For the past few years, I have religiously played Prioritise Pleasure by Self Esteem. I, like most who have got lost in this record, have allowed it to open myself up to feelings I thought I was incapable of. Allowed me to accept certain things and basically say “fuck it” to what was making me miserable. Don’t get me wrong, I’ll always be mardy but this record gave me some strength when nothing and no one else could.

Like a lot of people who have fallen in love with this record, it’s become a crutch. Sadly, I only managed to catch one show and what made it extra special was that I had tough Yorkshire lass, my mum with me. Being able to cry like a baby whilst basically being held like one was probably embarrassing for my mum (sorry love!) and honestly, it felt cathartic. The whole show felt like a massive release. The sense of freedom I felt after this show was unlike anything I had ever felt before. I can only liken it to the time I saw Nick Cave. It felt like a religious experience, it felt like I found a home. Everything clicked.

When the record came out, I didn’t write about it. I wanted to but I felt like whatever I wrote wouldn’t express what it means to me. I only ever write about what I love in the hopes someone else gets it. But this record became very personal to the point where I think it kept me going when I wasn’t sure if I could. I didn’t want to pour that out of me, I didn’t have the words. When I listen to the record, I find myself thinking about what it must have been like to be in that room when certain songs were being recorded. For so long, I Do This All The Time was a song I couldn’t listen to in full. A certain part would break me and that was it, I’d be gone.  Then I saw it live, cried my heart out (deffo snotted all over my mum because I’m a classy 36 year old) and healed. For me, this song reminds me a bit of Lisa Stansfield. Another iconic Northern lass. The vocals, the production, the feeling. It’s unlike anything else we will ever hear. No song can compare to this. It’s powerful in so many ways. Turns out, the one I now cannot listen to is Still Reigning. The second RLT sings “The love you need is gentle, the love you need is kind” I just crumble. How has someone who I’ve never met got into my head?! A simple line that delicately breaks you, but expresses all you feel in one line.

If we step away for a second from the music and the way the songs are sung, and the production- I want to really focus on how great a songwriter Rebecca is. The wit, the relatability, the honesty- every emotion humanly possible to feel is found in every single song on this record. From the absolute gloriously gut punching “My hunger times my impatience makes me feel reckless” to the wonderfully honest and brutal “It was really rather miserable trying to love you”. That line is something else, and the sheer honesty of it really hits you in the gut. These songs read like poetry, they ARE poetry. My generations greatest songwriter- easily.

I adore the slight 90s R’n’B feel of the title track, and how it reminds me of hearing Free Your Mind by En Vogue for the first time. So powerful. Any and everyone can relate to this song, and my god seeing it live is next level. The second verse is so crucial and again, exceptionally relatable. I just love this so much; “All the fucked-up shit I did thinking it would make me happy. Very little of it did, really. And it happened lately. as I willed a sunset to go quickly. Always thinking what next.

Never have I just enjoyed the moment happening right now. I’ve never known how.” We’ve all been there, some of us are probably still there. It’s just a perfectly written verse that gets you right in the gut. But the first verse has a line that just. My god it GETS you right in the tummy; “I shrunk, moved, and changed. And still, you felt the same.” We try to shape ourselves for others, but is it ever worth it? No. If you have to shrink yourself for others, they do not deserve you in any way. It is a euphoric anthem. It’s so liberating, and that’s a theme you pick up throughout the record. That elevation of freedom when you shout “That’s just for me” is so pure- especially live. Honestly it feels like a cleansing of the mind, body and soul.

This record has been out for 2 years now, and in those 2 years it has become a source of comfort and safety for so many of us. There’s no other record I’ve rinsed so much as this one, and even when I play it now, I still find new parts of the record to fall in love with. My favourite song will change almost daily. The record is a guide for life- gently holding your hand and letting you know it’s alright. It’ll be alright. Allow things to be shit, because they absolutely can be. There’s nothing wrong with that.

For me, the past 2 years have, when everything was shit, this record has been my lifeline. Every single song is so easy to relate to- you feel like RLT has penned these songs for you and the community around this record in particular is beautiful. Everything is celebrated and never shamed. Your sexuality, your size, every ounce of you is rightfully celebrated and that’s why this record needs celebrating. The more I listen to it, the less I feel weird towards how I feel and so many of us who adore this record feel the same. I know perfection is different for everyone, but I think it can be a universal view that this record is the definition of a perfect record. If you’re someone who is into how a record is produced- you’ll hear the clarity and care in this record. If lyrics are your thing, then this record will own your heart.

There are many moments on this record that just blow your mind- from the delicate tones of The 345 to the lyrics on John Elton. The sound on It’s Been A While is ridiculous- a song this big should be illegal! I adore the line, “I’ll admit I miss that body. But not the personality.” Again, another entirely relatable line that you can imagine sending to someone (but don’t, they aren’t worth the time now.)  I’ve spent a lot of time playing this record over and over, and one thing that’s a solid is that the opening line to Moody may just be up there as being one of the best ever. The sheer delivery is divine. Find me a better opener than this: “Sexting you at the mental health talk seems counterproductive.” Impossible to find anything better, right? It’s RLT’s take on a typically saccharine pop song and added her beautiful wit and sarcasm to it. We’re all moody cows from time to time- nothing wrong with that. For me, it’s the relatability on this and all the way through. There’s nothing I can say about this record that hasn’t already been said, I know. It’s a masterpiece. It’s a work of art. It’s a safety net. I can safely say that over the past 2 years, this record has been my crutch. I know I’m not alone in this.

How Can I Help You is the fiercest song on the record- those drums. My god the drums! They sound so big, so tribal; just fucking incredible. It makes you want to throw shit around and just yell “I don’t know shit!” with our Becky. It’s just one of those songs you find yourself singing to yourself daily. I do it at work when no one is in the kitchen and I’m making a cup of tea. Let’s not talk about how many times I’ve nearly burnt myself in the process!

Prioritise Pleasure doesn’t fit into any specific genre, and that’s why it is so easy to love and to let own your heart. There are so many elements of this record that you pick up on with every listen. Her vocals on Hobbies 2 stand out because there’s this extra softness to it, and that’s tied in with the vulnerability in the lyrics. Then you’ve got the way she makes I Do This All The Time feel like it’s a monologue in your brain, and someone is unleashing every thought you have. That’s a song I could write thousands of words about, and maybe I will. I feel I need to somehow get it out. This whole record is the kind of record I’d want to have heard when I was a teenager who just felt so uncomfortable in their skin and wanted out of it. But, I have it in adulthood and that’s enough.

There is so much freedom and reclaiming on this record- when you listen to the title track, you cannot help but feel like you can take on the world. Even the opener I’m Fine makes you feel 10 feet tall; through trauma we can still become the people we deserve to be, and to be as strong as we possibly can. From this record I’ve learnt what I do and don’t want in a person, what I don’t want to be, how to toughen up but still be a ridiculously sensitive twat.

I don’t remember the last time I wrote this much about a record, but this is 2 years of emotion and thoughts I’ve kept locked up and felt on the 2^nd anniversary of the record, was the right time to let it all out. I had a look at things I’ve written, and found a draft from exactly a year ago about the record but never finished it. I don’t think I was in the right place to let it out. Better late than never, right?

“Look up, lean back, be strong

You didn’t think you’d live this long

Be as one, hold on, steady stand

For as long as you think you can.”