The Horrors live was too much.

15 03 2012

Of all the things I should be doing and shouldn’t be doing, I just do not know where this fits in. Nothing or no one ever really fits in, if you think about it. But, then again if you keep thinking about it you will riddle yourself with a headache and probably a heartache to match. They usually go together, they fit. Certain things do. Certain things just go well together. In your head, you think YOU and that person you cannot stop thinking about just fit. You know the one. Or maybe, it is things like whiskey and coke that just fit so well together. Or maybe it’s THOSE shoes with THAT pair of jeans. Certain things just fit so perfectly. I have no idea where I am going with this, but I know I’m in the midst of a “post-London emotional hangover.” I spent the week in London, and whilst there I saw The Horrors support Florence. I thought I was okay with life afterwards, I really thought I had got over just how perfect it was. Truth be told? I’m not.

So here’s the thing, since very early 2006 I fell instantly in love with a band. A band that dressed how I wish people still dressed. They had big hair and a loud sound. I felt like I had found the band I’d sell my soul to see live. Every tour that they announced from 2006 onwards, something or someone just got in the way. “I can’t afford a ticket.” Or “I don’t like them.” There were other reasons too, but..last Saturday the excuses ended. My wait was over. Most that were at Ally Pally were just dying to see Florence. I’ve seen her 5 times, and as much as I love her..it was ALL about The Horrors for me. All the wine and whiskey I had beforehand couldn’t calm me. It made it worse. However, as soon as they walked on stage I felt as if something took over. I was in some kind of trance. I felt like I was falling into a deep sleep. I sang every single word as if my life depended on it. I swayed like Rhys does with his bass. My eyes shut and I saw my own piece of Heaven in my mind. I opened my eyes and I could see the 5 musicians that just changed everything for me. Everything for that half an hour just seemed so perfect. I didn’t take any notice of the 10,000 people who were in the room. I didn’t care that none of them were singing and swaying like I was. I was in my own little world watching my favourite band. I want to feel like that forever.

So what am I getting at with this? I have no idea. I really don’t. Do I want you to think about how long you’ve waited to see your favourite band live and what it does to you? Has this ever happened to you, and you never recovered from it? I’ve not recovered from this. I never ever will. I don’t think I want to.

When you are face to face with a band that means the world to you, you feel like you are of worth. It is a bloody struggle to feel like you matter. I guess I’m at that point now where I know what and who matters to me. But, I will never know what or who I matter to. That will never happen, I will never know. With music, I’ve always found a home and a purpose. A solid ground, something to just call mine. Music will give you what nothing or no one else ever can. How do I know? Well, I found this out properly last Saturday night. Even if nothing ever goes my way again, I can keep with me that I’ve seen the band that got me through Uni and a bunch of other stuff live. I waited it out, and I didn’t give up hope that I’d see them.

The way they all played just blew me away. They didn’t have to say anything to the crowd. I didn’t want them to, I just wanted to hear the songs that I’ve been waiting years to hear. There was nothing from Strange House, and although it hurts that I’ll never hear it live- what I did witness live just made me so fucking glad to be breathing. Mirror’s Image is a song that I seem to associate with those I am fond with, but not to the point where it ruins the song. Far from it. If anything, it just helps with letting the person go and stops me from beating myself up from not saying anything to them. Forever biting my tongue, I don’t know how I have one anymore. Watching this song live meant the world to me. Oh, and Sea Within A Sea live is the most euphoric thing I have ever and may ever see live. Every part of me just came alive.

This is why I love live music. I was singing, swaying and crying. The tears were of just sheer joy. I know exactly where I would be if I didn’t have this feeling keeping me going. I moved back to England recently to finally sort myself out. I have my good days, I have my bad days. But I learnt something from The Horrors the other night. I learnt that, you just have to wait it out. If you want something, you’ve got to wait for it. Until it is time. 10th March 2012 was my time to see them..and from now on? Well, I have no idea but I’m sought comfort in music. Maybe I’ll find the answers. Maybe I won’t. I don’t know, and because I don’t know- it will keep me going.


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2 responses

16 03 2012
k

Fantastic post. And I agree that most of the time you have to wait for things, but sometimes you do just have to get out there and go for it. Because if you wait forever and that band never comes to your town ever again, then what have you waited for? I recently saw Radiohead for the first time and my experience was much like the one you described above. And for that gig I did have to wait, but for other bands I’ve travelled across the world to see them. And I think if you have the means to do so, fucking do it! Take that bull by the horns, because for a feeling like this, it is beyond worth it.

16 03 2012
Olivia

Exactly! If I had the money I would just spend the rest of my life travelling to see my favourite bands anywhere and everywhere. Maybe one day I will, and write a book about it! Thank you for your comment x

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