Self Esteem @ Manchester Academy, 29th September 2025.

If I can make this make sense, then I’ve done what I needed to do. Otherwise, it’ll just be an emotional/passionate rant about my love for Self Esteem.

I’m 38 years old; I don’t queue to be at the front for bands anymore. I stand where I can, and hope I can see. Yesterday was different and a solid use of annual leave. We queued from about half 5, and there were 4 others in front of us. That bloody front row was happening. My knees are feeling it today.

If you’ve ever been to a Self Esteem show, you’ll probably think you know what to expect. I thought I did. I saw her two years ago with my mum at the Albert Hall and it’s still up there as one of the best gigs I’ve ever been to. However, this tour is something else. There’s more healing here, there’s more love, there’s more need to be heard and to be seen. There’s more of a community feel. It felt like everything slotting into place in a messed up world. For that hour and a half, the outside world didn’t matter. The safety you feel at a Self Esteem show is something else, and it’s a feeling most (unless you’re a hateful prick) deserve.

The set opens with I Do And I Don’t Care. Rebecca Lucy Taylor stands front, and center and I am trying not to cry. I’ve got this, I’ll be alright. Truth is, I didn’t have “it,” and I absolutely was not alright. The second everyone on stage sings, “If I’m so empowered, why am I such a coward?
If I’m so strong, why am I broken?”
I absolutely go. I cry as if my cat Mary has run off and will never return. It all comes out. Surely, I won’t have anything else left for later on?

After the emotional ride of I Do And I Don’t Care, we go right into Mother followed by the healing Lies (part of me was clinging onto Nadine Shah coming out, but my heart is hoping it happens in Sheffield!) What has you hooked the whole time is not just Rebecca’s incredible stage presence and her ability to make you feel like you’re less alone with all you’re carrying but it’s her group on stage with her. That’s more than a group- it’s a family and the love they all have for each other truly shines. There is not one person on that stage that you cannot stop looking at and in being in awe of. The way they move, dance, sing and just pour their heart out on stage is divine. Everything is left on that stage. It’s healing. It’s home. It’s being free of every burden you carry.

69 live is wild. I can confirm hearing the line, “If you beg, I will peg” live is beautiful especially when everyone else is shouting this song as loudly as they can. It’s such a liberating song and my god the choreography for it is insane. During the whole set, it’s not just the vocals you are stunned by. It’s the movements on stage. It’s the way it has been produced. It is easily one of the best put together gig I’ve ever been to. It flowed so perfectly and ended all too soon. I want every night to be a Self Esteem show and to break my own heart to certain songs. It felt like home, and as someone who feels unsettled a lot- it was exactly what I needed.

Logic, Bitch! sees RLT use a banana as telephone and although the song is very vulnerable- adding this element to the performance makes you less inclined to cry like a baby (this is just my experience.) And also, it’s very practical as it means she has a little deserved snack break.

I genuinely thought The 345 was going to have me a crying mess again, but I did alright- was this progress? No, no it wasn’t. I think I cry the most during If Not Now, It’s Soon because there’s a line in the song that my Gran used to say, or very similar to one of her many sayings; “And whatever is right for you, will guide you through.” And it’s something I miss hearing her tell me but luckily my mum reinforces it. The iconic Julie Hesmondhalgh appeared for the song for Sunday’s show but for Night 1 and Night 3, we all just cheered as if she was there anyway. But imagine being there on Night 2 and Julie appears?! I’d have lost it.

It was also during this song that a lovely person stood behind me handed me a tissue because I was a mess. That person was an angel, and I hope she never has bad days and always knows joy. The tissue served me well!

Whatever I write about last night doesn’t do the show justice. RLT and her gang know how to put on a show, and everyone has their moment to truly shine. You can feel the love, respect, and devotion from the stage to the crowd. It’s in the beautiful and tender moments where the band hold each other after certain songs and it just makes you really appreciate everything and more that goes into these shows. The first run of these shows are done, and the tour picks up again on Friday. The last show will be in the finest city in the UK- Shefield at the Arena. And from seeing the show last night, it was destined to be on the biggest stage possible.

