Brooklyn, Brooklyn….Brooklyn. So much to answer for. Look at you, throwing out such talent at us. Constantly. Certain places just ooze talent- Brooklyn is no exception. From Biggie to Friends (the band) to Royal Baths.
Royal Baths make you feel like you in the midst of a nightmare that is going to stay with you forever. You feel yourself falling further and further down into a black hole, or maybe you’re being chased and the moon has failed to guide you home. It’s dark. It’s ghoulish. It’s perfect. You all know that The Jesus And Mary Chain are my favourite band ever. So it is easy for me to claim my love for a band like Royal Baths because they give me that same feeling. The distorted and menacing sound that is balanced out with such distinctive vocals. This is the real deal. There’s no “Oh look at us trying to be arty so we fit in” kind of vibe going on here. This is pure, unapologetic brutal music. This is the kind of music that makes me glad that my hearing is the only decent sense I have left. I’m 25 and my body is falling apart! Okay..that may be a lie, but you know. Royal Baths give you that kick up the arse you’ve been needing. They wake you up and shake you. That brutal, raw feel The Kills have? Royal Baths have it too.
Have I sold them to you yet? I don’t care. Like them or not, they’re awesome. I love them. I need to see them live. I want to be in the midst of this madness. Soaking up all the doom and gloom, treasuring it like a pleasurable romance. I don’t know what I’m saying. I’m not here to make sense. Just listen to them.
I have a feeling I’ll be the only person I know who will like them…does anyone want to be a fellow appreciater (is that a word?!) of Royal Baths with me? I’ll make you cups of tea.
I hate covers. I hate them with everything I have. It takes a LOT for me to like a cover. It’s partly the reason why I wish something truly awful would happen to X-Factor. I’m not even sorry about that at all. I want it to never ever happen again. It’s killing music. Fucking killing it, and not in a good way.
Rant out of the way, I’ll begin.
Hana Piranha. Not only is this an amazing name; but she’s got a brilliant voice. I like big voices like Siouxsie Sioux, Imogen Heap, Kate Bush, PJ Harvey. You know, the ones that can actually sing and don’t have to dick about in order for you to fall in love and listen to them. The ones that influence real talent. This does tie in with my brief rant about covers.
Hana has covered some songs that are up on her YouTube channel. I’ve sat and gone through most of them. I fell in love with first listen. It didn’t feel like I was listening to a cover; it felt like I was listening to her own song. Thing is, if you’re going to cover a song- you’ve GOT to make it your own, add your own style to it- but at the same time pay tribute to the original. It’s why I will always favour Cat Power covering songs- especially ones by Bob Dylan. She does it in such a beautiful way, and you know she is connecting with the song. If you seem emotional removed from it- don’t do it. Simple as.
This cover of Nine Inch Nails is just fucking, it’s a work of art. It’s got an innocent twist on such a demonic song. It’s just so good.
Leaving the covers alone for a bit, her own material is even better. She has this feel to her music that reminds me of very early PJ Harvey. Something John Peel would be proud to play in his show if he was still here, and I bloody well wish he was. Music died when he died. However, we’ve got artists like Hana who are doing something different. She has this grand voice- in a way that isn’t overpowering. She doesn’t sound like a cat in pain, she can actually hold the notes- unlike some singers. I’m not a name dropper. I just think she’s fucking brilliant. I have no idea why I feel the need to swear. Sometimes, something is so good- you just have to slip out a few swears don’t you.
If you love music that comes from the heart, is loud, dark and a wee bit devilish- you’re going to love Hana Piranha.
I also love that their album is going to be called Day Release 😉
If I could have any instrumental version of any song by Warpaint- it would be this one. At first I thought…IT’S THE DRUMS! IT’S THE FUCKING DRUMS! Then I listened again…IT’S THE GUITARS!!! And I then listened again…IT’S THE DAMN BASS! JESUS IT IS THE BASS. So, I’ve come to the conclusion that it is everything. This is the song that makes me wish I could sing. Most of their songs make me wish I could play an instrument, but Bees for some reason makes me wish I could sing. I can’t sing. I probably sound like a cat being stood on and violated. However when I have a cold- I think I can sing. It’s best if I don’t even try anymore.
