Typing pretty much hurts; I’ve invested in a kettle bell that weighs a lot. I was feeling pretty optimistic when I bought it this week, now I don’t have that level of optimism anymore. It’s alright, feeling that good is bad for my health. I’ve not dropped it on the floor or on my face (yet) so I must be doing something right. Also, if you’re wondering what Lee from that awful pop band Steps is doing now- he’s on the free poster you get with the purchase of a kettle bell demonstrating how you are meant to use this…thing. I’m standing a good distance away from the TV, windows, anything else that I can break whilst I use it. But like I said, I’m not feeling too optimistic. But if my stomach muscles and biceps are hurting, am I doing it right? I can manage going for a run in the rain without falling over so I like to think I’m developing into a worthwhile member of society. Possibly.

So I wrote about Brooklyn wonder-kids Total Slacker about two years ago. They’re putting out their new record, Slip Away next week and it’s also Valentine’s Day next week..I think Total Slacker knew exactly what they were doing when they thought of a release date. The deviants! So aside from being a typical fan of a band, it is pretty easy to get excited over the new Total Slacker record because it is really bloody good. It’s got a Garage Rock feel to it mixed with something hypnotic (think The Stone Roses’ debut record) flowing all the way through. It’s not a record to get angry to, it’s a record to dream to- closing eyes is optional.

Would If I Could is a song to give chase to. It makes you want to walk/run faster; the fury that oozes out of this song is striking. It pretty much makes you want to give up your mundane life in order to make music like this. Out Of Body Experience pretty much speaks for itself. It’s a haunting record, it’ll creep you out in some parts but for the most part you’ll just feel like you’ve taken something strange. I personally wouldn’t know, but Total Slacker make me feel like I have.

Just under two years ago Total Slacker lost their drummer Terence in a fatal hit and run accident; any other band would probably quit after having to deal with something so painful but Total Slacker kept on, and Zoe (their new drummer) is equally as majestic and as wonderful as Terence was. A band like this just doesn’t quit.

Tucker has this way of sounding really down on life when he sings certain songs, and this is what makes him believable. There’s feeling in his voice, and this is what makes Total Slacker stand out from most bands. A lot of singers are afraid to inject any feeling into how their songs, but if you can’t expose yourself in one of the purest ways imaginable- then why on earth are you even doing it? Total Slacker are a band with a purpose.

With New York covered in snow and the UK being cast underwater, Total Slacker are bringing the laziness of Summer to us all early with Slip Away. If you’re fed up or going through a phase of self-doubt then play this record religiously and ritualistically. Shut the door and close the world off.

I’m sure Slip Away has been reviewed and weak comparisons have been mentioned, but I can’t think of a band to compare them to. I don’t have a reason to do so, and I think it’s disrespectful to the band you’re writing about when you do that. For those whinging about there being no new music and everything sounding the same, then give Total Slacker a listen. For me, Super Big Gulp is probably my favourite track so far off the record but I’ll change my mind. But when it kicks in on this track, it is truly magical. If I was wealthy, I’d pay for them to come to the UK but I’ll have to wait for now I suppose.

With songs about Kennedy’s assassination and fighting your babysitter’s boyfriend, and recorded by a someone (Daniel Schlett) who has worked with a band I really love, The Men- you just know Slip Away is going to be worthy of smacking that repeat button numerous of times.

As a fan rather than just another music writer, I’d like to say I’m really proud of Total Slacker and all they’ve done over the past few years. They’re like the noise around the heart. Play it loud and fall into a trance.


Total Slacker.

The amount of cough medicine I have poured into my body over the weekend is enough to make me hero, Lester Bangs either proud of..or enough to make him curse me from the skies. I haven’t taken it because I love him and I’m doing it in his honour. Oh no. I’ve done it because I am ill. To the point where if I go outside and go for a walk, after 10 minutes I feel like I’m going to pass out. I don’t know what’s going on, but I’m hoping it’ll piss off soon. I’ve got a delightful husky voice to go with it. I’m like a really unsexy version of Barry White right now..oh wait!

Taking all this cough medicine should be enough to make me go a bit lucid. Not true. Total Slacker are doing it for me instead. Their hypnotic sounds are making my mind take off and my body feel weightless. Fuck this shit, can someone PLEASE take me to America where I can be surrounded by music I love more than my general being can contain? Total Slacker are the hyperactive version of Crocodiles. I love Crocodiles more than you will ever know, so this is a huge compliment for Total Slacker. The name alone fills me with joy. Their music, well..I don’t have the words but I’ve got the time to try.

You know what pisses me off..(aside from racism, attention seekers, homophobes and those that judge) bands that are so insanely talented and are unsigned. The state of music isn’t bad if you go look for something worth believing in. Just because it is on commercial radio doesn’t mean its good. You go listen to Rihanna, I’ll listen to Total Slacker. I can relate to them. I cannot relate to a Rihanna song.

Brooklyn…Brooklyn. You and L.A. are the owners of my heart. I’d be inside you if I had the means. Total Slacker have this mental sound that causes your head to spin at a ridiculous speed. But at the same time, it does something to your soul. In a physical way it makes you feel like you’re on a rollercoaster. Mentally, it makes you think you’re on some trip. I’ve never done drugs. I’m anti-drugs (my laptop got searched for drugs the other day at the airport. They were evidently judging me hard based on how I dress. Fistful of wankers) but Total Slacker make you feel so spaced out. Is this the cough medicine finally kicking in? I hate making comparisons but this is like the Pixies and The Jesus And Mary Chain fucked with each other. This is so perfect.

You don’t need to be over-produced and have about a billion layers to your music to be amazing. Just play with heart,soul, passion and have this raw feeling about you. Like Total Slacker do. Maybe it’s an East Coast thing? I’m directing a lot of love towards this band. I really really cannot get my head around the fact that they aren’t signed. The hell is up with that? This distorted, spaced out yet hyperactive sound is everything I love about music, and how music should be. Why is this being ignored? Whatever, the main thing is that a band like this exist.

Now, if you don’t mind I’m going to carry on listening to them and imagine I am living in a spaceship or something more interesting than real life. BUY THE RECORD.

Be kind.