The encore consists of I Do This All The Time and Focus Is Power. I’ve said it many times before, but I Do This All The Time is healing in song form. I remember hearing it for the first time years ago, and I felt like I was 13 years old hearing The Trick Is To Keep Breathing by Garbage. For me, RLT is on the same level as Garbage for me. The words are a safety net when the world isn’t. The crowd was beautiful in every way, and every single word to every single song was sung back at RLT with such devotion and passion. I truly hope she knows how important her words are and how much of a difference she has. The way she gets right to your gut with her words is phenomenal, and we’ll never know anyone else quite like her.

Of course, the show ends with a conga line on stage to Shirley Bassey’s This Is My Life, and it will never ever get old. As the band leave the stage, and the lights come up- the Academy is still full of people dancing like the last ones at a wedding without a care in the world and that pretty much sums up the joy you get from a Self Esteem show.

Last night was all I needed and more from a show. Maybe I’ll cry less at the Sheffield show or at least bring tissues this time! If you’re looking for a space to feel safe and to truly be part of something inclusive- go to a Self Esteem show. It just sums up all the good in world.

One final thing, Self Esteem are fundraising for two very important charities on the tour :  Schools Consent Project – JustGiving and Choose Love please donate if you can.

AMYL AND THE SNIFFERS: Manchester Academy, 9th November 2024.

Last night I saw again, the best band of my generation, live. I’ve been thinking about what makes Amyl and The Sniffers so great and it’s down to the live shows. It’s the energy, it’s the band, it’s the fans. From seeing them at the Deaf Institute in 2019 to last night at the Academy; I can safely say that every time I’ve seen them, it’s made you feel like it won’t be long before they become a band that play stadiums. Their sound is THAT big. Their energy is even bigger.

From the second the band step on stage to Mobb Deep’s CLASSIC Shook Ones Part II (any band that walk on stage to that are excellent!) you know that you are seconds away from greatness. Amy steps to the mic and tells the crowd to pick anyone up who falls, don’t touch anyone who doesn’t want to be touched and to get rowdy. I think we can apply those rules to daily life. The setlist consists of 22 songs, and you feel it isn’t enough. You want more and more (I’ll ALWAYS want Stole My Pushbike back on the set along with 70s Street Munchies!) but the new record live is insane. They start with Doing In Me Head which is one of the best moments of Cartoon Darkness. They absolutely rip through the new record, and it’s that energy that is so rare, is what makes the night.

One of the things you spot at an Amyl and The Sniffers show is that there are no age limits- the crowd is so diverse and I think the older people in the crowd lasted longer in the pit than the younger ones. It was so beautiful to see. Amyl and The Sniffers are beyond being a Pub Rock/Punk band; there’s something else there, and it honestly above any words I or anyone could write down. You know what was the seller for me? Having the show projected on a screen behind the band because this short-arse can’t see anything! But I saw it all. I got the tickets as a birthday present to myself, and I think, even though I dislike my birthday, celebrating it like this was alright. Mainly because it wasn’t ON my birthday, but you get my point.

There are tender moments in the set such as Knifey and every female person sang that song as if their life depended on it. I remember hearing it for the first time, and I bawled. I don’t know anyone who hasn’t been moved by that song. Bailing On Me nearly had me crying, but I remembered being told that no one is worth crying over so I stopped myself. It felt good. For me, hearing Motorbike Song live was all I wanted. That was the new song I was looking forward to the most. It’s so loud, it’s fast and it’s just a dream of a song. Of course, songs like Hertz, Guided By Angels and Security are belted out by everyone- how could they not be? They all created beautiful moments, and show why Comfort To Me is one of the greatest records ever made. However, I reckon every record they ever make will be the greatest so we’re fine. This is a band to put all your faith, love, and energy into. Pretty sure I had goosebumps from the second they stepped on stage to the very end of the set. The encore was Balaclava Lover Boogie and GFY- excellent way to end the show! There are SO many moments during the show that just blow your mind. Me And The Girls live absolutely dicks over the album version. The song rips anyway, but live? My god!! U Should Not Be Doing That holds a very special place in my heart as does Chewing Gum. Oh man having Maggot and Some Mutts in the setlist is a dream too! Every song deserves its place!

