There aren’t many singers that can reduce me to tears by hearing their voice. Most just send me to another world; very few can turn me into a blubbering mess within seconds. Today I’m in an alright mood. I just watched the new video by Antony & The Johnsons, and his voice within seconds made me cry. I remember when I heard Hope There’s Someone and I felt every single part of me melt. It was overwhelming. I cried. Yet I had to keep playing the song over and over.
Antony’s voice is so pure, vulnerable and haunting. I’ve honestly never heard a voice so delicate and stunning. His words make you feel less ashamed and his voice is so gentle; it makes you feel as if all the bad in your life no longer matters.
Cut The World is stunning. The video is dark, and you can take what you wish from it. Those who can’t deal with anything gruesome may not enjoy it, but for the sake of art you can truly call this a wonderful video. Personally, this is one of my favourite videos I have seen in a long time.
The build up in the video matches the intense build up in the song. Not many can truly capture this, but here it is done so perfectly.
“You look dandy in the sky but you don’t scare me. ‘Cause I got you here in my eye.”
Yesterday I had to explain to my 83-year-old Grandma who Captain Beefheart was. She said, “Well..I already know who Nick Cave is and I like him.” My Grandma is better than yours, for many reasons. Mainly this one. This is one of my favourites.
If something is strange; I’ll probably enjoy it. I just have a disposition to like things that are a bit mental really. I like mental people too. But the good kind. Not the kind who yell at stuff in the street and follow you home. I know they need love too, but my love is not for them. I know exactly who and what my love is for.
I really love mental music. I love music that makes me feel like I’m having an outer-body experience. I love music that makes me feel like I am being punched then hugged then swayed. Music that fucks you over with several feelings at once. I guess that’s what love is like? I’d say “I wouldn’t know.” But that’s unfair. My love for bands that are borderline insane is probably obsessive. I love bands such as The Orange Alabaster Mushroom to Frank Zappa. If it sounds strange, I’ll like it. If it looks strange, I’ll probably approach it. I should never go outside.
Don Van Vliet aka Captain Beefheart in my mind was the greatest frontman of all time. His words, his demeanour, his everything was so enigmatic and captivating. I found his music on my own, I’m not sure how it happened but I developed a massive obsession. Thing is, I don’t think he is someone you can just stick on in the background. You can’t just play Safe As Milk in the background and go on about your daily routine. He made music that fucked up your soul and eased your mine. His lyrics were a strange form of seduction. His voice was not only distinctive, but so powerful. The strength he had in his voice just left you in awe. From the gnarly sounds in Dropout Boogie to the tenderness in I’m Glad.
Don was more than just a singer in one of the best bands ever. He was a TRUE artists. His fearless nature and his strange lyrics just made him someone you could relate to because you know what it’s like to be told “NO” but still want more, and to get what you want. The underdog is always refused because sometimes you’ve got to put an end to all the refusal you have been handed and do it your own way. If you do things your own way, then it feels better. Always.
Don’s work (art and music) was something (and still is) you could totally lose yourself in. Trout Mask Replica is one of the most enjoyable and strangest records I’ve ever heard. The songs are all over the place. Some may say the work of a mad man. I say it is the exposure of a genius. Safe As Milk is probably my favourite debut record of all time, and one of my favourite records of all time. His music gets you through. Not because you can relate to the lyrics. Half the time, I have no idea what is going on. But because I have no idea what is going on, I just love him even more. You don’t always need to relate. He just made you feel part of the strange, and you felt less strange.
You’ve got to keep people fast away from how weird you are, but keep your weird ways close at hand. Never let anyone tell you that you are wrong for being how you are. You get that vibe from listening to Captain Beefheart. I’m writing this listening to Trout Mask Replica, and I feel as if someone is entirely fucking with my mind. Not in a “someone’s going to get hurt, watch your heart” kind of way. Far from it. I can deal with this, this feels like a weird release. It’s been a long time coming.