The bass in Bees just makes you want to bounce like a ball around a room, going crazy. The drums make you nod your head in time. The guitars make your limbs move about so freely. Basically, when you listen to this you’ll probably do a bunch of crazy shit and look mental. It’s okay- I’ll join you. It’s all okay.
I adore the way Theresa sings, “Your full moon taunts me.” You know when you hear a line in a song, and it just sticks with you? You have no idea why it sticks with you at all, but you love it. If I could ever fully explain why I loved their music, I’d feel useless. More useless than normal. The fact that every single time I listen to them, and it blows my mind- makes me fall more in love with the music. It’s just got something else. Something I’ve never heard before, and will never hear again.
For me, this song makes me think about being involved with someone who is of a self destructive nature. If you’ve ever had to deal with this, you’ll be able to relate to this song- no problem. It doesn’t even have to be in a romantic nature. We all know someone who is self destructive and Hell bent on ruining themselves, and possibly draining everyone in the process. It’s an uncomfortable thing to go through and face, because you think to yourself, “Do I leave this person behind? Do I help them? What do I do?” If you listen to this song, you should hopefully be comforted by it because maybe, just maybe you’ll find the answers you need. Music does that to you. It can solve anything without you even being aware of it.
“You’ve been at yourself. You woke me up last night. And my eyes lit up like lights, Like a string of pearls, But you still did what you wanted.”
One of the most evocative lines I’ve heard. Not just by Warpaint, but in general. This person is destroying themselves- they know they are, and they are aware that you know. It stirrs you and you wake up- fully alert. But this person just carries on and does what they want. With no regard to or for anything.
“All that time it took you to get yourself straight, was too late.” This person finally starts to get their shit together, but it’s too late. Maybe they are beyond repair or maybe you’ve up and left them. Whatever it is, it’s too late. Sometimes, when something drags out for so long it becomes far too late to do anything about it. You’ve just got to let it go. It’s one of the songs that really interests me because the music is upbeat but the subject matter is potentially, quite dark. I love music that tricks you with upbeat music and chilling lyrics. We’ve all got a dark/curious side, some of us need to embrace it more often.
Warpaint manage to lure you in with no effort at all. You are immediately drawn in because they have this amazing quality. The fact that it is beyond words makes it so much more appealing. It’s like, when you are told “DON’T TOUCH THAT” but you do it anyway because you want to see what happens. What happens when you listen to Warpaint is that, everything just changes. The way you see yourself and others is just changed. Maybe I’m just going overboard with this, but I do believe that their music has changed how I view certain things in life, and people too. Obviously I’m not some unaccepting, axe wielding, homophobic racist arsehole. I don’t mean that. What they’ve done is essentially appreciate the silence in life, the more calming aspects. I’m not someone who likes being surrounded by large groups of people-mainly because I have nothing of worth to say and I hate small talk. I also hate loudness. I love silence. So much can be said in silence. Warpaint’s music made me, I guess, stay true to myself and not change in order to keep people around. I don’t know. I really don’t. What I’m trying to say is not coming out in the way I want it to. Bees for me, is about letting go off all the bad vibes and people around you. This song, for me, makes it easy to let shit go. I’ve seen what clinging onto the past does to people- I see it, and I vow to never be like that. Bees gave me this realisation. Maybe I’ve gone way too deep and should just accept that this is just a brilliant song? Each to their own.
Theresa sings most of this song, but Emily comes in near the end with this:
“Did I reset what I started? Did I resist what I wanted? Do I think you’ve got my number? I’m not the one to continue on.”
Has this person called them out on their draining ways? Are they to blame? Are you to blame? Have you decided to not be the one who carries on surrounded by all of this? It’s just a brilliant breakdown that, even if you’re not going through anything I’ve described (I’m not going through that, I just have a horrific ability to put shit like that into words) it makes you feel like you are- it’s like what Emily is singing is the solution to being near someone self destructive. Sometimes, you’ve just got to walk away from it. It doesn’t make you a bad person.
You know, most people are terrified of bees- for the obvious reasons. But if you watch them (I love watching nature documentaries a hell of a lot) you see how loyal and majestic they are. The sound they make is quite peaceful in a way. The intro to this, and throughout- musically, sounds like a swarm of bees. It’s a lucid trip that once you come back from, you will never be the same again.
