Tag Archives: Courtney Love

HOLE-Malibu.

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“I can’t be near you,
The light just radiates.”

As I get older, I lose more. I think my mind is the next thing to go. I’m not clinging onto my youth. I will always look younger than I am. I don’t see any harm in this. At least I can pay full fare on the bus when I use it. £1.20 for a 20 minute journey? Piss off. I’m going to walk. And if it rains? Then I just stay indoors. If you cannot enjoy being on your own, nobody else is going to want your company. Having said that, I like being on my own and will never understand why someone would want to spend 2 minutes with me. I don’t mind when strangers sit next to me on the bus. I prefer pensioners because they have cool stories. People my age or younger? I always think they’re going to punch me. But people over here are quite silly so maybe they’d trip up and punch themselves. That’d be alright.

It’s important to have something to lean on isn’t it. To make us feel less vile. I don’t use people in this way. People come and go. I’ve lost more than I’ve gained, but I don’t have attachment issues. Far from it. I’m alright with everything. If you want to go, then go. If you want to stay, bring your own teabags, I’ll give you a cup. I have my good side. It’s overlooked. You see, I never go to a person when something is wrong. Maybe I should, but it doesn’t work for me. You see, nothing is wrong right now (wouldn’t tell you if there was I know) but last night I did that thing where I play one of my favourite songs ever until a sense of calm took over. I’m doing it again now.

Malibu by Hole is the song that I play religiously when I just wish I was somewhere else. Away from everyone else. I always need space. I cannot be around people for too long. Maybe because I get bored, maybe because I just like being quiet. Maybe there are so many reasons and they don’t need to be shared. You see, with this song, it gives me much-needed hope. I have so much love and respect for Courtney Love. More than I can put into words. She’s delicate but has this way of putting the most ugly feelings possible into words that make YOU feel okay with possessing them. When a singer/band can unleash the ugly feelings you have and show them to the world in a way you only wish you could, that’s when you know you have found something that will stay with you for the rest of your life.

The opening verse has the power to make me bawl like a baby and also make me feel invincible all at once. Sometimes one feeling exceeds the other.  I just think : “Crash and burn, all the stars explode tonight.  How’d you get so desperate?  How’d you stay alive?” Is such a beautiful yet painful thing to hear. The longing and desperation in her voice to understand the pain of the person she’s singing it to is overwhelming. I write a lot, and I can only wish and hope I write something as captivating as that verse. One day, maybe I will. I have no idea.

Another thing I utterly adore about this song is the way Courtney’s powerful voice is mixed so gorgeously with Melissa Auf Der Maur’s delicate voice, you really hear it in the chorus but my favourite is when you hear her sing with Courtney, “Don’t lay down and die.” Goosebumps every single time.

I could quite happily pick this song apart and tell you why I love each line. Certain lines stand out more than others, such as; “Get well soon.
Please don’t go any higher. How are you so burnt when you’re barely on fire?” Sometimes you have enough before you even start, this puts this across so lovingly and beautifully. It’s the kind of song that part of you thinks, if someone was going to offer words of hope- they’d point you towards this song. I probably would, but I’m too kind for my own good. Or when someone truly knows you and loves you, it’s like they are singing “And I knew the darkest secret of your heart.” with Courtney. It’s just such a powerful song, and I don’t think Courtney has ever been given the credit she deserves with her song-writing skills. I firmly believe she is one of the most underrated frontwomen and song-writers ever. She just offers something others seem to lack right now. She’s always been a wild force, but isn’t afraid to show her frail side. Her frail side is the side that just makes you fall so hopelessly in love with her. Her angsty songs are why you also fall in love with her. Her vulnerability, her passion and the quiet storms she builds up in her music is just beyond anything else.

For me, if it wasn’t for this song certain things would be unbearable. It allows you to feel not okay, and it just soothes you. Of course I can listen to Warpaint and have my soul swayed and feel alright. But this song does what no other song will ever do, and I really cannot put it into words. It’s not that I can’t; I just don’t want to get that personal. I know this song is their most “commercially successful” song, but I don’t care. It’s a fucking lifeline.

There is so much comfort in this song, and every time I listen to it a piece of hope is placed back inside of me. It’s a reminder to not go too far with whatever may be eating at me. You can block the world off, and the only thing to truly get through is music.There always comes a time where asking someone you’re friends with or whatever for help/advice just doesn’t work. They cannot keep you here or something like that; no one can. I’ve never relied on anyone because it never works out. I just use this song. For always. I doubt there will ever come a time where this song just doesn’t give me what I need. The words, Courtney’s voice; just everything. It’s like a mantra. It keeps a hopeless case going.

Courtney Love.

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When you truly love a singer, you look beyond all the bad press. You know that the press are just out to set a person up for a fall. For some fucked up reason mistakes are held up high and any hints of success are immediately ignored. Humans are becoming less and less compassionate. Increasing in their cruel streak.

