Category Archives: Uncategorized

Garbage-The Trick Is To Keep Breathing.

Posted on by

 

 

Everyone, I don’t care who you are, has a song that ultimately defines them. It is a song that they play when they seek a feeling that nothing or no one in this world can give them. You have some that turn to a substance, some that turn to a canvas and create a piece of art- then some just turn to a piece of music. This song is your life. It sums up not just how you feel, but it gets out every tiny little feeling you have. No matter how messed up it is- that song is YOUR song. Call it a theme song if you want. Or maybe, just maybe, it is the song that gets you through.

I’ve thought about this quite a lot. I think attempting to define a person is the worst thing you can do. To define yourself by your sexuality or colour isn’t cool. There’s more to you than that. So why settle for less? “I’m gay so I must act this way.” No, just no. You must not. You must go with your heart and ignore what is expected of you. I think any ounce of strength I have comes from listening to Garbage. I was talking about them yesterday whilst having lunch with a friend that I have known since I was 5 years old (20 year friendship..maybe I’m not so bad after all!) and I brought up the topic of Garbage. She knows they have been my life since I was 8 years old. I don’t think I’ve ever felt such a connection to a band. You see, with Morrissey it is the wit and longing I relate to. With Shirley’s lyrics it is the courage and desire to no longer put up with the shit anymore. It is like, her lyrics instill something in me that nobody will ever do. I have cried on my bedroom floor to Garbage. I have had revelations to their music. I have become tougher to their music. I’m still too sensitive, but I’ve learnt to accept that it is just who I am. I’ll have my outburst and nap it off. That’s just how I am. I spent a long time trying to change it, but I listen to her lyrics and I realise that it is okay. You can be strong but vulnerable. That’s why The Trick Is To Keep Breathing is MY song.

“She’s not the kind of girl 
Who likes to tell the world 
About the way she feels about herself 
She takes a little time in making up her mind 
She doesn’t want to fight against the tide.”

If any verse in the history of music could sum me up, it’d be this one. I think anyone who has felt useless and hopeless can relate to this song, mainly this verse. It is everything you want to say, constantly on the tip of your tongue. Shirl gets out all those feelings of vulnerability and being unsure because you find it hard to do so. I’ll be the first to admit that me saying how I feel to a person is hard work. I’d rather write the person a song or poem, and give them it. But then I think what I’ve written isn’t good enough so I don’t bother. Constant battle that I’ll never win. Not with an attitude like that. Moving on.

The Trick Is To Keep Breathing, when I first heard it, I was only 11 or 12. That age where everything is about to change and you really have no idea. Move forward to now and the song is still as important to me now as it was then. Just because I’m firmly into adulthood doesn’t mean I know anything. All I know is based on what I believe, from certain songs and my own experiences. It gets you through. It is okay to carry some uncertainty around with you because it keeps you sane. It keeps you breathing. I’ve always wanted this song title tattooed on me somewhere. I have no idea where, I constantly change my mind..but I know I need to have it done soon. Real soon.

I cannot pick out a favourite Garbage lyric from any song. I’d have to spend a long time (sure I’ve got the time but..) trying to figure it out. I’d change my mind, but this one always comes to mind when I think about it :

“She knows the human heart 
And how to read the stars 
Now everything’s about to fall apart.”

It is just so haunting. You can figure everything out, but at the same time you cannot stop it from falling apart. Sometimes though, it all has to fall apart in order for it to seem right again. Trial and error. Or just error after error? Your call kid, your call. You’ll get what you want, eventually. But when will you get WHO you want? I dispute that most days with myself, to the point where I shut that part off because it causes a headache.

For me, Garbage are the friend I go to at 3am when I cannot sleep and need some form of guidance. Deep breaths. A cup of tea and I play their music. The amount of times I have played The Trick Is To Keep Breathing on a loop is probably in triple figures. I don’t care. It isn’t teenage angst, it was never ever that. It was always self frustration. I wanted to figure out so much and I just couldn’t. The Trick Is To Keep Breathing became my anthem, my theme song because it aided with figuring everything out.

“Maybe you’ll get what you want this time around .”