Writing about Warpaint makes me happy. It makes me appreciate the band more than I really do. I listen to each song intensely and with great care. I firmly believe that Warpaint are one of those special bands that you have to listen to with headphones to feel every element of the music. You can feel the vibrations of Jenny’s bass going through your ears in a music-gasm based way. Stella’s drumming shakes your eardrums. Emily’s voice sways you. Theresa’s guitar magic makes you feel like nothing can touch you. All of these factors, and more just make it feel like Warpaint are taking you on some mystical and ethereal tour of exploring the soul.
I’ve taken my rings off and put my glasses on to write this. If I put my glasses on, you know I’m about to concentrate and put my all into writing. I do expect to go off on one with this song. Mainly because I love it so much.
The intro to Warpaint sounds like a monster slowly emerging from under the depths of a raging sea. As it comes further up, the sea becomes more and more calm. Calmed by the delicate drumming and tranquil vocals. I have sat with this song laying through headphones so many times; it just does something. The way Emily and Theresa’s vocals both transport from ear to ear as you listen is so powerful. Neither voice is more dominating than the other. Both voices flow so perfectly together, just like water.
If I was going to compare this song to anything in the world, it would be a desert island. It feels so spacious, relaxed and so far removed from anything else I have ever heard. It feels like a different world; a different level of music making altogether. Maybe it is THE signature Warpaint track? I’m not sure. It depends on who you ask. Some may say this, some may say Billie Holiday or Undertow or Elephants. Maybe no one song defines them; each song is so different from the other but still manages to give you the same euphoric feeling.
I’ve said a few times that their music has made me feel like I am floating on a bed of water. Now, as someone who cannot swim- it’s a strange feeling to look for and to enjoy whilst listening to music. Yet it is one of the best feelings a piece of music or a band can give you. If they can make you feel as if you are sailing off into something so pure and sacred- you know you have found a band worth clinging onto with everything you have.
The lyrics on this song are so perfect. You can take whatever meaning you want from this. I find this song to be more difficult than the others to grasp the meaning of, and at times I don’t know if I can even make my own up. I love this song because you just feel as if you are no longer in your own body. You’re having the greatest outer-body experience you can imagine. You do not want it to ever end, so you just have to keep hitting repeat. Over and over again. Over and over again. Until you feel so weightless and untouchable.
I love the way Emily sings: “Even when I was whispering. You hold on, the water was slippery. You listen, the weather was answering. I let go, I wanna get into it.” over Theresa singing : “In like a dull knife. Pulls out all the stops. I fall out like, time running out.” I just find this to be one of the most incredible and captivating parts of this track. The way their voices run through your ears as you taken in the beauty of the vocals and the wonderful imagery in the words, it’s just so utterly hypnotising. A smile always appears upon my face when I listen to this because it just causes you to see so much in your mind. You create so much from one small detail. It is just out of this world.
The last minute of the song. That breakdown. You know the part I mean. Hopefully it does the same to you as it does to me. The last minute makes me feel like my whole body is going into some kind of euphoric state as the drums kick in and they sing, “I’m over here by your way, tight as a knot I want to fade.” I just love that line SO much. I think it is so powerful.For me, it makes me think of being stood very close to someone you find to be the bee’s knees, but they don’t know you’re there. As they don’t know you’re there, you just want to fade out. I’m not sure if that’s what they were getting at. They probably weren’t but hey.
You know what other part of the song I dig? This part :
“You’re tied in a knot, can’t throw you back here. You’ve got the floor, they say. You gotta lock it up. Late into the night you wore off that fever. That fever.”
For the life of me, I just cannot explain to you why I love it so SO much. It’s just so much. You can apply this verse to anything or anyone. But be careful, you don’t want to waste such beauty on idiots.
When I first heard this song, I was in awe of everything. Every single part of this song- even the tiny details, they just became so timeless and instantly classic. It was if i had been waiting for so long for something to make me feel like this. I know I always say it- but Warpaint, I believe are the band I have been waiting to hear all my life. Of course The Jesus And Mary Chain, The Cure and Morrissey will ALWAYS be my favourites. But, when I heard Warpaint for the very first time, I just felt like I did when I heard those three. I felt like the missing part had been filled. I’ve honestly never felt like this over a band before. No band has ever managed to have everything I want. It’s like finding that pair of jeans or boots that just make you feel good, and you no longer have to search for them anymore because you’ve finally got them.
