to me. It always felt like a come down from something good, but not in a way that makes you want to experience the good all over again. Instead, you take the good and put it in the back of your mind, locked in your heart- with all the other good memories. No one can take it from you. Nothing can change them. You have them. Locked.

“The speed’s working, I see it in everyone. Like a lost idea under lightbulb sun. Your eyes, ready for take off melt in your head. What a  beautiful state we are in.”

This is a perfect example of how wonderful their lyrics are. This verse this morning created deeper meaning than previous listens had. Everything about the way this song is sung, especially this verse just makes you feel so at ease. I’m far too laid back for my own good at times. Or maybe I just hate admitting what bothers me, or when someone gets to me you know? I’d rather ignore it, go read a book and waste my thoughts on something worthwhile. Maybe it is a good way to live, maybe it isn’t. All I know that today for those minutes I played this song, I felt weightless and untouchable. Not in an immortal way. Just that nothing and no one for that moment I had created, could bother me.

“The jailers in my mind are all dead. I love you so much, never forget.  All of our secrets are coming undone. What a beautiful state we are in.”

I love this part because I feel, out of all the songs by The Kills that have touched on romance and love- this one truly sums it up the best. Real love is forgetting all the bad and staying with the good. It doesn’t have to be the romantic side of love. It can be any kind. You can have the most tumultuous relationship with your closest chum, but you know how much you love each other- and that’s all that matters. Forget the outsiders, it is just you and them. However, when I was listening to this song this morning I didn’t feel that way. I was preoccupied with the wave of inner peace I was feeling. As I listen to it now, I understand the words even more.

Life is a pain, but life has some good moments. Goodnight Bad Morning emulates that perfectly. In order to have the good, you’ve got to take the bad. It doesn’t matter how long the bad ride is, the good will happen. I’m constantly told to “keep trying” and to “be positive.” I’ll level with you, it is fucking draining and I’m unsure of why I try. I get nowhere. I get nowhere fast. I’m a nobody like the rest of them, but my purpose isn’t to be anything wonderful or to be something I am not comfortable with. You create your own moments of happiness and inner peace. I had mine this morning at 11am whilst watching the sea listening to the band that mean more to me than I can ever put into words. I looked at birds flying past- they are free. I watched the waves crash. I watched the ripples in the sea. I didn’t feel so hopeless. Maybe I found the one thing in life at the moment that makes me feel alright.

To hell with what others tell you to do, and how you should be. Create your own moments. Go it alone if you must. If they judge it is because they cannot do it. I’m grateful (understatement for sure) to The Kills because every feeling I’ve ever known is in their songs; and this morning, I am sure that my love for them over the past 10 years grew dramatically. I get it now, I really do. You’ve got to do things your own way.

 

*I don’t expect any of this to make sense to anyone. I never do.

 

Jamie Hince.

Posted on by

“How it stirs me, how it stirs me now. To think my fire burnt them out.”

There is something entirely captivating about a duo. The way they are on stage makes you totally believe in all they do, all they stand for and all that they are. Duos fascinate me because they seem to make more noise than a band with 4+ members. They seem more inclined to prove themselves. They play with such aggression and sincerity. There is one man who I firmly believe as being one of the most underrated guitarists of the past decade. I say decade because that is how long he has been in the band I have followed since the start. All hail Jamie Hince from The Kills. I’ve already written about my love for Alison, so it is only right I delve into my love for Jamie and why I love him so. This could take some time, this may read like a rant that will never make sense. I know of no other way to write it seems.

I love the way Jamie holds the guitar on stage as if it is a machine gun, as he directs it towards Alison and the crowd. The way he moves on stage and makes the sounds of his guitar with his mouth. The way he plays is how a true musician should play. With power, with passion- with a gang mentality. Do or die. That’s what you get from The Kills. The Kills, for me just go beyond being a band. They become a way of life. Anyone who truly truly loves and adores this band will know what I mean. The way he plays is enough to make me want to start my own duo with someone I can menacingly yet playfully point a guitar at. But I’ve resigned myself to the fact that I just cannot and will not ever be able to play an instrument. I’m okay with absorbing all the music I can from the bands I love rather than try start my own thing.

What fascinates me about Jamie is how he manages to make so many sounds without making you get all confused about what you are hearing. You take in every single note, you take it all in and it becomes part of you. Something takes over. When I listen to songs like Fuck The People or Pull A U, it feels likes some kind of brutal tension building up. With Alison’s delicate vocals and Jamie’s aggressive guitar playing you become so enthralled with what you are hearing. What do you do? Do you just sit there? NO. You fucking dance/move as if you are possessed, as if you are about to start a fight. Why be gentle when you can make a mess.