Personally, there will never be another like Don. Everything about him was so rare and beautiful. He wasn’t scared to make music that wouldn’t be welcomed by all. He wasn’t afraid to do what he felt was right, you know? His fearless approach and his way of doing so is something that hardly any posses now. He was a rare soul, and one we must never ever forget.
The intro of a song can either leave you in awe and hold all your attention. Or it can make you think “Well fuck this, I’m going to have a bath instead.” It can leave you wanting more or leave you never wanting to hear anything ever again. My attention span is getting worse. As I get older, I find my interests decreasing. All I used to enjoy I probably now dislike. Maybe I’m just really difficult. It’s alright; I annoy myself on a daily basis.
There are some intros to songs that just blow you mine. It’s not really something I gave much thought to until recently where it became intense and a brief obsession. I’d play some songs, but it’d only be the first 30 seconds or so, then I’d listen to something else. It’s impossible for anyone to say what THE greatest intro to a song of all time is. Everyone has an opinion. The ones I’m going to put here may be ones most would think, “The fuck is she thinking.” This is the only place where I have an opinion. I’ve learnt people don’t like it when you say what you think. So I think, and don’t really speak. I don’t say much because I don’t have much to say, and believe anything I say is not really interesting. Why speak if you know this about yourself? I know I sound like a morbid twat, but whatever. We don’t know each other.
The start of something, anything- it doesn’t have to be a song, is usually a wonderful thing. You make it beautiful because you want it to last. It doesn’t last. With a song you can just hit repeat and create different moments every single time. You can throw yourself back in time, or you can make do with your current surroundings. It is all up to you. A song can carry you and control you- but in a pleasurable way. Anything else can sometimes just be a huge burden.
My favourite intro to any song ever has to be Elephant by Warpaint. I remember when I first heard it. I felt as if something incredible had happened. I felt everything turn and change inside of me. I felt a hint of being alive. Everytime I feel as if I’m dragging myself through because I cannot move, I play this song. As soon as Emily’s voice comes in, I feel as if every part of me has been saved. As if it has been saved for a reason. Most of the time, I believe there is no reason. This song however, gives me some kind of faith. A bit of hope. Courage is a different matter. I don’t trust anyone who doesn’t sway like Jenny Lee Lindberg when they listen to Warpaint. You cannot help but move your body around in a trance-like way. You feel every note. You feel every single part of the song. My love for Warpaint is unconditional and intense. I just don’t think any other band can rule my soul as much as they do. The Kills have my heart, Warpaint have my soul and The Jesus And Mary Chain have my mind.
An intro to a song can stop you from doing what you were doing. You pause, and you feel yourself fall under the spell of the song. My favourites are the kind that just build and build. The bands I listen to and love are those who create an atmosphere that at times is quite dark, but give you something to cling onto. They conjure up feelings you never thought you could ever have. Sometimes intense, but for the most part it is the most euphoric state you could ever be in.
So, I’ve basically rambled enough. I could EASILY write more words, but obviously the music speaks for itself.
These are my favourite intros ever. I’ll probably think of more, and I’ll probably want to change my mind. Typical!
Growing up is a drag. I’m 25 and I know I have more growing up to do, and I hate it. I don’t want to be this, I don’t want to be that. But sometimes you are fortunate enough to hear a song that eases the pains of growing up you know?
Ali Koehler is one of the best drummers around. Her, Stella from Warpaint and Sandy from Dum Dum Girls are my favourite drummers. Ech plays with utter heart and passion. Ali also makes music that just oozes the same passion and heart.
Not Like Me is self-deprecating, and as someone who believes it is better for me to be cruel about myself before someone else gets there first; I am in love with this song, and I can relate a lot to the lyrics.
It’s the kind of song I want to play to my nephew and tell him to not be a sensitive mess like his Auntie when he grows up you know? If I can stop someone from having the same traits as me, then I’ve done something well. Maybe? I’m not sure.
