R.I.P Justin Benoit.

22 02 2013

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My love for Cold Cave is grand, but my love for them is also saddened today after hearing that former member Justin Benoit had died. You don’t need to know someone personally to feel sad about their passing.

Justin was part of a band that helped me grow up and face up to adulthood, amongst other painful life chores. He was part of band that provided more comfort than I could imagine a band ever doing so. I don’t need to write an essay about this for it is obvious from anyone who knew him how awful this loss is.

Wherever he is now, I hope he is safe and at peace. R.I.P Justin xx





“Waiting for the stars to align, there is a restless rain cloud in my mind. Heavy eyes fixed in the middle of the room.”

5 01 2013

Many have frequently stated that you must suffer for your art. I’m unsure how true this is, or if I even believe it. Surely if you are a good writer or painter, you can place yourself in various positions without having to hit rock bottom. You can empathise with those who are in a dark place rather than torturing yourself on a daily basis.

I write songs/poems. I personally think they are bloody awful. I don’t show them because I don’t want anyone to see how shit they are. However, I do have some stupid dream of having them published in a book one day. I haven’t done anything about it because the fear of rejection plagues me more than I want it to not because I am lazy. Some of what I have written is quite dark, but not because I feel so utterly hopeless and depressed. I know what depression. I’ve seen what it does to people, and I’ve never felt like that. People who say they are depressed but can still go out and function aren’t depressed. You cannot move, you cannot do a thing; that’s depression. My gran had it before I was born, and a bit when I was younger. Friends have battled with it, and there is nothing you can do but watch helplessly hoping one day it leaves them alone so they can go back to being the person they once were. You don’t need to be in love to write about love. Feelings of love and joy can fill you by watching a certain film, listening to a certain song or gazing at a piece of art. It is everywhere. Everything and nothing can be inspiring.

Being able to put yourself in the mind-set of others teaches you to be a more accepting and gentle person. I’ll happily be the first to admit that I am far too sensitive. I know I need to toughen up, but it just will not ever happen. I cannot be cruel to get something I want. I cannot harm someone on purpose; I’d rather just hug everyone instead. I’d like to think one day that being a gentle soul will go in my favour. Until then, I wait. Or just accept it. Same thing I suppose.

I’m drawn to the darker things. Dark songs, creepy literature. It is all fascinating. I’m not religious at all (I believe there’s a spiritual being above us all, but not in a powerful sense) but anything that questions God or whatever in songs really gets my attention. That’s why I love bands like Dum Dum Girls, Crocodiles and The Long Wives. There are religious references, but not in a “I BELIEVE IN GOD AND YOU MUST TOO” kind of way; far from it. I am all for people questioning each other in a non-threatening manner. I’m not religious but that doesn’t mean I’m going to belittle someone who does. We all have our own things to believe in; nobody should ever try to shy someone away from what they believe in. Unless it means promoting hatred and intolerance, then I’ve got an issue with it.

I honestly had no point in writing this. I never do. It’s a cheap outlet I suppose, as always. I just thin we need to stop thinking we must feel low and hopeless in order to achieve something great. You can function being a happy person. But it seems, when you are happy people have an issue with it. Yet when you feel like shit, people may deem you as being draining. You cannot win, so forget them. Yet I know it is hard. You do not need to suffer in order to do something of worth. You justify your own worth, not the objects and people that surround you.

That’ll do for now.





Cold Cave-A Little Death To Laugh.

24 09 2012

“You give me half the love I need,
And no more.”

In my mind, eyes, heart, soul, body, everything; Wes Eisold can do no wrong. If you want to be vague, call him just a song-writer. If you want to go to the very very core; call him a poet. A poet is what he is, but he is so much more.

My love for Wes, like most started with American Nightmare. Cold Cave became an immediate obsession of mine in 2009. Love Comes Close, hands down one of the greatest debut records of all time. I’m putting it on a par with Psychocandy. It means that much to me. It got me through a shit time, and now I listen to it; it just carries me through life. As does Cherish The Light Years. Wes’ lyrics describe everyday frustrations, vacant love and painful lust. Clinging and clinging with your blood-red hands onto something you struggle to recognise. It happens to us all, but people like Wes make us feel less vile about the whole ordeal.

A new single has just been put online by Cold Cave, A Little Death To Laugh which is inspired by the poet, Tristan Corbiere. One of the great French poets who died from TB aged only 29. Personally, I feel Wes writes like the true great French poets such as Corbiere to Charles Baudelaire (my personal favourite.) He manages to convey romance and darkness together in a way that just makes YOU want to pick up a pen and notebook, and set free your own feelings. I guess sometimes we need to do that. I do it everyday, but no one sees it. My lack of self-confidence in my writing stops me from getting my shitty poetry seen. Bedroom writer I guess.

