Tag Archives: Rebecca Lucy Taylor

Self Esteem @ Manchester Academy, 29th September 2025.

Posted on by

If I can make this make sense, then I’ve done what I needed to do. Otherwise, it’ll just be an emotional/passionate rant about my love for Self Esteem.

I’m 38 years old; I don’t queue to be at the front for bands anymore. I stand where I can, and hope I can see. Yesterday was different and a solid use of annual leave. We queued from about half 5, and there were 4 others in front of us. That bloody front row was happening. My knees are feeling it today.

If you’ve ever been to a Self Esteem show, you’ll probably think you know what to expect. I thought I did. I saw her two years ago with my mum at the Albert Hall and it’s still up there as one of the best gigs I’ve ever been to. However, this tour is something else. There’s more healing here, there’s more love, there’s more need to be heard and to be seen. There’s more of a community feel. It felt like everything slotting into place in a messed up world. For that hour and a half, the outside world didn’t matter. The safety you feel at a Self Esteem show is something else, and it’s a feeling most (unless you’re a hateful prick) deserve.

The set opens with I Do And I Don’t Care. Rebecca Lucy Taylor stands front, and center and I am trying not to cry. I’ve got this, I’ll be alright. Truth is, I didn’t have “it,” and I absolutely was not alright. The second everyone on stage sings, “If I’m so empowered, why am I such a coward?
If I’m so strong, why am I broken?” I absolutely go. I cry as if my cat Mary has run off and will never return. It all comes out. Surely, I won’t have anything else left for later on?

After the emotional ride of I Do And I Don’t Care, we go right into Mother followed by the healing Lies (part of me was clinging onto Nadine Shah coming out, but my heart is hoping it happens in Sheffield!) What has you hooked the whole time is not just Rebecca’s incredible stage presence and her ability to make you feel like you’re less alone with all you’re carrying but it’s her group on stage with her. That’s more than a group- it’s a family and the love they all have for each other truly shines. There is not one person on that stage that you cannot stop looking at and in being in awe of. The way they move, dance, sing and just pour their heart out on stage is divine. Everything is left on that stage. It’s healing. It’s home. It’s being free of every burden you carry.

69 live is wild. I can confirm hearing the line, “If you beg, I will peg” live is beautiful especially when everyone else is shouting this song as loudly as they can. It’s such a liberating song and my god the choreography for it is insane. During the whole set, it’s not just the vocals you are stunned by. It’s the movements on stage. It’s the way it has been produced. It is easily one of the best put together gig I’ve ever been to. It flowed so perfectly and ended all too soon. I want every night to be a Self Esteem show and to break my own heart to certain songs. It felt like home, and as someone who feels unsettled a lot- it was exactly what I needed.

Logic, Bitch! sees RLT use a banana as telephone and although the song is very vulnerable- adding this element to the performance makes you less inclined to cry like a baby (this is just my experience.) And also, it’s very practical as it means she has a little deserved snack break.

I genuinely thought The 345 was going to have me a crying mess again, but I did alright- was this progress? No, no it wasn’t. I think I cry the most during If Not Now, It’s Soon because there’s a line in the song that my Gran used to say, or very similar to one of her many sayings; “And whatever is right for you, will guide you through.” And it’s something I miss hearing her tell me but luckily my mum reinforces it. The iconic Julie Hesmondhalgh appeared for the song for Sunday’s show but for Night 1 and Night 3, we all just cheered as if she was there anyway. But imagine being there on Night 2 and Julie appears?! I’d have lost it.

It was also during this song that a lovely person stood behind me handed me a tissue because I was a mess. That person was an angel, and I hope she never has bad days and always knows joy. The tissue served me well!

Whatever I write about last night doesn’t do the show justice. RLT and her gang know how to put on a show, and everyone has their moment to truly shine. You can feel the love, respect, and devotion from the stage to the crowd. It’s in the beautiful and tender moments where the band hold each other after certain songs and it just makes you really appreciate everything and more that goes into these shows. The first run of these shows are done, and the tour picks up again on Friday. The last show will be in the finest city in the UK- Shefield at the Arena. And from seeing the show last night, it was destined to be on the biggest stage possible.

