Category Archives: Uncategorized

Leigh Marble.

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“I know you wanna leave me,
Well I wanna leave me too.”

A singer doesn’t have to have sold 50 million records or sell out vile arenas in order for you to relate to them. Personally speaking, I cannot relate to someone singing in a fucking arena going on about how hard life is when they have been handed everything without even a fraction of despair, struggle and frustration. Most people are just money-making, blood-sucking hypocrites. Recent events have made me a bit angry, thus disliking so many. Some I know (sadly) and some that just…well they’re..shit. I know I’m awful but at least I don’t have a lying heart.

I love music that projects pain, honesty, love and all those ugly feelings. I cannot get my head around music that is “happy.” I’m not a miserable person, far from it. I’m presumed to be, so I just let them carry on. Just give me a book and some music.

There are only a few singer/song-writers that can project such ugly feelings in a way that makes them less vile, you know? You’ve got the likes of Townes Van Zandt to Shirley Manson to Bob Dylan to Lou Reed to Cat Power to Morrissey to Courtney Love. I’ve basically just listed my favourite singers.

Leigh Marble doesn’t write songs for those who want to hear 3 minute symphonies about cute puppies and pixies. No. Just no. Fuck that, it means nothing. He writes brutal and beautiful words from the heart. Before going into this, I read his bio THEN listened to his music; just to really feel the music deeper than I thought I would. His record, Where The Knives Meet Between The Rows was made during his (now) wife’s fight with breast cancer. A topic far too close to home for me, but shit..his words truly truly mean more knowing this. If I had heard this record a year ago, I probably would’ve dealt with my mum’s diagnosis in a better way. Basically, I wouldn’t have felt so..I don’t even know the word. But, Leigh’s wife is thankfully in remission and I wish them both all the happiness and health in the world.

Where The Knives Meet Between The Rows is a record I feel everybody needs to here. Even if it is just the once, that’s enough. I just want you to hear it : http://music.leighmarble.com/album/where-the-knives-meet-between-the-rows

I love dark music. Music that comes from a place where no one dares to go because they turn into a coward. The bravest thing a person can do is face anything and everything that troubles them. The first track on the record, Walk is one that I think I find the most connection with. I know what it is like to just walk and walk and walk until every bit of rage and any fucked up feeling leaves you. When something/someone gets to me, I usually just stick my headphones in and go for a walk. Or I go to the gym and walk forever on the treadmill. I just shut off, and go somewhere where nothing and no one can touch me. It’s comforting to know someone else feels the same. Even when you feel like you are the only one.

I want to get into Nail. Nail is 7 and a half minutes of honesty and heartbreak. You can feel every feeling possible. Take what you want from it. That’s probably all you can do. We all know someone who’s at the end of their rope, and we want to be at the end for them- telling them to keep going. I’d rather be that person than be the one wanting to reach the end. It’s easier to help another than help yourself. You can shut off when you’re being useful to another. When you see yourself as useless, you just want to call it quits.

I mean sure we do have some artists around that write dark songs just to seem “cool” but they don’t even believe a word they are singing. Fuck them. Don’t listen to them no more. Just stop. With Leigh, you know he believes in his words. And because you can pick up on that; you believe in him too. Being believable is better than being admired or whatever. You can admire anyone. But not many are believable. Maybe I’ve got it all wrong, but that’s just how I see it.

His music makes you take a look at yourself, and how you face your own battles. He makes you love the one you love even more, although you think you can’t. Sure it is overwhelming, but most good things in life are. He just leaves you in awe. I could quite happily sit here and type a summary about every song he’s ever done. I could analyse every lyric and tell you why it is so important. I could go on and on. I just think he’s fucking brilliant. It’s been a while since I felt this strange but wonderful connection to a singer. It’s good feeling, one most need to feel more often need to feel.

If you’re afraid of the dark feelings; stop. Just listen to his words. They’ll act like a reflection, and maybe you’ll feel less alone.

Dear Shirley Manson : A Birthday Letter.

