“I can piss away my cash, my time I can’t get back.”
My love for Crocodiles is on a par with my love for The Cure, Morrissey and hugs. Since 2009 they’ve been a solid source of comfort, and an outlet for any frustration I may encounter. Last Tuesday they played a free gig at Rough Trade. I extended my trip in England basically so I could see them. During that week some amazing things happened. Seeing Crocodiles and another thing (it’s personal, so shush) was basically my highlight and improved this year.
I don’t want to talk about the free gig, I want to talk about how when you wait for something for so long- that moment when it is finally yours, well no one can take it from you. Nothing can reach you. You feel invincible and as if you can take on the world. The music is your cape, cloak the world with your power.
I’ve already written about how my love for Crocodiles started, and how they dragged me through what I thought at the time-was a really bad patch. Turns out, I’ve gone through worse and I’m still here (sorry to those who hate that.) Their music for me goes beyond anything else. When I saw them last week, I just felt an explosion of being content with everything. I guess I had to because I spent £5 on a Jameson & coke in a bar beforehand and it cost me £5. London, sort out your whiskey prices please. I love you, but this is going to cause tension.
This year, after waiting since 2005 to see them- I saw The Horrors. After waiting 3 years, I finally saw Crocodiles. I guess this year, for all the things I have waited for- they finally happened. Music is pretty much the centre of my tiny universe. It keeps me going. It gives me what I need to carry on. My love for Crocodiles is something I cannot put into words. I chickened out of going up to Brandon and Charles to tell them how much it meant to me to see them. I suppose I didn’t want to seem like some creepy fool. I’m nearly 26, not 14- but I had a bit of fear. I guess when you’ve been in awe of a band for so long, it is a bit daunting. However, they’re not assholes so I guess if I blurted out “YOUR MUSIC KEEPS ME SANE” I’m pretty sure they’d be okay with that. But anyway. Next time. Hopefully.
For me it was hearing All My Hate And My Hexes Are For You and No Black Clouds For Dee Dee that just made me insanely happy. They are two songs right now that mean the world to me. I obviously have a lot of love for I Wanna Kill, and the first verse of that song means more to me than I can get my head around. To see them play to about 30 people (there may have been more, I wasn’t really paying the crowd attention) was just perfect. It may not have been a full set, but I didn’t care. For those 45 minutes or so, I got to see one of my favourite bands ever.
When you wait for something, no matter what it is and you finally have it. Whether it be seeing a band, a record finally coming out, being with that one person who doesn’t make you feel every kind of ugly-anything. When you have that moment, no matter how long or short it is- you cling onto it for the rest of your time here. That moment just stays with you, and when you are alone- it makes the time pass quicker. You remember parts of it, and you carry on; carrying the memory with you.
Music has the power to change everything. To be everything. Last Tuesday, I felt that more than ever. I closed my eyes, sang along and swayed. It was like I was the only person in the room with Crocodiles. Every so often I caught a glimpse of the crowd and didn’t see many people singing, but I say a few sway their bodies. Truly feeling the music in their bones.
If by some strange stroke of luck they see this; Brandon and Charles, thank you. Not just for last Tuesday but for the music. For always, and forever. Thank you is all I’ve got.