Their debut record, Keep On Your Mean Side will ALWAYS be my favourite record by them.  I personally feel it shows Jamie at his most aggressive. The record starts with Superstition. You combine THAT scream Alison does with his guitar skills, you fast become aware that you are about to hear one of the best records of all time. It is one of the very few records that instilled something in me that goes beyond words. It is one of those records that I will always look back on and think, “this record defines so much for me.” The Kills aren’t just a band I listen to for any specific reason other than I just HAVE to. It becomes part of my routine. I play them in the shower, singing Jamie’s guitar parts which sometimes causes my mum to yell “WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN THERE?!” I just have to constantly have their thrashing and passionate sounds in my ear. Since I first heard them all those years ago, I have not gone a day without listening to them. I love watching how, when Jamie plays it is like he controls how Alison moves on the stage. At times she stalks the stage like a panther. Then you see her move as if something is taking her over. It is the crowd, the energy and the way Jamie plays. Their chemistry goes beyond being able to put into words. It is sacred, but you feel part of it. How she spins around and bends her body from how Jamie slays the guitar causes you to move the same. They both control you in their own way. Jamie causes you to move like a person possessed and Alison captivates you with how she stares deep into you as she sings the songs that own your heart.

One thing I truly appreciate about Jamie’s guitar playing is that you never hear any sadness. With some guitarists, they can make it sound sad. With Jamie it always sounds so full, hopeful, passionate, raw and alive. Pots And Pans is a prime example of this. For me that song just seems so hopeful. I’m not sure what the hope is directed at, but there is something positive there. I’m not sure if I could pick a favourite track by The Kills but I know Keep On Your Mean Side is my favourite record.

Nostalgia and questions fill you as you listen to The Kills. Jamie’s guitar playing makes you feel like you are battling everyone around you. You are part of this road trip that they are taking you on. You’ve been on it for so long, and you know you will never leave. Do or die. Do or die. It will never leave. You feel like you are on some chase. Desert road or highway, you are being sought after by the law. Or someone who possibly hates you. The windows are down, dust hits your face, drive harder, drive faster. Don’t give up. That’s how he makes you feel. You cannot give up. Then Alison’s voice makes you feel comforted. They are on this journey with you. The music is your keeper, your safety net. For me, my lifeline. There is no deeper or greater love.

A band can sum up a generation. A band can be your life. A band can be that friend at 4am when you have no idea what is going on. A band can be that thing you lean on as you stumble home in a drunken haze. A band can be the hangover cure. A band can be the ultimate cure. A band can lead you to wherever you want to go. For me, The Kills are that band. It was love at first listen (and sight of course.)

It does piss me off that Jamie doesn’t get the recognition that he really deserves, but it makes you treasure his genius even more. When I walk around listening to them, I feel like nothing or no one can touch me. They make me feel invincible, less alone and capable. They give me something that I’ll never get anywhere else. The Kills are home. The Kills are all I know. Their lyrics, their songs are like a guide. “It’s alright, to be mean.”

When I saw them live, it was like my eyes had been opened up to another world. I denounced all that came before, all that came after was to be compared to that moment. If it doesn’t move me or make me feel like that night or like a record by The Kills does- then I don’t want to know. I want to feel like my soul has been shaken. That my face has been confronted with Jamie’s machine gun moves. A brutal force takes over and you realise- YOU ARE FUCKING ALIVE.

The Kills give me hope. They have proven that you do not need much to be heard. And if they can’t hear you- be a bit more mean (alright so I cannot be mean and I’m too gentle for my own good ssshusssh.) and turn it up a touch more louder. Don’t let them take you alive, and always ALWAYS put up a fight.

It feels wrong to write about Jamie without falling back on Alison. They are two of the most important people in my life that I’ll never meet. When a band change your life, you feel as if you have so much to say. I haven’t even covered half of how I feel. The love is there though, the love will always be there.

The Kills-Baby Says.

Posted on by

When Blood Pressures came out last year, it was all I listened to. For a solid week it was all I cared for. Thing is, it still is. I play it every single day now. I play every album by The Kills every single day. I just have to do it. If I get to about 9pm and I haven’t heard anything by them, I stop what I’m doing and just go listen to them. They go beyond being a band to me. Blood pressures is a perfect record. There’s gritty moments, there’s soft moments. Like all their records. With each of their records, I’ve always found one or two songs that utterly captivate me in ways I didn’t know a song could. Then I heard Baby Says.