A Little Death To Laugh will no doubt please Cold Cave fans everywhere. Hopefully it’ll get more people into the band. It’s about time. It is always time. Cold Cave are almost like a way of life. Wes projects your darkest and most inner thoughts in a way you strive to. He gets to the very heart of what is spinning around and around in your heart and head. A Little Death To Laugh is obviously a prime example of that.

I could honestly praise Cold Cave/Wes’ lyrics and general being until I turned blue in the face and my mouth dried up from talking too much. It is impossible at times to meet fellow Cold Cave fans. No one really knows what you’re on about, I think it’s about time more made an appearance. We’re a lovely bunch.

Anyway, you can pre-order the single here : http://www.coldcave.net

I’m totally fine with someone getting me one for my birthday. You’ve got just under two months. In the meantime, play the song loud and indulge in Wes’ haunting lyrics and vocals, as always. And forever more. I think this year my birthday present to myself will be a Cold Cave tattoo. It is time.





“It’s not worth saving, when you say wait.”

3 08 2012

Longing VS wanting. Innocence VS not really knowing. Caring VS not caring. Life VS death. Love VS stupidty. In the long run, it is probably all the same thing. You wish to burn out what you see in your mind. You wish you could see certain things forever. You wish you did one thing differently, at one point. You wish you were more eloquent with your words. You wish you wrote THAT song so you could play them it; so they get it. Will they ever get it? Does anyone ever really understand? Are we just killing time by explaining. These are the thoughts I am not paid to write down. I’ve never been paid for this. I don’t expect to. They want you to be like them. Dress like that, talk like this. Walk as if you don’t care, behave like an obnoxious fool. Keep me indoors please.

You slip away from reality sometimes. You lose tough. With yourself and others. Maybe you only talk to 2 or 3 people everyday. But they are the ones that you love so much. Maybe one of them you love more than most, because this person owns your heart. This person is on your mind, constantly. Or maybe it just isn’t like that. Maybe you have no idea. Sometimes you think you cannot get lower or higher than your current state. I don’t think this makes sense, because I don’t want it to.

As you get older you learn to cast away your wants, your needs and your desires. You learn that none of it matters. You see everything around you become so typical and bland. You notice you have no plans. You don’t want what they want. You don’t want a 9-5 lifestyle where you do the same thing every day. You still want freedom burning inside of you. The only burning they have is heart-burn. They are typical, and you cannot relate. You know of no one else who feels the same. You think you are wrong, for about 5 minutes. Then you realise that being different is not a bad thing. It is never a bad thing. They may mock your thoughts and how you view the world. But it gets you through.

Trust your heart- not theirs. If you must, spit blood upon those who tell you that you are wrong.

Nothing and no one is worth the torment.

It’s like I am teaching myself all the things I wish I knew sooner. But I just can’t listen to myself.





“Throw her to the earth through the burning air. Big bang survivor.”

13 06 2012

Over the past few weeks..maybe months I have ended up playing the same few songs every day on repeat. Fully aware no one will care about what I’m listening to, but maybe one person does. If one person does, then goes to listen to the following songs and likes them- then I’m okay with that. I have no idea how many I’m going to list as there’s a few. I’ll try cut it down.

My love for Jesca is BIG. Big love for her. Her voice is stunning. She is a fascinating artists. She needs to be huge. I want her to take over the world and as many hearts as possible in the process. This song is bloody brilliant. Born To is quite inspirational, then again it depends on the kind of person you are really. Anyway, I think the chorus is just beautiful. I love her..that’s all there is to it really. 

 POLIÇA are SO good. This is the kind of music you just zone out to. Nothing really matters when you listen to them. That’s what you need, you need something that just cancels everything out. It’s sort of like having a friend or whatever that means more to than anything, and no one or nothing can take you away from it. I could be wrong. It’s a beautiful song. Their debut record is utterly perfect. It’s like Heaven in record form.

Alright, I cannot put into words how much I love Metric and how excited I am that their new record is FINALLY here. Was it worth the wait? It’s Metric! Of course it bloody well was. I love this song SO much. Probably my favourite off the album, and if you don’t have it- why not? Mug someone for the money if you must, and buy it. I just love it. Artificial Nocturne is such a wonderful opener to Synthetica. I love the lyrics so much.I’m just as fucked up as they say I can’t fake the daytime . Found an entrance to escape into the dark. Got false lights for the sun. It’s an artificial nocturne.  It’s an outsider’s escape for a broken heart.” Think I’ve found my favourite lyric of the year.

You know how much I love Crocodiles. They’ve pretty much been my life since 2009. They’ve dragged me out of hell and into whatever I seem to be in now. All three of their records mean a lot to me. Endless Flowers is EASILY in my Top 3 favourites of the year. I cannot fault, why would I want to? How could you find fault in this band? You just can’t. Endless Flowers is going to get me through Summer. I’m going to need all the help I can get. I did want to choose another track, but I think (I may be wrong) Endless Flowers is the next single. It’s bloody excellent anyway!