You cannot deny just how perfect the video fits the song. Sometimes a video can strip away all meaning of a song, but with the video to Warpaint all that feeling of being surrounded by water truly comes to life in the video. It’s just so perfect and just so right, you know? The only downside to the video is that the song is edited, and it isn’t the full 6 minutes. But like I said, it fits so well and just feels so right.
With all of this said and nearly the whole song lovingly picked apart, I reckon the lyrics I can most relate to and feel the most connection with has to be:
“Cold and under, I almost forgot to, Face up to what I ought to. Willing and I do give offering to you. Willing and I do give offering to you. Don’t know why I feel so different. Feel just like a different person. Willing and I do give offering to you.”
It’s sang in a strangely haunting yet comforting manner. You know those times where you don’t feel like yourself, that something else has taken over? This part, this song- just sums it up so perfectly.
I’m a huge supporter of Pledge Music and all it does for REAL musicians. It provides a platform for those that do not have the luxury of being signed to a label or having the ability to spend loads of money on studio time. If you have the time, go to the site and check it out. If you’re passionate about music; it is well worth getting familiar with.
One artist that is making use of Pledge Music is the stunning Jess Morgan.
Jess has supported two acts that I adore a hell of a lot- Ellen And The Escapades and First Aid Kit. Her stunning folk based music is a billion times better than most that’s around right now. Easily. If you’re into the female singer that stands on the stage playing the guitar looking like an injured sparrow-then PLEASE move away from that and listen to Jess. You won’t be disappointed. You can listen to some of her wonderful music at : http://soundcloud.com/jessmorgan
Now I’ve got your attention, I’m going to attempt to put into words just how much it pisses me off all this slagging off and playground behaviour towards someone with genuine talent.
As you all know, before she was Lana Del Rey- she was Lizzy Grant. OH FUCK ME HOW DARE SHE CHANGE HER NAME. I mean, Iggy Pop is clearly his real name. Ziggy Stardust was NEVER a made up persona. Lady Gaga was actually christened with that name, Pink is actually called Pink and Snoop Dog was also born with that name.
Get over it.
I watched a documentary about the Blues recently, and this old guy (very wise and interesting, I’m shit with names though..so….) said this or similar : “They are called performing artists. The clue is there. It’s ART. Artifical. It’s an act, they don’t have to be themselves.” Like I said, that was basically what he said. And let’s face it; it’s true. Most singers create a persona. Some are a gimmick for the right or wrong reasons. So why on Earth is Lana fucking crucified for not going by her real name?
Are you mad because her dad is rich? Give a shit. That’s personal business. I care about Lana’s music. I don’t care about her personal life or what her family gets up to. I just love her music. You go on about how she’s had “work” done on her lips? So fucking what? Who cares if she has or hasn’t. I don’t think she has. I think she’s just got a wonderful pout. Some people pout (we’ve all got that annoying friend who has photos of themselves pouting on Facebook, pricks.) and I reckon Lana is a pouter. Again, who cares. Lana isn’t a singer because she wants you to pull her apart at every single chance. She’s a singer (and a signed one) because she has…GASP! HORROR! TALENT! Which is more than can be said for half the shit that pollutes the airwaves and the like.
Let’s mention SNL briefly. Have you ever had to do something, and you were so fucking nervous, and you just crumbled? Have you ever wanted to ask someone out? You build yourself up to it, and as you approach the person- with the words you want to say on the tip of your tongue and your heart racing, and you come out with “Hey..I err… I dig your elbows.” Then they laugh at you, and that’s it. You never want to speak your emotions ever again. It’s happened to us all. We’ve ALL folded under pressure. Lana is a human being; she’s not a robot who can just block out the fact she was being broacasted to millions of people. If it was me, I probably would’ve ran into a corner, pissed myself and cried for my mother. With no record out, she was the first to do this. That shit is nerve-wracking. Some were saying, “Oh if she was nervous, she shouldn’t have bothered.” Fuck off maaaan. Maybe she was fine, but as soon as the camera hit her- she fell apart. It happens. Let it go.
