I have probably wrote this article before on my blog, but I just feel the need the show my love and admiration for Shirley Manson again. To be honest, I doubt I will ever stop. Shirley Manson is someone I regard as highly as Patti Smith. Her words, her voice, her beauty- they mean so much. She’s my female Morrissey. Her words have been comfort in my darkest hour. Her words got me through teenage angst onto the frustrations of adulthood. Aged 24, fast approaching 25, her words are still having the same effect on me as they did the first time I heard them.

I remember seeing the video to Only Happy When It Rains on MTV in 1995/1996 and I just sat staring. Legs crossed on the floor and staring at what was in front of me, I was in awe. I was in some kind of trance. I felt hypnotised, and I didn’t want to snap out of it. Since the start, Garbage has been a band I have adored. They were more than likely the first band I felt this connection to. My connection to Morrissey came a few years later.

What is it that I adore about Shirley Manson? More than anything, her strength and honesty. I don’t need to divulge into all she has been through, she’s been open about her past and struggles. Some I can relate to more than I wish to- which is why her lyrics are engraved upon my heart. I have cried my eyes out to The Trick Is To Keep Breathing, I have felt less alone whilst listening to Medication, I have felt hope whilst listening to Run Baby Run and Right Between The Eyes. Every single Garbage album I can associate with a certain time in my life, there’s not many artists I feel this for. Yes, the odd song here and there- but with Garbage, it’s something deeper than that.

The songs about despair, doubt, self loathing, love, pain, hate, hurt- every single feeling that is humanly possible to feel, one feels from listening to Garbage.

Of course I sound like a lunatic- but I can assure you, I am a friendly and loving one. I, along with many others, probably feel the band isn’t given the credit and respect that they well and truly deserve. Duke, Steve and Butch are fantastic musicians. Utterly fantastic. Shirley, in my eyes, is one of the best front-women ever. She’s on a par with Debbie Harry, Patti Smith- all the greats, she is up there.

Just after Bleed Like Me was released they announced a tour. My mum got me tickets as a birthday present to see them in Edinburgh. I knew it would be the concert that would change my life. I’d cry at every song. I’d sing every single line back at them as if my life depended on it.

The tour was cancelled. My heart broke and I wept. I had been waiting since 1995 for this moment. It never happened. I still cling on with dear life that a new album and tour will happen. I have that much faith. It has to happen.

I remember the day Bleed Like Me was released. I was in college and I skipped my afternoon lessons that Monday so I could go buy the album. I went to HMV and on the bus journey home I flicked through the booklet and studied it intensely. I got off the bus the stop before my house so I could go buy a can of pop at the shop. As I got off the bus, who did I see? MY MUM GETTING ON THE BUS. She grilled me in loving way, “Why aren’t you at college Olivia?” My reply was, so casually, “It’s Key Skills…I don’t need that for uni besides- Garbage album is out.” She shook her head, smiled and kissed my forehead and got on the bus. My mum knows what music is to me. She knows what Garbage are to me. I suppose anyone else’s mum would drag them back to college and take the CD off them- even worse, make them take it back to the shop. Not my mum, not at all. She just understood.

So I walked home and gave Bleed Like Me all my attention. I played it on my CD player and just lay on my bed playing it over and over. Every single song just took over my soul. I think I had a break down listening to Metal Heart, It’s All Over But The Crying and Happy Home. Happy Home is one of the most euphoric songs by Garbage. The intensely dark build up just blows my mind and takes over me. That’s how I feel whenever I listen to Garbage that something takes over. like I am being told, “It’s going to be alright.” Their music just gives me this blanket of comfort I’ve never found in a human being- much like Morrissey’s music.

Maybe I’m a loser for never finding this in a person. Or maybe I’m just sick of the hurt I see people cause each other that I choose to lose but find myself in music. I like to think it’s the latter.

I don’t wish to sound like Garbage are a band I only associate negative parts of my life to. Far from it. So far from it. If anything they made everything alright and brought me back from the brink when I couldn’t take anymore. I still use The Trick Is To Keep Breathing and Run Baby Run to make myself feel alright when everything goes to shit, and yes- it happens more times than I like it to. But, I am human and I have feelings just like anyone else does. Maybe I have too many, but I wouldn’t be if it wasn’t for them. I also wouldn’t be the person I am if I didn’t look up to strong women such as Shirley Manson and my mum.

There will never ever come a time where Garbage aren’t relevant to my life. There will never ever come a time where their music doesn’t influence me or make me feel something I didn’t know I could feel. Beautifulgarbage tugged at my heartstrings and felt like a massive trip into the unknown (I don’t mean in a drug sense, I’ve never done drugs so I wouldn’t know.) Version 2.0 and Garbage were my emotional crutch for so long and still probably are. Bleed Like Me taught me to be okay with the bad parts of me because I’m only human.

I just don’t know where I’d be without them. Everyone has one or two bands that saved their soul and gave them courage. For me, it’s Morrissey and Garbage.