If I could convey my love for Garbage in an articulate manner, I would. But I can’t. I will never ever be able to fully express my love for them. They were the first band I remember being so obsessed and in love with. I remember first seeing the video to Vow and being in awe of Shirley Manson. I was only 9 or 10, but I knew I was watching something so powerful. I just knew that this band were going to be MY band. The band that started my obsession with music. The band that dragged me kicking and screaming through my teenage years.

Their second record, Version 2.0 is probably the one I hold the most emotional attachment to. It came out a few months before I entered Hell, which others may call, Secondary School. This record got me through the most awful days I could imagine. I don’t want to go into detail, but I know without this record I probably would’ve turned out worse. Or done a lot worse. I have no idea. I don’t need to think about it; I’m just glad I had this band as my only safety net.

As I’m a lot older now, I can listen to this record and appreciate it in a different way. Of course I still use the songs to pull me through when I just want to stay in bed and not be bothered by anything or anyone. I’ve always felt that Shrirley Manson was writing her songs about me. I guess we all feel like that when we feel so connected to a piece of music or a band. We feel as if they are spilling our hearts out for us because we really have no way of doing it ourselves. As I listen to songs such as Dumb, Medication and The Trick Is To Keep Breathing- it just makes me relieved that I didn’t fuck everything up completely for myself. That I used music (more importantly this record) to be the only positive thing that I could fall back on.

I will ALWAYS be able to relate Special to certain events, and certain people. We all know of someone that we used to think was so special and worthy of our love, and whatever else (I don’t mean in just a romantic sense.) But then you find out that they are just like everyone else. They lack an opinion; they follow everyone else because they have no identity. What use is that? What use is not having an opinion or just being different? I suppose people fear being true to themselves because they don’t want others to shun them. I’d rather be abandoned for staying true to myself than being appreciated by a bunch of false people with no heart. Special from the first time I heard it, immediately engraved itself upon my heart. I listen to it when certain things just make me dislike humans. It makes me see that I’m not the only one with these frustrations.

Garbage’s music always allowed me to feel comfortable with who I was/am. Like most people in the world, I’m not really a big fan of myself. I don’t mean this in a way that everyone hates me. I have no idea how anyone feels towards me. I mean it in a, like most people in the world, self-hate sometimes creeps up and causes a whirlwind of uncontrolable feelings. Obviously I’m better than I was. A whole lot better. It probably all came from accepting being gay and the like. That acceptance improved everything. There are good days, and there are bad days; like everyone else. It’s no big deal. Shirley’s words always made me feel less alone with any anger and fury I was feeling. Whether it be towards myself, or someone else. She made it okay. She still does.

What I love about Version 2.0 is that it seems more open than their debut album. Don’t get me wrong, I bloody love every single album of theirs. I’d never be able to pick a favourite without spending at least 5 hours thinking about it. It just seems impossible, but I guess I’d have to pick Version 2.0 due to it being more vulnerable and open. Songs like Medication just ooze so much despair; it just sounds like a huge plea for help. There was a time where listening to this song was just too much. There’s an acoustic version I once heard. It was enough to break one’s heart. Shirley’s voice just went tright through me. She just sound so hurt and as if she was begging to be helped. It made you want to reach out and help her. That’s the power and beauty of music.

The Trick Is To Keep Breathing and You Look So Fine are two of my favourite Garbage songs. You Look So Fine is a song anyone can link to anyone they have liked; but they may/may not like you back. You see this person standing there right in your eyeshot. They may not be able to see you. You see them looking so beautiful. You want to give them something to show you want them. What’s the most prized thing you can give to another? Your heart, metaphorically of course. You want to take away their broken heart, and give them your own. That’s how much they mean to you. That’s how much you want them. Deny it all you want, but you know you’ve felt this way before. Maybe more times than you wish to remember. It’s okay. Just don’t give yourself to anyone. You have to be sure, always.

The Trick Is To Keep Breathing is a song that just makes me feel as if Shirley is saying, ‘It’s okay. Keep breathing; it’ll all be okay.’ My feelings go deeper than that for this song but I have always struggled trying to word my feelings about this song. So, I guess I won’t even try. If I still can’t do it, I probably never will be able to. The opening verse always hits me right in the heart :

“She’s not the kind of girl,
Who likes to tell the world,
About the way she feels about herself.
She takes a little time,
In making up her mind.”

The songs on the album make you feel as if you’re not the only person to have experienced disappointment or that you’re not the only person that gets judged, or whatever. Songs like Dumb just show Shirl’s frustrations in, how a person tries to figure you out- they figure you out, and they probably wish they didn’t. It’s always the way. Some people- people cannot handle. Then they have no idea what they mean to someone nor do they know what they think. I suppose it is just human nature.

I adore the honesty on Wicked Ways. “Lord knows I tried to be good. I’d keep my promises, if only I could.” We’ve all felt that way. We are all capable of doing bad things. Some of us act on it, some of us don’t. Promises are probably made to be broken anyway. Why bother? Just keep trying. The way she sings about Religion in the Chorus, showing how people will cling onto some kind of figure to feel a sense of security. They want something to believe in so much, they are willing to pour hope into something they have never seen. Some may regard their lyrics to be controversial.

Personally, I feel their bold take on things is much needed. It was needed then, and it is needed now. I firmly believe that their new record will be just as bold, honest and pure. Every record they have put out is full of this; that’s why I love them. That’s why they changed and saved my life.