The encore consists of I Do This All The Time and Focus Is Power. I’ve said it many times before, but I Do This All The Time is healing in song form. I remember hearing it for the first time years ago, and I felt like I was 13 years old hearing The Trick Is To Keep Breathing by Garbage. For me, RLT is on the same level as Garbage for me. The words are a safety net when the world isn’t. The crowd was beautiful in every way, and every single word to every single song was sung back at RLT with such devotion and passion. I truly hope she knows how important her words are and how much of a difference she has. The way she gets right to your gut with her words is phenomenal, and we’ll never know anyone else quite like her.

Of course, the show ends with a conga line on stage to Shirley Bassey’s This Is My Life, and it will never ever get old. As the band leave the stage, and the lights come up- the Academy is still full of people dancing like the last ones at a wedding without a care in the world and that pretty much sums up the joy you get from a Self Esteem show.

Last night was all I needed and more from a show. Maybe I’ll cry less at the Sheffield show or at least bring tissues this time! If you’re looking for a space to feel safe and to truly be part of something inclusive- go to a Self Esteem show. It just sums up all the good in world.

One final thing, Self Esteem are fundraising for two very important charities on the tour :  Schools Consent Project – JustGiving and Choose Love please donate if you can.

SELF ESTEEM: Two Years of Prioritise Pleasure.

Posted on by

For the past few years, I have religiously played Prioritise Pleasure by Self Esteem. I, like most who have got lost in this record, have allowed it to open myself up to feelings I thought I was incapable of. Allowed me to accept certain things and basically say “fuck it” to what was making me miserable. Don’t get me wrong, I’ll always be mardy but this record gave me some strength when nothing and no one else could.

Like a lot of people who have fallen in love with this record, it’s become a crutch. Sadly, I only managed to catch one show and what made it extra special was that I had tough Yorkshire lass, my mum with me. Being able to cry like a baby whilst basically being held like one was probably embarrassing for my mum (sorry love!) and honestly, it felt cathartic. The whole show felt like a massive release. The sense of freedom I felt after this show was unlike anything I had ever felt before. I can only liken it to the time I saw Nick Cave. It felt like a religious experience, it felt like I found a home. Everything clicked.

When the record came out, I didn’t write about it. I wanted to but I felt like whatever I wrote wouldn’t express what it means to me. I only ever write about what I love in the hopes someone else gets it. But this record became very personal to the point where I think it kept me going when I wasn’t sure if I could. I didn’t want to pour that out of me, I didn’t have the words. When I listen to the record, I find myself thinking about what it must have been like to be in that room when certain songs were being recorded. For so long, I Do This All The Time was a song I couldn’t listen to in full. A certain part would break me and that was it, I’d be gone.  Then I saw it live, cried my heart out (deffo snotted all over my mum because I’m a classy 36 year old) and healed. For me, this song reminds me a bit of Lisa Stansfield. Another iconic Northern lass. The vocals, the production, the feeling. It’s unlike anything else we will ever hear. No song can compare to this. It’s powerful in so many ways. Turns out, the one I now cannot listen to is Still Reigning. The second RLT sings “The love you need is gentle, the love you need is kind” I just crumble. How has someone who I’ve never met got into my head?! A simple line that delicately breaks you, but expresses all you feel in one line.

If we step away for a second from the music and the way the songs are sung, and the production- I want to really focus on how great a songwriter Rebecca is. The wit, the relatability, the honesty- every emotion humanly possible to feel is found in every single song on this record. From the absolute gloriously gut punching “My hunger times my impatience makes me feel reckless” to the wonderfully honest and brutal “It was really rather miserable trying to love you”. That line is something else, and the sheer honesty of it really hits you in the gut. These songs read like poetry, they ARE poetry. My generations greatest songwriter- easily.

I adore the slight 90s R’n’B feel of the title track, and how it reminds me of hearing Free Your Mind by En Vogue for the first time. So powerful. Any and everyone can relate to this song, and my god seeing it live is next level. The second verse is so crucial and again, exceptionally relatable. I just love this so much; “All the fucked-up shit I did thinking it would make me happy. Very little of it did, really. And it happened lately. as I willed a sunset to go quickly. Always thinking what next.