THEESatisfaction are a duo that pretty much, again back up my theory that duos are the best. There’s something about two people making music. You feel more connected because you know they probably work harder as there’s less of them. Just look at The Kills, Beach House etc- you can feel the connection so deeply. You cling onto every word. THEESatisfaction are incredible. Their record will blow your mind. They’re one band I am utterly desperate to see live. 

I never would’ve listened to this song if I didn’t know Shirley Manson had co-written this song. I never would’ve known Sky had a new song out if it wasn’t for Sky. I’ve had this on repeat most of the day. And yes, I love the video. Sky is beautiful. I can ignore the bastarding thing with 8 legs that’s all up in this video and accept it is art. I really can. The bass in the intro reminds me of that song, Owner Of A Lonely Heart for some odd reason. I absolutely ADORE this song. And you know, regardless who co-wrote it or not- this song is fucking insane. It feels like a massive “FUCK YOU.” For that reason alone, it reminds me of Garbage’s Stupid Girl. I just love this song. And if her new record sounds like this, I’m buying it. Actually, I’ll probably buy it anyway. So long as there are no more spiders featured… 

My love for Cold Cave is EXACTLY like my love for Crocodiles. I discovered them both at the same time. On the same day. I’ll always remember it. Something so miserable turned into something worth sticking around. I’ve ALWAYS had much love for Wes (I was a fan of American Nightmare.) I love his lyrics. He’s extremely clever, dark and intense. Everything I love really. I just love this b-side a hell of a lot. His lyrics never cease to amaze me. 

Patti Smith’s new record, Banga is perfect. That’s the only word to describe it. I could pick any song off the record, but I had to..I just had to pick her tribute to Amy Winehouse. We’re sadly (it never should’ve happened) approaching a year since Amy died. I’ve not listened to her music since that day. No part of me has been able to sit down and listen to it. I just cannot do it. I wish I could because I used to play her music every single day. Since she died..I physically cannot do it. Patti’s tribute to Amy Winehouse is just beautiful. I hope her family hear it, I really do. For someone such as Patti to do this is truly wonderful. Most just give Amy a quick mention in thank yous or whatever- but Patti has created such a beautiful tribute. You take it as a reminder that Amy was so delicate and loving, no matter what- we must never forget that.

Swim Deep put out the best song of the year with King City. Don’t question it, don’t doubt it. These lads are the best thing to have come out of Birmingham in such a long time. They’re just fucking insane. Beach Justice is equally as perfect as King City. King City mentions Jenny Lee Lindberg from Warpaint, so obviously I’m going to have a lot of love. Beach Justice has a more, and as much as I hate to use it, “dream-pop” feel to than other songs I’ve heard from them. I’ve pretty much abused my soundcloud account listening to Swim Deep all the time. I’m not even sorry. Swim Deep truly show London up. Don’t always assume London is where it is at! Pay close attention to Swim Deep. Best new band of the year. Easily.

 2:54 have no doubt, put out the best debut record of the year. I could’ve picked any song off the record. I probably would’ve put the whole thing up, but I settled with Easy Undercover because for some reason (which I am currently trying to forget) the lyrics mean the most. I’ve had the record on constant repeat since it came out. I cannot bring myself to take the cd out of my cd player. I cannot go outside and listen to anything but this band. Since 2010 I’ve been in love with them. The first few seconds of Creeping stole my heart away. You know how I feel about Warpaint? Well, it happened with 2:54. They just have something that is not in any other band around right now. Every song they’ve done (album and b-sides) well, they’re just everything I love about music. I’m going to stop before this turns into a “Reasons as to why I love 2:54” thing again.





Cold Cave.

10 01 2012

This band that I’m going to attempt to write about pretty much changed my life in 2009. I heard a few songs by them and just had to throw myself into their music. I was hearing something I needed. 2009 was a bit of a blur. A lot of it was made better by music, gigs and my best friend. However, this one band just did something to my brain and every time I listen to them; that same feeling comes back.

Cold Cave are on the same level as importance to me as The Cure and The Smiths, a big deal right? Sure thing. Songs off their debut album such as Youth And Lust (I need that tattooed on me), Love Comes Close, Life Magazine- basically all the songs; they’re just so dark, mysterious. The synth based sound isn’t something I really favour. I only like it if it has dark undertones to it, y’know? I don’t want to hear about how joyful someone is over a synth loop. I want to hear something gritty and a bit devilish over a synth based sound. That really speaks to me. That’s why I adore Cold Cave more than I can actually put into words.