Maybe I will. Maybe I won’t. Either way, I’ve got this song to keep me going. To remind me to keep breathing. There’s a war in all of us. There’s a tame path for all of us. You’ve just got to figure out which one you are dragging yourself towards. It is never too late. Keep breathing, and don’t let anyone tell you that you’re not good enough. If I write this down, maybe I’ll believe my own words. Or maybe I’ll just listen to Garbage and believe their words. Nobody is ever sure, nobody is ever right. That’s why you cling onto whatever gets you through. For me, its music.

I hate how personal I write. But if it isn’t going to come from the heart, then what’s the point?


Total Slacker.

Posted on by

The amount of cough medicine I have poured into my body over the weekend is enough to make me hero, Lester Bangs either proud of..or enough to make him curse me from the skies. I haven’t taken it because I love him and I’m doing it in his honour. Oh no. I’ve done it because I am ill. To the point where if I go outside and go for a walk, after 10 minutes I feel like I’m going to pass out. I don’t know what’s going on, but I’m hoping it’ll piss off soon. I’ve got a delightful husky voice to go with it. I’m like a really unsexy version of Barry White right now..oh wait!

Taking all this cough medicine should be enough to make me go a bit lucid. Not true. Total Slacker are doing it for me instead. Their hypnotic sounds are making my mind take off and my body feel weightless. Fuck this shit, can someone PLEASE take me to America where I can be surrounded by music I love more than my general being can contain? Total Slacker are the hyperactive version of Crocodiles. I love Crocodiles more than you will ever know, so this is a huge compliment for Total Slacker. The name alone fills me with joy. Their music, well..I don’t have the words but I’ve got the time to try.

You know what pisses me off..(aside from racism, attention seekers, homophobes and those that judge) bands that are so insanely talented and are unsigned. The state of music isn’t bad if you go look for something worth believing in. Just because it is on commercial radio doesn’t mean its good. You go listen to Rihanna, I’ll listen to Total Slacker. I can relate to them. I cannot relate to a Rihanna song.

Brooklyn…Brooklyn. You and L.A. are the owners of my heart. I’d be inside you if I had the means. Total Slacker have this mental sound that causes your head to spin at a ridiculous speed. But at the same time, it does something to your soul. In a physical way it makes you feel like you’re on a rollercoaster. Mentally, it makes you think you’re on some trip. I’ve never done drugs. I’m anti-drugs (my laptop got searched for drugs the other day at the airport. They were evidently judging me hard based on how I dress. Fistful of wankers) but Total Slacker make you feel so spaced out. Is this the cough medicine finally kicking in? I hate making comparisons but this is like the Pixies and The Jesus And Mary Chain fucked with each other. This is so perfect.

You don’t need to be over-produced and have about a billion layers to your music to be amazing. Just play with heart,soul, passion and have this raw feeling about you. Like Total Slacker do. Maybe it’s an East Coast thing? I’m directing a lot of love towards this band. I really really cannot get my head around the fact that they aren’t signed. The hell is up with that? This distorted, spaced out yet hyperactive sound is everything I love about music, and how music should be. Why is this being ignored? Whatever, the main thing is that a band like this exist.

Now, if you don’t mind I’m going to carry on listening to them and imagine I am living in a spaceship or something more interesting than real life.

http://marshalltellerrecords.bigcartel.com/product/mt009-total-slacker-thrashin-lp BUY THE RECORD.

Be kind.

Spiritualized- Sweet Heart Sweet Light.

Posted on by

Attempting to type when you have the flu is like trying to run a marathon when you’ve vommed up your guts. It hurts and you have no idea what is going on. I have no idea what is going on right now. I’ve tried to sleep it off, but it’s just not happening. I’ve probably had too much cough medicine, and should ease off it now. It tastes really nice. A bit like Ribena. I feel like I need to be cradled gently so I fall asleep, and when I wake up I feel normal again. As there’s no one to do this, I’m seeking comfort in Spiritualized. Again.

As a person, I have a lot of feelings. This doesn’t mean I cry at everything or anything. I just know how to feel. I’m not afraid to have emotions. I’d be worried if I turned into a robot. I know it’d be easier if I had none, but I’m not that kind of person. I’m far too sensitive, I hate that part of me. It’s an unattractive trait. I guess on anyone else it’d be okay though. I learnt that it’s okay to be vulnerable and sensitive through listening to the stunning work Jason Pierce creates. His work as Spiritualized has got me through things I wish to never face again. However knowing my luck, I probably will. But, I drag on through it by using his words as a pillar of hope. A source of light. Refuge, I suppose. Everything about his music just elevates the soul and eases the mind. His seventh record is by no means an exception. You can place it against the other 6 as being highly influential and mind-blowing.