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I have no problem with baring my soul, on a page. So I guess this is why I feel with it being Shirl’s birthday, I’m going to write this down. From me to her. Maybe she’ll see it, maybe she won’t. But sometimes you just have to let it out.

Dear Shirley Manson,

I’m not going to be the first or last person to say words similar to what I’m about to write. That alone proves how much of a force you are. You’ve made emotional pain and general emotions less of a chore to deal with. You’ve made demons easier to fight off. You’ve made being an outsider feel less daunting. You made it easier for acceptance of the self.

I was about 8 or 9 when I first saw Garbage on TV. It was when MTV actually played music videos, I know- so rare! I remember seeing the video to Vow and being in utter of the band. Like most, I was drawn to how fearless you appeared on camera. Then I saw Only Happy When It Rains and Stupid Girl. That was it; everything changed after seeing those videos; listening to those songs. Every song you have ever written means more to me than I can even put into words. The Trick Is To Keep Breathing fast became a mantra almost. No matter what, you’ve got to keep going. Even if you just want to stop. And I do wish I could, guess I can’t. You taught me that. I’d rather burn out and try start again. Fight comes from a place that most of us cannot go. Sometimes another person brings it all out of us. I firmly believe you have done that.

I remember skipping college to go and buy Bleed Like Me the day it came out in 2005. I remember that day so clearly. I was nearly 20 years old, and no part of me wanted to go any further. From ages 15 to around then, no part of me understood the point of anything. I held the record in my hands so tightly, and went home. I sat and played it over and over. Growing up is exhausting. I was exhausted. Run Baby Run and Right Between The Eyes did something to me that I’ll never be able to put into words. I guess you can say, they saved my life. Those two songs keep me going. I may be stubborn, and I may not listen to some people, but the words in those songs ignited something. It goes beyond words. Sure I still get miserable; but it’s okay. You taught me how to not be afraid of ugly feelings. You taught me how it is okay to be weak and vulnerable. No one can be strong all the time. Christ knows I like to act like I am though.

Your words are the light at the end of that fucking long tunnel. Being a fan of Garbage doesn’t mean just enjoying the music. It means it gives us something to believe in. And we all need that. I’m not the only one who can say that you saved my life. Knowing others feel the same makes everything less scary, and possibly worth it. Possibly. The older I get, the more I seem to be able to relate to your words. They say being a teenager is hard, but I know being an adult is enough to drive anyone mad. Are you meant to figure stuff out at 25? Because I know nothing. Maybe knowing nothing is the way to go.

Every Garbage song has provided guidance. Every Garbage song has been the security blanket at 4am when there was nothing else. People like you Shirl, well they give hope to those who truly are without. Your voice eases the soul and your words have healed wounds. Old wounds that have been opened up, new wounds that one thinks may never heal.

I still live in hope that one day..one day I get to see Garbage live. Being piss poor is starting to take its toll. But one day, I’ll be at the front. I’ll sing every word as if they were meant for me, and the day after I will have no voice. I will ease the pain by having a small glass of whiskey.

I love seeing photos of you with bands that I love, such as Dum Dum Girls and The Kills. When I saw those photos, I felt like a child at Christmas. You’re such a wonderful force.

This is just the outline of how much I look up to you, and respect you. I’m glad at 8 years old, I saw you on MTV singing the songs that would later become my lifeline.

We shouldn’t fear what we feel. We shouldn’t be afraid to feel. Be kind, be honest, be yourself, find inner peace. That’s what your words have taught me.

Your words have guided me in and out of love, teenage angst, adult insecurities, the good times, the bad times, letting go, holding on. Everything and more.

So, Happy Birthday Shirley. I hope you have the best day possible, you deserve it.

All the love in the universe,

Olivia.

xxxx

Aaliyah.

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“I want people to remember me as a full on entertainer and a good person.”