I know they have over 10 years worth of material. All the B-Sides, albums, covers..they have so much. So why did it take a song from their most recent album to have such an impact on me? What is it about Baby Says that just makes it one of Alison and Jamie’s strongest tracks? It is because the lyrics are nothing like I have ever heard before? Is it how wonderfully Jamie plays the guitar during the song? Is it their voices? All of this, plus much more? Of course it is. If I could pinpoint what it is exactly that I love about this song, I would. I think though, I’m going to have to say it is the lyrics. Not just how amazing they truly truly are- but how their voices together, just create a scene in the song that nothing else has ever done. I have no idea how I’m going to do this, but I have Baby Says on repeat to try to help me make sense of the words that I am about to write. (I need more tea!)

“Baby says she’s dying to meet you,
Take you off and make your blood hum,
And tremble like the fairground lights.”

I just love this, what a perfect way to open a song. Everyone knows how the band are influenced by the Velvet Underground. There’s a fine line between being influenced and straight up ripping off. This to me, just sounds like a perfect tribute to them. Jamie has said that the lyrics to this song are the ones he is the proudest of, and so he should be. They are just so bloody amazing. It reads like a poem. Even if you do not like The Kills, just read the lyrics to Baby Says and it will just come across as a beautiful and romantic piece of literature. There are two verses to this song that just make me shut my eyes and think “This is what euphoria feels like.” The first one is :

“Baby says a howl of romance I’ll get.
From all your sleeping dogs, you thugs of God,
I’ll get one yet.”

If I could tell you what this does to me and how it makes me feel, I would. It is one of those verses that makes you think, “Was this written for someone like me?” I have no idea who or what this song is about (I know Jamie sometimes dedicates it to his wife, Kate at gigs) but I like not knowing and being able to just create your own meaning. This is the kind of song that I hope, someone hears and it makes them want to start a band. I write songs, and I cannot play an instrument..but when I heard Baby Says, I took how I write songs in a different direction. However, I rarely show anyone what I write because it is a bit personal and..you know, I can handle someone saying “Oh Olivia..you really are a shit Music Writer.” But if someone read my songs and said something bad, I’d probably cry. You should never mock or belittle a persons feelings. Ever. Feelings are personal. They should never be toyed with, mocked or ignored.

The other verse that just sends me into an internal frenzy is :

“Baby says for all I’ve forsaken,
Make something of all the noise,
And the mess you’re making.
And all the time’s it’s taken.”

Blood Pressures just shows how much they have grown, in so many ways. For me, this verse is one of the best things The Kills have ever written. I love it so much. Favourite part for sure. What I take from this verse is that, no matter what you are doing- or trying to do, if you are creating chaos in the process, just turn it into something positive. You can ALWAYS do it. It doesn’t take something big to realise this, I found it in this song. I guess this song could be my crutch or something. I listen to it, and I just think, “Fuck it..I’m going to amount to something. I’ll make something out of this.” That’s probably not what the song is about, but that verse especially for me, just feels like that. Like I said earlier, and many times before- The Kills go beyond being a band to me. This song is a perfect path to escapism and growing. I’ve cried to this song, I’ve solved things to this song, I’ve gained confidence because of this song. Baby Says makes me feel like there is something. You cannot wait for something, you’ve got to go get it yourself.

If you are broken, play this song. It’ll fix you up real good. If you just want to feel part of something, feel this song. If you want to feel like you’ve got to where you want to be, listen to this song. If you feel like you haven’t quite got there yet, listen to this song and you’ll get there.

Things take time. Look at what The Kills have accomplished in their 10 years as a band. It is something that makes me honoured to be fan. Then I play this song, and I just..I don’t know. A lot of feelings are involved. It has everything I want in a song. Lyrics that just reach me to the core and make me feel okay with how things are.

Blood Pressures made 2011 worth seeing out. It wasn’t the best year, but it is one of the records that made every bad feeling worth living through. Baby Says is one of the few songs that I had playing over and over in my head when it all got too much. When a band can do that to you, nothing in the world can ever compare to it. Nor can anyone ever take it from you.


The Kills – 10 Year Anniversary.

Posted on by

“Lost a lot of blood. Lost a lot of cool, cool, cool.”