It’s virtually impossible for me to write about this record without wanting to be so horrifically personal. Just to vocalise everything Jason means to me. It’s impossible, so I’ll keep this as short as I can without being personal.

This album feels like you are being swayed delicately. If you feel broken-hearted, ill, down, lost, tired- play this record. It is the biggest source of comfort I have found in a long time. I probably feel more for it than I usually would because I am so bloody tired, and ill. Freedom is my favourite track off the record because it just feels like…I have no idea. I really don’t.

You know what? I’m not even going to bother. Just go listen to it yourself : http://www.npr.org/2012/04/08/149860995/first-listen-spiritualized-sweet-heart-sweet-light?ft=1&f=98679384#playlist

Genuinely lost for words right now. I’m not even sorry. Maybe this is a sign that I shouldn’t bother writing anymore. I’m stumped. I cannot find the words to describe this beautiful piece of art.

I think this record is probably one of the best things I have ever ever heard. I have no idea how to feel about anything right now, compared to this..I just don’t know at all. I really don’t. How can a person make something like this? How is it possible to create something so haunting and hypnotising? I’m in awe. It goes beyond being in awe.

This record makes me feel like I’m at the aftermath of death. That I’m going to the afterlife. I’ve never known anyone but Jason Pierce to make me feel this way. I feel like I have died and gone into the afterlife. No worries, no baggage- nothing at all. Entirely weightless and unconditionally happy. This state of beauty it puts you in allows you to feel weak, it makes it okay for you to feel weak. Fall apart. It is completely okay. The record will carry you through and make it all okay again.

Be gentle.

Marilyn Manson-No Reflection (video.)

Posted on by

I am content with this being the only music videos I lay my eyes upon this year. It is wonderfully fucked up and beautifully decadent. Pretty much standard for Marilyn Manson, right?

Cue the idiots of the world calling him a freak. Whatever. The guy is genius. The album is clearly going to be one of the best things to happen this year. Comeback of the year? For sure. I just love him, a lot. So I’m going to stand by this statement with my hand on my heart.

Courtney Love.

Posted on by

When you truly love a singer, you look beyond all the bad press. You know that the press are just out to set a person up for a fall. For some fucked up reason mistakes are held up high and any hints of success are immediately ignored. Humans are becoming less and less compassionate. Increasing in their cruel streak.

I’m not saying Courtney Love is perfect. She will tell you she isn’t. Nobody on this planet is perfect. We all do things we aren’t proud of. Some on a daily basis. If you learn and keep growing as a person, you’re just fine. Fuck what anyone thinks though, right?

I’ve always loved the music Courtney Love made. Whether it was on her own or in Hole. I never cared for her personal life at all. She had a drug habit? Big deal. She was married to Kurt Cobain? Big deal. I was never a fan of Nirvana. Everytime I hear some wanker say “Courtney killed Kurt” I do want to throttle them. Were you there? No. You weren’t. You probably only claim to dig Nirvana because you want to seem cool. Rip your jeans and hate the world. It’s just an image to you. I was never a fan of Nirvana, but I respect Kurt as a musician. His lyrics could cut through your heart with his honesty. So how come nobody has ever saw this in Courtney’s lyrics?

If you want to find a strong female musician who, against it all, kept going when she was expected by so many to just keep on fucking up and giving up- then Courtney is your woman. Those who are quick to judge her and slag her off, have you ever listened to her words? Have you heard Live Through This? That record is empowering in its truest form. It touches on subjects most are afraid to touch on due to them being “taboo.” How can you expect society be open when it shuts up on haunting subjects? We truly need women like Courtney in music. I still live in hope that some 14-year-old girl is listening to Hole and feels the need to start her own movement. Live Through This starts some kind of fire inside of you. When you’ve listened to this record, you just see the world in a different way. You see the unfairness and how unequal society still is and it makes you want to do something about it. What are YOU going to do about all the wrong you see?

For me, Courtney is the underdog that has so much heart and soul you cannot ignore her. How could you want to silence such a force?

I first heard Hole in 1994. I remember seeing the video to Doll Parts and my young eyes were just obsessing over what I was seeing. I couldn’t get my head round the video. I loved the angst feel to it. You know, one of the first tapes I remember being given was a 4 Non Blondes album by my mum. She knew I loved the angst feel. I wasn’t an angry child. I was much like I am now. Quite, sensitive and stupidly gentle. I just loved music that was loud, bold and honest. I still do.