I read recently that she says people seem fascinated with her failing. She’s not wrong. People are expecting her to fail, but why? Why would you wish for somone to fail? You don’t go to school or whatever and think, “I hope my teacher balls up teaching us Science today!” or “I hope the taxi driver goes the wrong way or breaks down.” Fuck your bad vibes man. There’s so much suffering and shitness in the world, why would you waste your time on hating a person you do not know?
What drew me to Lana in May last year was how vulnerable she seemed. Her honest lyrics haunted you, and her frail presence just lured me in. I knew I was watching something so precious and perfect. It was Diet Mtn Dew that I first heard. Then I read up about Video Games. Her voice on Video Games always ALWAYS flaws me. I’ve never heard anything so pure. However, for me- it was Blue Jeans that did it. Personally, I love it more than Video Games. I can take or leave Video Games. It’s Blue Jeans that I adore. Now, some twerp has leaked the album. I haven’t downloaded it because I don’t want to be one of the tits that kill music. I listened to about 3 songs- then just stopped. I stopped because I wanted to have the record in my hands on Monday. I heard Dark Paradise, and I was internally freaking out. It is perfect. It is one of the best things I will hear all year, that I am sure of.
She has easily put out the best debut album of the year. EASILY. I know I change my mind a lot, but I’ll be sticking to this statement.
It just, I guess it upsets me because I love music. It is my life. And to see awful things such as the X-Factor being praised and artists with genuine talent being shot down. I just don’t get it at all. So what if how Lana dresses seems “manufactured.” I don’t think it does. I’ve seen her wear a leather jacket, jeans and trainers- how the fuck is that manufactured? It isn’t. She’s being true to herself. I’d take her over Gaga and Adele ANY day. I cannot relate to them at all. I can relate to Lana’s dark tales and vulnerable stories.
I kow the whole blogging scene (fucks sake) seem to LOVE to rip anything apart that gets a whiff of popularity. Just grow up and shut up. You’re not the one on stage singing songs from the heart. You’re not the one being pulled apart from what you say/do and how you look. You’re just sat behind a screen eating Wotsits- you probably don’t wash your hands after you pee. You vile, vile creature. I’ve written about Lana before- and I got hate for it- so I deleted it because I couldn’t be arsed. I’m just sick of people being so negative and ripping a person apart. There’s no need for it.
If you don’t like it- don’t listen to it. You don’t need to be a harsh, cold, cruel idiot. It just makes you look like a pretentious twit who has nothing better to do other than hate. What’s the point? I’m not saying you should like Lana, far from it. I just don’t understand why there is so much hate for a person who’s not even put her record out (Monday, it’s out on Monday FINALLY!)
I could go all Chris Crocker on this and just say..LEEEEEEEEEEAVE LANA ALONEEEE!!!! But, I’m trying to tame my madness.
So whatever, big deal she’s made up a name. She wanted to create a name that’s as beautiful as the music- which she has done. She’s not the first person to have gone by a different name. Life is all about changing and finding out who you are. Lana is just another 25 year old like myself trying to find her voice. She isn’t the only one; she’s doing it in a public way. That takes guts and heart.
I adore the line, “Let me kiss you hard in the pouring rain.” from Born To Die. There’s something about it that just makes you feel and think as if you are in love. Her music and her lyrics are truthful; so beautiful. There’s more to Lana than people realise. They seem to be blinded by her past. We’ve all got a past. It’s not like she was a robber or mugging old people every Thursday just for kicks. All she did was put out a record under her real name. It’s not big deal.
Like I said, if you don’t like it- don’t listen to it.
Forget what you’ve been told about who is going to be big this. Just forget it, because in comparison to Swim Deep- they are shite. I’m all for outrageous and outlandish statements. This is one I’m going to stand by. Regardless of what happens, I’m sticking with this one.
I do believe I have also heard the best song of the year ALREADY. You know how I Want You By Summer Camp made me feel last year? I’ve already got that feeling. In my bones, body, mind, heart and soul. This song makes me feel so alive. That nothing matters. This song feels like Summer, and it’s fucking freezing outside. King City is THE song I am talking about.