I adored how everyone was having the time of their lives last night. Sure, drinks were being lobbed across the room and being dropped, but that’s because everyone was busy dancing and screaming along to the words. A personal highlight for me was someone coming up to me to tell me something but I had no idea what they were saying, so they then said “Don’t listen to me, I’ve just got me tits out!” And that pretty much sums up the night. Freedom for all. Fun for everyone. It was a blast, and I hope they come back soon because their live shows really do give you a kick up the arse.

The new record hasn’t been out long, but everyone knew every single word and shouted along with Amy. Her voice has become so much stronger over the years, and I think you really hear it on songs like Chewing Gum and Big Dreams. As for Dec- show me a better guitarist right now, because you absolutely won’t find one. He’s something else. Gus is THE coolest bassist. Bryce is just exceptional. Together they show exactly why Amyl and The Sniffers are the best band around. This band are for us underdogs, the weirdos and the ones who do not want what you’re selling.

I’d like to end this by saying a very personal highlight of the night was me turning to my best mate during Jerkin’ to try tell him something important and he stopped me because he HAD to shout “WANK WANK WANK” during the song. I’d have been disappointed if he didn’t. The joy on his face was heavenly!

If you’ve never been to an Amyl and The Sniffers show, you are missing out. It’s as simple as that. I adore everything they stand for and how they treat their fans, and also- how the fans treat them. Amy Taylor has that Patti Smith quality about her, and I hope when Amy gets to 75, she’s still shouting the words to Jerkin’ every night in a different city. We need bands like this so badly- especially at the moment. At the start of the show, Amy gave a little speech about the state of the world and how shit it is, and the words hit. The world is absolutely terrible but there is more of us that want to do good and help, and we just have to be a lot louder now.

So, in short, this was an amazing show and the atmosphere was beautiful. If I could go to an Amyl and The Sniffers show every night, I bloody well would.

PS- This is one of the lamest reviews I’ve done but I hope you take away from this that Amyl and The Sniffers are the best live band around. Thanks!

IDLES: Manchester Academy. 4th December 2019.

idles

I apologise in advance for potentially how erratic and lengthy this will be. Last night’s show went beyond meaning the world to me, and although I may not be able to eloquently put into words what the show meant to me, I know that there is an incredible group of people who fully understand. That group of people are the AF Gang. Thank you.

Prior to the show last night Joe, Lee and Bobo walked past me. I stupidly (or sensibly) used my self-control to not go up to them and spurt out words of love and ask for a photo. I think part of me couldn’t believe it. Not that these real people walked past me, but because I was a couple of hours away from seeing them on stage. It hadn’t sunk in yet; the tickets were last minute (and I owe it to two complete strangers who have hearts of gold.)

Sadly, I didn’t make all the 45s set but what I could hear was truly wonderful and it sounded so energetic. But I did catch all METZ’s set. I think anyone who knows me, knows I love two bands a hell of a lot- METZ and IDLES. I saw METZ earlier this year when they played the Pink Room at YES (USA Nails supported, and again this was a dream line up.) I was blown away and I was left struggling to hear the day after. It was incredible. Second time around in a much bigger venue- they sounded the same. Full of this beautiful rowdiness that just makes you want to pick up a guitar and make a lot of noise. They are one of the best live bands around, and to see everyone else react the same was a beautiful thing too. Songs like Get Off and Acetate were sheer madness, and of course just made me fall in love with them all over again. If you ever get to see them, GO. In any capacity, just go. They’ll shake your bones and shatter your skull in the best way possible.

The main event. The bit where my heart beats faster in a good way, not from having a panic attack. The part where my life probably changes. Where it all kicks in.

IDLES take to the stage and open with Colossus. If you ever want to see a bunch of passionate, beautiful people rush to the front upon hearing the opening chords to an anthem- go to an IDLES show. This was the first time in a very long time where I was in the midst of the crowd. I normally stay back or near the side. I don’t do big venues usually. But I can safely say that I felt so fucking safe at this show. IDLES played 18 songs, and I’m pretty sure we would have begged them to stay longer and play them all again. They are a band that just make me feel so fucking happy and I honestly don’t know what I would do without them. They are a band that say the things I probably can’t, and just voice out my worries and emotions better than I ever could. They are my outlet and my safety net. I have never sung (well, shouted) like this at a show before. This morning my body hurts and my throat hurts in the best way possible. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Every single song is a highlight (we got QUEENS for fucks sake!!!) and I wanted to stay in the moment forever. Is this how someone feels when they see their child for the first time? I think this is probably better. From the crowd chanting IDLES prior to them coming on stage, from Bobo ending up in the crowd to Joe ending up with someone’s shoe on stage- this was truly the best gig I’ve ever, ever been to. Sorry Nick Cave, I think you’ve bene overtaken! The crowd chanting “Oh Jeremy Corbyn” to the mass sing along of Wonderwall and All I Want For Christmas Is You. It was the most loving and precious atmosphere; I just wanted to be immersed in it forever.