When you hear how much a singer believes in what they are singing, you really cannot help but believe in every word too. You fall for it. It is just like falling in love. You get the butterflies when you hear their voice. You cling onto every single word. You believe in it with all you have and refuse to let anyone say a bad word against them. Maybe it can be destructive, but look beyond that and you see all it is, is unconditional. So long as they put out the songs that sum up how you feel, you will love them with all you have.

Maybe I just love Courtney so much that I cannot see why anyone would choose to keep such a strong woman down. Or maybe I’ve answered it myself right there. Maybe it is because she is so strong, she is seen as a threat you know? Because she speaks her mind and writes from the heart, she is seen as some kind of threat. Well you know what, I’d rather have someone as strong and fierce (I don’t mean it in a Tyra Banks fashion) be seen as a threat than someone stupid (insert any politician really.)

Her lyrics touch on anything and everything. From rape to romance. From wanting to never wanting again. To wanting to give yourself to a person to wanting a person to take everything from you. Maybe you’re scared of the fact that you can identify with her lyrics, you hate how open she is and you hate how you cannot be open. Face that fear.

I don’t understand how a person such as Courtney is ridiculed and shot down- yet if it was anyone else, they’d probably hold that person up so high. I can list the few singers that caused me to write songs/poems and Courtney is one of them. Earlier this evening, I just sat on my bed and wrote her a poem. She’ll never see it, no one will ever see it. But she’s been an inspiration to me ever since 1994, it’s the least I could do.

It pains me that Courtney will be one of these artists that people will pay attention and love when she is no longer with us. Why can’t we just see how talented she is now and stop being a general asshat towards her talent? If it wasn’t for her, a lot of the female musicians we have now wouldn’t have bothered to pick up a guitar and start their own movement.

Females such as Shirley Manson, Brody Dalle, Gwen Stefani are all as equally as inspiring to me (and others) as Courtney is. Strong and honest. Stop seeing these qualities as a threat. Try and silence them as much as you want, but its obvious you never ever will.

If it wasn’t for Courtney I don’t know if I would’ve cared for lyrics as much as I do. Yes, I love Morrissey but with Courtney she let out the fears, pains and furies one feels as a female. Now more than ever, as an adult I can relate a hell of a lot more. There’s so much more to her than what you have read about her. Don’t believe the press, believe in her lyrics. That’s where you will find the truth.

Her vulnerability in her lyrics mean more to me than I can even attempt to express. She made it okay for you to feel like you are falling apart, but still find that one tiny thing to give you the strength to drag yourself through. Basically “Live Through This.”

Low Roar.

Posted on by

Accidents happen. Sometimes we are made to feel bad about it, sometimes we just cannot help it. Good can come from it, if you look closer. I accidentally found Low Roar. I cannot find any fault in this.

I think they’re a duo. I know there are some shit duos, but I’m not exactly going to write about something I don’t like. I don’t understand that. To hell with all the negativity in the world. Low Roar have created some of the most loving, gentle and peaceful music I’ve ever heard. Sure I love some shouty music every now and then. But sometimes, I just want to hear something calming and gentle. I’ve truly found that in Low Roar. They have that beauty that is in the likes of Boards Of Canada but their tame and loving sound is like no other at all.

This is the kind of music you listen to when you feel low and delicate. This is the kind of music that makes you feel like you are being held softly until everything just feels right once more. When that lonely feeling creeps up towards you, Low Roar act like a deterrent and chase it away with their tranquil sounds. The mood they create is just so beautiful. I don’t understand why music like this isn’t huge, this is what the world needs. But hey, we can’t have everything. Just treasure them in your own way and don’t ever let go.

Billie Holiday.

Posted on by

 

 

97 years ago today the GREATEST female singer of all time was born. Her voice could break your heart, it still does. Listen to Strange Fruit and you will feel such hate for humanity because of how cruel they are. Listen to P.S. I Love You, and your heart will ache from how loving it is. Her voice was a voice that STILL inspires so many singers now. If it wasn’t for her, we wouldn’t have so many of the strong female singers we have now. She was as powerful as she was weak, and that is what made her believable and easy to relate to.