Swim Deep come from Birmingham. I know what you’re thinking, has anything good come from the Midlands? Of course! Nobody seems to talk about it though. I don’t know why. So, forget anything you have heard or been told- this is THE ONE. This is where it is at.
Of course I feel strongly towards the track King City because it makes reference to THE best bassist around, Jenny Lee Lindberg. The line, “..and Jenny Lee Lindberg is my girlfriend.” is just so lovely. I know a few people who will be singing this line with a huge smile on their face. I’ll be one of them. I mean, who wouldn’t want Jenny (or any of the Warpaint girls) to be their girlfriend. King City just makes you want to lay in the sun and fall in love with something, or someone. It’s just beautiful.
I know I tend to listen to old stuff rather than new, but every so often I like to subject my ears to something new so I don’t become one of those people who whinge and say, “I remember when music….” I just don’t want to miss out on anything good. And I like to think with the music I’m going to put here is a billion times better than the tripe you will hear on a commercial wanky radio station. I do not need to tell you which station, do I? No.
I won’t bother writing a huge essay, you don’t need that. And quite frankly, I want to go make myself a cup of tea. So here, have some songs :
As you know, I’m not exactly articulate or clever with my words. I don’t try to be, I wouldn’t know how. I know that my biggest problem is that I write from the heart and possibly with too much feeling. I guess it’s because the music I love is like that. If I don’t write this way, then there’s really no point. I suppose that is why I know I will never ever be paid to do this for a living. That being a Music Writer is just some childhood dream that has followed me into adulthood- but it just stays a dream. I’m just another twerp with a Journalism degree who’s trying to be heard (I don’t want to be seen.) But anyway, that isn’t about that right now. This is going to be another post with a lot of feeling. I have no idea why I’m even doing this. Maybe it’s beause I have a awful cold, and I’ve had too much cough medicine. You don’t have to read this. And why should you anyway.
I have no idea how to approach this at all. I never do. You see, I can pour everything I feel about a song or band so easily here. It seems to be the easiest thing in the world. Ask me to tell you how I feel about certain people or whatever- I seem to lose words and the ability to function. I guess it’s why I’m always writing something. Whether it be here, in my poetry notebook or my lyric notebook. I’m always writing something, about something- or someone. I’m not an emotionally challenged person. I just lose the ability to make sense a lot of the time. Nor do I need to be drunk to tell you that I love you, or to ask you for 10p. I’ll start this for real now.
Something happened very close to a year ago. Something which every single person on this planet fears. I’ve never spoken about in great detail with anyone. I didn’t see the need. I didn’t see why I should or why anyone would give a shit. I spoke about it with one friend. In fact, we both cried about it. This is why she’s my best friend and rock. She’s one of the very very few people who changed me for the better. She won’t see this, so there’s no point in me praising her too much 😉 Last year my mother flew over to England to tell me she had Breast Cancer. My reaction was typical. I cried like a fucking baby and clung onto her like an ape. I think my heart and world stopped. I wanted to swear, but I respect my mother too much to use the word FUCK in front of her. Buggery and twat is fine though. It was something I never ever imagined I would hear. It wasn’t something I ever thought about. How I felt from that moment from then on is something I wouldn’t wish upon anyone- even someone I disliked. People say having your heartbroken by a lover is awful. Whatever. That’s nothing. This feeling is a trillion times worse. It makes the romantic kind of heartbreak seem like nothing. However, we’re all different and deal with life’s obstacles in different ways. If you’re anything like me, you do the whole “if I ignore it, it’ll go away but I know it will creep up and bite me in the arse.” Oh, and it did. It did.
I’m not writing this for anyone to think or feel, “You poor thing.” No. I’m doing this because I want to show how music, how a song can pull you through anything. Even something as horrific as this. My mum is one of the lucky ones. She is still here. However, when she tells me she’s in pain or doesn’t feel well- I panic so much internally. All I can do is offer a hug or a cup of tea. I know, I’m useless. When she was undergoing Radiotherapy she still managed to look amazing. I think she’s one of these people who cannot leave the house without make-up. She had her treatment in Sheffield, so I’d go up and see her a few times a week. She didn’t want me to go to the place where she was being treated, which I fully understood. Instead we’d wander around York, Manchester and Sheffield. I’d be lugged around clothes shops and in return, I’d make her go to record shops with me.
