You can always associate certain songs or albums with specific parts of your life. Good or bad; there is a song or album that you can associate with it.

For me, Garbage are the band that I can link to anything and everything in my life. It doesn’t matter what, I can probably find a Garbage song to tie in with however or whatever I am feeling at that time. Their ability as a band to just get to the very core of human nature and the feelings we feel has always amazed. The first song I heard by them was, I think, Vow. I know it was the first video I saw. This was then followed by Stupid Girl and Only Happy When It Rains. All three of these videos just cemented my immediate love and admiration for Shirley Manson. I’ve always (jokingly, to an extent) said she was the reason why I turned out to be gay. She was probably the first female I had an insane crush on. I was just in awe and in love with how strong she was. How she would word things, her mannerisms. Her accent. Just everything. I probably also wished to be as strong and fearless as her. I probably still do. She also made it okay to feel scared and vulnerable. All things that make us human, she made it okay for me to feel them and to feel that way. I was no longer afraid of what I was feeling. Any shame I felt faded in time as I took in every single word she sang.

Their debut album, at the time didn’t really have much meaning to me as I was only 9 years old. I didn’t know anything about anything. All I knew was that I loved music, Spiderman and football. I know my favourite artists at the time were Garbage, Aaliyah, The Cure and Kraftwerk. I was the only 9 year old at my school who could name all the members of The Cure and Garbage. I’m sure the rest of my class could’ve probably told you everything and anything about the Spice Girls…were they around in 95? I can’t remember. I wasn’t a fan, so I can’t tell you.

Only Happy When It Rains later became a song that I could highly relate to. I was only content when everything was shit, because it was the only way I could focus on anything. Thankfully, I grew out of that phase. I guess you can call that teenage angst with a large dose of frustration. I could tell you what I was frustrated towards; but let’s be honest here, you don’t need to know. Unless you’re a really really close friend or a potential partner- you don’t need to ever know. The song for me, just summed up how feeling so low about yourself and life can be the most challenging thing a person can go through. I’ve never had depression, just your standard self loathing. The way in which Shirley worded topics such as depression made you feel as if you were going through it. The best thing a song-writer can do is make the listener feel as if they are part of what they are singing. If you can feel as low as the singer, they have done their job. I adore the line, “You can keep me company as long as you don’t care.” When I hear this line, I always feel a smirk emerge across my face, I have no idea why. It just happens.

As Heaven Is Wide contains one of my favourite lyrics from the album, and quite possibly one of my favourite lyrics of all time : “If God’s my witness, then God must be blind.” What is it about this line that I obsessively dig? Well, I love how simple yet straight to the point it is. You see, I don’t really believe in God or any God. I’m more on the Spiritual side. So, how can God be your witness if He maybe, doesn’t exist? If He’s not there, He can’t see it. I’m not anit-Religion at all. We all need something to believe in. Music is my Religion. I just love the line. I regard Shirl as high as Patti Smith when it comes to her songwriting. Both has this haunting poetic ability with their words and phrases. It just leaves you in awe with how they word everything. You are sucked so deeply in their world because of what they say. You never want to leave at all. You’ve got songs such as Dog’s New Tricks which has one of the most honest and brutal lines I’ve ever heard, “You make me feel so worthless.” You know of someone who makes you feel that way, right?

I love the fragility on the song Milk. For me, this shows Shirl at her most vulnerable. It’s so pure and heartbreaking. “But I’d be love and sweetness, if I had you.” Show me a line that is more open and vulnerable than that. Can you? Maybe you can. That’s okay. The whole album seems to possibly be their most open. Maybe it is because its their first LP. Milk has always meant a lot to me. I know a lot of their songs do, but this one. I don’t know. I remember first hearing it and just feeling like I was in a trance, much like how A Stroke Of Luck makes me feel. Both songs just send you into some kind of whirlwind of uncertainty and comfort. You don’t know what you are feeling exactly; but you are comforted by the fact that someone else feels the same way too.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w9YdA92-Uw4

I cannot write about this album without mentioning two songs. Queer and Stupid Girl. Where do I start. When I heard Queer, I was instantly hypnotised by the intro. As soon as Shirley started singing, I felt this wave of security take over. Like, it was okay to feel strange or be strange. It’s not a song that I can relate to as much as the others, but it has always been a favourite. “You learn to love the pain you feel.” That’s one of the many lyrics by the band that has always stayed with me from the very first listen. It’s true. People become so transfixed with how awful they feel; they learn to love feeling bad. I don’t understand, but I’ve seen it happen.

Stupid Girl, everyone loves this song. Just like everyone can relate this song to someone they know. Everyone knows someone who is so fucking attention seeking and vile with their ways to get attention. Whether it is parading around as if the world owes them or putting up the most self-centered status up on a social networking site. We all know someone who we would gladly slap due to their horrific ways. Yet, they probably know that you can see through their act. You know that their ways are so stupid; and so do they. They just want the attention because they cannot live without it. I don’t understand people who want attention at all. Why would you want people to constantly notice you? No thanks. I’ll just stay in the background and watch it all happen. Take it in and be glad I’m not the one who’s showing off like a stroppy kid at a birthday party. I loved the video to this. I loved how raw but basic it was. “You pretend you’re anything, just to be adored.” Such a bloody good line. The whole song is just perfect from start to finish.

This was the record that made me realise that music HAD to be my life. It made me realise that this band were going to be the ones responsible for getting me through Hell and back for the rest of my life. I honestly wouldn’t have it any other way.