 

I remember the day it happened. It’s nothing something you forget is it? But, I also remember the very first time I saw her on MTV. I was only 8 or 9 years old. 94/95. I was watching MTV and they were playing some new music videos. Back And Forth came on, and I was hooked. I couldn’t tear my eyes away from the screen. There was this beautiful person singing, and she was dressed like a tomboy, you know? From that moment, I became a fan. She became more than a role model. I cannot count the times where her songs have dragged me through hell and back. It wasn’t her lyrics so much, it was her voice. A voice that made you believe everything was going to be alright. She was like no one else around. There is no one else around like her. She was truly truly One In A Million; and I know we’ll never have anyone as beautiful and wonderful as her again. It took a long long time to not dwell on her death and her not being here. When I listen to her music, I feel lucky to have been a fan (and still am) of someone so precious and angel-like. My mum always promised she would take me to an Aaliyah concert when I was younger. It won’t happen in this lifetime, but in the next one I know it will. She was so rare, and I will always believe that the music industry will never be able to fill the gap she left when she died 11 years ago today. We’ll always have the music, because in the end it is the sounds that they create that stay with us for the rest of time.

I hope you’re at peace Aaliyah, wherever you are.

All the love in the world.

xxxx

The Long Wives- The Trinity.

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“Her name is Jezebel, and I once knew her well. But time changes all.”

Some time ago, I wrote about a beautiful singer/song-writer from Los Angeles. Most bands that I love that come from the West Coast have a certain sound, you can just tell they are from there. That’s why I love them. However, with The Long Wives she truly sounds like someone who lives in the depths of a dark and eerie forest. Her music makes you feel like you are the only one that can hear her. That’s she’s all yours. This goes beyond being personal. This is EVERYTHING.

The Trinity is heartbreaking. I’m talking Cat Power’s Metal Heart kind of heartbreaking mixed with Townes Van Zandt’s Waiting Around To Die. The kind that hits you right in the gut. My love for Brandy is based on how dark and open her songs are. She makes the piano sound so desperate and longing. You cling onto every word, because every word resides inside you. Sadness is something we try to shy away from, but sometimes you’ve got to let it happen to you. The darkness is something you can run from. You can let it consume you, or you can face it. Do your worst if you must.

The Trinity shows Brandy’s voice in a way previous songs haven’t. Songs such as Judas Hex (my personal favourite) and Tongue do pour out such raw emotion. All her songs do, of course. But there is something..something about The Trinity that just stays with you. Maybe you see yourself in it. Maybe you can see someone else in it. It makes any hurt you’ve felt in recent times fade away. In time, most things just fade away. Eventually it will all be dust, and a distant memory. Longing, love and lust. It’s there, but not in sight. Just in mind.

I know I’m being biased, but out of all the music I found this year I hold The Long Wives very very dear to me. When you find a band or a singer that can unleash what you feel better than you ever could; that’s when you know you have found something permanent. I know nothing ever lasts, but music gives you hope that it will. There’s something entirely romantic about it all. The Long Wives give you so much. Hope being the main feeling. Something that is needed by most, if not all.

You can listen to this gorgeous and ethereal track here : http://soundcloud.com/thelongwives/the-trinity-the-long-wives

“I’ll give you anything, but I’ll give you problems.”

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Maybe all of our actions come from the reaction to what has been done to us before. Other people sometimes do not tread gently when they face us, sometimes you meet rare ones who know what to do. Everything becomes tough at some point. There’s no right or wrong way to deal with anything. Everyone has expectations of others, which is why we are always carrying some disappointment on our backs. The disappointment in ourselves, the disappointment others give us. So why do we get close? A lot of good can come from it, a lot of bad can come from it. Letting go is an art form that is a pain to master. I know, I know all too well. I managed to let something go the other day. The realisation hit me whilst on the rowing machine the other morning at the gym. All my thoughts for about half an hour were on this, and I eventually let go. No resentment, no hatred, no love, no longing, no wanting. No nothing. You feel so much lighter, and everything seems clearer. Just because certain things happen doesn’t mean you have to follow the pattern. It is easy to go back in on yourself. I know that all too well. I’ve currently fallen into that. It’s not a crippling shyness. More like an excruciating dose of “I cannot go further than…” Change the place, change your state of mind. Anyway.