Not Like Me is only a minute and a half long. Despite this, it is a truly beautiful song. I love the way Ali has written something so delicate and vulnerable. It honestly makes you want to take her out for a beer and tell her she’s fucking wonderful. We all need that sometimes. I’m probably going to call this as one of my favourite things to have happened this year.
Sure the general topic of the song may be slightly dark, but we need it. It is important to have that balance. Not Like Me is fragile and pure. I cannot praise it enough. It is so honest and open. If you cannot relate, you have no heart. Don’t be scared.
Longing VS wanting. Innocence VS not really knowing. Caring VS not caring. Life VS death. Love VS stupidty. In the long run, it is probably all the same thing. You wish to burn out what you see in your mind. You wish you could see certain things forever. You wish you did one thing differently, at one point. You wish you were more eloquent with your words. You wish you wrote THAT song so you could play them it; so they get it. Will they ever get it? Does anyone ever really understand? Are we just killing time by explaining. These are the thoughts I am not paid to write down. I’ve never been paid for this. I don’t expect to. They want you to be like them. Dress like that, talk like this. Walk as if you don’t care, behave like an obnoxious fool. Keep me indoors please.
You slip away from reality sometimes. You lose tough. With yourself and others. Maybe you only talk to 2 or 3 people everyday. But they are the ones that you love so much. Maybe one of them you love more than most, because this person owns your heart. This person is on your mind, constantly. Or maybe it just isn’t like that. Maybe you have no idea. Sometimes you think you cannot get lower or higher than your current state. I don’t think this makes sense, because I don’t want it to.
As you get older you learn to cast away your wants, your needs and your desires. You learn that none of it matters. You see everything around you become so typical and bland. You notice you have no plans. You don’t want what they want. You don’t want a 9-5 lifestyle where you do the same thing every day. You still want freedom burning inside of you. The only burning they have is heart-burn. They are typical, and you cannot relate. You know of no one else who feels the same. You think you are wrong, for about 5 minutes. Then you realise that being different is not a bad thing. It is never a bad thing. They may mock your thoughts and how you view the world. But it gets you through.
Trust your heart- not theirs. If you must, spit blood upon those who tell you that you are wrong.
Nothing and no one is worth the torment.
It’s like I am teaching myself all the things I wish I knew sooner. But I just can’t listen to myself.
I honestly have no idea what I’m listening to. All I know is that it is utterly bizarre and bloody good. Thing is, most things that are bit mental and strange are usually the best. No good has ever come from being like everyone else or being a dull so and so. When you act like everyone else you hate yourself because you’re not staying true to yourself.
I’m fairly confident I love Mammal Hum because they’re a really good Northern band. They’re also on Mollusc Records; a label that I fully back. They put out some stunning music, and you should go listen to it all. ALL of it.
So, Mammal Hum are from Hull. There’s four of them; and they make a lot of noise. Not the kind of noise you’ll turn off, but the kind that lures you in. Creeps up slowly, gets louder and louder. Before you know it, you’ve found your new favourite band.
Some of their songs are like euphoric chants and some of their songs are like a swaying lullaby. Think Edward Sharpe And The Magnetic Zeroes goes on a camping trip to the North of England..and this happens. Their music is utterly beautiful. With a few insane moments. You cannot ever have one without the others (this appeals to most things in life.)
What I love is that you can hear the influence of each member in their music. You know about my love for Warpaint don’t you? I love them because you hear crazy layers and you can hear the input of each member. This is why I’ve got a lot of love for Mammal Hum. There’s a HUGE community feel to their music. You know they are in their own world when they play, but you also feel part of it. There aren’t many bands that manage to do this nowadays. You sometimes feel partially segregated, but when you find a band that make you feel part of it all and make you come alive; that’s when you know you have found something truly of worth.