Never have I just enjoyed the moment happening right now. I’ve never known how.” We’ve all been there, some of us are probably still there. It’s just a perfectly written verse that gets you right in the gut. But the first verse has a line that just. My god it GETS you right in the tummy; “I shrunk, moved, and changed. And still, you felt the same.” We try to shape ourselves for others, but is it ever worth it? No. If you have to shrink yourself for others, they do not deserve you in any way. It is a euphoric anthem. It’s so liberating, and that’s a theme you pick up throughout the record. That elevation of freedom when you shout “That’s just for me” is so pure- especially live. Honestly it feels like a cleansing of the mind, body and soul.

This record has been out for 2 years now, and in those 2 years it has become a source of comfort and safety for so many of us. There’s no other record I’ve rinsed so much as this one, and even when I play it now, I still find new parts of the record to fall in love with. My favourite song will change almost daily. The record is a guide for life- gently holding your hand and letting you know it’s alright. It’ll be alright. Allow things to be shit, because they absolutely can be. There’s nothing wrong with that.

For me, the past 2 years have, when everything was shit, this record has been my lifeline. Every single song is so easy to relate to- you feel like RLT has penned these songs for you and the community around this record in particular is beautiful. Everything is celebrated and never shamed. Your sexuality, your size, every ounce of you is rightfully celebrated and that’s why this record needs celebrating. The more I listen to it, the less I feel weird towards how I feel and so many of us who adore this record feel the same. I know perfection is different for everyone, but I think it can be a universal view that this record is the definition of a perfect record. If you’re someone who is into how a record is produced- you’ll hear the clarity and care in this record. If lyrics are your thing, then this record will own your heart.

There are many moments on this record that just blow your mind- from the delicate tones of The 345 to the lyrics on John Elton. The sound on It’s Been A While is ridiculous- a song this big should be illegal! I adore the line, “I’ll admit I miss that body. But not the personality.” Again, another entirely relatable line that you can imagine sending to someone (but don’t, they aren’t worth the time now.)  I’ve spent a lot of time playing this record over and over, and one thing that’s a solid is that the opening line to Moody may just be up there as being one of the best ever. The sheer delivery is divine. Find me a better opener than this: “Sexting you at the mental health talk seems counterproductive.” Impossible to find anything better, right? It’s RLT’s take on a typically saccharine pop song and added her beautiful wit and sarcasm to it. We’re all moody cows from time to time- nothing wrong with that. For me, it’s the relatability on this and all the way through. There’s nothing I can say about this record that hasn’t already been said, I know. It’s a masterpiece. It’s a work of art. It’s a safety net. I can safely say that over the past 2 years, this record has been my crutch. I know I’m not alone in this.

How Can I Help You is the fiercest song on the record- those drums. My god the drums! They sound so big, so tribal; just fucking incredible. It makes you want to throw shit around and just yell “I don’t know shit!” with our Becky. It’s just one of those songs you find yourself singing to yourself daily. I do it at work when no one is in the kitchen and I’m making a cup of tea. Let’s not talk about how many times I’ve nearly burnt myself in the process!

Prioritise Pleasure doesn’t fit into any specific genre, and that’s why it is so easy to love and to let own your heart. There are so many elements of this record that you pick up on with every listen. Her vocals on Hobbies 2 stand out because there’s this extra softness to it, and that’s tied in with the vulnerability in the lyrics. Then you’ve got the way she makes I Do This All The Time feel like it’s a monologue in your brain, and someone is unleashing every thought you have. That’s a song I could write thousands of words about, and maybe I will. I feel I need to somehow get it out. This whole record is the kind of record I’d want to have heard when I was a teenager who just felt so uncomfortable in their skin and wanted out of it. But, I have it in adulthood and that’s enough.

There is so much freedom and reclaiming on this record- when you listen to the title track, you cannot help but feel like you can take on the world. Even the opener I’m Fine makes you feel 10 feet tall; through trauma we can still become the people we deserve to be, and to be as strong as we possibly can. From this record I’ve learnt what I do and don’t want in a person, what I don’t want to be, how to toughen up but still be a ridiculously sensitive twat.

I don’t remember the last time I wrote this much about a record, but this is 2 years of emotion and thoughts I’ve kept locked up and felt on the 2nd anniversary of the record, was the right time to let it all out. I had a look at things I’ve written, and found a draft from exactly a year ago about the record but never finished it. I don’t think I was in the right place to let it out. Better late than never, right?

“Look up, lean back, be strong

You didn’t think you’d live this long

Be as one, hold on, steady stand

For as long as you think you can.”

SELF ESTEEM: Albert Hall, Manchester. 22nd March 2023.