Ten years ago today, Alison Mosshart and Jamie Hince aka The Kills played their first gig together. On the tenth anniversary of my favourite band- I’d like to attempt to put into words just why I love them and what they mean to me. Over the past few days I have read peoples stories about the anniversary gig in New York on Saturday. I managed to watch it online (no, I didn’t stay up until 4am to watch it because of the shitty time difference. I’m too old for staying up ast 11pm it seems!) Even though I wasn’t there, I could feel the love in the room. You could see just how much Alison and Jamie love what they do. More importantly, you can see just how inspiring and loving their friendship is.

Like most who adore The Kills, it goes beyond adoring the music that they make. It is an admiration of two people having a vision, and going with it- not giving a fuck about anything but the art. Staying true to their hearts and not ever compromising their art in the process. Over the past 10 years of being a fan, this is just a hint of what they have taught me. The Kills haven’t just opened my eyes and mind to a different world, they, in some respects have made me who I am. Now, for most- who I am isn’t exactly good. But for me, I’m bloody well proud. Their music has been the one  of very few that I turn to when I’m feeling low, and has also been there when I feel insanely happy. It’s everything to me. Do or die.

I want to talk about their bond before I really get into the music because I feel this may take up a lot of space. When I first heard The Kills..shit I can’t remember but I know it was Fried My Little Brains. I probably saw the video whilst flicking through the music channels aged 15/16. That age where everything sticks and the smallest thing can change you in a way you never thought something could. This noise that was coming through just blew me away. How could two people make such a noise? I wanted to know everything about their music, what influenced them, their music background- I wanted to know it all. So, I read up about them. Read as many interviews as I could find. I remember staying up late and hearing them on a John Peel session. I think that really nailed my dedication to them. From then on, I knew I had found the band to be my guide. They would be the ones to make me feel less cack about growing up and becoming a person I was probably scared to be. I’ve always been a bit socially uncomfortable, but a band like The Kills broke that down. Their bond is the most inspiring friendship I’ve ever EVER seen. Alison pretty much gave up her life in America to move to London to make music with Jamie. Listening to him play the guitar, like a loveable stalker then turning into being one of the most influential and honest bands around. Things take time, they say- and in those 10 years everything they have done has been so open and passionate.

The way Alison stalks the stage with her hungry eyes, caressing the mic in her hands singing the words that make you think “FUCK YES. THIS IS THE REAL THING RIGHT HERE.” You sing along with everything you have. Jamie stands beside her using his guitar as a weapon. Holding it, aiming his guitar at Alison and the crowd like a gun. Every note he churns out is a bullet to the soul. It wakes you up. It shakes you. His violent gestures merge so heavenly with Alison’s sweet, delicate voice. The way he mouths the notes he his making from the guitar like a man possessed. Alison looks at the crowd and moves like a woman possessed. They both are; by the music. And you, the audience are also taken over. Everything takes you over. You take in every single movement by Alison and Jamie. You are in awe of their chemistry. Some like to say it is sexual chemistry. Personally? You can honestly see how they are like brother and sister. It probably goes deeper than that. They are each others life. You can see how much they love what they are doing, and how happy they are sharing the moment with each other- and the crowd. It’s them against the rest of the world. That’s how it should feel when you meet your best friend, your soulmate. With them, you can do anything. Without them, they are still around somehow to make you feel like you can do it. It’s the most innocent and beautiful thing one can ever feel. It is unconditional and forever accepting.

Now, the music. Where on Earth do I begin with this? From recording on an 8-track in a soundproof cupboard to touring the world with their incredibly distinctive sound- The Kills are EASILY not only the best band around, but the best duo around. Two people can make a Hell of a lot of noise kids, don’t ever think they can’t because they really fucking can. Over the past ten years they have given us brutal riot infused songs such as Cat Claw to haunting heartbreaking songs like The Last Goodbye. Every record of theirs has played such a great role in my life. To someone who doesn’t love music, everything I have written here, and ever write will just seem like utter nonsense. Maybe that’s the case. You know, if I was going to be professional about this- I’d ignore the fact that I am a fan and write from a critic standpoint. I just cannot do that. What I learnt from The Kills is one thing in particular- always do it from the heart and with all you have. That’s how I write, and how I live. If it doesn’t feel right in my heart, I’m not playing any part in it. This is why I will NEVER write on here about something I hate and rip it apart. The world has far too many negative vibes; I don’t want to add to it. I want to write about things that I am passionate about, in the hopes someone reads it and thinks..”I feel the same.” And they don’t feel so alone with being passionate about a band, or even a song.