This was my first IDLES show and it won’t be my last. There is something about seeing them for the first time that just gives you that kick up the arse that you need. Everything that this band and us fans stand for is something to treasure and to pass on. There were kids at the gigs with their parents, and if it was their first ever gig then everything else in life has a lot to live up to! I loved that during Rottweiler birthday girl, Catherine got on stage to play guitar with them. To see a fellow AF Ganger up on stage with the band and just ripping the stage apart was beautiful. That’s how you do a birthday and close a show.

Slow Savage broke my heart. This was the only moment I cried during the show. There is something about the way Joe shouts, “I’m the worst lover that you’ll ever have” that rips you apart. It’s the sheer openness and vulnerability in their songs that lures you in and wraps itself around your heart. This song is a prime example of it. But there is something else about their shows that will wrap itself around your heart- the strong feeling of unity.

Danny Nedelko is sang like a football chant on the terraces. This song means a hell of a lot to me and so many. It’s a perfect example of what makes this country great- the people who come here to better themselves. Our beautiful immigrants. We love you and you are welcome here. Always.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vi8gUnBi6DY

I feel I am missing key moments from the show, but I’ve had 5 hours sleep and a bit of a migraine brewing. I don’t care. I have never felt so alive as I did last night. The atmosphere was safe and full of love- just how it should be. We got Queens for fucks sake! I’m still delirious over that; incredible. Last night changed something in me. I’m not entirely sure what just yet, but something will emerge I’m sure. It has to. Since losing my Gran 3 months ago, I’ve not had hold of any emotion I have; everything has been a downward spiral in my head but last night I had a glimmer of stability. I have to go with that.

There is also nothing more satisfying and therapeutic than screaming along to their song Mother, and yelling “MOTHER! FUCKER!” with a few thousand people. Nothing can beat that.

Keep fucking going, and love yourself. LOVE.YOURSELF.

GARBAGE: 20 Years Paranoid Tour. 9th September 2018. Manchester Academy.

garbage

There are some experiences in life that can never be replicated. There are some moments where words do not do what you have been through justice. Last night I saw Garbage perform a record in full that came out 20 years ago. This is the record that saved my life. This isn’t an exaggeration; it’s the truth. Music has, and always will be my crutch but Version 2.0 helped me in ways, and still helps me in ways nothing else has. Or could.

This isn’t a typical review of a show. This wasn’t just me going to see a band play live. This was something else. This was an outer-body experience. It was part healing, part saving, part something that I do not know how to put into words.

There were a few songs I knew would break me. I tried listening to one in particular a few days before the show and I couldn’t make it through. How was I going to cope seeing it live? As soon as the opening notes to Medication kicked in, I suddenly wished I was on a higher dose of sertraline. My mind and body couldn’t really come together to fathom what I was experiencing. The brutal truth; Medication got me through being bullied all through secondary school, it got me through the years and years of self-loathing and what comes with it. Just read the lyrics, it’s fairly obvious how I coped. Do I regret it? No. Am I ashamed? Not at all. We all cope differently. So when I heard this song last night, I went back to the days of feeling like I did then. But something happened- it wasn’t just tears of sadness. They were tears of relief knowing that I don’t have to carry that feeling around ever again. Sure I have to face depression and anxiety every day- but certain feelings aren’t there no more.

A moment that truly stood out was Shirley crying at the response we gave the band. But, what else could they expect? People that were there last night were people who idolise the band, who have had their lives saved by them, who use the strength in the band make it theirs. Last night’s show was the best show I’ve ever been to- the main reason being what the record means to me. However, the reaction from everyone was just so beautiful, and totally backs up my theory that crowds in Manchester are just the best.