I did part of my dissertation at Uni about her. I learnt so much about her. Until then I just respected and loved the voice. The further I delved into her background, the more I felt towards her music. Her music oozed love and pain. Just like her life. Swindled out of money during the last few years of her life, it’s just so sad. A vulnerable and talented woman who changed music forever.

Happy Birthday Billie Holiday xx

TRUST.

Posted on by

I’m fascinated with duos. How two people can make incredible sounds leaves me in awe. Most of the bands I love are duos. Some are noisy, some create hypnotic calming sounds. The latter applies to my latest obsession-Trust.

Canada has produced some amazing bands. My all time favourite being Metric. Now, Toronto has given us one of the best acts around- Trust. My love for them was instant and will more than likely spiral out of control. Typing this is like having a conversation with myself because I doubt any of my friends will dig Trust. They’ll probably give me that look that I am all too familiar with. I have to share my love of music with someone or something, so I write it here. Maybe one day, someone will pick up on it. Trust have this heightened feel to their music. You feel like you are being taken to this secret world. It feels dark, but also really really euphoric. For me, it feels like an outer body experience listening to them.

If you’re a fan of The Knife, Alpines..bands like that- then you’ll love Trust. I’m typing this and every inch of my body hurts. I’ve got some horrific cold going on, I can forget how awful I feel by listening to Trust’s beautiful music.

They make me want to shut my eyes, stand in a forest and let a wave of darkness just take over. Then I open my eyes and I am in the midst of a strobe light battle. It creates such vivid imagery in your mind. They have the dark feel of Bauhaus but the trippy feel of Warpaint. To say I’m in love with them is an understatement.  They’re the kind of band that when you listen to them, you think “I’ve been searching for this sound all my life.” A relief takes over, and you know nothing is ever going to be the same again now you’ve found them. There’s hope, darkness and wonder in their music. Escapism comes through in their music, let them guide you. You’ll probably discover something utterly beautiful.

 

Gossip-Perfect World (video.)

Posted on by

Being yourself is a chore. You are frequently told to “be yourself.” But as soon as you are, people shoot you down for it and judge you. They judge you HARD for it. You like a band no one has really heard of- they call you pretentious. You do something positive with your life leaving the past behind- you’re called various expletives just because you’re doing something with your life. Put yourself first, and you are called selfish. What is up with that? Can’t we just stop being dicks to each other? No? Didn’t think so.

Sometimes, we struggle with who we are. I struggled for bloody years with being gay. I loathed myself and the rest of it. Then I listened to Gossip. It was Jason’s Basement that I remember first hearing. I fell in love. Every record got me through that struggle of accepting who I was. Thing is, I don’t let my sexuality define who I am. I don’t go up to new people and say “HI, I’M OLIVIA AND I’M A LESBIAN.” Fuck no. Who cares. I can accept myself, I don’t care for others opinion. Gossip taught me how to feel at ease with who I am and to not be ashamed.

Perfect World is another empowering anthem from Nathan, Hannah and Beth. The video is beautifully shot. Cannot wait for the new record. I spent most of my time at Uni following the band around. Skipping lectures just to see them. Seeing them live is like a religious experience. You feel weightless and trouble-free. Your body is full of love and you feel like you can do anything. I just bloody love them.

Dum Dum Girls-FD Acoustic Session.

Posted on by

Whilst I was waiting for my (delayed) flight home this afternoon, I was stood in line feeling sorry for myself as I was feeling a bit delicate (hungover, or so I thought- turns out I’ve got a cold which is hurting every part of me!) so I played Dum Dum Girls. I felt like Dee Dee’s gentle voice was nursing me through my wait and ill state. I had them on repeat, and started to perk up a little bit. I also napped on my flight. It’s better than staying awake and looking out the window thinking “OH SHIT!” as you look down. Besides, I like being asleep. I can’t bother anyone and no one can bother me..sometimes.

They did a little acoustic session recently in France and honestly, I don’t think any words can justify how beautiful the performance is. Dee Dee, in my eyes, is THE most underrated singer around. More people need to know and love Dum Dum Girls. They’re just a stunning band that have songs that will break your heart, fix your heart and make you dance. Since falling in love with them in 2009 they have kept me sane when I thought I was going to lose my shit. I have no idea what I would’ve done without last year’s Only In Dreams. Coming Down will always be a crutch to me. Hold Your Hand breaks my heart, to not be moved by this song well- you may be heartless.