I will ALWAYS say that Keep On Your Mean Side is my favourite record by The Kills. However, when Blood Pressures came out last year I was in a wonderfully low place. Certain things happened that I had no power over. I couldn’t do a thing (my job at the time ended, my mum was diagnosed with cancer and a bunch of other shit.) To say I wanted to throw in the towel was a fucking understatement. I heard Blood Pressures and every ounce of passion and love in me just came back. It’s like it filled me up with fight and hope again. DNA and Pots And Pans are two songs that just made me think “Fuck..I gotta do something.” The Last Goodbye broke my heart, and I stand by “How can I rely on my heart if I break it, with my own two hands.” As being my favourite line of 2011, and the lyric that saved my soul. The vulnerability in that song made everything easier. To know someone could sum up how lost I felt, knowing it was someone I look up to- it made it mean more than the World to me. It became my world.

I still play No Wow, Keep On Your Mean Side and Midnight Boom every day. Not a day goes by when I don’t listen to The Kills. Over the past ten years, they have been more than just a band. If you regard The Kills as “just a band” you’re no fan. They are more than two people making the best music around. They are two people who give music obsessives like me something to cling onto and hold so deep within their heart. Their music will never stop being like the blood in my veins. I do not care if any of what I have written makes me sound mental. I know that at least one person in the world who may read this will connect, because fans of The Kills are the most passionate and sincere people you will ever meet and know. We are a dedicated bunch.

This has been my tribute to the two most perfect human beings I will probably never meet. If by some stroke of luck they see this- I just want to say Thank You. Thank you for giving this hopeless kid a fuck load of hope and passion ten years ago, and with every listen- I gain more hope and passion. Thank you for making music that allows one to feel so much, and that feeling mean isn’t always a bad thing. Thank you for having a bond that makes me, as a fan, want to find my own. Maybe I will, maybe I won’t. Thank you for teaching me to stay true to myself even though at times it can be hard. Thank you for that gig in November 2008 in Stoke at The Sugarmill. You left me speechless and inspired.

Alison, Jamie- thank you for the past ten years. Here’s to many many more. Much love, Olivia xx

“And if I only could, I’d make a deal with God. And I’d get Him to swap our places….”

Posted on by

As you know, I’m not exactly articulate or clever with my words. I don’t try to be, I wouldn’t know how. I know that my biggest problem is that I write from the heart and possibly with too much feeling. I guess it’s because the music I love is like that. If I don’t write this way, then there’s really no point. I suppose that is why I know I will never ever be paid to do this for a living. That being a Music Writer is just some childhood dream that has followed me into adulthood- but it just stays a dream. I’m just another twerp with a Journalism degree who’s trying to be heard (I don’t want to be seen.) But anyway, that isn’t about that right now. This is going to be another post with a lot of feeling. I have no idea why I’m even doing this. Maybe it’s beause I have a awful cold, and I’ve had too much cough medicine. You don’t have to read this. And why should you anyway.

I have no idea how to approach this at all. I never do. You see, I can pour everything I feel about a song or band so easily here. It seems to be the easiest thing in the world. Ask me to tell you how I feel about certain people or whatever- I seem to lose words and the ability to function. I guess it’s why I’m always writing something. Whether it be here, in my poetry notebook or my lyric notebook. I’m always writing something, about something- or someone. I’m not an emotionally challenged person. I just lose the ability to make sense a lot of the time. Nor do I need to be drunk to tell you that I love you, or to ask you for 10p. I’ll start this for real now.

Something happened very close to a year ago. Something which every single person on this planet fears. I’ve never spoken about in great detail with anyone. I didn’t see the need. I didn’t see why I should or why anyone would give a shit. I spoke about it with one friend. In fact, we both cried about it. This is why she’s my best friend and rock. She’s one of the very very few people who changed me for the better. She won’t see this, so there’s no point in me praising her too much 😉 Last year my mother flew over to England to tell me she had Breast Cancer. My reaction was typical. I cried like a fucking baby and clung onto her like an ape. I think my heart and world stopped. I wanted to swear, but I respect my mother too much to use the word FUCK in front of her. Buggery and twat is fine though. It was something I never ever imagined I would hear. It wasn’t something I ever thought about. How I felt from that moment from then on is something I wouldn’t wish upon anyone- even someone I disliked. People say having your heartbroken by a lover is awful. Whatever. That’s nothing. This feeling is a trillion times worse. It makes the romantic kind of heartbreak seem like nothing. However, we’re all different and deal with life’s obstacles in different ways. If you’re anything like me, you do the whole “if I ignore it, it’ll go away but I know it will creep up and bite me in the arse.” Oh, and it did. It did.