You look up for answers. Maybe the answers are inside of you. Maybe you get a brief moment of clarity when you finish a book, or a line from a song or poem just make you wake up, come alive. Something. I’m waiting. I’m always waiting. Looking. Taking it all in. I give out more than I have. I’m far too patience. But maybe it is a strength rather than a weakness. My stubborn ways are good and bad. I know when to turn it off, I know when to use it. I think most of us do you know? Or maybe we don’t. If you’re always cautious, you may miss out. Please don’t be a coward.

Some will aways use certain traits you have against you. You can rise above it. Be miserable, cry, laugh, fall over, take your time getting back up. Rock bottom happens to us all. You’ll crawl out from under there when you are ready. Take your time. Always. Go slow.

Chains Of Love.

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Love and lust. Pain and pleasure. Vulnerability and strength. They’re all quite similar. Eventually one takes over the other, then it takes over you. Lust can mentally cripple you. But love, love can destroy you. To want just one person that you’ve wanted for some time, eventually you have to turn yourself away from the whole thing. Eventually. But you’ll never know when. You resent yourself, and you want the ground to swallow you up. Or you just want that person to get it, but they never do. So you ferry yourself off, walk blindly. But don’t give yourself away. So what do you do? Hey, when you know can you tell me? Thanks.

Or you could do what I do. Throw yourself into as much music as you can. Let someone elses words tell it all for you. Let a piece of music get it all out of your system. I think sometimes, we take on more than we think we can deal with. I know this all too well. I’m so sure I can handle everything on my own. We all burn out eventually though, right? It has to happen. Destroy and rebuild.

But for all the ugliness in us, there has to be something of worth waiting to crawl out. I’ve been waiting for some time. I have no idea where my patience comes from. Like I said, I use music. So I should stop this part, and go towards what matters.

Chains Of Love are a band that as usual, I know nothing about. All I know is that, from first listen I fell in love with them. Any band that mixes Garage rock with some kind of 60s girl group/Wall Of Sound is perfect. Well, perfect for me anyway.

Chains Of Love may make you feel sad, but that’s okay. Not the kind of sadness that makes you want to curl up in a ball and never leave your home. The kind of sadness that just makes you want to reach out to the band and say, “It’s alright..I’ve felt that way too.” You feel a connection with them because they make all the heartache they sing about so believable. When you believe in a band, you relate. When you relate, you feel part of it. That’s the soulful part of them coming through so beautiful. This is the kind of band Phil Spector would love to work with, obviously if he wasn’t in prison. If I was a producer or was musically talented, Chains Of Love would easily be at the top of my list of bands to be involved with.

I’m just utterly in awe of how they have merged two things I love, and made it sound so perfect. There’s only one other band that have done this. Yes, Dum Dum Girls. You know how much I love them. I think it is obvious how much I totally adore and admire Dee Dee. Chains Of Love make you feel like you are in the 60s at some disco for lovers and heartbreakers.

The drum breakdown in He’s Leaving (With Me) is enough to send me into some kind of internal frenzy. You are easily enthralled by Chains Of Love. What I want to know is; why aren’t they huge? Why aren’t they stealing hearts and taking over the airwaves? Why? I just feel a lot of love towards this band. I know I’ve given you no information about this band. Why must I? I just want you to read this pathetic piece on them and go listen to them yourself. Go on, you’re much better off that way. If you love 60s girl groups and Garage rock then you will probably (and hopefully) fall in love with Chains Of Love.

Please please get yourself a copy of Strange Grey Days. Personally, I feel it is the “hidden treasure” of this year. I know a lot of amazing music has come out this year, but Strange Grey Days is like when you find something by accident in a record store, and it changes everything for you. Chains Of Love are easily one of my highlights of this year, easily.

You can listen to their wonderful sounds here : http://chainsoflove.bandcamp.com

Instant nostalgia and a wealth of love just consume you as you listen to their music. Truly truly beautiful.

Garbage-Big Bright World (video.)