I’m not saying Courtney Love is perfect. She will tell you she isn’t. Nobody on this planet is perfect. We all do things we aren’t proud of. Some on a daily basis. If you learn and keep growing as a person, you’re just fine. Fuck what anyone thinks though, right?

I’ve always loved the music Courtney Love made. Whether it was on her own or in Hole. I never cared for her personal life at all. She had a drug habit? Big deal. She was married to Kurt Cobain? Big deal. I was never a fan of Nirvana. Everytime I hear some wanker say “Courtney killed Kurt” I do want to throttle them. Were you there? No. You weren’t. You probably only claim to dig Nirvana because you want to seem cool. Rip your jeans and hate the world. It’s just an image to you. I was never a fan of Nirvana, but I respect Kurt as a musician. His lyrics could cut through your heart with his honesty. So how come nobody has ever saw this in Courtney’s lyrics?

If you want to find a strong female musician who, against it all, kept going when she was expected by so many to just keep on fucking up and giving up- then Courtney is your woman. Those who are quick to judge her and slag her off, have you ever listened to her words? Have you heard Live Through This? That record is empowering in its truest form. It touches on subjects most are afraid to touch on due to them being “taboo.” How can you expect society be open when it shuts up on haunting subjects? We truly need women like Courtney in music. I still live in hope that some 14-year-old girl is listening to Hole and feels the need to start her own movement. Live Through This starts some kind of fire inside of you. When you’ve listened to this record, you just see the world in a different way. You see the unfairness and how unequal society still is and it makes you want to do something about it. What are YOU going to do about all the wrong you see?

For me, Courtney is the underdog that has so much heart and soul you cannot ignore her. How could you want to silence such a force?

I first heard Hole in 1994. I remember seeing the video to Doll Parts and my young eyes were just obsessing over what I was seeing. I couldn’t get my head round the video. I loved the angst feel to it. You know, one of the first tapes I remember being given was a 4 Non Blondes album by my mum. She knew I loved the angst feel. I wasn’t an angry child. I was much like I am now. Quite, sensitive and stupidly gentle. I just loved music that was loud, bold and honest. I still do.

When you hear how much a singer believes in what they are singing, you really cannot help but believe in every word too. You fall for it. It is just like falling in love. You get the butterflies when you hear their voice. You cling onto every single word. You believe in it with all you have and refuse to let anyone say a bad word against them. Maybe it can be destructive, but look beyond that and you see all it is, is unconditional. So long as they put out the songs that sum up how you feel, you will love them with all you have.

Maybe I just love Courtney so much that I cannot see why anyone would choose to keep such a strong woman down. Or maybe I’ve answered it myself right there. Maybe it is because she is so strong, she is seen as a threat you know? Because she speaks her mind and writes from the heart, she is seen as some kind of threat. Well you know what, I’d rather have someone as strong and fierce (I don’t mean it in a Tyra Banks fashion) be seen as a threat than someone stupid (insert any politician really.)

Her lyrics touch on anything and everything. From rape to romance. From wanting to never wanting again. To wanting to give yourself to a person to wanting a person to take everything from you. Maybe you’re scared of the fact that you can identify with her lyrics, you hate how open she is and you hate how you cannot be open. Face that fear.

I don’t understand how a person such as Courtney is ridiculed and shot down- yet if it was anyone else, they’d probably hold that person up so high. I can list the few singers that caused me to write songs/poems and Courtney is one of them. Earlier this evening, I just sat on my bed and wrote her a poem. She’ll never see it, no one will ever see it. But she’s been an inspiration to me ever since 1994, it’s the least I could do.

It pains me that Courtney will be one of these artists that people will pay attention and love when she is no longer with us. Why can’t we just see how talented she is now and stop being a general asshat towards her talent? If it wasn’t for her, a lot of the female musicians we have now wouldn’t have bothered to pick up a guitar and start their own movement.

Females such as Shirley Manson, Brody Dalle, Gwen Stefani are all as equally as inspiring to me (and others) as Courtney is. Strong and honest. Stop seeing these qualities as a threat. Try and silence them as much as you want, but its obvious you never ever will.

If it wasn’t for Courtney I don’t know if I would’ve cared for lyrics as much as I do. Yes, I love Morrissey but with Courtney she let out the fears, pains and furies one feels as a female. Now more than ever, as an adult I can relate a hell of a lot more. There’s so much more to her than what you have read about her. Don’t believe the press, believe in her lyrics. That’s where you will find the truth.

Her vulnerability in her lyrics mean more to me than I can even attempt to express. She made it okay for you to feel like you are falling apart, but still find that one tiny thing to give you the strength to drag yourself through. Basically “Live Through This.”