A loss is a painful thing to experience and is something nobody can avoid. You can attempt to shut off from the world and wrap yourself in some form of a protective bubble but something will get in and you will experience an all too frequent situation.

Regardless of how close you were to the person you have loss, you are told several clichés in order to make you feel better. At the start it is raw, your brain is in some weird state and your heart aches. The loss can be temporary or it can be permanent. The feelings however, well, nobody can tell. The beauty (and isolation) in emotions is that only you know how they feel to you. Others will be feeling the same thing, but it hits you different.

Part of me feels like I shouldn’t be writing this, but I’m a person who is more than likely too sensitive for their own good. I can cry at the sight of a cute puppy just like I can cry quite easily at all the bad happening in the world. “Better out than in” is something that probably seems quite apt.

I was born on the Isle of Man. It is home to strange things such as cats with no tails and it’s in the middle of the Irish Sea. I saw the bad in it on a daily basis when I was living there- it is far from everything I know. But if you wander round the place you will see some truly beautiful places. I miss being away from the sea because there is truly nothing more relaxing than staring out to the sea with the sea air whirling around you. Play your favourite song and stare into the unknown. Peel beach is my favourite beach on the Island; even when it is cold and pissing it down, it is still beautiful. More importantly a woman who many (myself included) regard as a fighter and just a beautiful spirit lived there.

In December 2012 I wrote about a woman named Katherine Crow who had recorded a song at Abbey Road studios in the hopes for a Christmas number 1. At the time I was working at HMV and I refused to serve anyone who was just buying one copy of the single. Why buy one when you can buy three. This sales technique worked, but I don’t have the guts (or the extremely outgoing nature) of working sales. I was just passionate about the cause, like everyone else on the Isle of Man.

On Wednesday evening Kath passed away. Aged only 39, that ugly and vile disease that affects so many took her. Cancer is part of way too many people’s lives and to live in a world where no more families or friends or loved ones had to ever endure the pain and hurt it causes, well…I just live in hope. We have to, it’s the only way.

I did not know Kath personally but like anyone who knew her story or is from the Isle of Man; they were just touched by how tough and just how bloody lovely she truly was. To write this in past tense goes beyond my head, I have to keep going back to change it because it makes no sense. I have no point as to what I’m writing, and I’m fully aware I only ever write about Music as it is all I know. But, if you knew of Kath you knew she had a gorgeous voice. I only saw her perform twice and both times I sobbed. See, I just cry too easily- especially with live music.

I remember a story she told both times; she would say she had to drink a lot during performances otherwise her top lip would disappear and demonstrated this, it was too funny and is something I’ll always remember. That voice, that humor. When I was living at home and was forced to go food shopping with my mum, we would sometimes bump into Kath outside Tesco and she just had the glowing presence about her. Just watch this interview below and see how genuine and lovely she was.

Her presence, her smile, her voice and so much more will be missed. Her strength, passion and determination was infectious and inspiring. If we can take anything from this heartbreaking and devastating event (I’m sure there is a better word, but I can’t think of it right now, sorry) then let it be the courage and passion she had.

An event is being held on the Isle of Man on 31st October til 2nd November for the Isle of Man Hospice; The Big Beat For Hospice. A group of talented musicians are going to be making a load of noise for charity. Three days of drumming, sounds perfect right? You can donate to the cause right here: http://www.justgiving.com/bbfh Just donate whatever you can for a cause that’s sole purpose is to really make a difference. You can find out more about the event on their Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/TheBigBeatForHospice

Rest easy Kath. You’ll be missed xx


Katherine Crowe-Smile.




We glorify those who do not need it. From footballers that are paid too much money for running up and down for 90 minutes to someone standing in a kitchen on telly for half an hour telling us how to cook the perfect roast potato. Nothing is perfect, so it is wasted watching. We fall for it because it is constantly rammed down our necks. Then we have things such as X-Factor which again, glorifies rubbish. Chances (and money) are wasted on those no one will care about in 12 months time, and that is being kind. Or they become another gimmick that we can do without. Where is the raw talent? Where is the drive? Where is the passion? I’m about to tell you.

Start of 2010 my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer, if you’ve read anything I’ve written before then you know. It doesn’t need talking about in detail again. She did a fashion show in aid of cancer charities in October last year. I flew over to see her as a surprise, and was greeted with a “OH MY GOD WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE!!??” I watched her and the others, in awe of their strength and determination to not let some bastarding wanker of a disease ruin them and stop them from living their lives.

I remember going home that evening and my mum telling me about one person in particular that was there. A singer by the name of Kath. I remember her walking up and down the catwalk and mouthing the words to the songs with her daughter by her side. This would have melted the hardest of hearts; it was a beacon of hope and a symbol of courage and also, determination.

I have seen Kath sing a few times with my mum, and every single time I am reduced to a bawling mess. A voice like hers, a personality like hers deserves to be heard and seen by all. This lady goes beyond being inspiring. She’s on a different level altogether. People like her are so so rare, and their fight is something that you cannot help but admire.

When she covers songs, she does what only the best do; she makes it her own. She makes you believe that she wrote the song. One song in particular is her version of Smile. As I’m far too sensitive for my own liking, it does the opposite- it makes me cry. Like a baby. However, it is truly one of the most ethereal things I have ever heard. She makes you believe that she wrote the song, or maybe the song was written for Kath. Maybe she was destined to find this song and just make it her own. Her angelic voice makes you connect with the lyrics more than you could ever imagine connecting to a song.

Recently she went to Abbey Road Studios and recorded a stunning version of the song with the London Metropolitan Symphony Orchestra. It is stripped so bare that, as clichéd as it sounds- all you can do when you listen to it is just smile. Smile because someone so wonderful lived out a dream. Smile because although this person is going through hell, they have created something so beautiful. It goes beyond words. I know I dislike the Isle Of Man, but seeing everyone come together for such a brilliant cause is just, well, it leaves you in awe basically. That’s all there is to it.

You can download the song(s) here: https://itunes.apple.com/gb/album/smile/id586584142?i=586584570

And here: http://www.amazon.co.uk/Smile/dp/B00AMVZDRM

If you have Facebook, you can join the event page here also: https://www.facebook.com/events/517206194971048/

As of Wednesday, I’ve been told HMV on the Isle Of Man will be selling the single. As I have a Christmas job there, I will be forcing as many people as I can to buy it. If they don’t? Well, what kind of person would they be to refuse.

I don’t download music at all, but I urge you to download this song from the above links and bombard everyone you can think of to do the same. It is for a cause that sadly too many of us can relate to. Besides, it’s about time a Christmas Number 1 had meaning.

Be selfless, be kind. Smile.