Wes Eisold is one my influences from a literary perspective. His way with words has always been an obsession of mine. I think he should be held as highly as the likes of Morrissey, Robert Smith, Lou Reed, Dylan- the way he is with words is extremely hypnotising. It just leaves you in awe that someone, especially now, can be so poetic and open with what they say in their songs.

There is no glorified view on love, romance and relationships in Cold Cave’s music. Sure you’ll hear the odd hint of devotion but for the most part, it just echoes the fury and frustration one feels towards daily life. Your daily routine is slowly killing you- and you know it. You just don’t want to face up to it because you’d be lost if you even tried to change it. It’d fuck you over and you watched yourself become more and more fucked up. When I listen to their second record, Cherish The Light Years; I just hear everything that’s been hanging on the front of my mind, and on the edge of my tongue. It’s the kind of record, just like the first, that echoes all you feel- but you don’t want to hide from it because Wes does it in such a perfect way.

One of my favourite lyrics of Cold Cave is in Youth And Lust :

“You miss the neon lights.
It’s all plastic now.
A sympathetic world without end,
Hums a hymn of misdirection.”

It just makes me think of someone driving around a city without their friend, or whatever and telling them exactly what they are missing out on, and what has taken its place. I think the title of the song, Youth And Lust is beautiful too. You associate youth with lust because most (foolishly) think the young cannot love. They can; most just try to forbid it. Awful.

I don’t want to liken Cold Cave to anyone because they’re so much better than a lazy comparison. However, if you like Kraftwerk and enjoy Morrissey’s clever lyrics, then you SHOULD enjoy Cold Cave. Or, you should just listen to them anyway because they ARE one of the best around. They deserve so much more respect and recognition than most. Their music is on the level of saving your life- they are that good. They sing the songs that reflect your life and how you feel. Those emotions that are swimming around your head on a daily basis, that demon that won’t leave you be or that utter sense of euphoria during, I have no idea what- it is all there in Cold Cave’s music.





Wes Eisold.

4 11 2011

Originally I was going to write about Cold Cave and how much I adore them. Then I realised, my love for Cold Cave is all down to my respect and admiration of Wes Eisold. I started to write about Cold Cave, and the opening paragraph would probably offend various people, so to do anything for a quiet life and to be no part of other people’s bitching and self-projection I’ve deleted it. Basically if you were someone who ONLY listens to folk or acoustic music and enjoys watching someone look like they are in pain as they sing the same song for an hour, using the same chords- you would’ve been offended. I can’t remember exactly what I wrote, but I stand by it. Don’t get me wrong, I do enjoy acoustic based music- but only stuff from the 50s to the 70s. Anything after that is utterly dire. You think Laura Marling is the one? Check yo’self FOOL. Go listen to Woody Guthrie or Townes Van Zandt.

Rant over, for now. I shall begin.

My love for Wes started when I watched a video of American Nightmare (or Give Up The Ghost, up to you)on the internet. I was in awe of Wes instantly. He words resonated with me so much. American Nightmare became such an important band to me, I just had to find out all I could about Wes and his lyrics.

As much as I love American Nightmare and Some Girls, I really cannot deny that my love for Cold Cave is greater than all the other bands Wes has been associated with. Cold Cave mix that dark 80s goth/electro sound with some painfully honest and dark lyrics. Wes is a poet and author, so it is honestly no surprise that he lyrics are going to be out of this world. I remember when I first heard their debut album in full, Love Comes Close and I was just enthralled- completely and utterly in what I was hearing. How could someone just say exactly how I feel in a way so poetic and just stunning to the very core? Youth And Lust is just the definition of wanting to drive at night, taking in the city lights and letting your mind just go with the song. But you know, focus on the road!

Wes’ words just do something to my soul- much like Morrissey and Bob Dylan. Wes is so underrated, he’s just so bloody magnificent. I know I’m possibly borderline obsessed with all he does, but regardless of where you start with the bands he has been in. Whether you start from Cold Cave and go backwards- or with American Nightmare onwards; you just become so taken in with what he writes and his voice.

The title track, Love Comes Close, personally is a favourite. I love every single thing about this track. The lyrics in particular are so accurate. “Love comes close, but chooses to spare me.” It’s just so true, without getting to personal and whatnot; I can relate to this song more than most on the record. It’s just brutally honest and dark disguised over this wonderful synth/electro vibe.

Wes Eisold is one of my inspirations/idols. Not because he makes this wonderful music that owns my heart and soul, but because there is no denying how much of a genius he is. If you read or watch any interviews he has done, you can see just how intelligent and particular he is about the music he creates. Every project he has taken on is different from previous. He’s not a one-trick pony at all. His words have got me through a lot- good and bad. So Wes, I know you won’t ever see this- but you changed my life. Thank you.

Oh and American Nightmare are doing some reunion shows- I hope they bring it to the UK.