I’m not writing this for anyone to think or feel, “You poor thing.” No. I’m doing this because I want to show how music, how a song can pull you through anything. Even something as horrific as this. My mum is one of the lucky ones. She is still here. However, when she tells me she’s in pain or doesn’t feel well- I panic so much internally. All I can do is offer a hug or a cup of tea. I know, I’m useless. When she was undergoing Radiotherapy she still managed to look amazing. I think she’s one of these people who cannot leave the house without make-up. She had her treatment in Sheffield, so I’d go up and see her a few times a week. She didn’t want me to go to the place where she was being treated, which I fully understood. Instead we’d wander around York, Manchester and Sheffield. I’d be lugged around clothes shops and in return, I’d make her go to record shops with me.

My mum is the most strongest and loving human beings I know. I saw how strong she was through all of this, and it just inspired me in ways that I didn’t know how. I never really sat down and spoke about this with her. I didn’t see how me talking about how I felt about her being ill would help. It wouldn’t rid her of cancer. It wouldn’t make this less real. My way was to just act like normal. In front of my friends, I would remain the joker doing my best to make them laugh- doing my best to make sure nobody ever caught onto how awful I felt. For a month or so, I just cried myself to sleep. There were times when leaving the house was seen as the most impossible thing ever. I just wanted to sleep, and when I woke up- I wanted none of this to have ever happened. I always thought, “Fucks sake Olivia. You have NO right to feel so bad. You’re not the one with cancer.” I told myself this all the time until I snapped out of it. I guess I had to trick myself into living again so I wouldn’t be a mess. Thing is, to everyone and anyone- I was totally fine. I was strong and together. I was told a few times that it was okay to break or whatever. But I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t physically go to a friend and just have an outburst. When my mum told me she was sick, I left her for an hour and I went to my best friend’s house. I sat on her bed. And just bawled. She did too. That was the first and last time I did that. I hate crying. It gives me a migraine.

I’m not writing this to make anyone feel sorry for me, or for anyone to praise me or anything. I’m doing this for one reason. I’m writing this to make someone else see that…it’s fucking okay to be a mess you know? Just because you reach rock bottom doesn’t mean you cannot get up again. Use Music as your fucking crutch. I did. Certain songs (which I will link you to in a bit) pulled me through. When I couldn’t sleep or when I didn’t feel too great- these songs gave me something. I’m not exactly the poster-child for bravery. I think the cowardly lion is possibly my spirit animal sometimes. I think I’ve got better. Who knows.

You’ve got to put your faith in something or someone. A place, a person or a sound. Just something. Give yourself to something. I don’t like bothering anyone with anything that gets to me. I’m more likely to just play a song I love to find comfort and answers. And so, that is exactly what I did. The songs I’m going to link you to ALL played an important role in making sure I didn’t become a selfish wanker wallowing in self pity. These songs stopped me from going under and into something shit.

My mum’s okay now. Well, mentally- she will always be tapped in the head. I think that’s genetic. I’ve got no fucking chance of being normal. Not that I’d ever want to be 😉 I remember when she was undergoing treatment she kept saying to me, “I don’t care if I’m on a fucking drip-we ARE going to see Morrissey.” And we did. Twice. I refuse to ever EVER go watch Morrissey live with anyone but my mum. I don’t care who you are- I can only go with her. When we saw him in York we stood for an hour at the end of the gig waiting for him to come out. He came out. As he got into his car, waved and nodded at us. For me, that was perfect. We’ve seen Morrissey 4 times, each time it just makes me feel so alive. However seeing him twice last year meant so much more, for the obvious reasons. It was just perfect.

I think I’ve written far too much. I’ll probably delete this because, when I re-read this I will see how much of an idiot I am. I’m sorry. If you’ve read this- thank you, and I’m sorry you put yourself through this. Anyway, go listen to these songs. They sum up what I’ve been trying to say better than I ever could, especially Kate Bush and Brand New. Running Up That Hill..the chorus just sums up everything I felt and feel. I would give anything to have swapped with my mum so she didn’t have to go through any of this :