I loved when Shirley went into Personal Jesus during Wicked Ways. It went perfectly, and was something I just wanted to last forever. I also loved Dreams by Fleetwood Mac being sung by Shirley towards the end of You Look So Fine. That song has always made me cry for reasons I’ll never understand, and to hear Shirley sing You Look So Fine and expose just how vulnerable the song is was just something else. Push It sent everyone nuts- it was incredible. I was stood right at the back, but to see everyone go off for this song was so beautiful. The crowd was made up of every background you can imagine, and it was just a beautiful sea of people coming together to see the band that they adore. There is no better feeling.

Every B-side was played, and my personal favourite was Solider Through This. It’s been a song I have loved since I heard it years and years ago. I loved the fragility in it. I loved Shirley’s speech before she went into it. She said relationships shouldn’t be difficult, that they should be easy. I truly felt that- I was stood next to my girlfriend, my best friend as she said this. There was no one else I’d want to see my favourite band with, and allow them to see me ugly cry like that. Although a difficult song for her to sing live (the lyrics justify why) Shirley’s voice on this was one of my favourite moments of the show. Shirley’s voice at this show was nothing short of mind-blowing. I have never heard anyone sound so tough and powerful. There’s a note in this song near the end that she totally annihilates and every single part of me is covered in goose bumps. She does this numerous of times throughout the show, and I think it’s us, the crowd that make her sound louder than she ever has. I was just in awe of her voice and how Butch, Eric, Duke and Steve play with this energy that puts newer bands to shame.

The Trick Is To Keep Breathing was the song that made me cry the most. I’ve never ever cried like that at a show before, and I never will again-unless it’s seeing this song. This song was my lifeline for so long, and it still is. It’s my go to song when everything is too much or when I just need some form of reassurance. I used to repeat the chorus in my head as I walked the corridors at school and had this feeling in my stomach knowing what I was about to face. This song got me through it, and I am forever in debt to Garbage for this song.

When you go to a Garbage show, you are enamoured by all of them. You focus on Shirley stalking the stage like a hungry panther, Butch makes you wish you could play the drums, Duke is the coolest person on the planet, Steve has this laid-back stance but you know he is playing with everything he’s got and Eric drives the band on. I’ve never seen such a perfect bunch of musicians like this before. They fit together. Their bond is just so beautiful.

Excuse the pun, but it was such a special show. Every song made me feel like I was going back 20 years ago to hear this record for the first time all over again. I loved that there were little kids at the show wearing massive headphones-imagine that being your first show you ever go to! Those kids have cool families. I love how this show just brought so many people together all for the same reason. I loved hearing The World Is Not Enough,  Dumb and their cover of Can’t Seem To Make You Mine. Temptation Waits blew my mind a stupid amount! I wanted the show to keep going forever. In my head, it still is. I’m emotionally exhausted from it and I’ve had about 5 hours sleep. I feel like I am still at the show. I want to always stay in that moment.

The show ended perfectly on their cover of Starman. That song has always made me cry (what doesn’t… I know!) and to hear them sing this song, it kind of felt like the band were saying “Stay weird and don’t let anyone take it from you. Ever.” Just like Bowie always did. The way Shirley sings this makes you realise she has definitely studied his performances, and she did the song justice. They all did. They made this song theirs but in a way, you knew it was a tribute and it was so perfectly done.

I never thought I’d see/hear the songs live that saved my life. I never thought I’d experience it. It meant more to me than these words I’ve written can express. If on the off-chance they read this- thank you. You helped this kid deal with more than they could carry, and make it to adulthood.

THE JESUS AND MARY CHAIN- Psychocandy Shows.

“But you break me in two
And you throw me away
And you spit on my head
You trip me up.”

After spending more money on gig tickets, travel and accommodation – it is with a slight bout of deafness and sheer joy that I can say, I have finally seen The Jesus And Mary Chain live. Twice. In the space of a few days. Not sure how I am not totally deaf, but it’s fine. It is an excuse to not listen to anyone (not like I do anyway.)