Initially this was meant to be a review but I am honestly useless at writing reviews for my own site. If it’s for someone else I’m okay. So I’ve basically turned this into a declaration of my love for Mammal Hum.
They have a folk feel (but not in that annoying Mumford & Sons/Laura Marling way) and they also take you on some psychedelic trip. You feel totally lucid and as if you have no control over your limbs and mind. Sometimes that’s bloody good thing.
Mammal Hum have a record coming out, What’s Behind Us Is Not Important out on 17th September via Mollusc Records. You should buy it.
Fools judge, so spit the cold words back at them. Ever look at something and think, “Fuck I can’t be here.” So you try your hardest to transport all your thoughts elsewhere? This happened to me today. Sure it happens most of the time to be honest. But today it was more vivid than usual. You don’t want to have these thoughts whilst on a treadmill, it can cause accidents. I was fine. I’m steady. I’m quite clumsy at times though. My attention is easily diverted. I’m writing this and doing about 3 other things because this isn’t enough to hold my attention. I’m going somewhere better than just typing words on a screen.
The only thing that can truly hold my attention is music. Okay a couple of people do too..but music is a solid. I think it is the only secure thing in my life. That said; I really dislike organisation and being told what to do. I hate being rushed. Hate it. Nothing in life needs to be rushed. Move at the pace of a sloth..well, maybe a bit quicker but you know what I mean. You gather up your thoughts and place them in boxes in your mind. I don’t do that. Everything is pushed back. In a heap. This for me, isn’t a bad thing. I’m more likely to have a song playing round my head than anything else.
The escapism is still there; always. I always want to leave where I am. Always. I probably came out of the womb wishing I was born elsewhere. They teach you to do what you want, but when you do some fuck says you’re wrong. But you aren’t wrong. They’re wrong.
Something will always take over you. Something will make you snap. I long for the day where I can leave and never come back. It’ll be a moment I look back on and feel I’ve finally done something right. Sometimes you want to tear your eyes out in the hopes a new pair grow back and you see things differently. Just because you can see things differently doesn’t mean your heart feels any different.
Kicking and screaming. Dragging and wailing. Get out. Find a sound and let it take you over. Get out. Just get out.
But I am incapable of taking my own advice, and I hate the way I write.
Music that makes me feel like my insides are being ripped out and that makes me feel like my ears are bleeding is pretty much my favourite. I don’t mean I want to hear some fool scream like a person possessed so I can’t understand what on earth they are saying; I mean music that is so loud and passionate it makes you believe. It’s brutal force drives you to make something of your own. Whether it be making your own noise or writing the most emotional and moving poem possible.
Music can make you feel better about being the only person in your world. Music can drown out the rats and make you see what matters. Music can provide what a person can’t. If I can love music like this, I can love a person right? Anyone can. Fear and loathing in my body. My mind is aging fast and my body has no clue. I’ve too much patience, and too much time. A wealth of ideas that are useless. And a heart that’s unsure of its purpose. I find answers in songs that release frustration, longing, desire, confusion and love. I realised I wasn’t alone when I first heard Morrissey. I realised it was okay to enjoy “dark” things thanks to The Jesus And Mary Chain. I found out how to be vulnerable from Patti Smith. I learnt how to keep hold of fear but not let it rule me thanks to Garbage. I learnt how to be gentle from Beach House. I found freedom in Warpaint. Music makes me who I am. I know I should be the one who makes me who I am, but it isn’t always the case.
I found a home in Punk and Garage Rock. I found two types of music that just summed everything up. Punk let out the fury, Garage Rock saved my soul. I’ve done a tribute to my love for Garage Rock before, but it’s the turn of Punk. I know EVERYONE has their own opinion on it. No one is right, no is wrong. I prefer the American Punk scene because it means more to me. It had more heart; it wasn’t about the appearance. It was the music that spoke volumes. The voices behind it just created something so powerful, and life-changing. From Iggy to Ramones and all in-between there was a voice for all. Ramones are EASILY in my top 5 favourite bands of all time, so it truly pisses me off when I see people wearing a Ramones shirt and they cannot name a song by them- let alone a band member. If you don’t dig the band then don’t wear the shirt. Simple as.
