I’m not aiming to make any sense with this. I never make any sense. Maybe I’ll write stupidly short sentences or I’ll just rant with poor punctuation. Thank fuck for spell check. I’ll just get excited about mentioning certain bands and lose any sense of intelligence I have. It happens a lot, be grateful you don’t know me; you’d probably want to punch me. Most want to anyway, I fully get it. It’s okay.

Everyone has a band or singer that when they listen to them, a wave of emotion just takes over. They lose their mind, their body goes into some kind of fit and their heart beats double time. I don’t care who it is for you. I don’t care if Converge make you just lose your shit, if Ace Of Base make you so happy you piss yourself or if The Cure make you feel so fucking alive. I don’t care. This isn’t about the artist, it’s about the feeling you get from the music. It doesn’t have to be everything a band has done, it can just be one song that sends you into some ridiculous frenzy that you can only express by making noises only dogs can understand and flapping your arms about like a person trying to rid themselves of a wasp.

This year, I’m sure it was the start of February, I heard a song. Since hearing that song on that dull February day, I have played it every day since. No day goes by where I do not play I Want You by Summer Camp. It’s vital that I play it every day, I have no idea why. It’s just the best song I have heard this year. You know what it does to me? EVERYTHING. It makes me feel so fucking happy inside and out. I’m not the world’s most cheerful human being, but then again; who is? Nor am I total misery guts. I have good and bad days, I’m not afraid to feel disgustingly low. It doesn’t scare me. When I hear I Want You, I am just overcome with joy. So much joy. If I ever heard it in a shop or wherever, I think I’d have to sit down….or have a nap. I’d be uncontrollable. I love the synths; I love when it kicks in and just smacks you so hard in the face; but in a pleasurable manner. I adore Elizabeth’s voice, it’s stunning. I’d probably slap someone if they said they didn’t like this song. However, I’m not a violent person so I’d end up slapping myself in the face by accident. I’m book smart, not street smart. I Want You is just one of the many songs that cause me to react this way. Some eat cake to make themselves feel better, I just listen to music. Especially this song. Hand on heart; I can say it is my favourite song of the year. NO DOUBT.

I’ve always said I could never love a person as much as I love Morrissey. Obviously, I welcome the challenge. No ones challenged how I feel about this, so I’ve come to the conclusion that one is unlovable (yes that is a Morrissey based pun, it’s also true.) For me, Morrissey is THE ONE. The ultimate one. My lifeline and my life saver. Everything about his music and just him makes everything worthwhile. I know sometimes it is hard for us humans to carry on, but when I listen to Morrissey; I can’t help but feel okay with how I feel. I could feel so awfully low, but then I play one of his songs and I feel, “someone gets me.” He says the things I cannot say. He says the things I wish I could say. However, I know people who do not allow you to have an opinion so I just keep quiet. It’s the quiet ones you should watch, that’s what people say. I’m not a menace, I’ll stay quiet. Morrissey’s live shows feel like coming home. They make me feel like I can do anything. His live shows are like an epiphany. Anyone who has seen him live knows exactly what I mean. I don’t believe you can like just one or two Morrissey songs. I believe that once you hear a Morrissey song, that’s it for life. You become hooked. You don’t just like him, you love him. You love him unconditionally.

When you love a band, they become part of your life in a way you could never imagine. You think you’ve reserved this kind of love and emotion for your significant other, it overwhelms you. The love you have for the band or singer is on a completely different level. It’s the definition of love, respect and loyalty. You won’t let anyone say a bad word about them. You form friendships based on mutual love for them. If I wasn’t so shy, I’d probably attempt to form friendships in record shops. Then again, I can’t even chat up girls so I’d be useless at making friends. I mean, I do have friends but I didn’t mean them in record shops. Ranting now aren’t I.

When I was in secondary school, a section of my life I wish I could erase, all my work books were covered in band photos and lyrics. To this day, I still decorate my lyric books with lines from songs I love and writing the names of bands I love. The feelings a piece of music can give you can really take you aback sometimes. You wonder if the artist had the intention of having such power to do that to the listener when they made the record. Did Bob Dylan ever think he would be such a huge influence to people? Did Patti Smith ever think she’d inspire people to stand up and say something? How do they feel about it? It must be overwhelming for them too. Imagine walking on stage every night and having thousands and thousands of people sing your words back to you. Words you broke your heart to write and the audience feel every single word. I just don’t think there is any greater feeling in the world.

So what is it exactly that draws the line at “regular” fan to someone who is just obsessed? I’d never sleep outside my favourite singers’ house and present them with oranges when they opened their front door. You hear about people breaking into singers’ homes, casually taking a bath or whatever. Why would you do that? Bathing is private- USE YOUR OWN BATH. Are these people registered as mentally ill or do they actually love the singer? Only they know. I don’t condone such behaviours. There is nothing wrong with losing yourself to the sounds of your favourite band and/or at a gig; but don’t bloody follow them home. They’re people too, they are entitled to privacy. We all are.

I’ve always been obsessed with music. I remember dancing to Kraftwerk and Dee-Lite when I was a baby in the living room, in my nappy. I had moves dear reader, I had moves. Now? I don’t like to unleash them. I don’t want to threaten anyone; they’re not ready for them at all.

The best thing about feeling a song so deeply is when you meet the ones responsible for creating the sound, and just seeing what it means to them. I will always say interviewing Warpaint is my greatest achievement. I took so much from that interview, just being in their presence meant so much. If you watch their interviews or performances; you can truly see that they feel the music. It is their live. As it is their life, you fall completely and utterly in love with it; and it becomes your life. When a band or singer gives you their all, and they believe in their words- you can’t help but believe it too.

Everyone has a singer or band that they give themselves over to. They skip school to buy the record on the day of its release (I’ve done this, I’m not sorry.) They decorate their rooms with posters, name pets or children after the singer they love, have tattoos in honour of them. You follow a band everywhere on tour; you spend all your money on seeing them live. The best conversations are had whilst waiting in line to see your favourite band live. It just takes over, people call you obsessed. Don’t listen to them. We all need something or someone to believe in. It’s easier if it’s a singer because they cannot hurt you. All they do is project your nagging insecurities, your weaknesses, your joy, your pain, love, tears- everything. They do it all. They are there for you at 4am when the world is asleep. They provide the comfort no other can or ever will. Music is a crutch; it’s up to you how you use it.

There’s one thing that expresses the true meaning of being a fan. It isn’t in a song, it’s in a film; Almost Famous. I watched this film during my first year of University. I was full of self doubt, and didn’t know what to do. A relative told me to watch the film. I watched it, and it changed my life. It made me realise that all I want to do with my life is write. I may not be any good, but music and writing are my passion, I just have to do it. I don’t want to do anything else. My role models aside from my mum are two people who I believe changed music- Lester Bangs and John Peel. They fuelled something inside of me that caused me to love music as much as I do. It’s more than just a passion for it, it’s my life. Everyone has that one thing that is their life, mine is music. When I listen to The Kills first record, it makes me feel so fucking alive and like I can do anything. When I listen to the Velvet Underground, I fall in love with their raw sound and just want to create something wonderful.

When you truly love something like this, you are made to feel like you can do anything and be whatever you want. And you know what, you really can.