Happy 29th Birthday AJW.

“Mr Destiny 9 and 14….”

Some things, no matter how often you are faced with them. No matter how much time passes, no matter how often you talk about it or hear about it; it just doesn’t seem right. It feels like your heart broke over someone you never even met or knew, and you feel silly for feeling so sad. You’ve cried over the death of a person who you never met, and you don’t understand what kind of person you are. Are you silly or just in touch with your feelings? There’s no right or wrong. There’s no shame in feeling, ever.

You remember certain moments. Certain dates stick in your mind. Music does more than what we think it does. It heals, it hurts, it brings smiles, it causes tears. It is everything, and more. How do you go on without it? How do you go on when the one who told your story, and so many others, is no longer around? Maybe you learn to adjust to it, but that piece of your heart that broke; maybe it doesn’t heal.

Today, 14th September 2012, would have been Amy Winehouse’s 29th birthday. Some things just do not seem real. Regardless of how many times you read about it or hear others mention it. No part of you can get your head around any of this. So senseless and too much to take in.

The other day, for the first time since Amy died I tried to listen to her music. I got about 10 seconds in, and hearing her voice was too much to deal with. I turned it off. I hate that this is how it is now. I hate it. Maybe one day I’ll stop being such a wuss and get a grip. Until then, I will constantly believe that she should still be here. I could write thousands of words about all of this, but it has been said so many times before.

With all I have, I do hope that Amy is at peace and at ease. I hope she has healed and is safe.

Happy Birthday, Amy. You are dearly missed.


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