For me, Punk was a sheer escape. If you saw where I grew up you’d fully understand why I needed to mentally escape as often as possible. I still do. More than ever. Music is truly my life, it’s all I know. Punk kept the fury alive, I’m waiting to turn it into something I can be proud of. However, I have yet to do something I am proud of. Maybe one day it’ll happen. Or on my deathbed I’ll say, “I made this amazing cup of tea once…” As I reminisce about this cup of tea, I croak it. Typically. Anyway.
Punk has my heart. It owns every part of me. It is everything and so much more. It went beyond being a genre of music. A state of mind, a way of life and a way of being. They say it is dead. Well, the true essence of it is and we’ll never see a movement like it ever again. That’s why I treasure it so much.
These are the Punk songs that mean more to me than I can put into words. These are the songs that provided a safety net but unleashed all I felt because my words weren’t good enough. They never will be, but that’s fine.
They’ll take your freedom in any way they can. They’ll tear out your tongue. They’ll break your heart. You can find a sense of romance in almost anything; but not that. People judge, and people will call you out on things you haven’t done. Things you haven’t said. Do it back, they say. But you can’t. You’re not a cruel person. You’re sensitive and you hate yourself for it. You can hate yourself for so many reasons, this is one of them. But it’s okay because at least you don’t lie to yourself. Kid yourself and spiral into a frenzy of lies; that’s what most do. I’d rather be honest with myself than be a judgemental cunt. This is all for a reason. I have a point.
Monday night, I went out. I’m wishing I hadn’t because since then I’m carrying a feeling I cannot get rid of, and it’s starting to get to me. I’d rather write this down than do the normal thing of telling someone face to face or whatever. Anyway.
I’ll be the first to admit my face isn’t all that. I wear black all the time (I have a pair of red creepers, a red Sonic Youth shirt and a red Iggy Pop shirt..I don’t really wear them.) Just because I wear black all the time doesn’t mean I am going to stab you and offer your heart as some kind of sacrifice. I notice nothing when I go outside, I just put my headphones in and walk. I look at the ground or whatever because over here, eye contact isn’t good. Eye contact, I have learnt is never good. If I look at you when I talk to you it’s probably because I probably think you’re alright. I’m getting better. For a while I’ve been working on the whole self-confidence thing. You know how you get people who do the whole “OH FUCK ME I AM SO VILE TODAY JUST LOOK AT ME” and take about 50 photos of themselves (they do it on a camera phone and probably use Instagram too) and just want attention? Physically, I dislike myself a hell of a lot. I’m fat, short and my face is unfortunate. I’ve re-joined the gym so at least I can stop being a chubber. As a person, I like to think I have some positive traits. My Bob Dylan impression is a treat (can only do it if I’ve had whiskey) and my hugs are alright. Despite the fact that I probably look like a moody twat, I laugh at most things (obviously not at racist jokes and the like, I’m not a cunt.) I’m a lot of good thing, I’m a lot of bad things. I know what I am, no one else has the right to judge.
So, on Monday as I was leaving this bar with some friends I walked past a tabel of about 4 or 5. I didn’t look at them, but I knew they were there. I’m oblivious to most things, but for some reason my ears actually picked up on what was said.
“FUCKING LESBIAN.”
Wow..cheers for that. Do you feel better for that? I hope you did. I really do. I get weird looks ALL the fucking time here. All the time. I only leave the house if I have to. I go to the gym every day, but I walk there and where I live is quiet so I don’t really have to walk past anyone. Going to town for me, is my idea of hell. I hate it. I hate leaving the house.
