When I was about 14/15 years old, The Smiths saved my life. I had always been aware of their music, but when I hit that disgusting period of desperation and self-loathing, I found The Smiths properly. Or maybe they found me. I’ve always said I’d be dead without The Smiths/Morrissey. His words have time and time again pulled me through life. I feel most days his words just drag me through.

There is something about the way he words disappointment, sadness and the like that no other has- or ever will

I’d much rather cling onto a song or band than a person for those times I feel like shit. And yes, it is ALWAYS Morrissey that I turn to. I have tried a few times to explain what his words have done to me, but it is for the most part, impossible. It’s like, when you are in love with someone- you cannot explain why you love them. You love everything about them, things you just cannot explain- the things that make them who they are, are the reasons why you love them. That’s how I feel about Morrissey. I love the way he pronounces certain words (November Spawned A Monster, when he sings the word “discussing” is beautiful.)

Some things in life will always remain unexplainable.

There is one song by The Smiths that just sums up everything. Stereotypically it is There Is A Light That Never Goes Out. I constantly have this song playing around in my head. I’ve got an awful attention span and I usually have a vacant gaze upon my face with this song playing round my head. For me, it’s not an issue. For those trying to talk to me, it’s a bit of a pain.

I cannot remember the first time I heard this song, but I know I still get the same feeling now as I did when I first heard it. It’s like a state of euphoria mixed with a hug. I listen to it and it’s like I’m being hugged by Morrissey. It feels like reassurance. As soon as the song starts and Moz sings, “Take me out tonight” it’s like everything that caused you to feel bad just no longer matters.

I’ve never felt at home with anything or anyone. I’m not sure if I do too well with anything permanent, but I do wish to one day feel a sense of belonging. I’m nearly 25; you’d think I’d have felt it by now. But I haven’t, and I doubt I ever will.

Anyway.

There is no doubt that this song is the greatest song ever written. I know it’s not the best song by The Smiths (I Know It’s Over probably is) but there is something about There Is A Light That Never Goes Out that gives you hope. I think the first time I heard it, I just broke down. Sometimes now it still does that. Sometimes out of sadness, sometimes out of happiness. It’s a song I go to for everything. Everything I learnt about life has been from a Morrissey lyric (or nagging from my beautiful mum.)

I have sat in the passenger seats of cars with this song whirling around my head, just never wanting to go back home. Just wanting to stay away for longer than I have to. Four walls aren’t comforting. Company is.

I have laid in the dark playing it over and over taking in ever part of the song. The bass, the guitar, the drums, the lyrics, the vocals- and every time, I notice something else. It constantly leaves me in awe.

If I was to compile a list of songs that saved me, this would easily be my number one. It will always be my number one. The older I get, the less I seem to be less sure of everything. I have no idea if I ever had a sense of innocence when I was younger. I’m fully are I’ve always been a cynic, that won’t ever change. I’ve never relied on a person to get me through things; I don’t want to be let down more times than one should. A piece of music is much more stable. A piece of music is always there.

Maybe this makes me sound like a pathetic fool, but There Is A Light That Never Goes Out will always be my tiny bit of hope in a world so harsh.