I don’t want to turn this into a comparison of Manchester vs London. I’m siding with London because I was at the front, I can’t hear and the venue was a lot nicer. The Troxy is one of the most stunning venues I’ve ever been to. I’m usually a fan of venues that look like they’re about to fall down and are the size of a shed, but I like to make an exception. Instead, I’ll just go on about how TJAMC are one of the best bands I have seen live, finally.

I knew it was going to be loud. I knew it was going to feel like my ears were going to burst and bleed. I wouldn’t have bought tickets if I wasn’t alright with that. The crowds at both nights (and I’d imagine for most dates/all) consisted mainly of middle-aged men having the time of their lives. Some crying onto their best friend’s shoulders, most shouting the words back at Jim as if he’s some modern-day Messiah (he probably is, let’s be honest.) For me, it felt like a Morrissey show but with a bit more bite. How these guys react to TJAMC is how grown men are at a Morrissey show, without the stage invasion. There is something beautiful about seeing this. TJAMC appeal to those who are awkward, unsure but carry the weight of daily feelings like no other. They are for those who do not mind the darker side of having emotions, what they do mind is being told how to offload it all. How do you offload it? You stick on TJAMC and you think of someone or something that is really eating you. This is how you come alive.

I wasn’t even a mere thought before Psychocandy came out (I was born a year and one week later, always late.) but it has become one record that I quite simply, cannot live without. Is it a bold statement? Is it foolish? There a few thousand from over the past week or so who will probably agree with me. United. It’s a record that means more to me than anything else I’ve ever heard. I’ve felt every ugly and passionate feeling Jim sings on that record, and fuck me I am not ashamed. I’m sort of proud that I am able to relate to such a remarkable record. See, I just can’t live without it. To see it live in its entirety was something no part of me ever thought I would see. I never ever thought I would see TJAMC live, ever. I have a tendency to like bands that have most members dead or they hate each other. Sometimes both. Thank you Jim and William for getting your shit together.

I expected nothing from the shows, all I cared about was seeing TJAMC. The excitement I had was probably borderline irritating, I don’t care. If you get the chance to see your favourite band in the whole wide world live, go. Just go. I don’t care how you fund it, just go. Treat yourself. You need to.

There was an atmosphere at both shows that I sincerely hope was at all of them. It was a mixture of relief, absolute happiness and shock that it was about to happen. I know this isn’t a live review, all it is is something unleashing how it feels to see their favourite band of all time live. Finally. There was nothing wrong with these shows, every element of it was perfect. Last night, William played a bum note during a song and Jim just turned to him as if to say, “typical” shook his head and grinned. William was like the mad scientist surrounded with amps and pedals. Jim was every bit the brilliant frontman I knew he was. There was no need for painful conversation between songs. I’m not a fan of that. And I don’t think they are either.

Seeing You Trip Me Up and My Little Underground live meant more to me than I thought they would. Those songs hold more sentimental value to me than a song probably should. More than I want them to, but seeing it all live was like a release. A sigh of relief, yet I didn’t want it to end. TJAMC have been missed, so dearly missed. I hope they never leave us again because we needed it. Live music needs bands like them. Being brutally loud and not apologising for making you feel as if your ears are bleeding. If I don’t get injured or go a little deaf at a gig, I probably didn’t have a good time.

TJAMC’s music is the polar opposite to me, sound wise. They are brutal, somewhat sinister and loud. I’m too shy for my own good, but I’m alright with clinging onto that. Psychocandy is a release of all sorts, and to finally see it live goes beyond the words I have written.

They opened with April Skies. A song I thought would be too much for me to witness, but my god it was beautiful. To just watch that over and over would be something else. Maybe they’ll do a tour for Darklands…that’d be nice. There is no doubt in my mind that TJAMC are the best band, ever. How Jim Reid feels about the Velvet Underground is how I feel about them. Ultimately I do feel the same about the Velvet Underground, obviously. I think that’s quite clear. One of the true special moments last night was Miki Berenyi joining them on Just Like Honey. Oh, and Kevin Shields was sat upstairs too. Shoegaze heaven.

The shows I went to were euphoric and loud. Seeing middle-aged men take their partners with them as if to say, “This has been me for the past 30 years, this is who I am” was just beautiful. The songs are as important as they always were, much like the band.

VIVA THE JESUS AND MARY CHAIN!