When I’m in England I’m totally fine. I can walk around London or Manchester at 3am and feel completely safe. Here? Not at all. Not in the slightest. At 25 years old, you’d think I’d be alright with going outside right? Wrong. It’s anywhere but here. Everyday I wake up and wish I was somewhere else. I can’t help but think I was really awful in my past life and this is payback. Never mind, right?
I’d rather live on the streets in a city I love than wake up here one more day. It’s doing more than crushing my soul; it’s destroying me as a person.
They say, “Keep trying.” But I am. Fuck me I am trying, but I get nothing. I’m heading nowhere fast.
I live somewhere that destroys me everyday. I used to be strong and okay with myself. That’s all going. This is why this is coming out.
It took a LOT for me to come out (my mum is so fucking liberal, so I’m blessed in that way) but it still scared me to do so. I know how hard it is to let that part of you, especially when you are from such a small-minded place. My mother always told me, “Be true to yourself and don’t live a lie.” I may act like I don’t listen to people, but that is something I carry with me. It’s hard to keep at it at the moment. I guess I just have to.
To judge someone based on how they look or sexuality or anything is the most pathetic thing in the world. Maybe I should’ve said something to this idiot, but I didn’t fancy being punched. I’ve been hit enough times in my life; I don’t really fancy it again. I cannot hit anyone. I could never bring myself to do it. I’d probably runaway crying. Sure I may be overly sensitive and I may take too much to heart; but at least I can feel. I’d rather be this way than totally numb.
It’ll take a while before I “get over” this, and to any of my friends I had a rant about this all too since..I am sorry. I apologise for most things but..yeah. Anyway. I cannot change what has happened. It’s just pissed me off that we live in a world where people think it is okay to be obnoxious and cruel.
Basically, Dee Dee could sing the phone book and I’d regard it as the best thing ever. I love her voice, I love her lyrics and I think she is just incredible (anyone who covers a song by The Jesus And Mary Chain song just for me is a beautiful human being in my eyes.)
What I love about Dum Dum Girls is that they make music that compares to nothing and no one else. You hear something all too often and you think, “Oh that sounds like…” With Dum Dum Girls, you don’t get that. Well, I don’t. I’m pretty sure their loyal fans feel the same way. I remember hearing Catholicked and being in awe. Then came Jail La La and I knew. I just knew I had found the band to sum up every feeling. Only In Dreams was pretty much my soundtrack to last year. Coming Down got me through everything from the days where I hated everything to my mum getting sick. The whole record just oozed out everything I felt, and more. I suppose most who find a record to do this, they never go back to it. I still play it everyday. Coming Down is my crutch. I think I’m heading that way with Lord Knows.
I heard Lord Knows the other day when Dee Dee did a solo set for KEXP, but my internet connection decided it didn’t want me to hear it properly, so I thought “Alright..September it is..I can wait.” NO. I’m not waiting.
Lord Knows is vulnerable and perfect. For those who feel like they are always hurting those they love; this is your anthem, your prayer. I constantly feel like I’m fucking up so this song is like a blessing right now. I honestly cannot write about Dum Dum Girls without getting really into it, without being 100% personal. I can think of 1 or 2 I want to play this to and say, “This is all of it. I’m sorry.” But they’d say I don’t need to say sorry. No point in apologising if you haven’t done anything wrong I guess.
Lord Knows, if I wasn’t about to head out to the gym after writing this, would make me cry my heart out. Maybe I’ll do that later, or maybe I’ll cling onto knowing someone can sum up all this and much better than I ever can. Maybe things come to you when you need it most, this song definitely does that.
The lyrics to Lord Knows are just perfect and so honest. Dee Dee writes like no other. She gets right to the heart of it, and makes you feel less alone. To posses such beauty in words is something I really admire about her. She deserves a lot more recognition as a songwriter.
Basically, Lord Knows is out of this world. End Of Daze is out 25th September, and it’s the best EP of the year. I’ve not heard it, but I just know. I know.
Beat In My Bones. 