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There’s not much I can actually say about this song, this video other than it is fucking amazing. Shot in black and white, with splashes of colour every so often. The video shows Shirl as beautiful as ever. For me, Garbage have always made songs that sum up my life. For every ugly and vulnerable feeling possible- they have made a song about it. It’s fair to say their songs are the soundtrack to my life. Garbage have always given me hope and provided the words when I had none. I’m not one for needing, but I know I will ALWAYS need Garbage in my life, there’s no doubt about it. They’ve been my crutch and force of hope when I had nothing. That will never change. They just mean everything to me. Big Bright World is taken from Not Your Kind Of People, which is probably the best album of the year.


“You’re a satellite around my heart.”

Cold Showers.

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The hardest thing anyone can do, is care. When you feel utterly vacant and ruined inside- being able to care is something that is beyond you. You find comfort in things others may not understand. A lack of understanding can drag you through. And to hell with those who say you are wrong. You find yourself leading some kind of double life, to spare those from the truth. Such as, you act together and fine to avoid all questions. You nod, you smile, you carry on. Alone, in your room you play the songs that you yearn to save you because nothing else can. We all get desperate, and we don’t know when we’ve hit rock bottom. But you learn what matters when you hit it. Turns out, nothing actually matters. Everything is disposable and you will soon decay. Miserable thought isn’t it? But, it’s the truth. One day we will be dust and not even a memory. Some of us are that now, and still breathing. So with all this, and the weight of the world on your shoulders and every ugly pressure imaginable on your back- what do you do? What can you do? You try, and for what? Your best isn’t enough. How you are isn’t enough. You get tough, and they hate you even more than they did when you weren’t. Shut off. Fade out. Start again. On your own, because maybe..that’s all your good for.

Then you listen to a band.

A band that hold all the worth you never could be. Those specks of dust you know that you are suddenly mean less to you because you’ve found a band to fucking love. You’ve found a band that nail down everything you feel, and more. You don’t have much control so you seek it in other things. You’re constantly told you are wrong, but the music makes you believe you are right. So who do you believe? You believe those with the passion and the heart. You believe in the band. That band is, Cold Showers. One of the finest bands to come out of LA in a while, trust me.

Searching for information about this band is quite a task. Google taught me how to have a good cold shower, and why people have them. I knew this already (easy now.) But I can tell you now that you really don’t need to look anything up about Cold Showers. All you need to know is that they make music that is good for the soul.

You cannot change much, and I firmly believe you should never want to change a person. If you care for someone, you shouldn’t want to change them. If you feel you must change them, please please leave them alone. Just leave them be. You go your way, and hopefully that person will see you were useless and they will go listen to Cold Showers.

Cold Showers have that amazing euphoric feel to their music that is found in one of the greats- Spiritualized. You must never trust someone who doesn’t see how much of a genius Jason Pierce is. Well, I could be wrong because let’s face it, most people are shit. You can lump me in that category. But, I do believe Jason Pierce is the God of this kind of style you know? The way he can break your heart but take you to some place free of pain and misery with just one line. I have always been in awe of him. The same gut feeling hit me as I listened to Cold Showers. Granted they do not have that grand sound that Spiritualized have, Cold Showers go about it in a different way. A way that I cannot really put into words, because if I tried I would truly fuck it up and make this all sound much worse than it already does. I can only apologise for how scattered and awful my words are. I’d say it won’t happen again; but I do it every time. A habit that I will never break.

For me, Cold Showers just have everything I love about music. Some seek happy lyrics that mean nothing over the same sickening instrumental. No thank you. No, just no. Not for me. I want to hear something that makes me feel something. Sure I can feel ugly feelings all by myself, but when a band can drag it out of you and throw you into a state of “I just don’t care no more, do what you want.” And you let go of everything, that’s when you know you have found a band that truly mean the world and more to you. We all want things and people that we cannot and will not ever have; so you might as well just leave it all behind. It’s easier when nothing matters. But, Cold Showers matter because they transport you into an underworld where no one can do anything to you. You fall into some kind of dream, you don’t have to wake up if you don’t want to. Let them take you, and carry you. Away. Far away.