Posted on by

I’ve had nearly 24 hours to process last night’s show but that doesn’t mean anything I write will make sense. However, if you’ve seen Self Esteem live then you’ll know how emotional, powerful and therapeutic the shows are.

As soon as Self Esteem took to the stage just after 9pm last night, I felt like I was going to cry. I’ve only experienced this when I first saw Nick Cave. Right before you is someone who has penned songs that are your life, your world and your thoughts. The honesty in Self Esteem’s lyrics will get you right in the heart and gut. You won’t be the same after you hear them. Experiencing it live? I won’t be the same after last night.

They performed a couple of new songs Mother and Love Second. Mother is a camp classic. It’s heavenly and euphoric. It’s one of those songs that after a few listens, you know the words by heart and you’ll be shouting them at anyone who will listen. Or won’t listen!

Everything about the show was perfect. From the sound to the dancing- if you want to know how it should be done- then go to a Self Esteem show. It will change you and it will stop you from being afraid to have feelings and feel them.

I knew I was going to cry and I knew the exact moment when I would. I Do This All The Time broke me. Fortunately, I took my mum to the show, and I just cried on her shoulder. I cried like a kid who had been told Santa wasn’t real. Like an adult whose world had been torn apart. Think of something dramatic- and that was me. I’ve never ever been able to listen to the song without crying and I can feel myself about to go again writing this! Sake! After I had my cry, I managed to record a minute or so of the song. Maybe I’ll play this when everything is shite and I feel alone. Every single song is shouted back by the crowd but my god seeing everyone in that room last night pour their heart out to this was just something else. You know when you experience something, and you know that words can’t explain it? That’s what a Self Esteem show is like.

The whole atmosphere of the show (including the two support acts Tom Rasmussen and Tom Aspaul) felt like a safe space for us Queers- I felt at home, safe and content. It was just a perfect show from start to end. Camp as tits!

The choreography is next level; they all make you wish you could move like them, and it just felt like art. The whole Self Esteem set felt like a work of art to be treasured, adored and marveled at. The honesty in Rebecca’s lyrics for me are what always has me hooked but when you see the songs that have saved you live, it all becomes something else. It gives you hope and reassurance. I looked out into the crowd from where I was sat and I could see everyone singing the words as if their lives depended on it and this was met by Self Esteem singing the songs with the same amount of raw emotion. Of all the gigs I’ve ever been to, this has meant the most for so many reasons and it is easily the one that has got to me the most emotionally.

The way EVERYONE screamed “My hunger times my impatience, makes me feel reckless” during Fucking Wizardry is incredible. It felt so cathartic. I think I need it as a tattoo just to remind myself that it’s all okay. I think this may have been the one where everyone sang the loudest, I’m not sure. But I can honestly say, and I’ve seen the Melvins and The Jesus And Mary Chain live, that this was the loudest show I’ve ever been to. The crowd were just gorgeous in every single way and beautifully loud. Just to show how powerful Rebecca’s vocals are- the crowd didn’t drown her out. She’s got some pipes on her! Everything from the effortless outfit changes to Rebecca gently playing John Elton on her own was done with such passion and dedication. I’ve never seen such a bunch of dedicated artists like this, and it was beyond inspiring. Seeing the look on Rebecca’s face when the words are sung back at her is priceless, and I don’t think I’ll ever see a band or singer respond like she does ever again.

The show ended with the band doing the conga off the stage to Shirley Bassey’s iconic This Is My Life was the campest way to end the best gig I’ve ever EVER been to. More bands need to end their shows like this. In fact, we should all leave work or any social situation doing the conga to this song.

Before I wrap this up I need to write about how you can tell just how much the band all love and adore each other. You can see the fun they have; you can see just how much they love each other. There are moments when Rebecca turns to mates on stage and asks if they are okay. The way they hold each other after certain songs. Then you have the gorgeous moment of where Rebecca hugs everyone bar Sophie and Mike and gives them formal handshakes was top tier Northern humour.

“Be very careful out there
Stop trying to have so many friends
Don’t be intimidated by all the babies they have
Don’t be embarrassed that all you’ve had is fun
Prioritise pleasure
Don’t send those long paragraph texts
Stop it, don’t
Getting married isn’t the biggest day of your life
All the days that you get to have are big
Be wary of the favours that they do for you.”