My mum is the most strongest and loving human beings I know. I saw how strong she was through all of this, and it just inspired me in ways that I didn’t know how. I never really sat down and spoke about this with her. I didn’t see how me talking about how I felt about her being ill would help. It wouldn’t rid her of cancer. It wouldn’t make this less real. My way was to just act like normal. In front of my friends, I would remain the joker doing my best to make them laugh- doing my best to make sure nobody ever caught onto how awful I felt. For a month or so, I just cried myself to sleep. There were times when leaving the house was seen as the most impossible thing ever. I just wanted to sleep, and when I woke up- I wanted none of this to have ever happened. I always thought, “Fucks sake Olivia. You have NO right to feel so bad. You’re not the one with cancer.” I told myself this all the time until I snapped out of it. I guess I had to trick myself into living again so I wouldn’t be a mess. Thing is, to everyone and anyone- I was totally fine. I was strong and together. I was told a few times that it was okay to break or whatever. But I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t physically go to a friend and just have an outburst. When my mum told me she was sick, I left her for an hour and I went to my best friend’s house. I sat on her bed. And just bawled. She did too. That was the first and last time I did that. I hate crying. It gives me a migraine.
I’m not writing this to make anyone feel sorry for me, or for anyone to praise me or anything. I’m doing this for one reason. I’m writing this to make someone else see that…it’s fucking okay to be a mess you know? Just because you reach rock bottom doesn’t mean you cannot get up again. Use Music as your fucking crutch. I did. Certain songs (which I will link you to in a bit) pulled me through. When I couldn’t sleep or when I didn’t feel too great- these songs gave me something. I’m not exactly the poster-child for bravery. I think the cowardly lion is possibly my spirit animal sometimes. I think I’ve got better. Who knows.
You’ve got to put your faith in something or someone. A place, a person or a sound. Just something. Give yourself to something. I don’t like bothering anyone with anything that gets to me. I’m more likely to just play a song I love to find comfort and answers. And so, that is exactly what I did. The songs I’m going to link you to ALL played an important role in making sure I didn’t become a selfish wanker wallowing in self pity. These songs stopped me from going under and into something shit.
My mum’s okay now. Well, mentally- she will always be tapped in the head. I think that’s genetic. I’ve got no fucking chance of being normal. Not that I’d ever want to be 😉 I remember when she was undergoing treatment she kept saying to me, “I don’t care if I’m on a fucking drip-we ARE going to see Morrissey.” And we did. Twice. I refuse to ever EVER go watch Morrissey live with anyone but my mum. I don’t care who you are- I can only go with her. When we saw him in York we stood for an hour at the end of the gig waiting for him to come out. He came out. As he got into his car, waved and nodded at us. For me, that was perfect. We’ve seen Morrissey 4 times, each time it just makes me feel so alive. However seeing him twice last year meant so much more, for the obvious reasons. It was just perfect.
I think I’ve written far too much. I’ll probably delete this because, when I re-read this I will see how much of an idiot I am. I’m sorry. If you’ve read this- thank you, and I’m sorry you put yourself through this. Anyway, go listen to these songs. They sum up what I’ve been trying to say better than I ever could, especially Kate Bush and Brand New. Running Up That Hill..the chorus just sums up everything I felt and feel. I would give anything to have swapped with my mum so she didn’t have to go through any of this :
I’m ill and I’ve had more cough medicine than I probably should have had. I feel like a less wild version of Lester Bangs right now. None of this will make any sense, but then again- when does it ever? When does anything in life ever make sense? See, I told you.
Exquisite Corpse by Warpaint is one of my favourite EPs ever. I love EPs but at the same time, I guess I think they’re silly. Just put out a full album, stop being difficult. Then again, it’s more records for your collection. There’s no right or wrong view on this really. It just depends on how difficult you want to be. I’m writing this because I need to distract myself from acknowledging the fact that Lana Del Rey’s album has leaked. Obviously I won’t delete it. I’m not that much of a dick. I’ve heard a few songs. Dark Paradise caused an internal breakdown last night. How something, how someone can be that beautiful just baffles me. Anyway. This is about Warpaint, so….