 

Molly Nilsson.

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“…sometimes I don’t understand you, but you’re the abstract art in my modern museum.”

Maybe the body is made up of ghosts that haunt us all with our past mistakes, taunting us when we least expect it. Maybe we can feel it coming on, but we cannot get rid of it. It is easier to chase away what troubles someone you care for rather than facing up to your own demons. Trust me, I know. But I like to pretend. Everything is a defense and not much means much, anymore. A disgusting and cruel town is bad for the soul. The soul is more delicate than the heart. You see, when a heart metaphorically breaks, something or someone can put it back together. When your soul has been crushed and rejected, I don’t think anything can put it back together. I know I’m alone with this, I guess that’s why the only sense of peace I get is when I listen to certain kinds of music. It’s like, when I listen to Cold Cave I feel as if someone gets it. Wes Eisold’s lyrics have been a lifeline for me for so long. Much like how the Bleed Like Me record by Garbage saved my life when it came out. These are things I can write down but never actually say the words to anyone. What use are my words when all I have felt and ever will feel, have been felt before by others? It just doesn’t matter.

But you know what does matter? Music. Music that comes from the soul. Music that sounds bit dark and creepy. Sinister and loving images are conjured up.

Molly Nilsson.

I know NOTHING about her, and this is what I love. I don’t want to know the ins and outs of bands and singers I love. I wish to know nothing about their lives. I just want to hear their music and take what I want from it. I may be wrong, I may be right but I really don’t want to know what my favourite singers/bands had for lunch yesterday you know? What use is that? None at all.

Her lyrics are open and frail. The music is eerie. So basically, she is everything I love. The lyrics are full of questions, desire, love, lust, loss and hints of death. To face such exposed emotions like this is something, even if you don’t dig this kind of music- you must admire in a way. I’m massively into lyrics which is probably why I like the kind of music I like. I feel no connection to what is play-listed on certain radio stations because it means nothing to me. Not because it is commercial, I think anyone who disregards something because it is classed as mainstream is a bit of a tool but hey, can’t have an opinion. I just dislike it because for me, I can’t relate. But I must admit that a lot of underground music can be quite toss too. It’s up to YOU to find out what you connect with. I have no shame in admitting that I think Call Me Maybe, annoying as it is, is a bloody brilliant pop song. Oh, and I think Kelly Clarkson is fucking amazing. I shouldn’t have to justify myself, so I won’t. I never will. But fuck me how can I love that kind of pop music but write about someone like Molly Nilsson? Quite easily really.

Certain places just produce amazing music. Manchester, Sheffield, New York, Los Angeles and Sweden. Bloody hell Sweden, your music scene is fucking incredible. If you’re a bit lazy, you’ll make the generic comparisons. I cannot be doing with that. I think if I was a singer and this happened to me, I’d want to strangle all those wanky Music “Journalists.” For me, Molly just sounds like well, herself really. I don’t wish to compare.

Wounds Itch When They Heal gives off a Kraftwerk vibe. No this isn’t a comparison, I’m just saying that same euphoric feeling is there. I feel as if I’m arguing with myself because no one is going to read this. Anyway, one must continue.

You Always Hurt The One You Love (I’ve read it’s a cover, I’m not sure) has this fucking brilliant Calypso thing going on. Yet, if you listen to the lyrics, you sort of see yourself in the song. I don’t know if it’s a good thing or a bad thing. However, if you know you’ve hurt someone and you apologise straight away then you are better than most. I spend most of my time saying sorry. Maybe I should stop.

To make the music Molly Nilsson does takes something more than passion and strength. I don’t know what it is, but I know I can relate to most songs and that is enough to make me love her music. A lot.

“Your eyes consume me, they always have. Before you knew me, I dreamed of them.”

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The music can do the talking, and I will loathe myself for doing this. Anyway.

This is for the eyes and ears of one. One that will more than likely not see this, and if they do..they may not get that it is for them. At least there is always the “delete” option. That’ll happen, that I know. Tame your honesty. Use other people’s words. Gentle…gentle.