Every part of me hated writing this, but I had to get it out. I’m fully aware how crap it reads, but it had to be done. I suppose. I guess I just wanted to write about how much this song means to me right now.

Currently everything feels ever so wrong. When I get this, I have no choice but to use a band or singer to be my crutch.

Usually it’s The Strokes, Morrissey, Metric, Bob Dylan and Cat Power.

Now? Now I’m using The Pains Of Being Pure At Heart. Why? Well, because right now, they’re the only band I listen to that vocalise every ounce of hurt and disappointment I feel. Nobody I know listens to them, so that makes my attachment to this band less painful, I suppose.

 

I’ll just start with a song off their new album, Belong. Heart In Your Heartbreak is the one song in the world that makes me feel less alone and slightly okay- even if I do want to have some form of outburst when I listen to it. Everything about this song just reaches me in a way nothing or no one has. Or maybe, I just can’t let them. A song won’t let you down, but a person will.

“And there’s no use to say just how much it kills, when it still kills all the same. Every thought of her name like a hand to an open flame.” Something so simple can just sum up the immense pain of having your heart torn out. Someone mentions the person, and every part of you aches-in a bad way. When someone used to mention them, and you were happy. Now? Even just their name makes you feel awful.

The chorus. Fuck. The chorus is just a massive ode to a mistake. We’ve all made them haven’t we? We’ve all given a part of ourselves that don’t deserve it, but at the time- you feel it is right. I still think it was, and always will be. Anyway, chorus:

“She was the heart in your heartbreak. She was the miss in your mistake. And no matter what you take, you’re never going to forget.” She was once everything, but you were nothing. You can get drunk out of your mind, do whatever- but you cannot forget this person. It’s an internal war that will not get out.
“She was the tear in a rainstorm. She was the promise that you would’ve sworn. And no matter what you say, it’s never gonna come back.” They make you cry, you’d make promises for them- to them, and you never make promises. You can bend over backwards until you crumble for them- but they will never be yours. You know why? Because they probably never were.

 

Then you realise, you are utterly alone in this feeling. Yes others have felt the same, but you are entirely alone. But you’ve got this song to carry you through. Hell…you want to stand outside said person’s window with this song playing, just so they understand how crap you feel. But you know, sooner or later they’ll feel the same. You won’t be an empathetic shoulder for them to cry on, or will you? Probably because you’re a pushover.

Anyway, this part sums up the loneliness and shame you feel: “And your friends don’t understand that the world could end, and it would feel no worse than this. Every thought of the look in her eye, like a cold California sky.” It’s lovely and it helps having good people around, but nobody can shift this cloud of awfulness over you at all. Nothing and nobody has the answers. Maybe it isn’t answers you want. You just feel like you’ve lost one of the best things you had, except you didn’t really have it. You were close. You fell, and you fell alone. The falling part was great, but you hit the ground and as you hit the concrete- you had parts of you damaged that you don’t see any point in fixing.

 

“And no matter what you pray, it’s never gonna take the pain away. And even if she’d stay, you know it’s wrong. And no matter what you pray, it’s never gonna take the pain away. ‘Cause even if she’d stay, you know she’s gone.” And if by some strange stroke of luck they decided they wanted you, you know deep down it just wouldn’t be right, it’d be no good. You’re too hurt to call them let alone let them back in. Maybe in time. But wanting them to leave the one they are with, and come back to you is just wishful and stupid thinking isn’t it.

 

So in time, you’ll be alright. Or so they say. But you’ve been here a few times before that whatever faith you had, well, it’s nonexistent. Maybe you’ll function better carrying a bit of pain around. Maybe it’ll make you a better person, toughen up.

Whatever it’ll do to you, you just have to make sure that you act like it doesn’t matter and it never happened.

Until you get there, you’ll just play this song over and over