As I was saying, I really love their debut EP. I love everything about it. You name it, I love it. There’s two songs on the album, that when I heard them I thought THEY ARE THE SAME SONGS….but a bit different.
On one hand you’ve got the delicate lullaby feel of Burgundy. Then on the other, you’ve got Krimson which makes you want to sway your body in a careless fashion falling into someone. Both songs are equally as beautiful as each other, if I had to choose a favourite- I would go with Burgundy. I love how sleepy Emily sounds on this. You just become so in awe of her voice. I will never deny my love for Warpaint, ever. They’re just a band that I feel this connection with. A connection that seems to be deeper than any I’ve had with any band, and possibly some people I know. I don’t care if that makes me a bad person at all. Warpaint put me in my own world that’s just free of anything awful and negative. You should try it. Lighten up.
I have no idea how I’m going to do this, so if it all goes wrong-I am slightly sorry.
Burgundy
There is so much that I love about Burgundy. I love the way the bas creeps up on you. I don’t care what you think, Jenny Lee Lindberg is THE best bassist around. I mean, just watch this live version of Burgundy or any of their songs. She is a beast on that bass, the way she sways and just totally digs the music is so inspiring. I’ve said it before, so I’ll say it again- Warpaint make me wish I could play an instrument so badly. I just love the way they make me feel. I think I compare everything in life to how they make me feel. The sheer innocence of this song is so beautiful. If anyone else sung it, they would strip away the whole meaning and essence of this song. My favourite part of the song, is where Emily sings:
“I am a lion, a tigers sleeping under my skin, A tiger sleeping under your skin.”
If I could explain to you what it was about that line that makes me crazy, I would. I just can’t. Maybe it’s the fact that the song is so peaceful, and her comparing herself to something as majestic as a lion just utterly flaws me. It is so beautiful. This is a perfect song to just do nothing to. Hold someone if you feel the need, but personally? Listen to it through headphones. Allow yourself to be transported into another world with the company of Emily, Stella (I know she doesn’t play on these tracks but still), Theresa and Jenny.
Krimson
Okay, so with this one- it’s slightly different. With Burgundy, the bass creeps up on you in a seductive manner. On this song, it feels like you are being chased. It hypnotises you. Pretty much like the bassline from A Forest by The Cure (if you cannot see how that song is one of the best songs of all time, I won’t like you. That’s just how it is. I won’t apologise.) It’s the kind of song that makes you feel like you’re running from someone/something- but you really don’t want to be. You’re being chased, but you slow down because you want them to catch you. Or, you are the one doing the chasing. I just adore this song. You can tell, right?
“And if I ever turned away, Only was I trying to find out the words to say, All my life where I can’t take you on my own.”
Ever really liked someone, but you had to turn away from them because you don’t know what to say? We all know how that feels. The wanting, the longing in this song is so so beautiful. This is a more, I guess, fiesty version of Burgundy- but there are still vulnerable elements to it.
So there, you have it. Both songs are similar (titles referencing shades of red) yet at the same time totally different (the pace and how they are sung.) For me, I think both of these songs sum up why I love Warpaint and the whole style of their music. At times it makes you feel like you are being cradled so gently to the sounds of a lullaby, whereas at other times- you feel as if you just want to shake all your limbs and just lose yourself (and your mind) to the music.
However it makes you feel, keep hold of that feeling. I firmly believe Warpaint are one of the few bands that cannot make you feel anything negative. Sure songs like Baby may make you cry- but it is so beautiful, you see past that. You see that it is a gorgeous dedication. Even their songs about frustration (Beetles) make you feel so alive. I love Warpaint because they gave me back my faith in music. They gave me that feeling that I first got when I heard certain bands. Warpaint for me, are more than just a band. I don’t expect anyone to ever understand it. Or maybe they can. Just think of YOUR favourite band and how they make you feel; then I suppose you can relate.
They are more than just 4 females making music. They are 4 best friends who have this incredible bond, and passion that makes you feel part of what they are creating. It oozes freedom and the desire to express yourself in ways no other could. I know they say perfection doesn’t exist, but I believe it does; in their music.
Beat In My Bones. 